Also, telling someone, “It could be worse,” or, “It’s not as bad as it could be,” dismisses their feelings (which are legitimate and deserve to be recognized) as if they shouldn’t be feeling them at all. Know what you should say instead? “I know what you’re going through is hard and difficult and painful for you, but [please believe that] it will get better.” Or something along those lines, then ask what you can do IN THAT EXACT MOMENT to help.
I’ve been getting this a lot in the past 2 days. I haven’t really let on to exactly what happened, but the vast majority of my friends know that I’ve hit a very, low dark spot in my life, and I’m trying to work through it. What they DON’T know is what this is for me, how hard it is, how long of a fight I’ve been putting up before this point. They don’t know the pain I’m in, they don’t know what my innermost thoughts are, they don’t know my feelings, they don’t know my personal daily struggles. They just know the genial, smiling, trying-to-recover-addict they see in public. They are the fake-it-til-you-make-it persona I’m trying to adopt, albeit unsuccessfully.
So when I’m told, in more or less words, that I should let this go because it could be worse, it does 2 things to me: First, it makes me, an already highly depressed person with extremely negative internal dialogue, feel like a shitty brat. I realize that billions of people in this world have it worse than I do and would likely trade places with me in a heartbeat. I have a lot to be grateful for, and reminding me of that - directly or indirectly - just makes me feel even more angry at myself and even more guilty for what I’m going through. Secondly, it makes me angry at them because what I’m going through is legitimate, and i feel like this is a person’s way to say that my feelings are anything but. Feelings, are extremely personal and deserved to be recognized, good or bad, by those who are feeling them, and those who are trying to help them. You don’t have to accept them, you don’t have to understand the feelings, but you can’t try to dismiss them either. That’s almost equivalent to saying that they shouldn’t be having the feelings at all, when it is perfectly natural to, or, in my case, can’t be helped because of my mental illnesses.
So, please, world, have some compassion and try to at least sympathize with others. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were going through a hard day or time in your life. Would you want someone to remind you that it could be worse, or would you want someone to listen?
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
ellievsbear
prguitarman
blakekathryn
stormborns
gummygunk
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