Santana Lopez

I'm not going to waste both of our time with stupid introductions. I'm Santana Lopez and all you need to know about me is that I'm a Cheerio. If that doesn't mean anything to you, feel free to move along.

[cheeriosantana]

I didn’t know we were playing a game. Alright, I’m thankful for...

My looks

My popularity

My empty uterus.

[xoskysplitsq-blog]

…. There’s seriously already Christmas music playing.  It’s bad enough stores are already decorated, but do we really have to hear a young Taylor Swift sing “Last Christmas” in the middle of November?

It’s making me not excited anymore.

[cheeriosantana]

You do realize this happens every year, right? Just wait until Schue makes us go caroling. I can feel it coming. I’m going to spend my December singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas and shivering because we can’t get too close to a fire without Lady Hummel bursting into flames.

[chefannah-deactivated20171104]

Homework sucks

I feel like I’ve been overloaded with homework ever since football season ended. So lame. I need some fun in my life.

[cheeriosantana]

There’s only, like, a month left before break. We get a four day weekend this week. You’ll survive. Better yet, get some dork to do your homework for you. If our teachers can’t manage to get across their lesson during their work hours, it’s their problem, not ours. Stop sucking at your job.

[cheeriosantana]

youcanlearnfromme:

Thanks, but you can save your high kicks for the football field. I prefer the old fashion method of practicing my scales.

Everyone always says I only help myself and then they decline when I offer. Suit yourself. Have fun practicing opera in your vanity mirror.

[cheeriosantana]

youcanlearnfromme:

We might be looking at doing a medley of Prince songs for Sectionals, so I’d better get started on expanding my range. It violates the sanctity of the songs to transpose them to a lower register.

Need a volunteer to kick you in the balls? I think that’s how Kurt does it, and I would be more than happy to help.

[cheeriosantana]

xoskysplitsq:

But you’re also head cheerleader, you have power with that.  Maybe if you just show everyone you’ve above their pettiness, they’ll back off.  I mean, look at Rachel, or me, even.  

I know you’ve only known me a year and a half, but I’m not very good at taking the high road. I prefer revenge, and I like it quickly.

[cheeriosantana]

xoskysplitsq:

Second one, actually, though I wouldn’t really hold it past anyone who’s even slightly WASP-y to think like that.  Just… Grain of salt attitude right now.  Things will die down eventually; I can’t imagine all of this keeping up for long.  People will find someone new to get riled up over.

Yeah, look I get it. There’s no middle eastern students at McKinley for them to bully and they’re too afraid to screw with any of the black kids. I’m an easier target. I’ve already had this conversation with my parents. I’m just getting tired of it. Every.....single....day since last Wednesday. People used to be more subtle with their racism.

[cheeriosantana]

xoskysplitsq replied to your post: BYE BYE. BACK TO MEXICO YOU GO.

… Holy crap.

Are you surprised I’m not dumb, in awe of my Berry-level rambling, or did you also underestimate how stupid people in this town are, because for all I know, this message could have been sent to me by your dad.

[cheeriosantana]

so are your parents going to be deported??

Wow, how original. Absolutely no one has asked me that in the past week. Hey, do me a favor. Why don’t you go over to Lima Heights and try your stand up routine there? Or are you only brave enough to make racist remarks to a teenage girl?

[cheeriosantana]

what do you think about the new president?

[cheeriosantana]

BYE BYE. BACK TO MEXICO YOU GO.

Honey, allow me to give you a lesson in government, history, and geography.

First of all, let’s talk about citizenship. See, in the United States, or ‘Murica for those of you in the pick up trucks, there are a couple different ways to be considered a citizen. One, you can go through an insane test that most of you ignorant ass, gun toting, knuckle draggers wouldn’t be able to pass. Second, you can marry a citizen, which is how Melania did it when President Cheesy Puff received her as a gift from Putin and had her delivered like a pizza. Third, you’re born here, like me. And both my parents.

Let’s head on over to history. You know that holiday we have coming up? The one with the turkey and talking to family you hate? Do you remember learning about that back in elementary school? With the pilgrims and the....who was it? The native Americans maybe? I’ve got bad news for you babies. Almost every family in this country came from somewhere else. So you all need to either put down your bald eagles and climb down off the flag pole or quit bragging about how you’re 45% Irish, 38% Scottish, and 5% Elf. 

Finally, and I want this one burned in your brain. No one in my family has ever lived in Mexico. I am Puerto Rican, Dominican, and I think a little Cuban. Those are those islands south of Florida. They’re in the Carribean Sea, about 2,000 miles away from Mexico. 

To sum things up, I’m not going anywhere, and you’d better get over your sense of entitlement before I grab you by your pussy and bury you under the wall.

[oflcgans-blog]

Now that Halloween’s over...

[cheeriosantana]

ducksinthehatpierce:

Private: What’s wrong? Is something going on? Shoot, did I miss something? Sorry. You know how I space sometimes.

Private: Yeah Britt, the election was last week and our new president is a neon orange evil overlord. You know how people in this school are. I’ve gotten a lot of really stupid insults thrown my way, crap shoved in my locker, that type of thing. I just hate being on that side of it, you know? I’m head Cheerio, they’re supposed to respect me. I think I’m just going to get a button that says “Not Mexican”. I’d say something to Sue, but she’d just tell me to suck it up.

[chefannah-deactivated20171104]

I’ve been playing Pokemon Go for like a week straight.

[cheeriosantana]

finnchristophers:

That’s weird.. 

Yeah, well. There’s a lot of weird things happening right now.

[chefannah-deactivated20171104]

I’ve been playing Pokemon Go for like a week straight.

[cheeriosantana]

finnchristophers:

I didn’t bully Kurt. I didn’t exactly stop the bullying, but it wasn’t me. Don’t give me more to be worried about..

If you weren’t worried about that from the beginning, I wonder what world you’re living in. I try my hardest not to pay attention to anyone in glee club, but I could tell from day 1 he had a crush on you.

[oflcgans-blog]

Now that Halloween’s over...

[cheeriosantana]

ducksinthehatpierce:

I’m not convinced by this San, and neither is Tubbs. You’ve already wasted a week of holiday cheer! I’m just going to be a sad panda until you say yes.

I’m having a really hard time finding things to feel cheerful about.

[chefannah-deactivated20171104]

I’ve been playing Pokemon Go for like a week straight.

[cheeriosantana]

finnchristophers:

I don’t know. I kind of already did. Like, she couldn’t have found someone without a kid that I go to school with? It’s weird.

So it’s the Kurt of it that’s making it weird. I get it, that would be super weird, knowing some kid that you used to bully might be your step-brother. Not to mention, I’m sure he’d be thrilled to get to watch you get dressed in the morning.

[oflcgans-blog]

Now that Halloween’s over...

[cheeriosantana]

ducksinthehatpierce:

Come on Santana Claus. Show a little Christmas spirit! It’s never too early to start celebrating, and if you’re gonna be a Scrooge about it I’m returning your presents. Or at least getting Tubbs to do it for me.

But it’s November. Thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet. I’ll be holly and jolly on November 27th. That’s 27 days of Santana Claus.