[dicketysplit]

where the fuck would we be without garlic honestly

[trwsgba]

I’m in the bathroom and a girl just came out to her friend ad my shit is halfway out my ass and they heard some plunk into the toilet and one girl said “Is anyone else here?” why do I get stuck in situations like this

[drinklust]

once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”

[georgemallory-deactivated201604]

nothing will fuck you up as much as the realization that there’s no real reason the alphabet needs to be in order

[sonypraystation]

[thelonelyloner]

[minminniemon]

If you don’t think this is talent then I don’t know what is

[pakaojawn-blog]

won’t drink lukewarm water but i’ll put another person’s genitals in my mouth

[creamiepuffs-archive-deactivate]

I have this problem where ‘the other day’ for me ranges from yesterday to around 5 years ago

[unphh]

and ‘a friend of mine’ is literally anybody i’ve ever heard of whose opinion i like

[sandandglass]

[dekutree]

if your name is spelled wrong according to microsoft word, then you on the red carpet babe shine on

[empresspinto]

hey guys, hope your skin is clear and you get a text from someone you like real soon.

also that your lunch tastes good, you find twenty dollars on the ground, and that thing coming up that you were dreading turns out not so bad

[loren-vance]

Passing this good karma

[pocketsofroses]

I reblogged this 3 days ago and my skin got clear and I got a message from a guy who refers to me as queen yesterday. Good karma vibes all around.

[chickenkievhoe]

i swear i get uglier everyday

[themightyflyingpig]

[benedictsmith]

Do you guys ever say the wrong thing in a conversation and then have it haunt you for months or years afterwards like a social anxiety poltergeist?

[ajd1219]

a social anxiety poltergeist

[breadlesbian]

i still do not understand what possessed so many well-respected actors to do the spy kids movies like

did they pay really well? did you want these beautiful, terrible movies to be a blemish on your career forever?? why

 antonio banderas did so many high-profile movies then in spy kids he looked like this

tony shalhoub has won multiple emmys but he did spy kids and

even fucking george clooney wtf

steve buscemi is pretty goofy but still

salma hayek’s pigtails in this wow 

elijah wood was the lead in a movie that’s tied for the largest number of oscars of all time and he played a character creatively named “THE GUY”

sylvester stallone is like a cultural icon and he played not one but FOUR ridiculously dressed weirdos

alan cumming is the only one i can understand 

[anothercleverjedimindtrick]

Spy Kids is a national treasure

[behelix]

how dare you talk about spy kids as though it is not the most brilliant franchise ever created

[letsboldlygomotherfuckers]

swimming pools are so weird man we dig holes in the ground and fill them with liquid we cant breathe in and then spend an hour or so at a time trying not to drown in it

[olivialaurel]

Always pee before painting your nails I cannot stress this enough