Alateen

An account to help those that live with addicts/alcoholics

[furiousgoldfish]

abusive parents in private: just look at yourself, you'll never fucking amount to anything, do you think someone will want you like that? Do you think you'll ever be successful? You need to start living in the real world, you're a fucking failure and pathetic waste of space, ungrateful little monster, you should be beaten and forced to work for us every single day of your life, we've been too easy on you, should have abused you more.

abusive parents in front of relatives and guests: oh, we worry about that child so much! we do what we can but we're still concerned- /continue talking about the child like they know what they're going thru and identify outer factors as the cause for child's stress and pain(just look what a lovely worried parents we are, it's obvious from our act we can never be responsible for the obvious trauma symptoms on this kid right?)

[achildofanalcoholic]

elexus.jionde on Twitter

“me https://t.co/jtWgcyyzd7”

[furiousgoldfish]

reblog if you’re deeply dissappointed in your parents and you expected and deserved better

[furiousgoldfish]

@parents: You will always remain monsters in my eyes. No matter what you do the rest of your life, you behaved monstrously to me, and I will not forgive or forget any of it. I hope it was worth it.

[divya-adu]

I wish I knew who my mother was before the world hurt her .

[thingstotellthem]

i know you're a good person, but if you tell me one more time i can't hate my parents despite every shitty thing they've done cuz they're still my family, you can choke. let me be mad at them for all the trauma they put me through. they're not good people, they're fear mongering bigots who aren't fucking ashamed to show it off to the world and i'm ashamed to be related to them.

[geekdawson]

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

[lysikan]

If it wasn’t stated outright - it wasn’t said.

[theselfcarelifestyle]

This is really one of the most important reads

[mugenmcfugen]

this is fucking good advice

[lovsixk]

do u ever just cry and mourn the loving family u never even had

[bipolarbratz-blog]

my mom isn’t good for my mental health.

[1dietcokeinacan]

Daughters really do share deep rooted emotional trauma with/inherit deep rooted emotional trauma from their mothers and I know it’s true bc whenever I try to approach a sensitive topic with my mom, no matter how calm and civil and patient I intend to be no matter how much I’ve practiced what I want to say no matter how OK I was even a moment before, I always involuntarily burst into desperate, angry hysterics the moment I open my mouth. As though it’s coming from a place buried so far within me I cannot even register its existence until it has overtaken me. And I know I’m not alone on this either. There is so much we internalize from our mothers that we never learn to contend with. That we never even learn to recognize

[ojalla]

“At the macro level, the mother wound is a matrilineal wound—a burden that manifests in mothers, and is passed on from generation to generation. It’s the pain and grief that grow in a woman as she tries to explore and understand her power and potential in a society that doesn’t make room for either, forcing her to internalize the dysfunctional coping mechanisms learned by previous generations of women. The mother wound reflects the challenges a woman faces as she goes through transformations in her life in a society where the patriarchy has denied us ongoing matrilineal knowledge and structures.”

- Dr. Oscar Serrallach

[vajeentambourine]

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

[viostormcaller]

Thank you thank you thank you bless this post ohmygod thank you

[parentless-suggestions]

Of all the things I wish I could tell my mom, “Do you even realize the damage you’re doing?” is at the top of the list…

[thecalminside]

Choose Love, over all. Over sadness, over anger, over frustration, over jealously, over being right. And to choose Love is not to push these things away, but to to feel these things fully, to investigate them fully and to learn what they are here to teach.

[achildofanalcoholic]

Rather keep it in than vent to someone and all they have to say is “that sucks” like thanks!

[achildofanalcoholic]

so drained of holding everything in bc there is no one who cares to listen

[thedarkperidot]

You cannot heal in the same environment you were broken by.

[achildofanalcoholic]

I’m so drained, living with a recovering addict sucks and all my parents do is fight and blame each other but I know one day this will not be my life and I have to keep going. Share your story/vent to me <3