Cheshire's Opinionated Opinion

Wherein I spout utter nonsense about video games from a very tall soapbox.

[cheshirebuddha]

Shadow Madness: The American JRPG

 Show of hands, how many of you have heard of Shadow Madness? 

 So two of you. 

 As a kid, I remember seeing ads for this game and being rather pumped for it. Somehow. Who could blame me? The year was 1999 and the influx of RPGs on the Playstation had me needing any game in the genre regardless of quality. Looking back, most were really average, but the one I always heard people bitching about was Shadow Madness. I didn’t remember too much about the game itself when I picked it back up few years ago. I shouldn’t have been surprised. 

 Shadow Madness was suppose to be something special, though. It was a RPG created that executive produced and co-written by Ted Woolsey. If that name rings a bell, it’s because he’s the guy who translated a vast majority of Squaresoft’s games into English for the SNES. His name’s notorious in the close knit circle of RPG fans: some love the guy’s translations of the Final Fantasy series, others loathed him for some reason. Personally, I like the guy due to the fact he’s the one responsible for some of the iconic lines that us English speaking folks know and love. The other writer and designer, Paul Reed, was known for writing Secret of Evermore, another American made RPG that Squaresoft. He would later go on to design Metroid Prime years later. The rest of the development staff was comprised of a bunch of newcomers to the industry, and the end result shows a bit of this. 

 The game is more than rough around the edges, but the one thing it definitely succeeded at was the storytelling. Shadow Madness has a intriguing story, one that keeps the player interested throughout the 20-25 hours it takes to wrap up. You begin the game as a man named Stinger. Stupid fucking name no doubt, but I guess it’s not as dumb as Squall or Cloud. Stinger’s hometown is destroyed by a mysterious plague that causes anyone who doesn’t die to turn insane. He sets off across the land, leaving his village in shambles, to find out the reason for the madness that is crippling the countryside. Along the way, he meets up with some other people who are having to deal with the same situation, like a woman with magical powers who goes by the name of Windleaf and a walking, talking farming robot that wields a scythe whose called Harv-5. 

 So why do people hate this game so much? 

 The graphic definitely aren’t up to par to what was coming out at the time (Final Fantasy VIII was released just five months later). Characters on the over world and in towns are a blocky mess, while in battle they range from decent to downright ugly as fuck. CG cutscenes look even worse. The one thing it does get right are the pre-rendered background. Yes, they aren’t as good as something you’d see in a Squaresoft game, but they are certain charm that sets the mood for every location you enter. The character designs, though? They are generic as generic can be, which sucks because they aren’t written to be the run-of-the-mill generic heroes. I’m the furthest thing away from a graphics snob, though, so none of this really bothers me. It gets the job done.   The music, on the other hand, almost rivals the writing. Everything fits the situation perfectly and, like the backgrounds, sets the mood in just the right way. Coupled with the writing and you’ve got two redeeming qualities. The tracks aren’t going to be stuck in your head a few months after playing, but they get the job done efficiently. 

 So far, it doesn’t sound too bad, right? Wrong. Where Shadow Madness fucks up what could possibly be an underrated gem is the poor, poor combat and general game play. It’s not atrocious, just very bad. The one thing it gets right is the ability to skip random battles. While wondering around, you’ll hear a monster’s roar and your Dual Shock will shake. As soon as you hear it, you’ll want to hold all of the shoulder buttons to drop your character into a prone state until the roar is over. If you are lucky, you’ll avoid having to get into combat with monsters. You’ll be doing this a lot, because combat is abysmal. It’s your standard turn based affair with a few twists. Instead of using the face buttons, everything can be controlled with the shoulder buttons. Combat is generic and dull. Stinger and Harv-5 have the ability to do timed hits to make up for lack of magic power. Helpful for boss fights but most random encounters will end before they can begin with the help of your magic-users powerful summon abilities, which are complete with some more terrible CG. There’s nothing here that mixes up the formula in any way.

 It doesn’t help Shadow Madness boasts one of the lowest level caps ever in RPG of it’s size. It’s 15. 15. Games like South Park: The Stick of Truth and most western RPGs are known smaller level caps due to skill trees. Shadow Madness has no reason for this, because there is a definite possibility that you could see that level come in around ten hours into the game, and at that point you still have a while before the journey is over. It should have been bumped up to 25 or 30, without a doubt. I have no idea what the developers were thinking when they made this decision. Completing 45-50% of a RPG and having everyone maxed out should never happen. The low level cap also doesn’t give room for your magic-users to breathe. Every level-up gives them three spells, no matter what. Half of those spells you get by the end of the game are completely useless. They could have increased the level cap to give some breathing room in between spells so there would be a place for them, or cut a majority of them out completely. Or, hell, pass a few down to the characters who do nothing but regular attacks for the entire game. Do something. Fuck. How hard is it to have a leveling system that makes some sort of God damn sense?  I remembered this is my last play through and planned accordingly, trying to avoid every random encounter that I got into and fighting only the battles that I needed to fight. It made the entire experience enjoyable, as well as adding some challenge to the stale combat. I suggest that if you ever think about picking this one up (and who’s kidding, because you aren’t), to play this game as if you are doing a low-level run. 

 So is it the worst RPG ever made?   No, not by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve played some steaming piles of shit in my day, and I’d place this below average but nothing less. If Shadow Madness were a person, it would be a man having to use crutches to get around. The left crutch is the writing, the right crutch is the music. The man himself symbolizes everything else. Those two aspects keep the entire thing from falling on it’s ass in embarrassment. On a whole it’s a forgettable journey that one has no reason to return to after completion unless it’s to explore the world and it’s people, and even then you never would. As it stands, it’s a game lost in the sands of time under a mountain of more memorable and solid titles. The sad part is that it could have been something truly great if given just a little bit more polish.

[cheshirebuddha]

Life Lessons With Breath of Fire III

 The Breath of Fire series will always have a special place in my heart. It’s not the best JRPG series by any stretch of the imagination, but it might just have some of the most interesting and varied races to ever grace one. Writing down a list would take up almost the entire article so I’ll skip on that, but just trust me here. The only other media I can think of that has so many different races would probably be the Elder Scrolls. The stories in each of the Super Nintendo games were pretty lackluster and suffered from some poor translations (like most SNES RPGs), but the dawn of the Playstation brought upon a chance to change that.  It didn’t. The translation is still shit, but Breath of Fire III is secretly one of the darkest stories I have ever had told me to as a youth. Here are six horrible things that happen in Breath of Fire III. 

1. You Spend The First 5 Minutes of the Game Slaughtering Helpless Workers Who Are Just Trying to Do Their Jobs  See that screen cap right above me? Yeah, right after that attack, Mogu and Gary are burnt to a fucking crisp. Sure, they were trying to knock you out, but that was for your own good. In the process, you can lay waste to a majority of the people in the mines who are just trying to earn some money for their families. Let that sink in for just a moment.  You are murdering people who are basically struggling to survive as it is. 

2. The First Boss You Kill Was Just Trying to Provide For Its Family  The first task you are given in the game is to rob a lumberjack. He beats the shit out of your party (which is comprised of children, by the way) and tasks you with killing the elusive Nue, a creature that has quickly been taking all the food supplies around the town. You have two battles with the Nue. During the first, she escapes, and your party gives chase to it through a cave while following it’s bloodstains. Eventually, you find the Nue tucked away behind a waterfall inside the cavern. After you kill it, it positions itself in a way that blocks the door behind you.   Wondering what it was protecting you walk in, only to discover that the creature has been trying to provide food for it’s young despite them perishing from what appears to be starvation. God damn. 3. You Get the Shit Kicked Out Of You, Stabbed, and Locked in Prison  After taking out the Nue, you are asked by the local shady guy to break into the mayor’s estate to steal back the money he has been taking from the local townspeople. You complete your mission, only to find out that the people have returned the money and are chastising you for your deeds. (It turns out later that the mayor is, in fact, a complete waste of life.) The three of you proceed to return home, only to find it burning to the ground and a team of hit men waiting to kill you.   They beat the shit out of your party leaving only your main character, Ryu. He soon sets off to find his friends (if they are even alive) in the city of Wyndia. On his journey across the mountains to the city, you run into the two hit men yet again. One of them then stabs you in the stomach.   Keep in mind that Ryu’s age at this time is around 9-11. He’s literally a kid. The screenshot below shows you this. I just couldn’t believe this the first time I played the game. 

 You eventually resort back to your dragon form but to add insult to injury, they toss you into a cage and haul you to Wyndia to be shown off as a way to get some quick cash. Luckily, you have since reverted back to being a normal blue-haired kid and the king doesn’t see any humor in caging up such a small, defenseless boy so he decides to throw them in jail. Unfortunately, the king thinks you are in on the two’s scheme and tosses you in jail, too. Ryu then proceeds to cry in the prison as the guys who got you into this entire situation, the guys who possibly killed your friends, laugh and mock you.  Oh, and you are capture as soon as you flee the castle with the help of the even younger Princess Nina. Fantastic.

4. The Guy Who Turns Into a Mentor-Like Figure Ends Up Being the Person Who Destroyed Your Entire Race  Eventually, you run into a winged, gargoyle-esque man by the name of Garr who saves you from the clutches of the two hit men turned kidnappers by calling them all. This is after they merge together to make an Ultra-Man rip-off. It’s a JRPG, it has to have it’s silly moments. Anyway, he knows about your race of people and decides to take you to the Angel Tower to show and tell you more about your race of people.   Now, I don’t particularly care for Garr as a party member. He’s the strong-but-slow guy, so he rarely sees time in my party, but the guy is an interesting character since he is basically the only adult in the time game. The next oldest characters are your childhood friend, Rei, and the inventor Momo, who are basically around fourteen to fifteen years old. In a game filled with children, he’s the only one with a mature outlook on the events that are happening around you.  So after getting sidetracked at a fishing village for a few hours and trekking through a fucking volcano, you finally end up in Angel Tower, ready to discover what happened to your people. As Garr leads you down a set of stairs, he tells your third party member to wait at the entrance for the two of you. You think notice that the entire place is filled to the brim with the bones of dragons. Garr reveals that he was one of the Guardians who vowed to destroy your race (he’s killed almost 300 of your kind, the most out of any Guardian), then challenges you to a one-on-one match that ends up with you disappearing for seven years.  The strange thing is, Garr is immediately remorseful for what he did. But this is like if Obi-Wan turned to Luke at the end of the first Star Wars and proclaimed, “I killed your father, now I must finish you!” There aren’t a lot of sense with Garr, but he definitely plays the mentor role for your party. The discovery of his past and his connection with Ryu cuts like a knife, and hurts more than actually getting stabbed.

5. You Find Your Childhood Friend Brutally Slaughtering Anyone Who Gets in His Way of Vengeance  During the beginning of the game, your cat/tiger-like friend Rei acts in a carefree, almost joking manner. He’s older than Ryu or Teepo (Ryu’s other childhood friend), which plays a nice dynamic off of the later. Rei is trustworthy and always wiling to have your back.  Seven years after the fight with Garr, you awaken much older after being stuck in a berserk dragon form by the man himself. Garr leads you out of the mines (the same mines  where you slaughtered all those people at the beginning of the game) and you discover that a monstrous were-tiger has been roaming the area and attacking the denizens of Syn City. Very subtle naming there, Capcom. These aren’t the greatest of people and while some a evil incarnate and were behind the attack on the trio as kids, a majority of them are just there to sell (illegal) good. It’s pretty obvious that this person is Rei, as he’s the only feline person you’ve ran into this entire adventure.  You soon reunite with Nina and set off to bring an end to the were-tiger’s terror. The three of you enter Syn City to find almost everyone butchered and in a pool of blood. The merchants, the beggar, everyone. The only person spared was the woman who offered you sexual favors, and she’s visibly shaken up. Worst thing is the were-tiger’s target wasn’t even there to begin with, running away with two huge bags of gold before the beast could hunt him down.   Eventually, you discover that the were-tiger is Rei. Shocker. After killing the man who took everything from you as a child (he ends up being a monster, too, so it’s all good), Rei laughs about the entire situation. He doesn’t care that he may have killed a shitload of morally-wrong-but-innocent-people in his quest for revenge. He laughs. 

6. Your Other Childhood Friend Turns Out to Be Of the Same Race As You, But Sees His Kind As An Evil That Must Be Destroyed  Right near the end of the game the group runs into a now grown-up Teepo, alive and kicking. He reveals to the group that after the attempted murder, he discovers that he also has the same powers are Ryu. Teepo is soon found by Myria (who is the game’s big bad) and is brought up that his race is one filled with evil that must be exterminated for the good of the world. Of course, this is all just one huge lie, but Teepo is so brainwashed at this point that nothing will convince him otherwise. Teepo traps Ryu in his own mind, showing him the inner thoughts of his companions. 

 Then he get to Peco.  Now, I haven’t mentioned Peco a single time in this article. That’s because he’s a two foot tall onion man who is mostly used to farm masters to learn skills. (I won’t get into that, this isn’t the time or place.) Most people will view him as utterly useless: he starts off at level one. Those who know the in’s and out’s of the game know that they can turn him into a beast of a character with the proper training.  Anyway, Peco speaks to Ryu for the first time in the entire game, telling him that it didn’t matter if his kind was good or evil, his race would have never been strong enough to save the world in the first place. Everything that Ryu must do after this moment would be his choice and his choice alone.   You eventually escape your mind and Teepo turns into a massive dragon, proceeding in a pretty epic boss fight against your old friend. You win (of course), and with his dying breath Teepo says that he’s proven his point by dying at your hands. Your best friend, in a way, forces you to kill him via assisted suicide in a way. Wow. To make matters worse, his last words are that he only wishes for things to be back to the way they used to be: you, him, and Rei living back in the woods as a family.

 God damn. 

 ...and that’s pretty much it. The events that unfold as a child are pretty horrific, no lie. I think most of this went over my head as a kid due to all the nice colors and the fact that I was retarded not educated yet. Breath of Fire III may not be the best JRPG of all time, not even close, but it’s dark themes have been with me since my replay as a teenager. It’s the best of the mainline games (though the others are not bad games at all, about as flawed as this one) and, if you had to pick one, I’d say choose this one over the others. 

[cheshirebuddha]

Goin’ Down to South Park, Gonna Have Myself A Time

 South Park: The Stick of Truth is, quite possibly, the best licensed game to ever grace store shelves. That’s not really saying a whole lot. I know most people really enjoyed Shadow of Mordor and all the Batman games, but they didn’t take the property to this level. Plus, all Shadow of Mordor did was take the Batman games’ combat system, mixed them with as much Assassin’s Creed-style fuckery as they could, added a pretty cool feature in the form of the Nemesis system, and then shat all over everything it had with that cop-out boss fight and ending.   Funny that I have a burning hatred towards Assassin’s Creed when The Stick of Truth ended up being published by Ubisoft. Irony. 

 South Park has the benefit of having it’s creators balls deep inside the development. When Matt Stone and Trey Parker noticed things weren’t running as smoothly as they original thought, they two men rolled up their sleeves and devoted as much time to their property’s video game as they possibly could. Take into account that this was all happening in between creating the show on a weekly basis and the start of the Book of Mormon. I don’t blame them one bit. Previous South Park games have ranged from average (the tower defense game released on Xbox Live a few years ago) to outright horrible (everything else), so I bet they were getting tired of seeing their creation being shit on especially since they were huge fans of video games.   I hold Obsidian Entertainment in high regards, even if the end result of their products usually come out of the woodwork a little rough. Knight of the Old Republic II had tons of missing and cut content, to the point where the game was basically incomplete. Alpha Protocol is vastly underrated despite being so filled with flaws. Only Neverwinter Nights 2 and Fallout: New Vegas came out in relatively decent shape. They are a great group of developers, but they’ve always had a problem getting products in both working and finished condition. It didn’t help that T*HQ folded near the end of it’s intended release date. At that point, things were looking pretty grim for The Stick of Truth, and it looked like it was on indefinite hold.   Then Ubisoft happened.

 I don’t hate Ubisoft. Just Assassin’s Creed. I was expecting the worst, thinking that Ubisoft would push the product out as fast as possible to get as much cash as they could. Thankfully that didn’t happen and, while there were a lot of things that were shown but never actually occurred in the game, the finished product is top notch.  The first thing you’ll notice is how the game looks identical to the show. It’s insane. As soon as I was given the freedom to explore I chose to do so. Just walking around South Park almost made me come to tears. I’ve been watching this show since it came out and, honestly, this has always been something I wanted to do. While you could technically explore the town in the Nintendo 64/Playstation/PC shooter based on the series, that game blew dicks and didn’t have a consistent layout for the town. Here, Parker and Stone had to sit down and actually figure out where things were. 

 Where was Stan’s house in relation to Cartman’s house? Where was the school? These were things they didn’t have to really think of in terms of the show, so putting everything in a fixed place posed quite the problem for the guys. Luckily, the world of South Park is a fantastic one to spend time in. You visit various locations from the show (even Mr. Slave’s ass!) and even some new areas. My favorite was definitely the trip to Canada.

 Yep, that’s Canada.  The Stick of Truth places you in the shoes of the New Kid who, well, is you. Your parents force you outside and there you meet Butters, who takes you to go see Grand Wizard Cartman and Princess Kenny. See, the kids are essentially larping, fighting over the power of the titular Stick of Truth. On one side you’ve got Cartman, on the other side you’ve go the Jew Elf Kyle. As you progress through the story, you’ll be treated to some hilarious situations and make friends or meet with almost every major character that live in South Park. One could say that the game is relatively short, and they would be right. On your first playthrough you’ll be done around 12-15 hours depending on how many side-quests you complete, Chinpokomon (forgot to mention those) you collect, and how many Facebook friends you gather. Yes, Facebook friends. In fact, the entire menu is laid out in a Facebook-like style. It just adds to the charm.

 Battles play out nearly exactly like those in the Super Mario RPG/Paper Mario/Mario and Luigi series. Timed hits, matching the right buttons at the right time, varying use of the analog stick, etc. If you’ve played any of those games you’ll be at home here. Players choose between four classes: fighter, mage, thief, and Jew. Out of the four, the fighter is probably the weakest one to play as while the mage ends up being absurdly broken with the right equips. In the end, the class you do pick doesn’t matter in the slightest and only serve as a way for you pick different abilities. It’s best to focus on laying down as many status effects as possible, so effects like bleeding and gross out with make even the hardest bosses a piece of cake. Add in to the fact there are always plenty of power-up items to be found that you can use in battle to give you two turns in a row, and you’ll have an easy time. You have access to summons, which come in the form of Jesus and Mr. Slave instead of mythical creatures like Ramuh and Ifrit. They are one-time use items and ineffective against bosses, so they are basically there to serve the role of taking out random encounters as quickly as possible. 

Speaking of random encounters, there are none. The Stick of Truth plays out, again, like Super Mario RPG/Paper Mario/Mario and Luigi. The difference here is that in dungeons there are various ways to get around fighting bosses. You could shoot, say, a lamp into a puddle of water to electrocute an enemy instead of spending the time to engage them in a one-on-one fight. These slight puzzle elements add quite a bit of depth to the dungeons, so I always make the conscious choice to avoid straight-up battles whenever possible. 

 My main problem with the combat overall is that it’s just too easy to exploit. As I said, status effects just wreck the game and those power-up items are way too overpowered for their own good. Also, the level caps at 15. I’ll save that rant for my Shadow Madness overview, since at least The Stick of Truth is rather short.   

 Is South Park: The Stick of Truth worth the money? Being both a fan of RPGs and the TV show, it was straight up my alley. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a short, humorous, and very adventure in a tiny, podunk mountain town. For those who hate RPGs and the show, as well as probably not have a heart, then I’d steer probably stay clear.  Also, I know Parker and Stone said they would never do a sequel or DLC, but this game screams for more content. I would love to see all the cut stuff in a nice 6-8 hour expansion pack.

[cheshirebuddha]

Fact: Chrono Trigger Is The Best Game Ever Made

 Ever.

  I mean, just take a look at that picture (which doubles as the box art). How, as a kid, could I not fall in love with this image. You’ve got a spiky red-headed dude jumping off of a some frog-person’s back with a sword engulfed in flames, leaping at a giant blue monster guy. In one picture, you’ve got one count of arson and two counts of animal cruelty. Parents and insane senators were concerned about how Mortal Kombat and Night Trap, but Chrono Trigger was the game they should have had their eyes on. Lord knows how many times I doused plastic swords in lighter fluid, lit it up, and...wait, I probably shouldn’t be talking about any of that.   Before I got my hands on Chrono Trigger, I had only played two RPGs. The first was Final Fantasy IV, which one of my friends had for his Super Nintendo for some reason. We had no idea what the hell we were doing at the time, but I amount that to us being four or five and retarded kids. All I knew was I was a purple dude beating the crap out of goldfish in a cave. And it was glorious. When Final Fantasy VI came out, I was a year or two older and more familiar with how these games worked due to the hours spent trying to figure out just what the hell to do in IV. I actually finished up that one after months of late fees and walked away with my tiny little mind in pieces. I remember being so sad when I beat it, because for all I know there would never be another game that captured my heart like it did.  Then 1995 happened.

 I had no idea how important of a game this actually was. Again, I was seven and retarded a kid. So here’s the part of the blog where I give a little back story as to what makes this game so special. Chrono Trigger would not happen today. Well, it kind of would, but not really. There is a reason why the team behind the game was known by all as the Dream Team. Instead of condensing everyone who had a part in this game in one paragraph, let’s just list them so there won’t be a huge ass wall of text. - Hironobu Sakaguchi, aka the Guch, godfather and creator of Final Fantasy - Yuji Horii, the mastermind behind the fantastic Dragon Quest series - Akira Toriyama, manga artist responsible who created the look of Dragon Quest, not to mention Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z. - Yasunori Mitsuda, composer, who would go on to do my second third fourth favorite RPG of all time: Shadow Hearts: Covenant.  - Nobuo Uematsu, who took over for Mitsuda after he fell ill. What’s he famous for? Oh, almost every single awesome track in Final Fantasy, of course. -  Masato Kato, who did a majority of the script, would later go on to do Chrono Cross, Final Fantasy VII, and Xenogears. - Kazuhiko Aoki, who served as producer, and served various roles in the Final Fantasy series.  If I were fifteen and had the internet back then, I would lost my God damn mind. It’s like Squaresoft and Enix came together to make the perfect game. Hey, wait a minute...

 *head explodes*  With a crew like that, nothing could go wrong. Again, this was the calm before the Squaresoft storm. After Chrono Trigger came Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars, then the video game that made most people know what RPGs were: Final Fantasy VII. To me, though, Chrono Trigger is that storm. It’s the perfect game in almost every sense of the word. I literally cannot find any fault in it outside of the fact that Marle doesn’t use fire magic like the box art claims. (She’s uses ice.) There is one thing, but I can forgive it because, like I said, that box art is so fucking sweet.   Hell, here it is again.

 I say God damn. 

 Chrono Trigger starts off in a way that you may all be familiar with by now, because most games of the genre in the late-90s ripped it off: you wake up in the bed of your house by the sound of your mother, yelling at you to get your ass out of bed or else you’ll miss out of your best friend Lucca’s science fair project. Along the way, you bump into a young girl named Marle and you soon find yourself escorting her around the fair that your town is holding, stealing from old men, drinking ‘cola’, and beating the shit out of a giant metal robot just for the hell of it. Eventually you stop by to see Lucca’s new invention: a teleporter. She tells you to give it shot and, surprisingly, you’re not turned into a monstrous human-fly hybrid on your attempt. Marle’s so excited about the machine that she wants a ride, but when the machine starts up she’s whisked away to places unknown leaving only her fancy pendant behind. Being the brave, katana-wielding young man you are, you decide to set off to save her.  The entire thing starts off simple enough, but soon you find yourself jumping through time to fix everything. You eventually discover that the world ends in the year 1999 by a huge bitch that goes by the name of Lavos, and it’s your job to save not only yourself, but the past, present, and future. Joining you are a walking, talking robot with a heart of gold who Marle names Robo, a human-sized frog knight that goes by the name of Frog, a prehistoric cavewoman with fists made of steel called Ayla, and your once enemy turned ally Magus. (If you choose to allow him into your party in the first place, and you do, because he’s a boss.)

 That all you are going to get from me about the story, but I assure you that it’s top notch and doesn’t hold back any emotional punches in the last half. 

 Combat consists of a three person party using the ATB system from the Final Fantasy games with some slight changes in the way it works. You’ve got your normal attack with a weapon, some techniques and magic, and them items. The difference here is that you can combine various techniques and magic between two or even three people, creating a devastating combo attack on whatever enemy was stupid enough to walk into a battle with you. Think Suikoden’s Unite abilities and you are about halfway there. (Then again, if you’ve played Suikoden and not Chrono Trigger, than something is seriously wrong with you.) Some techniques take advantage of how your enemies or yourself are lined up on the battle field, and there are some pretty nice gimmick bosses that stretch further than, “Don’t attack when it’s tail is up!/Don’t attack when it’s wings are closed! Don’t attack when it’s head in it’s shell!/Don’t attack when it turns into mist!” These became more and more common as the genre expanded, but Chrono Trigger was the first to actually put it to good use.     Even better is the lack of random encounters. Inside of being swiped into a battle while walking around the field, you can see (almost) every enemy that you run across and a skilled player can avoid most battles with a little bit of gumption. It’s a nice change of pace from the usual, “Walk two steps, random battle!” that we had all come to known from the genre at the time, though it’s not uncommon these days.   I don’t need to talk about the visuals or the music. Just look at those names above. I will tell you to go listen to the soundtrack if you get a chance, it’s fan-fucking-tastic and still one of the best OSTs to this day. Chances are you heard a few before, since Wiz Khalifa just loves to sample this shit. (Though that doesn’t make any of his music listenable.)

 You really had to be there at the time to truly appreciate it, but if you’ve never tried it out, then what the hell are you doing? Missing out on one of the best, if not the best, RPGs of all time should be punishable by a court of law. So what are you doing? Get off of here, find a way to play it. It’s only around 20-25 hours long and it’s well worth the time and effort it takes to see it through to the end. You won’t be disappointed. 

[cheshirebuddha]

The Road to Episode Duscae Finale: The Nine Year Wait (Or, The Final Fantasy XV Demo)

 It’s fucking here. 

 When Final Fantasy Versus XIII was announced, I wasn’t all that hyped up for it. Besides, we all knew that Final Fantasy XIII was about to come out and quickly become the best game ever fucking made. We know how well that turned out. (Hint: It was complete dogshit.) After that game came out and sucked a big, flat, floppy dick, Square-Enix kind of went silent on Versus XIII except for the occasional showings at the Tokyo Game Show and decided to basically scrap the idea of the Fabula Nova Crystallis series.  That’s right, Final Fantasy XV (as well as Final Fantasy Type-0) started off as an off-shoot of the worst Final Fantasy game. Let that sink into your head.  Instead, Square-Enix just decided to release proper sequels to XIII. (Hint: They also were dogshit.) Wikipedia still places Type-0 and XV in the Fabula Nova Crystallis series, but I don’t. The further away those games are from that piece of shit, the better. Type-0 saw release in Japan only on October 27th, 2011, but for some reason Versus XIII was taking for-fucking-ever to get a solid release date. Most fans fears the worst, but some of those fans had a very interesting theory: what if Final Fantasy Versus XIII were to be turned into Final Fantasy XV?     Sure enough, at one fateful E3, our questions were finally answered...

 ...and it didn’t really come to the shock of those hardcore games. We knew it was coming, it was just a matter of when and where. Information started pouring in at a rapid pace, we learned Nomura had left the project (probably to ensure that Kingdom Hearts 3 would be released this century) and left directing fully to Hajime Tabata, the man responsible for Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy Type-0. More information flowed in. Many months later, Square-Enix finally told everyone that we would be able to get our hands on an exclusive demo for Final Fantasy XV, titled Episode Douche  Episode Duscae with every first run print of Final Fantasy Type-0 HD.  Here’s the point of the blog where I’ll blow your mind. Go to eBay right now and type in Episode Duscae. You’ll see people are willing to pay upwards to $60 just for the download code. That’s insane! The hype was real.  So, how is this very early look at Final Fantasy XV?

 Oh, I fucking loved it. It’s rough around the edges, no lie, but it’s shaping up to be a fantastic entry to the series. I’ll keep this simple: I’ll talk about the good, then the bad, then the ugly. Join me as I deconstruct a world nine years in the making. And yes, there will be spoilers.

THE GOOD

1. One of the Meatiest Demos I’ve Ever Played

 Now this is how you do a demo, Konami. I made a backhanded comment on my write-up for the Final Fantasy VIII demo by complaining that Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes was a $40 game with around three to four hours of actual playtime if you do everything. I stand by that comment. I would have been furious if I picked up that game at launch. For the $7.50 I spent on PSN, I can’t complain too much. What we get here, though, is almost five hours of playtime if everything is done. In a free demo. (Though if you want to get technical and bitch about Type-0 being a remake, then I guess we spent $10 on it.) That’s more content than a $40 retail game. Plenty of side-quests, things to do, things to discover. It’s a blast to just walk around and find all sorts of little details and new things, going around and beating the shit out of poor, helpless garula pups without any remorse. 

2. Beautiful Animations

 It’s all in the small details. From Prompto jumping around like the untrained madman his is, busting his ass and picking himself up while grabbing his back, to Ignis kicking a dagger in mid-air at a nearby goblin like a boss. I’ve never seen animations and movement done like this in a JRPG before, and it’s such a treat to see this. Just wait until you get knocked down to zero HP and have your teammates huddle around to protect you with their own lives. Sure, the NPCs outside of Cid are lacking in detail, but I’m not spending five to six hours checking out the cute brunette at the chocobo ranch. I’m out in the wilderness, exploring the world with my bros. That’s where the animations truly matter and makes your teammates feel even more alive.

3. Motherfucking Ramuh

 Holy shit. Who would have guessed we’d get a summon in this demo? (Hint: me) But this? You didn’t have to do this, guys. Really. I’ve associated Final Fantasy with Ramuh ever since his bit part in VI, and every lightning elemental summon that’s not him (except XII, which gets a pass) kills just a little bit of me inside. Who gives a shit about Quetzalcoatl? What the hell is a Ixion? Back off fools, and give me the badass, thunderbolt throwing old man. Definitely one of the highlights of the demo, if not the highlight. 

4. The Battle System Isn’t Just Aping Kingdom Hearts

 Well, maybe it does just a little bit. Attacking is done with the simple press or hold of the Square/X button, and you can combine that with jump for a heavy air smash or hold it mid-combo for a thrust. Weapons change automatically in the combo order that you set them, and you get various techniques at your disposal like a dragoon jump that would make Kain blush and an area-clearing radius attack. You can dodge, as well as parry (which can lead to counters and a combo move with Ignis). Gladious, Prompto, and Ignis are entirely A.I. with no control (though it’s said there will be a system in place for them, so probably something like XII’s Gambit system), but they definitely help you out in the heat of combat. Gladious can tank somewhat and has enough force behind him to wear he can destroy enemies in one slice. Prompto has range, and the ability to put enemies into a statis. An interesting note is that Ignis is the only person with a magic spell in the demo: he can cast cure, as well as use a technique that can poison a target. I can’t wait to use the full combat system: to sling spells, call forth summons, warp to high to get an advantage. Though you only get a taste of what is to come, you can definitely tell there is something there.

5. IT’S THE FINAL FANTASY IV BASSLINE! SOMEONE HOLD ME!

 Excuse me for a moment while I jizz in my pants. If there is one thing that Square-Enix has yet to fuck up on, it’s the music. Episode Duscae is no different. Getting close to dangerous animals pumps out a bassline that sounds eerily familiar to Final Fantasy IV’s battle music before going into a fantastic battle theme. Trust me, it’s great.

6. The Potential For A Low-Level Game

 Unlike other games in the series, you have to rest for the night in order to spend the accumulated EXP your foes give you. Not a big thing to most people, but I love the idea of being able to beat the game at the lowest level possible.  7. Real World Meets Fantasy

 This could be a sticking point to those who prefer their fantasy to be separate from modern inventions. There’s a gas station, complete with a full store front for you to mess around in. A camper sits outside of the chocobo farm, allowing a better place for your allies to rest. Hell, the entire demo is about killing a behemoth in order to raise enough money to fix your car. In fact, you see plenty of cars. Gladious even got hit, full force, by a car speeding down the road. Like I said, it might those that take this stuff too seriously out of the game world, but I love games with a modern twist. (This is why Earthbound is one of my favorite games of all time.)

8. All Those Small References   In my five hours in Duscae, I ran into various enemies taken straight out of Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy V, and Final Fantasy VIII. That’s barely scratching the service. See how many you can find!

THE BAD

1. It’s An Action Game With No Lock-On

 Okay, there is a lock-on, but not really. You can hold R1/Right Bumper to target lock on a monster to perform a Warp attack, but that doesn’t help you out when you are having monsters scattering about with no way to easily target them. It’s an easy fix, so I’m not too upset.

 There is a lock-on. Never explained in the tutorial battle with Gladious, but it’s there in the help along with a variety of other moves that were never explained full. God dammit, Square-Enix. 2. Magitek Soldiers Are Still Pricks  Nothing screams, “Asshole!” like fighting the hardest variation of the garula only to have a constant stream of drop ships toss down groups of soldiers. The first few times, it’s awesome. That fourth time it happens during the same God damn battle? Still awesome, but fucking annoying at the same time. There needs to be longer intervals between drops when you are fighting harder enemies. It does make you pick up the pace mid-combat, especially if you don’t realize that they are there, but it needs to happen in moderation.

3. Not As Jaw-Droppingly Gorgeous As You Might Think/Lots of Pop-In  ...though this may have been because I played it on my 720p TV. I’ll have to confirm this later and update the blog when I check it out in 1080, but for right now it’s not as beautiful as some of these screenshots would leave you to believe. Again, I’ll get back to this one.   The pop-in, though? I doubt it’ll be fixed much in the final release, and I can’t blame Square-Enix for it. The world is massive, after all, and I don’t expect to turn in one direction and see a massive field full of monsters. Just a small complaint. 4. Mash Square To Win

 What small encounters turn into. Seems like some things don’t change. 

THE UGLY

1. Frame Rate Drops Up The Ass

It’s noticeable as soon as the team steps out of their tent at the beginning on the game: there are times where the frame rate just plummets, killing almost any immersion that I have. It’s an early build, thank Christ, so hopefully the end result gives us a solid 30 FPS with relatively small dips between 25-30 at times of chaos. Some of that chug-chug has got to go.

 So, did I like it? Fuck no. Of course I did. It’s quite possibly the biggest highlight of my past six months. Not like that means much, I live a very boring and repetitive life. Now that it’s here and has been played, we all go back to playing the waiting game. There are people who are expecting it to drop early 2016 in Japan, but I highly doubt that. My guess? Late 2016 for Japan, early 2017 for the NA. It’d be great if we got it before 2017, but playing the demo made realize how rough it actually is. Final Fantasy XV is a work in progress, most of the complaints I have will probably be addressed and even then it won’t hinder my enjoyment. Luckily, I have Persona 5 coming out later this year/early 2016 to quell my thirst for JRPG goodness, and Square-Enix themselves still have a full two to three years to polish everything up. I’m loving what I’m seeing here, though, and Final Fantasy XV might just be the kick in the ass the series deserves.

[cheshirebuddha]

The Road to Episode Duscae, Part 2: The Fuck Is This? (Or, the Final Fantasy XII Demo)

 Final Fantasy XII is the most underrated game in the series.   There, I said it. Not V, but XII. In fact, XII doesn’t get enough praise. I think that may have to do with the fact that it basically drops some of the character elements that made VII and VIII so popular and a completely revamped battle system. It now felt more like the previous, online-only XI and less like an actual mainline title. Both reasons sadden me to no end. I love the characters, since half the cast comprises of a smooth talking pirate, a bad ass solider who is labeled as a traitor, and a six foot tall bunny woman.

 Let me repeat that: a six foot tall bunny woman. No wonder I liked this game so much. Excuse me while I wash off all this shame.

 I can’t really argue with the people that hate the battle system, though. Gambits that are basically essential can sometimes be passed over without even realizing it, and without a few of those Gambits it can make your life in Ivalice a living hell. It is a huge change, but maybe that’s why I didn’t find any problems with it myself during the three or four times I went through it. I like change. That’s why I’m looking forward so much to XV. Change is necessary. Just look at what’s happening to Assassin’s Creed. It’s basically the same damn game every year with little to no change. That makes playing through said games a bit of chore since you’ve basically been doing it for a shitload of installments. Not that I actually play Assassin’s Creed or anything, because that series has always been a piece of shit that the mainstream gamers eat up in their cereal. I guess the fans of Final Fantasy just couldn’t accept this change, so what we got in the next installment was twenty hours of hand holding because Square-Enix couldn’t trust us to wipe our own ass.  When Dragon Quest VIII was announced for the Playstation 2, I was pumped. While I didn’t care too much for VII, even though it was just fine, I fondly remembered enjoying the first three games on the Gameboy Color and that art style had me the moment I saw it. It was an instant buy for me the moment I glanced over it in the pages of Electronic Gaming Monthly, and I was hyped as hell. 

 Then Square-Enix threw us all a bone and packed the demo of Final Fantasy XII in with it. We were all thrilled.     Unlike Brave Fencer Musashi, where I immediately jumped to playing the Final Fantasy VIII demo, I actually played almost ten hours of Dragon Quest VIII before I touched this XII’s. That’s mostly because I adore DQVIII and knew that XII would be waiting for me in that box, longing for the moment that I would slip it into my Playstation 2. Sorry, that was overtly sexual in the worst possible way. I apologize to all the female reading this blog. All two of you.

 The Final Fantasy XII demo isn’t too far off from the actual game itself, so there won’t be too much to talk about here. At the beginning, you can select between two parties: Vaan, Penelo, and Basch roam the Phon Coast while Ashe, Fran, and fan favorite Balthier head to the Stilshrine of Miriam. The only differences between the two is the battle mode: Vaan’s party uses Wait, Ashe’s party uses Ashe. Both leaders have the ability to summon one Esper (Hashmal for Vaan, Belias for Ashe)  to give you an idea of how that system works with the new combat. The Espers themselves are pretty cool to use: you summon them on screen and they join in you battle while your two other members bum off to do god knows what. It’s pretty unfortunate that they aren’t useful in the game itself and that most are a pain to find.

 There’s no story, just straight exploration with the sole goal of hunting down your main mark and that’s just fine because it’s a blast running around the environment killing the animal populace. Yes, I’m pro-extinction, and I plan on killing as many of those cute look mandragoras as possible. Smug little bastards with their green health bar. Take that for being non-threatening, you tiny scum! Speaking of the mandragoras, it’s awesome to come across a pack of them fighting off the other wildlife. It makes the Phon Coast feel more alive, and does a hell of a lot to improve the game’s atmosphere.

 Gambits are pretty much non-existent here as you don’t have to fool around with them. You get a limited number of magic and a few items, but that’s pretty much it. You’re left to your own devices to figure out the battle system for yourself, and I love the demo for that. It’s basically, “Here’s a shortened version of what to expect in the main game! Enjoy!” and boy did I ever enjoy it. The differences between Wait and Active mode are noticeable and, for the most part, exactly like how they acted in previous incarnations. Wait mode gives you time to pick and choose what you want to do, Active mode lets you play like a man. The battle system takes a little while to get used to, but when you do it feels like butter.

 I wish I could say more about the demo, but that’s really it. After defeating each area’s ‘boss’ the game gives you a congratulations screen and then it goes back to the title. It’s kinda short (around 30 minutes for each scenario if your taking your time, less than ten if you rush straight to the boss), but it sure is sweet. I’d also say that it is somewhat highly replayable, as you can always spend your time running around slaughtering monsters and taking in all the nice looking scenery. 

 After Final Fantasy XII came out, I kind of moved away from being such a fan boy. I really enjoyed it and view it higher than a majority of the series though I may be one of the only people who think that. Some time after this, I started having a bit of a personal fallout with Square-Enix, moving over towards the light that was Atlus and seeing how the genre could be appealing to adults. I still have to say, though, the Collector’s Edition steelbook that I bought back in 2006 is still one of my favorite pieces of gaming memorabilia that I own. It’s fucking beautiful. 

Next Article: The Road to Episode Duscae, Finale: Square-Enix’s Last Chance For Redemption (or, the Final Fantasy XV Demo)

[cheshirebuddha]

The Road to Episode Duscae, Part 1: Wait, M for Mature?! (Or, the Final Fantasy VIII Demo)

 In just a few short days, eleven years of waiting will either disappoint or astonish us: Final Fantasy Versus XIII, I mean, Final Fantasy XV (my bad) will finally be in our hands in the form of a demo to a game only a few people really even know is coming out. That game is Final Fantasy Type-0 HD, and I’ve heard it’s pretty damn good. Too bad that, you know, the demo to the next mainline Final Fantasy game will be with it in the form of a downloadable code, so the game will be sat to the sidelines while I go chill with my highly fashionable bros and beat the shit out of goblins.   It’s going to be glorious. It’ll also be glorious if I fucking hate it, because I’m guaranteed to break something in my proximity.   Anyway, what’s this all about? Back in the glory days of gaming, we used to be treated to on disc demos that would come with certain games. The most high profile one being Metal Gear Solid 2 packed in with Zone of Enders, back in the good ole days when Konami charged $50 for a demo and full game, instead of $40 for a glorified demo. Squaresoft used to do the same thing, and it became pretty high note because this was going on in the mid-90s. I specifically remember the Final Fantasy VII demo being with Tobal No. 1. Since I was 8, didn’t have a job, and stupidly chose a Nintendo 64 over a Playstation, I never got to experience that one.   I did, however, finally end up getting a Playstation one fateful Christmas, and when I opened up my Electronic Gaming Monthly to see that they were packing a demo of Final Fantasy VIII in with Brave Fencer Musashi, I knew I had to get it. I mean, Brave Fencer Musashi was a pretty rad game (that sadly doesn’t hold up so well), but I wasn’t going to make my parents spend $40 on a video game without a good reason, dammit!   Final Fantasy VIII was the perfect reason, because back then, in Square we trusted.  Right off the bat, the moment I bought the game, I tore that sucker open. And for those who weren’t there, getting that plastic wrap off a Playstation case was like pulling out a decaying tooth with a pair of pliers: a real pain in the ass. After around fifteen minutes, I finally got the damn thing open and immediately went to check out the demo disc. 

 Holy shit, M for Mature.  Sidenote: Type-0 HD is going to be M, but this is technically the first M-rated Final Fantasy game. Squaresoft be going gangsta on this shit. 

 The demo is set in Dollet, the same mission you take part of near the beginning of the game where Squall has to prove his stuff as a SeeD in training. Instead of the party of Squall, Zell, and Seifer (later replaced by Selphie), you lose Seifer and get Rinoa, who is almost completely mute for reasons unbeknownst to me. No one even refers to her, which is a little scary in it’s own right. It’s basically the same as what we saw in the actual game outside of some dialogue changes and your characters wearing their normal combat attire. Because, you know, nothing says war like wearing all leather, am I right? Seifer gives you a brief rundown on what’s happening and what you are suppose to do while still being the asshole we know him as, then you are free to run around.  I’d like to add that the song ‘Raid On Dollet’ is awesome, too. Sucks that they replaced it in the actual game with the inferior ‘The Landing’. 

The first thing I noticed as a kid was how gorgeous the game looks and even almost twenty years after the thing has been released I still think the eighth game is the best looking out of the Playstation bunch. My heart may belong to IX, but my eyes will forever be fixated towards VIII. It was awesome seeing my characters in full scale instead of being chibi, and it made the transitions into the random battles just seem a tiny bit more real. That being said, let’s get on with the battles.

 At this point, I guess Squaresoft didn’t want to freak people out by a complicated Junction system or go too far with the Draw system, because the former is completely removed and the later is gimped to hell; you can only draw a maximum of three spells at a time. I swear to God, if this was like the actual game I would have snapped my disc in half. The battles in the demo can be hard as balls, so it’s not a bad idea to spend the first few battles getting some Cure spells since you can’t access the menu. That’s alright, though, because Rinoa has Leviathan which can wreck almost anything you come across. It makes up for her lack of Limit Breaks, which only Squall and Zell can perform in the demo. Squall’s command is called C-Sword (how fucking dumb), which in turn lets him use one of his limit from the game called Fated Circle. Zell, on the other hand, doesn’t get to cheese his way through the demo with his limit like in the main game. Instead, he just gets a scripted limit based on Meteo Drive. 

 We still have the scene in the town square (circle?), where Seifer and Zell bicker and argue. This brings us to why the game was rated Mature: Seifer is a real fucking asshole here and decides that instead of covering his profanity with #$@!$* he’d rather just, you know, say them. It was a pleasant change of pace from Final Fantasy VII, where most of Cid and a few of Barret’s lines nothing but symbols. Everything else is here, too: we see the Dollet solider being pulled away from the group by a monster and instead of meeting Selphie at the communications tower just get another random solider. We get the Biggs and Wedge scene on top of the tower, complete with a boss fight between the two of them and Elvoret. (No Siren, though.) The XATM-092 stuff happens after, but I’m 99% sure you can’t destroy it yourself in the demo. You also only get fifteen minutes instead of thirty, so it’s not like you could try if you really wanted to. When you get to the beach, it’s another generic solider in place of Quistis, but it still plays out pretty much the same. Squall does his heroic jump to the ship to escape and the demo ends.

 It’s a pretty brisk 30-45 minutes that highlights the game’s graphics and core gameplay mechanics while introducing this very realistic world that almost like ours in a sense. Playing this as a kid, it blew my mind and got me hyped almost immediately for the game proper. Unfortunately, I didn’t care for Final Fantasy VIII in the long run. You could chalk it up to a variety of tiny things that built up (the Junction and Draw system, a story that kind of goes off the deep end around the time you discover Balamb Garden is run by a giant squid), but it’s not as memorable as an experience to as VI or IX were when I look back on it. I do occasionally replay it since it’s always fun breaking the game wide open an hour into it and steamrolling through the game with the lowest leveled party possible. I’ll always remember the Final Fantasy VIII demo due to the excitement of it when I was young, and it kind of mirrors my excitement to play the XV demo in a few days.  Next Article: The Road to Episode Duscae, Part 2: The Fuck Is This? (Or, the Final Fantasy XII Demo)