wild

Chester O'Shea || 22

[chesteroshea]

.self para.

TW: abuse, mental illness, violence

“Chester.”

Her voice always sounded so sweet, more so in person than anything else. It’d been two years since he’d seen his mom face to face. But seeing her now...like this? He would rather be dead then for her to see her baby crumbling right in front of her eyes. He hadn’t told her any of what was going on. He’d kept his distance, face timed her every once in a while. But he didn’t want her to worry. He wanted to protect her—that’s all he ever wanted was to protect her.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Chester?!” His voice was deep and it tumbled in his like an earthquake.”Put your god damn video games away!” Chester’s little chest felt as though it was caving in as his back hit the wall. He never was the biggest kid, he’d always been a little smaller than the rest of them. It was like the rapid beat of his heart and the ringing in his ears was all he could hear, but his father’s lips moved so fast.

“Chester, hey.”

The spat out words and phrases his mother begged his father not to . “Worthless! Absolutely fucking useless around this house! When are you going to get up and fucking do something?! When are you going to start pulling your fucking weight around here?!” He was only 10, what kind of weight did he need to pull? “It’s like I’m the only one with the capability of doing jack shit in this house. And you! Shut the fuck up Laura before I make you shut up.” He snapped at Chester’s mom, but Ches couldn’t do anything...nothing but sit there against the wall and watch his mother’s cheek turn red at the hand of his nightmare father. Nothing but watch him push her to the wall and back hand her yet again. The bruises would be bad the next morning. And he knew he was next.”Daddy stop! Please stop!” Was all he could said as he struggled to stand.

“Chester, please look at me.”

“Oh, so you think you can tell me what to do now too? Laura see that? First it’s you who talks back and now it’s the fuckin’ kid.” And even though he kept speaking all he got was sobs in return, from both his wife and his son. And Chester begging for him to stop.

He should’ve shut his mouth. He should have shut the fuck up because now it was him that was feeling his father’s heavy, booted foot against his stomach. That was sent Chester to the floor, holding his stomach tight as he curled into himself and tried not to throw up.

“Fuck the both of you.” And with that the door was slammed shut and Chester was crying in the arms of his mother once again.

“Chester!”

“Mom.” He snapped out of it, looking up to his mother with teary eyes.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” Laura had her arms around him, his head in her chest as he cried. “Richie called me and told me what happened...I’m proud of you for getting the help you needed. You made this decision...a good decision. And this was something your father couldn’t do...you know he went through everything you’re going through right now?”

“He did?” Chester looked up to his mother, Laura melting that those big sweet watery eyes. It was like she could see her little 10 year old son again, worried and scared. “He did. He was hearing and seeing all kinds of stuff, some of which told him to kill me or you...or told him that his family was a burden or that we were worthless...he didn’t want to hurt us. But that confusion mixed with that temper of his? That was a tragic combination for everyone involved. You, me, Richie, Bren, Kian...and especially Lyle...” she sighed.

“I knew he had some stuff going on his brain but...I didn’t know it was that bad.” Chester felt that ping of guilt he hadn’t felt before when it came to his father. “I killed him before he had a chance to figure it ou—“

“No, Chester.” Laura cut him off and furrowed her brows.”You killed him before he killed us...and you protected your mother. You did exactly what your instincts told you to. And you were my little hero...that night I think would’ve been it for me or you. And you were 13 you just didn’t what he taught you to be like.” She shrugged.

“But...I don’t want to be like him.”

“And you won’t...you’re not like him at all.”

“But I’m going through the exact same thing he went through. I just don’t want to hurt my family, mom...I don’t want to hurt Audrey.” He could hear his voice crack and his mother shushed him sweetly.

“You are not, Lyle. You will never be like him. You have to stop worrying about what might happen and start thinking about how you can get better right now...today.”

“But what if I can’t do it, mom? What if they pump me with so many meds I can’t think for myself? What if I don’t remember you? What if I don’t remember Audrey? What if they take him away but they take away everything else too? You can’t let them take you away mom...please...” his biggest fear had always been losing the people he loved. And bigger yet, to his father. It scared the everloving fuck out of him and it seemed like it was so close to happening. Just one day of meds had him sedated and unable to do much but look out of a window. Today was the first time he felt like a person in a week, and that was only because they gave him a smaller dose. But he was still seeing him even now...standing right behind her. He’d learn to start ignoring him. Ignoring his harsh words and temptations. But it was all too much for one man to handle. Too much for Chester to do by himself.

When his mom had to leave he could feel his heart breaking all over again, but it was time for another dose. He stared up to the ceiling while he laid in his bed, the medication taking effect. He looked to his right to see his father, smiling towards him. “It’s going to take a lot more than meds to get rid of me, son.” He chuckled as he faded away, Chester’s eyes blurry with fearful tears while he turned back to look at the ceiling. Lyle was right. The ghost of his father would forever hang over his head. And as he realized he would never truly get better, he was sedated once again.

[audreyrousx]

sinfxl‌:

closed starter for @audreyrousx & @chesteroshea location: visiting ches, visit #2.

their first visit did not meet expectations. if anything, chester seemed worse then than when they had brought him in. he was a zombie — a shell of the man that both kian and audrey had come to love. there was one expectation from today’s visit, and that was chester showing improvement.  the conversation with his doctor was simple, left no room for error on their part. the drive there wasn’t terrible, but it also wasn’t ideal. though on the plus side, it did give kian and audrey a chance to get to know each other better as ches had requested. he turned to look at her as they pulled into a parking spot towards the front of the building. “you ready?”

audrey was a little nervous, the last visit leaving nothing but sadness in her head. it hurt seeing the man she loved and not recognizing anything about him expect for his face. he was too drugged up to even speak in full sentences so the girl barely even got to hear his voice. if every visit was going to be like that she didn’t know if she could accompany kian to all of them. he insisted that this time would be better and she really wanted to be able to trust him on that. 

she took a deep breath as their drive came to an end and kian settled into a parking spot. “yeah.” her reply was soft, simple, but all she could manage before needing to swallow the nervous spit in her mouth. “you’re sure this time is going to be better right?” she asked softly, making her way out of the car to they could walk to the entrance together. audrey let kian do all the talking at the front desk and followed along as they journeyed down the famililar path that would lead them to ches. seeing the ginger hair in the distance already brought a smile to her face, it only growing when she actually spotted some life behind his eyes. “hi baby, how are you feeling today?”

@chesteroshea​ @sinfxl​

[chesteroshea]

It was Chester’s second week in what was in his mind as the slammer. Every day it was the same routine. Wake up at 6am, medicine, shower, brush your teeth, be escorted to the cafeteria, they watch you eat and you have to finish every bite, physical therapy, talk to the doctors, stare out of the window in the rec room and pray no one fucking talked to him. Less and less was Lyle around, but there was a sense of loneliness he felt without his dad around. When he’d first gotten in, Lyle was so violent. But there were times he wasn’t, time he was just there. Chester would feel like he was talking to a ghost, one that had just been in his mind for so many years but he was standing right in front of him. But now, he was sedated by heavy meds and the only good part of each day was staring out of the window and hoping he would see Audrey or Richie or Kian again. Hearing he had a visitor, he sighed and let them roll him into the visitors area. Seeing Kian and Audrey warmed his heart, especially since he was a little less zombie like than last week. “Hey.” He gave a small smile, it was all he could give.”I’m okay. I missed you guys....how’s everything back home?” He asked as he looked up to the both of them. @sinfxl @audreyrousx

[ghostofashina]

joe cole by riccardo ghilardi. [04.23.20]

[mmarddybbumm]

[archfairfax-deactivated20200530]

location: hospital status: open to @chesteroshea​

arch had been hesitant about visiting. he was worried that if he set foot inside a psych ward, they wouldn’t let him back out, that he’d be stuck there for the rest of his life. but he’s trying not to think about himself for once in his life. instead, he thinks of chester. thinks about how he must be feeling after losing his legs and his mind. arch knew had it been the other way around, arch would be in pieces, begging the hospital staff to let him go. 

he finishes his cigarette and takes a long, shaky breath as he enters the hospital, avoiding eye contact with anyone who looked like they worked there until he gets to chester’s ward where he’s forced to finally talk to someone to get inside. as soon as he moves into the threshold of the ward, arch’s nerves are put on high alert. every sound makes him tense his shoulders and tighten his jaw but it eases as he’s brought over to chester. arch quickly slides into a chair next to his friend, a hand instinctively reaching up to chester’s cheek. “ches. hey, man…” the situation is less than ideal, but he doesn’t want to leave until he gets a smile out of his friend. “you’ve looked better, huh?”

[chesteroshea]

You’re fucking crazy. Chester repeated the thought in his head over and over again, wondering if it was true. His dad was in the car with them when he dropped him off and with him in the ward all day, telling him just how much of a piece of shit he was, a disappointment, a failure, and that he would never leave his head. The ward wasn’t somewhere he particularly enjoyed. The doctors would come and evaluate him, rolled him out to the rest of the patients for lunch, make sure he ate all of their disgusting slop, then rolled him back to his room. When it got there it was question after question, overwhelming nearly to the point where he felt this place was going to fuck him up more than his dad—but he knew it was because they cared, because they wanted him to get better. When he heard he had a visitor, he perked for the first time in the two days he’d been there. Maybe it was Audrey. Or Kian. God, maybe it was Richie. He just wanted to be surrounded by the people he loved most, and this visitor wasn’t someone he’s expected so early on, but he loved him nonetheless. He looked at he man sitting beside him and leaning into his touch, enjoying the presence of a friend. “Hey...yeah, this whole thing is kind of...fucked.” He spoke quietly. https://66.media.tumblr.com/ac4019175a02ddfae4a88c4923bc28c1/tumblr_inline_o6hfovoupQ1t22t00_250.gif

[crvmsdecorum]

It’s the moment of truth, And the moment to lie. The moment to live, And the moment to die. The moment to fight, To F I G H T !

@samuel-oshea, @crimsxnsins, @gerald-oshea, @littleoshea, @richieoshea, @chesteroshea, @ominouslys, @crimsxnmoon, @crimsongodss, @crimsonxbaby, @xoverzealousx

[sethkate]

[audreyrousx]

sethkate‌:

Sydney Sweeney & Tank via Instagram

[magiccityfm]

closed starter: @chesteroshea​ location: kian’s apartment.

𝑠𝑎𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑠 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑎𝑡 𝑎 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒. 𝑠ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑔𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑘𝑒𝑦𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑘𝑖𝑎𝑛. 𝑘𝑒𝑦𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑤 trying to fish out of her purse, while she also carried a couple of bags of food. she knew that chester was going through some things right now. hell, she was too. her recent talk with bren had left things tense. and while she was very grateful that gio wasn’t going to hurt him. saoirse thought it was only right to give her friend a little space. so, her attentions were diverted thankfully towards a member of her own family. “chester?” she called out as once she was able to open the door. kicking it shut behind her she walked into the boys apartment. making a beeline towards the kitchen, it was a known fact that saoirse could cook one meal and one meal only. steak and potatoes with cabbage and bacon. dropping the groceries on the counter she looked aorund the messy kitchen, “geez do they not know what a dishwasher is.” she huffed starting to clean up the kitchen as best she could. “chester o’shea come out here right now. or i swear to all that is holy i’m going to drag you out here.” 

[chesteroshea]

Chester didn’t want to see anyone, not friends, not family, nobody. He still felt he might fuck up and hurt them, that maybe he couldn’t hold his dad off for much longer—or the voices, mainly of his father, deep in his mind. What if Lyle told him to hurt Kian? Or Audrey? Or Saoirse? Hell or even Richie? And what if he couldn’t hold him back anymore? What if he didn’t just to get that old bastard to shut the fuck up? He didn’t know when he would fly off the deep end, he just hoped it wasn’t going to be around anyone.

Hearing Saoirse, Ches panicked a bit. Lyle was still here right by his side as Ches his under his covers and tried not to keep crying. He knew Saoirse was serious though, so he pushed himself into his wheelchair and sighed before rolling into the kitchen.”You should leave, Saoirse.” He spoke softly. It was like the life had been drained out of him. He felt weak and looks pale with dark circles under his eyes so bad it seemed like he’d been punched.”Why are you yelling at me?”https://66.media.tumblr.com/4467bdb49e4a0d1f6916715805f22074/tumblr_inline_o4q4lyGk0k1t22t00_250.gif

[chesteroshea]

Chester was missing Audrey so bad it almost physically hurt. He hadn’t realized just how attached they’d grown with each other. She was his everything, his day and night, his future wife, the love of his life and being without her felt so wrong. He just wanted to hold her hand. But he knew he couldn’t be around her—he had to protect her. But he could always call her.

“Hey baby.” He smiled at his phone, admiring his beautiful girlfriend. “How’re you feeling? How’s the whole being pregnant thing?” @audreyrousx

https://66.media.tumblr.com/20131cfda230b01eddd8457451e4f71e/tumblr_inline_o5amzjurdc1t22t00_250.gif

[sinfxl]

closed starter for @chesteroshea

kian’s days seemed to be going from bad, to worse. if his dad wasn’t getting so drunk he couldn’t even rightfully function, ches was losing his mind, and seeing his dead beat father all over again. you’d think kian was be going crazy along with them. but after months, hell years of witnessing ches’ dad first hand, and many more years of witnessing his father throw his own life down the drain ⏤ kian had almost grown immune to the chaos that was his life. sure he’d go a little mia on everyone else in his life, but that was because two of the most important people in it were drowning in their own demons and because he had too much of a hero complex to let them deal with it on their own. though kian was pure in his fight for them, ches was like the brother he never had, and his dad… his dad, sure he was rough and needed lots of work, but he was still his dad, and kian loved him too much to give up. after showing up to ches’ the other day, kian knew he wasn’t okay. he knew that what this was now paled in comparison to what it could become if he didn’t get it under control. ches’ dad, though he seemed like an alright guy to most ⏤ was one of the worst people kian had ever known. ches never really outright told kian the truth, but he never really had too. kian knew, and if he had the chance, he would have helped ches do it.  moments before ches’s text, kian was texting audrey about how he was going to be intruding on their home by staying pretty much indefinitely. he knew ches couldn’t be alone with her, and he knew she wouldn’t leave. but then he didn’t have to, because ches stepped up instead. that was what gave kian hope, hope that he wasn’t too far gone, hope that they could still fight this, and together this time. to make sure his demons really were gone, and not just hidden. he’d parked downstairs, figured it would be best to get ches at the door, in case audrey still tried to keep him there. it was a hard position to be in, because he couldn’t really tell audrey what he thought or felt, because he didn’t know what she knew. but he also knew this was hurting her, and she didn’t deserve that ⏤ but it was the best to protect her. at least for now. once at their door, kian gave it a few knocks and then took a step back while he waited for ches, a small smile tugging at his lips as ches opened the door. 

[chesteroshea]

This was...a lot for Chester. He’d gotten so violent he’d ruined Richie’s wall, shot Blue, and absolutely lost his mind. He knew he was becoming more and more like his dad every day and he couldn’t risk hurting Audrey. Hurting her in any ways crushed him, but he knew he had to leave to keep her safe. And he knew Kian could hold his own. Kian had seen the worst of it, almost caught in the cross fire a few times. He trusted Kian more than almost anyone else and of course he was terrified he might hurt him too but...Chester needed help.

He packed his bags and put them in his lap, waiting at the door for Kian and looking back to Audrey. He kissed her once before he opened the door to leave, handing Kian one of his bags before he rolled toward the elevator.”Thanks, Kian.” He spoke quietly. His eyes were red, and underneath dark circles. It was obviously he’d barely slept in days. Sleeping was just as full of nightmares as his waking day. He could feel himself about to cry again, feeling his fathers presence beside him. He followed Kian to the car and maneuvered himself into the passengers seat, his bag in between his feet.”You’ve just gotta...fold it up. It should fit in the trunk.” He nearly whispered. https://66.media.tumblr.com/4a5774adf821ec32074b34781d53826b/tumblr_inline_o7ki3ukGPD1t22t00_250.gif

[chesteroshea]

Whole situation with Richie and Blue drove Chester absolutely insane. But he loved Richie more than nearly anyone, that man was like a brother to him. Not only would he give his life for Richie but they’d been ride or die buddies since they were babies. So seeing him with Blue, even when they were younger, pissed him off beyond belief. Blue was so wrong for Richie. Wrong family, wrong attitude, wrong everything. It would’ve been so much better for Richie to be with Poppy—some who Ches knew would treat him with love and respect. Unlike Blue, who was a life siphoning leech that Ches wanted to beat the shit out of every time he saw that spoiled, enabling, pretty boy face. But he needed to talk to his cousin about this or it would eat him up even more. He showed up to Richie’s place, praying Blue wasn’t there. He wheeed up to the door and knocked, waiting for his lovable idiot cousin to answer.

[chesteroshea]

Chester was enraged to say the least. The thought of Blue already pissed him off enough. An enabler, an enemy, a murderer, a leech—just a few words he used to describe the bastard of a boyfriend Richie had. Chester was letting his angry fester and boil within him, recalling every time Richie chose that pretty boy asshole over his friends and family...and Poppy. It was wrong. It was wrong that one person had that much control over Richie. It was wrong that he wouldn’t listen to his family, to his best friend, to his brothers.It pissed Ches off more than anything else and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to fix this shit. And the only way he could was by sending Blue either to the hospital or straight to hell where he belonged.

He rolled inside, pushing Blue out of the way and turning to face him.”Fuck you, Blue. Fuck you! You don’t deserve to be with Richie. You don’t deserve to be with anyone. You’ve corrupted him into thinking you’re such a good guy, huh? You killed our friend. You pushed drugs on him like the true addict you are and you fuckin’ killed him you junkie freak. And you’re going to do the exact same thing to Richie. I can’t trust you around him anymore...” he snarled towards Blue pulling the gun from his side and pointing it right at him.”You’ll never talk to my family again you slimy pretty boy bastard.”

His hands shook a bit as he moved his finger to the trigger. Why was he shaking? This wasn’t like him. The nerves, the fear, the thought of losing Richie forever, his father. Fuck. His father. Just as he was about to shoot Blue, to finally get rid of that fucking plague, he saw Lyle. He stood with this usual ugly grey suit on and his sly smirking expression, the expression that made Chester’s blood curdle. That look took him back to every time that man would throw him against a wall. Everything he punched him and hit him until he bled and begged for forgiveness. Chester couldn’t see anything else, just his father stepping closer to him and right next to Blue. His eyes welled with tears, yet again the memory of his father haunted him but in moment it was all too real.

“Blue you need to move out of the way.”

It was clear Chester was out of it. There was no one there the way anyone else would see it but for Ches...it was real. His dead father was standing right there in front of him. And he couldn’t just sit there and take it anymore.”Die!” He shot at his father, his bullet going right through him to hit the wall and grazing Blue’s shoulder.”Die! Die! Die! Die!” He screamed as he shot at him over and over and soon enough he’d emptied the whole clip into the wall. He kept shooting but he could still see him, hear him, feel him and nothing was coming out of his gun anymore. The wall was nearly destroyed in one section.”Fucking die!” He chuckled the gun against the wall, backing up his wheelchair as his cheeks soaked with tears. He hit something on the floor with his wheel, soon finding himself on the floor and his chair fallen next to him. But now he couldn’t move, his legs stayed still as he covered his head with his arms.”Get out...get out, get out, get the fuck out of my head! Leave! Leave me alone!” He was losing his fucking mind, sweating and crying on the floor and knowing he couldn’t get away—this was his nightmare.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/91f5de191f8c0c150e527a5ab80a3875/tumblr_inline_o3nufcCH8l1t22t00_250.gif

[oilversqueen]

[chesteroshea]

@audreyrousx

[sterolineforever]

[chesteroshea]

@audreyrousx

[sphinxmemesmusings]

Ask My Muse The Most Invasive Questions You Can Think Of!

[chesteroshea]

🌟 chester and holden

“Audrey and I both think about Holden’s ass and talk about Holden’s ass. I might make a shrine. Fuck around and make me act up, Holden. God damn.”

[chesteroshea]

🌟 - joey and chester

“You’re probably one of the few people I feel like I can truly break down around. Like, I don’t feel afraid of not being masculine or anything I just—I feel like I can kinda break down my walls a bit because you’ve been there for me in some shit times.”

[chesteroshea]

🌟 audrey

“We fuck EVERY SINGLE DAY. Legs or not, baby.”