ChicaporDios @chicapordios - Tumblr Blog

I’ve been panicking all night bc my abandonment issues have me thinking that everyone I love is going to die or leave me soon and one of my friends literally isn’t talking to me and I’m going insane

Sooooo seven of my friends (including one of my best friends) have died this week and I have another really close friend dying right now.

But it’s crazy to me that one of my other friends isn’t talking to me right now even though she knows I’m going through all of this. I’m sure she has her reason(s) and that’s valid and I’m happy to give her space, but the timing is delicious.

Really on top of grief I got to deal with uncertain drama? Awesome!

how did we go from “I hope you eat today because I love and appreciate you,” to nothing at all?

I’m mad rn that I didn’t kill myself four years ago when I attempted. What’s the point of surviving if I was just gonna end up back here? And no one fucking cares. No one can help me. I’m beyond redemption. I’m done.

I really would not be surprised if I attempted again sometime soon. I’m so tired and so worn from being used and ignored and forgotten and expected to be okay all the time

‪Wow four years of progress and literally ten minutes put me back to where I started. I’m a fool and I hate myself.‬

localtiktoks

Really wanna go on one of my trademark middle of the night depression drives. Haven’t done one in years. I used to tell one of my friends when I was doing them- for safety- but none of my friends are up this late anymore. With the way I’m feeling rn, I am afraid for my safety, but I also wanna get out.

Still really hope I die soon