When I think of half-bun Crowley, I think of tenuous, hopeful calmness.
Itâs a brief moment, but let us consider itâŠ
Crowley is a very, very, very anxious man. Thereâs scarcely a verb or adjective ascribed to him in the book that doesnât hint at some inner radiation of deep-seated nagging concern. I think that people misinterpret TV Crowley as being different than book Crowley, but I firmly believe they are one in the same. Itâs just nearly impossible in a show like this to put to screen the inner workings of a manâs heart. With that as our foundationâŠ
When he gets on the bus, they are already doing a risky thing. Thatâs why theyâre meeting like spies, obviously. So thatâs anxiety-inducing. But of course the greater concern is that something has gone wrong with their plans. Heâs basically taking this to Aziraphale. Not to have a discussion, but to get reassurance. He feigns mild disagreement, but you can see an ease in his concern at Aziraphaleâs insistence that this is exactly what they have been working toward. You can see that he gotten the reassurance heâd been after. Immediately he turns his attention to their surroundings whereas before heâd been focused only on that concern.
The softness in the âyeah?â when Aziraphale calls his name is not one of worry, itâs one of safety. And I think of a rare moment of relief for Crowley. Aziraphale then has to go and flipflop on his own thoughts, but Crowley doesnât return to his tense state. âIâm sure it wonât come to thatâ is not reassuring Aziraphale of his worries. Itâs Crowley using a mental sound barrier to preserve the calm, however momentarily, that he gained from the situation. Of course the anxiety will always return, because this is who he is, but we get to see him in this small, tiny moment of calm.Â
So half-bun makes my heart feel still. There is hope and potential and the concept that theyâve done what was right and saved the world and themselves, and it all can hang infinitely right there, in that moment, on the bus. Especially if weâre contrasting that bus scene, as we should, to the final bus scene.
There is more to be said once we start comparing the two bus scenes, but it really only highlights the teetering, tenuous, fragile peace that Crowley gets from Aziraphale that is instantaneous versus the lasting, self-certain peace that heâs given in the end. But thatâs a whole other knot of snakes.