[chelseacollins19]

Music

Sometimes people don't realize just how healing music can be. When I have a bad day, or just get into a funk where I just cry, music honestly helps. Whether it gets the crying out or uplifts, it heals my heart. Music is so powerful. So many bad moods have been cured by a drive with music blasting, or just sitting alone and really letting the music dive into your soul. And other times I play an up beat, dancing kind of song, and it can cheer me right up; especially if I belt out the words or dance silly.

[chelseacollins19]

Honestly, when I have a bad day, or babe and I fight, I like to sit and go through our memory book. I am a mega hoarder when it comes to pictures, movie subs, concert tickets and such. So i figured I'd turn it into a book like a year ago. I just keep adding to it, and when I need to... I go through it and think back to everything we have done together and laugh and our funny ways of doing things. We are so non traditional with how we ended up together, but I love looking back on all of it.

[petaledpout]

[chelseacollins19]

Becoming family.

So babe's brother and his girlfriend got together like 3 weeks before we did. So we've all spent a lot of time together the last 2 years. Well recently both she and I came down sick. And babe's mom posted on Facebook about how people were coming down sick. When someone commented on it asking who, she replied "the girls". And idk. It may seem like nothing to some people but that was like such a cute, heart melting thing to me. She has basically claimed both of us as family already, and I feel so loved by his family. 💙 And! Just two weeks ago babe and I hit two years. Anyone who knows us knows it should be damn near 3 by now but we were "just friends" forever before he made it official. Before him I never had an anniversary, let alone a two year anniversary. I am so in love with him. I can't wait to see what the rest of forever brings us.

[chelseacollins19]

A lot has happened

In the last bit of 2016 a lot of things have happened. My best friend is about to have a baby, so I'm gonna be an auntie. I got a new job, working in a preschool class room, making me one more step to reaching my dream. Babe and I have had serious talks about our future, thinking about where we want to live come next year when we want to possibly move in together. We are now less than 3 months to our 2 year anniversary. I got a new car, my first one with under 100k miles on it! We've had some fights, but I have never been more in love with my boyfriend than I am now. I'm working on finishing school, trying to get some online classes so I can go back to full time classes. It may not seem like a lot, but I have never felt so close to actually being an adult and feeling like I have my shit together.

[chelseacollins19]

I hate being a needy girlfriend, but I seriously just want to spend all of my time with my boyfriend. He makes me beyond happy and I just love him so much. We have gone on so many adventures this summer, and I can't wait for the many more to come in the future.

And just yesterday we were talking about us and he said something about us being together for good, and my heart melted. He doesnt say things like that too often, its a private thing when we talk about our future, or kids. And having him say things like that to me... make me even more excited to be with him and keep building a career.

[chelseacollins19]

My dad is a straight asshole.

Everyone always tells me that my dad is so nice and I must have a great relationship with him. Well, they couldnt be more wrong. Anytime I spend more then 10 minutes with him I end up feeling horrible about myself and half the time Im in tears locked in my room. They just never see that because when other people are around he is super nice, and never yells at me or says rude shit about me. I live in our basement, and we live right in front of a field, so we get field mice down here from time to time. I have never set a mouse trap before, he has always just handled that. I dont complain about a mouse when we do get one, I just mention there is one and he will set a trap. Well today I saw one and went up to ask him to set one before I go to bed. And he was just watching tv so I asked and he told me no he was busy, thinking he was just messing around I offered to get it ready with peanut butter for him to set. That sent him into a rant about how I'm selfish and need to do it on my own. And how I "never give him a minute to just effing relax". When he couldve easily just said he would do it when the show was over or whatever. But of course Im just a selfish bitch, which he has said is the reason I "will never get married". So instesd I end up in my room crying, because I dont see how a parent could just snap on their child for something so stupid, and just be so mean. Then he comes down to set the trap and tries to make jokes as if he didnt just freak out and yell at me for nothing. I just cannot wait until I can afford to move out. The minute I can, I'm gone and not looking back. It makes bo sense how he can just be so mean sometimes. When he sees me 6 times a damn year it will be his own damn fault. And when my kids dont see him as much as he thinks theyre going to, its his fault. I seriously hate spending time with him because he makes me feel like shit about myself every time. And he wonders why I am not that "daddys girl" I was when I was 5.

[chelseacollins19]

Late night wishes

At night when I don't have babe to cuddle, which is most night unfortunately, my mind wonders. I want to just have him for good. I want us to start a life together, and follow all the dreams we've been planning for ourselves. I want to have our family we talk about and the house we dream of.

Mostly, I want to fast forward to when we can be in the same bed every night. And just be able to come home to him every day when I get out of work and have him kiss me before he leaves for work in the morning. I just want HIM, forever. I cannot imagine a more perfect boyfriend. He isnt so sure of being the best guy for me, but I will never stop reassuring him that he's amazing and everything I want. We have both done things we wish we could take back, and had fights that were not worth it... but we have become so strong.

I hope we never stop making each other laugh. I hope we never stop teasing each other and finding humor in scaring each other. I hope we never get bored of cuddling up together and just watching our tv show and falling asleep. I hope he never feels like he isn't the most amazing guy in the world, and I hope I can make him see I couldn't even imagine someone more perfect for me. I hope I can have him forever like I see in my dreams.

[chelseacollins19]

After our weekend away together all I want is babe to be cuddled up next to me. I just want him here!

We seriously spent half or time away just curled up in bed laughing and talking and being silly. We're such 'party animals' that Saturday night we were in bed at 8:30!! Hahaha. But now I'm in my own bed, alone, just wanting his arms to be around me and have the heat of his body next to me. I feel so safe and secure when we sleep in the same bed.

[chelseacollins19]

My boyfriend is the love of my life. Hes everything I could want and more. The sound of his voice or the touch of his hand just calms me down and puts me at ease. I love to hear his voice tell me he isnt going anywhere and that he loves me. He's my rock when things are not going the way I want them to and I am having trouble. He is accepting of who I am.

We have had our challenges, don't get me wrong. But none of it was worth losing him over. We may butt heads and get on each others nerves, but he is my everything. He may be a butthead when hes having a rough day, but who isnt? He's so loving and sweet. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make him feel as amazing as he makes me feel. I want to spend my time with him, growing and learning with one another.

He is my best friend. He is the one I turn to when I am upset about something. He is the calm in my storm. He is the rational thought in my chaos storm of emotions. I do not know where I would be without him. I thank God for giving him to me every day. I am so thankful for having the courage to put myself out there to talk to him, because that chance I took paid off by giving me the best guy in the world. ❤❤❤❤

[chelseacollins19]

Almost a year...

Today ( Feb. 27) is mine and babes official 11 months as an actual couple. We both know it's more like a year and a half since we basically became a coupel but both refused to put a label on it until he dorkily decided to surprise me. Anyway... I could not be more thankful for this man. He treats me so amazingly. Hes understanding when I am emotional, even when there is no reason behind it. He loves me for who I actually am. He has helped me through things from my past, forgiven my mistakes and loved me through my tough times when I wasnt so loveable. He is my rock. He is my favorite guy in the world. No lie. He never fails to make me smile and make me feel better. Hes patient and loving even when I am being way unreasonable. I do not know what I did to deserve him in my life, but boy am I extremely thankful for him. He is everything to me. My best friend.

I have never had an official boyfriend this long before. But I know he is what I want for the rest of my life. He is my ray of sunshine in my dark times when I just want to give up on everything. He makes me want to be a better person every day, because he more than deserves it.

I cannot wait to see what the next month, six months and year brings for us. The love I have for this man is more than I could ever accurately describe with words.

HERES TO OUR FUTURE ❤

[chelseacollins19]

Trouble sleeping...

It's always hard to sleep during the nights I crave to sleep next to my babe and we aren't in the same bed. I get so stressed from school and work that I just NEED his skin to touch mine, and have him tickle my back. I end up tossing and turning for hours before I can sleep. The only way I will feel better is when I can sleep next to him again.

It really is addictive to sleep NEXT TO the person you love.

[chelseacollins19]

Just because I seriously love this guy more than anything in the entire world! He makes me so freaking happy! We are so goofy, and I just love him with everything. We have been through so much together, but in the end we have only grown closer and better than ever. I cannot wait to see what our future holds!

[chelseacollins19]

I keep seeing all the girls who take the time to get up early and do their hair and makeup to go to college....EVERY day. Typically, if I am going to class, I purposely don't wake up early to do my hair. I don't understand it. I'd rather take that hour and sleep.

Not to mention I'm finally at the age of "I don't really care what my hair looks like to other people." I will do my hair if the mood strikes me, or Babe and I are going somewhere special and I want to not look like a hobo. But honestly 95% of the time my hair is either natural and down (which I used to hate more than anything), or its up in a hot mess of a bun.

I used to think it mattered, but I am very glad that I am comfortable enough to not worry about my hair anymore. It makes it so much easier in my every day life.

[chelseacollins19]

Trust realization

So in one of my classes, there is a girl who is 19. She is super smart, really nice. She also has a long distance boyfriend, as he goes to school out of state. But today she talked about how her boyfriend was "screwed now" because she found out how to see all the pictures he likes on Facebook. And as I sat listening to her I realized something. I didn't have the slightest urge to see the pictures my own boyfriend likes. Partly because hello, it is only Facebook and he is more than welcome to like whatever pictures he pleases. But also because I trust him entirely. I do not feel the need to stalk what he does on social media.

It amazes me how people have become so... suspicious of others and so untrusting that they go through something as silly as the pictures their significant other likes on social media.

I am so greatful to have found someone I can trust so whole-heartedly.

My "likes" and "favorites" and even my own posts are so centered around being in love with my babe, its a little scary hahaha.

I just don't see how someone could have a significant other that they don't trust; to the point of stalking their social media. If you cannot trust them, how can you be with them? I sure am lucky to have found a guy who I can trust with my life and my heart. Because apparently in todays world, it is a rare find.

[chelseacollins19]

Monday blues...

So today was one of those Mondays... after school I was waiting for my dad to get home from work to trade cars, because he had to look at my brakes. He was running late so I was rushing. Then on my way to babe's house, his truck broke down on me. I was 3/4 of the way to babe's house which is a 15 minute drive, so I was about 10-12 minutes from home. My dad flipped out and did nothing except yell and then tell me he was on his way to me. Babe called when I told him I was broken down, and said he was going to get dressed and come to see what he could do to help. Then when they couldnt get the truck to start back up babe volunteered to tow us all the way back to my house, even though it meant that he would be barely making it to bowling.

He never fails to make me see how much he cares about me. And he will do anything he can to help me and my family. Its the simple, little things like helping to get a broken down car back to my house without being asked, when its not his job. I love him so freaking much, that it is crazy. He is so amazing, and selfless. I hope only to be able to do the same thing for him someday.

[chelseacollins19]

Pretty much all I do is talk about my amazing boyfriend, but I cant help it. This kid is my whole world. He calms me down when I am freaking out. He knows what to say to calm my fears and insecurities. I hate spending nights away from him, and cannot wait for the day to come that it is Babe I come home to after a long day at work and/or school. He knows how to make me laugh. And we can always goof around and be silly. Yet he can also be serious and insightful when I need him to be. I love talking about kids, houses, and our futures with him. He works hard, both at work and at home. He somehow makes time to do what he has to at work, what his parents need him to do and still make time to spend quality time with me and do things for me. He calms me down when I'm anxious and freaking out. I love this boy with all my heart, and just want to be with him all the time. 😍❤