Mary @cherry-fics - Tumblr Blog

Jul 20

TO LOVE TO LET GO pairing: current older boyfriend! Harry Styles x fem! reader summary: At your friend’s wedding, you and Harry come to a conclusion that your relationship maybe can’t work the way you want it to word count: 8.6K contains: age gap (Harry is 32 & reader is 23), angst, sad emotional stuff, fluff, smut → soft dom! Harry, kissing, oral (f!receiving), fingering, unprotected and rough-ish? sex (wrap it before you tap it!!!), size kink if you squint, aftercare, praise, talks about marriage and kids a/n: After binge watching Friends a few months back, I got inspired by the Monica and Richard trope so here is mine ‘adaptation’. A little emotional piece. I wrote it mostly on my daily walks (girl needed to finish her apple fitness circles). Also kinda disclaimer, I’ve never been to a wedding so I was writing this with a google tab ‘how weddings work’ open the whole time hahaha click here for ➵ MASTERPOST ⋆˚ ౨ৎ ⋆.˚ comment here to join ➵ TAG LIST ✮⋆˙: ALL MY LOVE & TPWK, E

When Harry told you about the wedding invitation he got from his childhood friend, you were ecstatic. Handwritten in dark ink on creamy white cardstock with lovely illustrations, it went straight on the fridge in your shared home in London.

You loved Harry’s friends and family. And celebrating their love at such an intimate event together was a beautiful thing you couldn’t wait to be a part of. Especially when they directly invited you too, not just Harry and his plus-one.

He heartily laughed at you when he saw you getting so giddy every time you walked around the fridge. His eyes were full of amusement and love, just as his heart, and he never waited a second to join you in the silly obsessing.

You were it for Harry, that was very much certain. After two years of dating and one year of living together, he knew one day you’d be the woman in a beautiful white gown walking down the aisle to him. He knew that from the moment he laid his eyes on you already.

You planned your outfits, matching, of course, and fitted the dress code perfectly. You embraced a touch of boho and wore the requested light green for ladies, creating a perfect match with Harry’s dark pistachio suit jacket.

“You look beautiful, love. I’m afraid you’re gonna steal the spotlight,” Harry pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder after he zipped up your dress and smoothed his palm over your back. He turned you slowly in his arms, holding you at arm’s length to take in your finished look.

“My prettiest girl,” He whispered and kissed you softly on your lips, careful of your lipstick.

As a wedding registry gift, you bought a coffee machine together. A classic, but with a vintage look, yet many high-tech features, it made the perfect gift for them, especially since your friends drank coffee a lot.

The venue was lively already when you arrived. People were catching up on their lives, hugging, soft music played in the background, and you walked snuggled under Harry’s arm through the crowd full of his old friends and the bride’s and groom’s relatives, sharing your greetings and brief life updates on the way.

There wasn’t a day when you weren’t feeling a little nervous about coming to a place full of strangers by Harry’s side. Your age gap was obvious, and so the judgment was expected. You gushed with young energy, while Harry, on the other hand, looked distinctly mature with the beard he started growing out.

Harry had reassured you so many times that no one minded or cared about this aspect of your relationship a single bit. His family loved you, you had a lot of support from yours and Harry’s friends, his fans envied you, and the rest of the world didn’t matter.

You smiled politely at everyone, shook hands with the people you didn’t know, and blushed when Harry started praising you in front of his friends.

“I swear she’s amazing, the best girl in the whole world! Teaches me something new every day, keeps me on my toes,” Harry grinned when one of his friends teased him about being able to keep up with you, and he tightened his grip around your waist before he pressed a chaste kiss on your cheek.

His friends laughed, and some of them even patted his back with proud smiles. It warmed their hearts that Harry had finally found someone who made him this happy.

You took your place on the chairs, ready to watch the ceremony, and intertwined your fingers, holding your hands in your lap with a soft smile as you witnessed the celebration of love happening.

The bride was beautiful. Dressed in a big white dress with lacy details, she walked down the aisle to a violin adaptation of one song from a romantic movie. You noticed how Harry’s eyes turned glassy, and you couldn’t stop yourself from wiping away a few tears of your own.

“Look at them, they’re so happy,” He murmured in your ear as the bride and groom exchanged wedding rings.

He reluctantly pulled his hand away from yours to stand up and clap with others at the newly married couple walking up the aisle, whistling occasionally in excitement.

“That was beautiful,” You let out a dreamy sigh as you walked side by side to the reception, your arm hung in his.

“Wait for our wedding, baby,” Harry squeezed your hand gently and rubbed his thumb over your ring finger where a golden band symbolising your love could be one day.

“Shut up,” Your cheeks warmed up almost immediately, and you hid your face in his chest, making him wrap his arm around your shoulders to hold you close.

While the couple was taking photos in a beautiful garden with a small pond and many different kinds of flowers you took a glimpse of when you arrived, you and Harry found yourselves in a group of his friends from primary school and listened to the stories from their childhood, making Harry’s cheeks turn warm colours in embarrassment.

“Hey enough! Don’t y’all scare her off!” He wheezed mid-laugh and cradled you even closer in case the horrifying stories from your boyfriend’s childhood did really change your mind about dating him. Your back was pressed against his chest, his hands found their home on your stomach in a protective gesture, and thanks to your quite significant height difference, besides the age one, Harry comfortably rested his chin atop your head.

“When are you two gonna tie the knot, Harry?” One of Harry’s old friends called out teasingly and pointed with his raised glass full of champagne at you.

But to Harry, it wasn’t a joke. He was actively thinking about it. You were the love of his life, his future wife, a mother to his children. If he had the engagement ring on him, it would be on your finger by the end of the night.

“If this one says yes,” Harry said with the widest grin and squeezed your waist for good measure, “then hopefully soon,”

“We’re gonna wait for our invites then,” Everyone collectively laughed at his bubbly excitement.

“Oh, definitely,”

The conversation flowed easily and reached topics from a promotion at work, adoption of an older dog, or Harry’s plans in his music career to happy revelations that one of the bride’s friends recently had a baby.

“Oh my god, I have to send her a message! How’s she and the baby doing?” Harry’s face lit up at the news, and you felt his grip tighten around your waist as if you carried there a baby of your own that he suddenly had to protect.

The idea of someday having a baby with Harry made your stomach flutter with butterflies. Without debate, he would be the most loving father who would have tea parties with his daughter and play footie with his son.

“Peanut, please?” Harry murmured in your ear and nodded towards the small plate with appetisers on the table in front of you.

“I feel like I’m feeding a parrot and not my boyfriend,” You huffed out between giggles and fed him with a few pistachios which he accepted with an incoherent ‘thank you’ and didn’t forget to bite on your finger playfully to get a reaction from you.

As the day went on, you had a delicious chicken with potatoes and salad for late lunch and shared a piece of the wedding cake. Vanilla corpus with strawberry and lemon filling made you moan quietly, and Harry swallowed the sound from your lips with a chaste kiss. The newlyweds had their first dance as well as a dance with their parents right after, and you and Harry joined them with other couples later on to enjoy the dance floor on your own.

“Am I doing alright?” He asked you shyly while his eyes were fixed on his shoes, making sure he didn’t step on your toes.

“Yeah, why shouldn’t you?” You smiled and squeezed his biceps in encouragement.

“Been ages since I danced like that,” He shrugged and looked at you with not so shy grin anymore, “I promise I’m gonna take dance lessons before our wedding, wanna be good for you.”

“You’re silly,” You rolled your eyes at him talking about your future wedding again and rested your head against his shoulder with a happy sigh.

“Uh-huh, I’m serious, baby, there’s a difference,” He kissed your forehead with mock seriousness.

You swayed softly from side to side, wrapped up in each other, Harry’s hands rested on your lower back, keeping you close, and you were mindlessly playing with the growing curls at the nape of his neck.

“Hey, look at them,” Harry whispered in your ear after a moment and nudged his head toward two little kids dancing together. A little girl in a pretty pink dress, probably around the age of three, stood on a much older boy’s shoes while he led her carefully in an attempt to slow dance.

“Aww, they’re adorable,” You pouted at the sight.

“Imagine our little ones dancing like this, big brother leading his little sister.” Harry sighed dreamily, his eyes still focused on the children, before he slid his right hand from your back to the side of your stomach and rested his forehead against yours. If it was possible, he would have big red hearts instead of his eyes like a silly cartoon character. “You’re gonna look perfect, belly all rounded and swollen with our baby. Beautiful future momma for me.

But then he immediately remembered the conversation you had together not so long ago and looked down at your flat stomach with a small frown.

Kids and marriage. It was one of those big topics that needed to be discussed at your point of relationship. You were still young, and the thought of having a kid at that very moment or in the near future didn’t sit right with you. On the other hand, Harry’s biological clock started ticking faster than it used to. He didn’t want to run after his kids with hurting knees and backaches, nor have any problems in conception because of his age.

“Give me more time?” You looked up at him from his chest with a quiet sigh, worry gnawing at your whole body.

You both were sitting snuggled on the couch in your apartment, deep in thought after the hard conversations about would’ves and could’ves.

“Okay, sweetheart,” He gave you a sad smile and pressed a kiss in your hair. He loved you. He thought he could be okay waiting with this for a year or two for the love of his life.

“Harry,” You sigh with a pout when you noticed the disappointment itching on his face. You knew the outcome of the conversation wasn’t one you both were one hundred per cent happy with, but seeing how much it meant to Harry, and what it meant for you, you couldn’t do much but hold him tighter.

Harry leaned down and pressed his lips against yours in a deep, passionate kiss, pouring every single emotion that was blooming in his chest into it. You whimpered, not expecting that, but leaned into him quickly and reciprocated the depth of the kiss in the same measure.

You kissed until the slow love song ended and everything went silent, until the thoughts about pregnancy and babies moved into the very back of your minds.

Every single girl who wasn’t married yet, including you, moved to the end of the dance floor and gathered in a small crowd. The bride, now changed into a shorter and much more comfortable but still white dress, stood a few meters away with her back facing you and swung her arm a few times before she threw her bouquet behind her into the pool of open palms.

You weren’t trying really, reaching after it and fighting your way through the crowd of ladies to get the bouquet, but it found its way to your hands anyway and the smell of lilies slapped you in the nose.

“She got it! My girl caught the bouquet!” Harry started jumping in the most unreal state of joy as if he was watching a football game and England had scored a goal and he threw himself at his friends who caught him with laughter.

For a moment, every single one of your worries left your head, and you basked in the unexpected moment of happiness. Flowers don’t lie.

“That’s my fucking girl,” He ran to you with open arms and the widest grin you’ve ever seen on him, looking like a madman, and hugged you so tight you couldn’t even breathe for a second. He spun around with you, you kicked your feet in the air and squealed in surprise in his ear, and everybody erupted into cheers and laughter.

“We’re getting engaged so soon,” Harry finally set you down and rested his forehead against yours, still smiling like an idiot.

“Please don’t tell me you have a ring here,” Your eyes widened in horror at his words, and you slipped your hand into the pocket of his suit jacket to look for a velvet box, while holding the flowers in your other hand.

“Here? God no! Would lose it,” He laughed and took your hand into both of his, blessing every knuckle with a kiss before he pressed it over his heart.

“Look,” You showed him the bouquet with a shy smile. It was quite a simple arrangement of lilies, dahlias and greenery, held together by a white ribbon.

“It’s beautiful. And you look perfect with it, my wife to be,” He smiled at you and pulled you back into his chest for another hug, still not over what happened.

You spent the rest of the night dancing, eating, talking to Harry’s friends and the newlyweds, and admiring your new flowers too. You noticed how Harry’s eyes found the couple of kids more than once, stopping mid-sip, while eating or even during dance to take in what they were doing. How the boy was reassuring his little sister when she was crying, or how they were sharing a chocolate cupcake and their mouths were covered in icing.

“Goodnight! And congratulations again, it was so nice seeing you!” Harry hugged the groom and the bride goodbye when you were standing by the door of the venue, ready to call it a night.

“Thanks, man. Can’t wait for your wedding guys, hope you’ll invite us!” Harry’s friend patted his back in a friendly man hug.

Driving home never felt longer even though you lived just 20 minutes away from the wedding venue. Both you and Harry were quiet. You usually talked his ears off or sang along with whatever was playing on the radio but this time it was turned off.

You toed off your heels as soon as you passed the threshold of your apartment and leaned down to rub the tension away from your feet. You weren’t used to wearing heels and after hours of dancing and standing around, you were more than happy to put your feet up.

“Hurting?” Harry frowned at the idea of you being in pain and immediately knelt down, inspecting the reddening skin.

“It’s not that bad,” You shook your head, trying to lighten up the situation, but your quiet wince when Harry put light pressure on growing bruises on your instep let him know otherwise.

“Gonna fetch you some cream for it, go sit on the couch” He straightened up and with a kiss on your cheek left quickly in the bathroom.

Soon you heard the sound of his sock-cladded feet thudding softly against the hardwood floor and he reappeared from around the corner in your open space living room. He took off his suit jacket on the way, undid a few buttons on his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. With his tousled hair, he looked exactly like from your wet dreams.

“This should make it better,” He showed you the small tube of soothing cream he found in the bathroom cabinet. He took a place next to you in the soft cushion of your sofa and pulled your feet in his lap without a warning, making you whimper in surprise at the unexpected movement.

You fell back into pillows but didn’t move your legs an inch, letting Harry take care of you just as he promised he would do.

“Does it hurt a lot?” He asked you as he started rubbing the cream softly into your skin with focused precision.

“No just- just like a regular bruise, it’s not that bad,” You hummed with closed eyes, enjoying the pampering through it wasn’t something unusual, Harry loved to spoil and take care of you anytime he could.

“Okay,” He nodded and continued massaging your foot, adding pressure when it felt right and dragging his fingers around the bruised spots lightly.

“Harry?” You whispered after he moved his focus to your other foot, and you finally blinked your eyes open to look at him.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Do- do you really want to have kids uh soon?” You asked softly, not sure how to approach the topic that’s been weighing on your minds ever since the wedding.

Harry’s fingers stopped mid rub and he let out a long breath before he dared to look up at you. “I would love to. Ideally in about a year,”

You felt your heart drop in your stomach. In a year? That was too soon. That felt almost like tomorrow, and the current tomorrow was just a few hours away.

“That soon?” You whimpered.

“Yeah, I’m not the youngest anymore,” He let out a bitter laugh. “I still wanna be in good shape when we have kids.”

“Do you think I will be ready in a year?” Your voice wobbled as you spoke but you swallowed your tears and anxiety quickly.

“You’re gonna be an amazing mom, love,” Harry slid his hand up on your thigh with a small smile, the fabric of your dress bunching in your lap. He was completely sure about this.

“I don’t know,” You leaned back against the pillows and closed your eyes. You tried to take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, your heart was beating wildly and you could feel your anxiety laughing at you. And before you could even notice it, a tear fell down your cheek.

“Hey, hey, what’s up with the tears? Why are you crying, baby?” Harry stopped massaging your feet completely, abandoning the task at hand, because an aching heart was worse than bruised feet.

“I don’t think I’m ready yet, Harry,” You hiccuped.

“Baby, don’t say that,” Harry was sure his heart stopped beating for a second. He knew this. He knew you were very hesitant about having a baby at this age, but he hoped you would change your mind.

He leaned over and gently cupped your cheek in his big palm. The coldness of the rest of the soothing cream on his fingers hit your skin and you could smell the herbs from it.

“I’m sorry,” You shook your head in protest and covered your face in your hands, not wanting Harry to see you like this. A crying mess because of the so stable future that suddenly started falling apart. He saw you crying a million times before, during a sad movie, from stress, happy tears of joy at the wedding, but nothing could beat this moment. You both were breaking. Harry just in a much quieter way.

“Shhh, come here, baby love,” Ever so gently Harry pulled your fragile limbs into his arms until your body curled in his lap and you broke down.

“I’m so sorry,” You repeated, your words muffled against his chest.

“Shhhhh, you don’t have to be sorry,” Harry tightened his hold on you and buried his face in your hair, he could feel tears of his own threatening to fall down.

“How can you love me?” You sobbed uncontrollably until your voice lost its sound and all your strength turned into quiet broken whimpers.

“I love you, baby. I love you so much. Could never stop loving you, not even because of… this.” He murmured in your ear while one of his hands petted your hair gently and the other rubbed your back, hoping it would soothe you even just a little bit. “Can you look at me, please? I need to see your eyes. Can you do that for me? Just a tiny peek?”

Slowly, you turned your head from the safety of his chest and spared your boyfriend a sad look. Your eyes were full of tears and every time you blinked a new one fell.

“I love you so fucking much, remember that. I’ll never stop loving you. No matter what happens, you will always be my forever.”

“I love you so much, Harry.”

You didn’t say anything more after. You didn’t even know what to say. Everything suddenly felt so right but so wrong at the same time. And nothing could save your hearts from breaking. You just held each other tightly and wiped every single tear that fell.

“You know,” Harry’s hoarse voice broke the silence after what felt like forever. “I already have the engagement ring. Got it made last time when we were in Italy. Remember that little jewellery store down the street where my house is?”

You nodded. You remembered that time vividly.

Harry took you on a surprise trip to his newly bought house in a small village near Rome. His love for Italy wasn't unknown and he wanted a beautiful place there, a summer house if you will, for the times when London would start being too full of rain and dark clouds.

The first night you “christened” every single place where sex could’ve been held in the house. The day after you walked funny and Harry was extra nice to you after the workout he put you through, but you survived the walk around the neighbourhood in the evening just fine and the memory of the nice old jeweller stayed in your mind.

“When you were napping, I went to Antonio and he made me the ring. Golden, with our birthstones,… Also, the great wine we had was from him.”

“Why are you telling me this?” You sniffled at the newly found information and snuggled back into him, hiding your face again. You wore a pout on your lips and your heart was beating fast again, but this time fear wasn't the reason.

“I- I don’t know.” Harry sighed and nuzzled his face in your hair once again. “I want to marry you, I so want to marry you,”

“What does this all mean for us, Harry?” You hiccuped and tightened your grip on his white button-up until your knuckles turned white and the fabric started wrinkling.

“I wish I knew, sweetheart, I wish I knew,”

“Can we still be together?” Your eyes turned glassy when you asked the question. “I- I don’t think I’m ready, I don’t think I will be anytime soon and- you want the baby now. How can you still want to be with me?”

“Because I love you,” Harry’s voice cracked at the last words and before he could change his mind he pressed his lips against yours.

Your hiccups were soothed by his harsh kisses, they swallowed every sound you made and cries that left your mouth until your lips started lazily moving against his.

“I don’t know what to do, love. And I hate it so much,” Harry cried in the kiss and tightened his grip on your hair to hold you as close as was humanly possible.

“Do we have to… break up?”

“I don’t want to, but- sweetheart, please, don’t do this to me,” Harry was on the verge of begging.

“I can’t lose you, Harry. I will change my mind, I will, I promise, I’m gonna do anything for you, please just give me more time,”

“Love, no,” Harry shook his head abruptly, stopping the empty promises he so wanted to believe.

“Please, Harry,” You fell into a fit of uncontrollable sobs and gently tug at his shirt once more. You couldn’t see through tears and your breathing was laboured to the point when you couldn't take a new one.

“Shhh baby, deep breaths, don’t need you to have a panic attack. Calm down for me,” Harry swallowed his own tears and took a few deep breaths for you to follow and regulate your system. “That’s a good girl. You’re doing good, just breathe,”

He cupped your face gently in his palms and started kissing your wet cheeks, nose, eyelids, anywhere he could reach to soothe your distress until his lips found yours in a lingering kiss. He kissed you slowly, showed his love for you through the simple act of love until you kissed him back. The kisses turned passionate in no time, your tongues danced a passionate tango and your moans overpowered your sobbing.

Harry gripped your hips and pulled you closer, rearranging you on his lap to his liking until your thighs were on each side of his. You sighed when his fingers slipped under the hem of your dress and bunched it around your waist, cupping your backside in his hands to push you into him and rub your core against his growing bulge.

“Harry,” You moaned loudly when you felt Harry harden in his pants and you buckled your hips into his to chase the friction that made you curl your toes. The zipper of his pants as well as his hard length pressed deliciously against your clit hidden under the thin barrier of your panties and you craved more.

“Shhhh baby,” He tutted quietly at your whines.

“Please Harry,” You tried again but the words died on your tongue when Harry pressed you with all his strength against his crotch and you tilted your head back in pleasure with more moans falling out of your lips.

Before you could register what was happening, Harry slid one arm under your thighs and the other around your waist, making you wrap your legs around his own, and stood up from his place on the couch. He held you in a tight hug against his sturdy chest as he walked into your bedroom all while kissing you deeply before he carefully sat you down on the edge of the bed.

He walked around the dark room blindly until he found a light switch and turned on a small lamp on your bedside table, covering the whole room in a soft yellow light. “Can I take this off?” He ran his hands over your sides gently.

“Yeah,” You nodded quickly, itching to get out of it, and stood up in front of him.

He unzipped the dress carefully, the expensive fabric slipping under his fingers from how much they trembled, before it pooled around your feet on the ground. Because of the style of the dress, you weren’t wearing any bra and Harry smiled softly when the sight of your bare back met his eyes.

He pulled you into his chest immediately when you were free of excessive clothing and buried his face in your neck. You felt him squeeze your hips tightly and his thumbs dip under the waistband of your thong, wanting it gone too.

In no time you were spread underneath his body on your king-sized bed, the white sheets that could’ve been your wedding dress were icy cold but at the same time burning your bare skin, your panties already forgotten somewhere on the floor as cold.

Harry kissed your neck, sucked at the tender skin until it bloomed with bruises in every shade of red and purple, something you usually hated but now you didn’t mind him marking you. This way he would stay with you longer.

Love bites were scattered all over your neck and collarbones and trailed down to your breasts where Harry buried his face for a moment before he took one of your nipples in his mouth and worshipped it with care and needy sucks.

“Oh,” You whimpered when he moved to your other breast to pay it a little bit of attention too and bit on the sensitive red bud lightly. He soothed the spot with his tongue immediately after and licked around the sensitive skin to get more moans out of your lungs.

“I love you so much,” He cried when his lips found your stomach. He rested his head there, body completely limp between your spread legs and his own stuck out of the bed, not that he cared.

There was silence. Neither of you spoke, nor moved. And then Harry completely broke down on top of you. His arms were holding you so close until he was barely hanging on his last breath while his body heaved with sobs.

“Harry,” You ran your fingers through his hair in an act of reassurance but you needed it just as much. Even your tears were unstoppable.

“I need you,” He mumbled against the skin of your stomach in a hoarse voice and when he looked up you saw how bloodshot his eyes were.

Harry tugged his shirt over his head quickly, not bothering to unbutton it fully or taking better care of the expensive kind of clothing than discarding it on the floor next to your underwear, and launched himself back at you like a caveman.

Grabbing at the back of your thighs, he spread your legs so wide your knees were almost at the level of your shoulders. Your pussy was on full display and Harry didn’t waste a second before he buried his face deep in your dripping core.

He wasn’t nice about it. He was rough. Starving. Craving everything you could’ve given him from soft whimpers and moans to your sweet juices dripping down his chin. He was savouring this moment, savouring you, as if you were his last meal, which in some sense you were.

“Harry please,” You writhed under his mercilessly moving tongue and buckled your hips up from the mattress, chasing after the delightful feeling of an orgasm. He alternated between teasing your clit with occasional sucks and bites and fucking deep into you with his tongue, but no matter what he did, you felt like you were seeing stars.

“Shhhh, don’t writhe baby,” He groaned, the buzz of his voice running through your whole body like a lighting. He added more pressure on the back of your thigh with his forearm to hold you open and spread your labia with his other hand so he could tickle spots with his tongue that he didn’t reach before, making your left leg fall limply on his shoulder.

“Such a pretty pussy, and all mine,” He cooed at the sight and slid his pointer and middle finger in your entrance, just past the first knuckle to tease before he filled you up completely.

“Fuck Harry!” You whimpered in shock and clenched around his long fingers as he moved them in and out in a slow yet steady rhythm to stretch you open and get you ready for himself.

When it came to sex, foreplay and preparation were something Harry took very seriously in any situation. No matter if you were having angry sex after an argument or slow lovemaking by the end of a night, he spent a good amount of time between your legs. You were much smaller in comparison to him and he always tried his best to get you wet and stretched enough before pushing his dick into you. A part of him that he couldn't really be humble about.

“Are you close? I can feel it baby, clenching so hard around my fingers,”

“Close- so close!” You cried out loudly in the open space of your bedroom.

“Come on, baby, be a good girl and come on my tongue,” Harry praised you in that deep baritone until you were a crying mess in his arms. Your legs shook so hard he had to weigh them with his body to keep you still while he kept sucking on the small bundle of nerves to prolong your orgasm until you were pushing his head away from between your legs weakly.

“Good girl, my best girl,… Taste so sweet, god I love you so much,” Slowly he withdrew his finger back and stuck them in his mouth instead to clean them from your arousal, moaning quietly when your juices hit his tastebuds.

It took you a moment to come down from the orgasmic high. Slowly, your legs stopped shaking that much and your breath evened out. You watched Harry with wide eyes and blissful expressions. How he undid and pulled out his leather belt from the loops on his pants and slid them down his legs all at once with his boxers without a second thought or how he tried to take off his socks and almost tripped over his feet in the process.

His dick was hard, standing upright and hitting his belly button, twitching in need of release. “Shit,” He groaned when he tugged at his dick a few times to get himself even harder and watched how his angrily red tip made an appearance from beneath the foreskin, pre-cum leaked heavily from his slit given how turned on he was and he smeared it all over his length.

“Please, Harry, please I need you inside me!” You weakly reached after his free hand to pull him back at you and preferably also inside your aching pussy.

“I’m here, baby, shhhh, I’m right here with you,” He crawled over your tired body and gently cupped your cheek to wipe away another stray tear.

“I love you,” You hiccuped.

“I love you too baby, so much,” He whispered in your lips, sealing his words with a lingering kiss before he looked down between your bodies. Pulling your leg up around his hip, he reached down to grab his dick and ran it a few times between your pussy lips to lube it properly before he put just the tip in your opening.

“Harry,” You huffed out impatiently, you weren’t in the mood for teasing.

“Uhuh baby, I have to go slow, you know how it is with you, I don’t wanna hurt you,” He shook his head, the love for you only grew stronger in his heart and you could catch glimpses in his eyes too when you didn’t have your own closed.

Slower than he ever went in the history of your shenanigans, he pushed inside an inch by inch, not moving more than was necessary, you were overwhelmed enough.

You whimpered at the initial stretch, that feeling was always there. You felt so full and he was just a few inches in.

“Doing good, love?” He murmured in your ear when he was halfway in and slid his hand from his dick up to your clit to relax your muscles even more.

“So good, always with you,” You sniffled and wrapped your arms tightly around his neck.

“That’s what I want to hear,” Harry groaned and pushed the rest of his dick inside you until you were filled up to the brim.

“Fuck,” You cried out loudly.

“Shhhhh it’s okay. My dick’s so big for your little pussy, I know,… But you’re doing okay, taking me so good,” He whispered soft praises in your ear until your cries turned into hiccups and hiccups into quiet whimpers. He brushed the wet hair away from your forehead, sticky from sweat, and stuck the strands behind your ear.

“You’re so deep,” You whimpered and took a peek down between your snuggled bodies. Harry started moving slowly and you watched as if it was the most mesmerising thing ever. His dick brushed against your inner walls deliciously and the tip hit your cervix with every thrust.

“I know, baby,” He pressed his palm against your lower tummy and groaned when he felt the tip of his dick poking at your insides. It felt like the closest he would ever get to your stomach in a different shape. “Look at that,”

You covered his hand with yours and intertwined your fingers, with every thrust you felt your stomach bulge ever so slightly and his dick nudging your palms from beneath your skin.

“Harry please!” You begged quietly but weren’t even sure for what. Your mind was empty, the only thought existing there was how good and deep was Harry fucking you.

The slow and careful lovemaking turned quickly into faster thrusts that shook with your whole body. Harry finally picked up a pace that wasn’t agonisingly slow but not fast either, and started fucking you with long deep thrusts, each of them making you clench around his big dick and dug your nails in his shoulders so deep you were sure the new manicure left painful marks and scratches behind.

You let out a gasp when he grabbed both of your legs and pulled them over his shoulders to get even better angle before he put his weight fully on your body to stay close to you.

“I love you so fucking much. You were made for me. Cum for me, baby, come on,” One word equalled one thrust. Harry started pounding into you so harshly that you were sure your backside would be bruised by the morning.

You opened your mouth to say something, to let your boyfriend know you were seconds away from falling apart in his arms but nothing came out, not even a sound. With rhythmic thrusts, he was hitting that exact spot that made your eyes roll back in your skull and you closer and closer to your orgasm.

Harry fucked so hard into your pussy until your moans hit a higher octave and your body shook against your will and completely at his mercy. He held you tightly in his arms, his chest against yours until your heartbeat turned into one and he came undone deep inside you with the wishful thinking of new life.

“Fuck,” He cursed between heavy breaths and pulled your limp legs down from his shoulders, you didnt even notice them cramping from how long they’ve been upright, and fell down at your body still buried inside you. He was barely holding himself up on his forearms so he wouldn’t crush you but after a moment he lowered himself down on you anyway, wanting to be as close as possible.

“I love you,” You whispered in his chest, your voice barely above a whisper.

“I love you too, baby. Are you okay? Does anything hurt?” He switched into the caring and protective mode quickly and pulled away just enough to see your face. Your eyes were closed, cheeks flushed and forehead covered in a light sheen of sweat but there was also a blissful smile that had been absent since you got home.

“I don’t feel my legs… and my pussy,” You pouted and looked up at him from underneath your eyelashes, eyes barely open.

Harry smiled at you. You had this way with words after sex that was utterly adorable to him and he couldn’t help himself but press a soft kiss on your lips.

“I’m sorry,” He apologised, but you could hear the smugness in his voice, signalling he wasn’t that sorry, but you didn’t mind. You were enjoying the post sex bliss, happy to be held and kissed on.

You closed your eyes again, too tired to use all your remaining energy for that and blindly reached for his hand. Harry intertwined your fingers immediately, not missing out on kissing your knuckles, before he rested your hands beside your head on the mattress.

You looked like an angel. A sweet creature that was deep down beneath her muscles and ribs hurting. There was the ache that couldn’t even a million I love you’s and orgasms make disappear. It didn’t matter that you were smiling now, Harry knew you’d be crying again later.

“We have to clean you up,”

“Five more minutes,” You pouted.

“Baby, you’re all sweaty and sticky. Just a quick pee and a shower? For me?” He tried to bribe you with more kisses on your cheeks and lips, anything to get you to agree. He knew how sniffly you could get when you were emotional and uncomfortable.

“Will you carry me? And wash me? Please?” You pouted as much as you could, knowing the puppy eyes always worked on him.

“Anything for you, sweetheart. Lemme just-“ Harry sat up on his knees and ever so slowly pulled his softening dick out of you, rubbing your inner thigh in the process to calm you down because your facial expression spoke for itself, it wasn't the most comfortable feeling. “Here you go, baby. Oh look at that, still dripping,”

Your mixed cum dripped out of your opening down your ass and on the bedsheets, making it cling to your skin. Harry was right, you were starting to feel uncomfortable.

Harry cradled your spent body carefully in his arms and walked with you in the ensuite bathroom. He set you down on the toilet and moved to turn on the water in the walk-in shower to get it warmed up.

He tried to make the shower as quick as possible, knowing how tired you were and that your legs would give up quickly after standing for too long. He shampooed your hair with care, washed all the suds of soap from your skin, massaged the lingering tension away from your muscles, all while kissing you softly to make the after-sex soreness better.

Wrapped in a warmed-up fuzzy towel like an adorable burrito, Harry took you back to the bedroom and set you down in an armchair in the corner. He didn’t bother much about putting clothes on, he was content with just a towel wrapped around his waist as he moved around the softly lit room with ease. He tugged the sweat-soaked sheets down and threw them in the hamper before he fished new ones from the bottom drawer in the closet, soft grey sheets with little flowers scattered all over.

You watched Harry quietly, how his muscles flexed when he spread the white bedsheets over the mattress, and how his calloused fingers carefully buttoned up the duvet cover and smoothed wrinkles away from the cotton fabric.

You wished it could be like this till your last days, maybe it was, the hot showers full of care and quiet bedding changes after midnight, but the more you thought about it, the more you were sure it was slipping through your fingers.

“All done,” Harry smiled proudly at his work and turned to you. You looked smaller than usual, maybe it was the position, maybe the feelings acting up on themselves, but you looked so fragile it was breaking his heart.

You stretched your arms up high in the air with a quiet groan, your muscles a little stiff again, making the towel slip from around your chest and pool around your waist, but you didn’t bother fixing it. Harry saw you already like this anyway.

“Come here,” Harry reached out to take your hands in his and helped you gently to your feet. Your movements were still a little slow and tired, but Harry was patient, he wasn't rushing anywhere. “There we go, and right under the sheets,”

You slipped under the duvet, and Harry followed the pattern closely after he threw his towel on the place where you were sitting a minute ago and wrapped himself around you like a vice. One arm under your head, the other thrown over your waist, his thigh snugged between yours, bare bodies pressed together. Sometimes you preferred sleeping naked when you were craving the closeness of the other, and tonight was one of those nights.

“Remember the first night you spent here?” Harry whispered with a small smile, going back in his memories to the start of your relationship.

“Yeah, we watched The Notebook, and you had to calm me down because I was crying so much.” You chuckled, a real smile spreading on your lips at the memory, “Still to this day, I don’t understand how you didn’t break up with me after that.”

The words echoed in both of your minds, but neither of you had the strength to address it. Yet.

“It was sweet,” Harry moved his face closer until you were sharing just one pillow and nuzzled his nose against yours.

“Embarrassing. I’ve never cried this much during a movie,” You shook your head but only gave Harry a good old eskimo kiss he used to give you before the real makeouts came on the scene in the first weeks of dating, and smiled widely.

“I loved coming home to you before you even moved in. It was the best idea I ever had, to give you a key,” He reminisced more. After you started being serious, you happened to be at his place a lot. Working in his study on your essays, enjoying his shower with all the special settings you’ve never really learned how to use till this day, sunbathing in his garden, lounging in his living room when you were feeling lonely because that space made you feel safe.

“I love this house,” You shrugged. “Been my home since the start.”

“And you are my home.” Harry whispered, “This heart?” He moved his hand from your back up to your chest to make his point, “This head?” He trailed his pointer finger over your collarbones, up to your neck and cheeks until he brushed your nose, “You whole are my home,”

The corners of your mouth twitched until they fell and your smile turned upside down and your bottom lip trembled. You closed your eyes, not sure what to say. Your chest felt heavy again.

“I’m gonna love you forever. You know that, right?” He rubbed your cheek gently, hoping he would pry your eyes open again, but he didn’t want to push. You both were going through a turmoil of emotions.

“Yeah,” You breathed out, “I know,”

“Good,” Harry swallowed the tears and pressed his lips against your forehead, pulling you in him again, trying to erase every free space between your bodies. “No matter what happens, wherever and who- whoever we end up with, you will always be the only one for me.”

“Harry, please,” You sniffled and reached up to wipe your nose with the back of your nose.

“Shhh, baby, don’t make it even harder for me,”

“I can’t lose you,”

“You won’t lose me,”

“Then why are you saying all of this?” You blinked your eyes at him. full of him and hurt.

“Because this- it’s for the better. At least for now. I- I need some time too, we both do,… alone.” Harry whispered, his own tears now falling down his cheeks and on the newly changed pillowcase. He didn’t want to cry. He wanted to be strong for you, but he also felt too much to hold it together like the tough guy he thought he was.

You both cried quietly, held each other tightly, exchanged open-mouthed kisses because your sobs were inexorable and too hard to hold behind your teeth. You both were hurting and loving each other with bared hearts and heads full of wishful thoughts and the unthinkable would’ves and could’ves.

“This isn’t the end. I won’t let it happen,” Harry whimpered, his voice hoarse from all the crying, and pressed another kiss to your parted lips. You were so close to falling asleep, tired, emotionally ruined, with a body like a ragdoll, but you were grasping onto everything that would keep your eyes open for a moment longer. “We can stay in touch, just- maybe not for a while… It will be better like that,”

“I love you, Harry,” You whispered before your breathing evened out and your body turned limp in Harry’s arms.

But Harry stayed awake. Still with tears in his eyes and heart beating too fast, he watched your chest rise and fall, your eyelashes flutter, ran his fingers over your back lightly just to memorise the pattern of your birthmarks. He tried to remember you one last time. He didn’t want to fall asleep, because falling asleep would mean leaving you after he would open his eyes again in the morning and that was the last thing on earth he wanted, though deep down it was the only thing that was right in the moment, no matter how many little pieces it broke his heart into.

The morning came way faster than he would have wanted it to. Harry wasn’t sure if he slept or watched you for the whole night, but whatever he did, his body was hurting from heartache and both emotional and physical exhaustion. With a tight throat and trembling fingers, maybe from the lack of sleep, maybe from hurting, he untangled himself from you and tucked the blanket over your body, not wanting you to feel cold. He picked up his phone to check the time, but the sight of your face, all bright and smiley on his lock screen, your bubbly self he shattered with his differently timed wants and needs, it brought him back to tears again. It was four in the morning.

He moved around the space quietly and dressed himself up quickly in a pair of grey pants and a well-worn sweater, something he had worn the other day and brought him just enough comfort for the hard start of a day. He started putting whatever came under his hand in his two duffel bags - favourite pieces of clothing, all the underwear he could find, hygiene products, and all the essentials that he could think of with his fogged-up mind.

“Harry?” You mumbled sleepily. The sound of his socked feet moving around the bedroom and the opening and closing of the drawers in the closet woke you up.

“Baby, shhhh, go back to sleep,” He crouched by your side of the bed immediately when he heard your voice and rubbed your cheek in an attempt to lull you back to sleep. He cursed himself in his head for not being more careful.

“What are you doing?” You asked quietly but snuggled back into your pillow at his touch.

“Packing my bag, love, nothing for you to worry about, rest your eyes for a bit more,” He ran his fingers through your messy hair a few times and watched you quietly.

“I’m gonna be in my house in Italy, yeah? Just for a bit. I- It is better like this, it’s gonna be, baby. I- I love you so much. So fucking much,” Harry cried softly and leaned in to kiss your forehead for the last time.

“I love you, Harry.” You covered his hand in your hair weakly before he pulled it away. Before he could change his mind and crawl back under the sheets beside you. You were stuck somewhere between dreamland and reality, but you felt everything.

Harry grabbed his two duffel bags from the carpeted floor and stuck his phone in his pocket, your smiley face still there, and watched you from the doorway, sleeping so peacefully despite the situation. But before he walked out of the bedroom and out of your life, even if it was just for a month, he went back in the closet and opened a drawer with his shirts. He reached under the high pile of button-ups and pulled out a velvet box with the engagement ring he told you about.

Harry squeezed the box tightly in his fist until his knuckles turned white, at least something different hurt that time, and set it on your bedside table. Not as something he was leaving behind, but as a promise.

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