documenting

it eez what it eez

[cherry-stemx]

05.08.2020

Spent the whole day playing monopoly with my siblings and it was actually really fun (and I won)!

 Eduardo accidentally bough a game for $116 while we played though so yikes hope I get that refunded or else I will never recover from that financially  

Also Uli got his corona tests back and he’s covid free!!

It was a pretty good day, ended up calling Vale and staying up with her and Martin all night which was dope, also the reason I’m posting this the next day but its ight

slowly but surely feeling better :)

[cherry-stemx]

05.07.2020

didn’t really do much today :/

felt sick and sad and sad and sick 

i did play a lot of Minecraft though and i went to the bank and did some grocery shopping which was cool, i’m gonna have a late night snack right now too bc i’m so hungry and my head really hurts

my heart says get some food but my brain says I should just stop eating all together so :/ it’s pretty hard being quarantined when your brain sucks 

on the bright side i was on discord with the dominigang for a couple hours so at least i get to hang out with my friends a lil even if it’s a virtual thing :)

[cherry-stemx]

05.06.2020

I survived my first year in college! 

finally done with finals, completely failed my neuro exam, and I will for sure be getting a C on my final

but

IT’S OVER

AND I GOT TO PLAY MINECRAFT TODAY AND FULLY ENJOY IT WITH NO FUCKING STRESS FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER

also had a really good talk with my friends! Daisy, Joanna, Luis, and Uli all of made my day today. Had a good convo with all of them, I really miss seeing them in person :( but hey, one day at a time

[cherry-stemx]

05.05.2020

today sucked 

i took my neuro exam and i completely failed it even though i spent so much time studying, literally hours and hours of studying for nothing. it was so bad i threw up right after i turned it in and i’ve had a migraine ever since. 

Pink is feeling better which makes me happy, her family is also recovering slowly so at least there’s that :)

honestly i dont have much to say, i studied all of yesterday and i cried all of today 

and thats on being a dumbed depressed bitch with extremely high expectations for herself and no motivation or brain cells 

[cherry-stemx]

05.03.2020

still not doing too well

i’ve been on the verge of tears all day and yet i can’t cry 

its just a knot in my throat and a pain in my chest and i don’t know how to breath

the only time i felt okay today was when Yellow told me about something he does that i think is really sweet, i wish i could tell him how much that meant to me but i don’t have the words to describe it

really scared of everything right now 

[cherry-stemx]

05.01.2020

i’m not doing so well

i hate so many things about myself and sometimes it gets really hard to ignore the little voice in my head telling me all these horrible things

and it keeps getting louder and louder as things fall apart around me and i don’t know what to do

kinda don’t think i can be a doctor anymore either, i really don’t know what to with myself at all, how do i expect anyone to trust me with their life?

i feel like shit all the fucking time and i don’t know what to do about it 

[cherry-stemx]

04.25.2020

Really good day today!

Turns out I’m pretty bad at keeping a daily blog but it’s okay. I woke up super early today and a friend picked me up. yellow. We went to Krispy Kreme and sat in the parking lot for a little bit. He brought his Nintendo Switch and let me play Animal Crossing! Then we drove to another friend’s house, let’s called her Pink. She’s been feeling a little sad, which is completely understandable given the circumstances. I hope we cheered her up a bit, I miss hanging out with her I lot :(

I spent the rest of the day painting and playing Minecraft! It was really nice. There was a wave of sadness that followed me all day but it wasn’t bad enough to ruin the day so that was nice. I really wish I didn’t feel like this so often tho :(

Anyways, had a nice time today, we’ll see what tomorrow has to offer!

[cherry-stemx]

04.20.2020

World wide holiday today!

Very excited, a friend dropped off something today which ensured a happy time right now. He also brought me airheads!! And I got ice cream. Issa good day, good time. He looked cute today too, really wanted him to kiss me for a second there which is wild because I don’t think I want to date him. I’m a lil confused but I kinda just wanna ride the wave and see what happens. Will I get my heart broken? More likely than you think. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Will update on some fun things I did on Wednesday regarding this boy, let’s call him Yellow. 

Anyways I watched Mean Girls with two friends today and now we’re watching Dead Poets Society and they’re both absolute masterpieces. Great movies. Feelin woozy, might knock out soon.

P.S. I fell asleep as I finished writing this but I'm gonna post it with yesterday's date anyway because I did write it last night. 

[cherry-stemx]

04.17.2020

I feel okay today. 

I didn’t post for a couple of days because I wasn’t feeling too well, kind of fell into a depressive episode for a second there but I’m feeling better now :)

I built an ikea wardrobe all by myself on Tuesday!! I felt so proud of myself, and I’m really happy I have a cute little place to put all my clothes in now. On Wednesday I wasn’t doing too well, I was really stressed out about registration and housing for next semester and I ended up having panic attacks all throughout the day which was exhausting. Didn’t get much homework done that day either, and I had a migraine all of yesterday so it’s been a bit of a rough week. 

I definitely feel a lot better today, and I managed to catch up on a lot of school work but I am exhausted. Girl in red released midnight love recently tho so you already know I’ve been bopping along to it 24/7. She’s so good, if anyone sees this and hasn’t listened to her, go do yourself a favor and listen to her songs. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day too!! I’ve been better about talking to my friends and it’s helped my mood a little too, I’m really lucky to have people like them in my life :)

[cherry-stemx]

04.13.2020

I fell in love with a girl once. She was my best friend. Sometimes I wish I had never dated her, it would have saved us so much pain. I miss her, and I miss her dog, her siblings, her stupid enchiladas suizas. I miss seeing her every day, telling her even the tiniest details of my day, and texting her until the sun came out again. 

maybe one day she’ll talk to me again

maybe she doesn’t even remember me anymore

but i miss her friendship

and i hope she knows i never meant to hurt her

[cherry-stemx]

04.12.2020

I skated today!

I forgot how much fun it was. I’m still terrified of the board but that’s okay. I spent hours going back and forth, I’m exhausted. I couldn’t learn any cool tricks, but I’m happy I can get on the board again without being so wobbly. Maybe I’ll be able to skate the way I used to again!! That would be pretty dope, it would definitely make John proud. Sometimes quarantine isn’t so bad. 

Day Rating: 8/10

[cherry-stemx]

04.11.2020

I read today! 

Your Voice is All I Hear, by Leah Scheier is a really good book about dealing with schizophrenia as a teenager. It starts off as a cute, bubble gum romance that slowly becomes tested by a diagnosis that neither of them know how to deal with. It shows you the behind the scenes of a girl in love, and you hate her at first. You hate how ignorant she is and how every little thing becomes about her instead of Jonah, the boy suffering from schizophrenia. But the more you read, the more you understand how afraid she was of everything. And chances are, you would have reacted in a similar fashion if you were in love for the very first time with a boy undergoing something you could not understand. She was terrified, and she had to push through that fear to be there for him.  

Book Rating: 7/10