aaron only loves me when i’m happy. it wasn’t always like that but overtime he stopped caring if i am hurt. i never get asked how i feel anymore, only when it’s awkward and it more to fill the silence. he is mad when i am upset and immediately shields himself.
but he’s given me space lately and while i have so much resentment im also thankful for it. i have been having a lot of fun and i am keeping myself busy. when im not busy i feel really sad. when everything slows down i know i will start crying again.
being out more has helped my self esteem and confidence and what not. internal views built by the external. when we used to fight i felt so low about myself and i told him about how it was affecting me and he told me i shouldn’t base that stuff off of him. so i took the advice and i feel so confident alone.
it’s my birthday next week which is just really fucked up and a very girl experience to have around her birthday. but i’m not going to work on the relationship now. i want to experience fun and late nights.
