@chicksinmycastle27 - Tumblr Blog

Every year is the same. Every year I tell myself that this summer is My Summer and every year!!!!! Without fail!!!!!! I stay home and rot and cancel plans and engage in self-destructive behavior and waste away my youth. Old Habits die hard, I guess.

heartzforyouxoxo

when i feel the depression creeping in and i purposely start listening to sad music and consuming depressing media all the time js to make it tens times worse because the sadness kind of feels like home like i kind of feel like i belong there and its js so comforting wallowing in my sadness

flowersinthegrocerystore

Seasonal depression

Winter depression: Wanting to just crawl under the covers and never come out. The world feels hostile, angry, and you’d rather die than face it for another day. You haven’t seen the sun in days- you feel weaker, deteriorated. You’re tired all the time and it’s unbearable to do anything. You’re supposed to be celebrating the holidays. You’re supposed to have your life together. All you want to do is stay home but after a time the being alone begins to kill you. Everything around you dead and feeling like the days are so long that they will never come back to life again.

Spring depression: The sun playing tricks on you- it looks warm out but it’s not. This is also supposed to be a fresh start, a new day, but you feel like you haven’t shaken off the cold yet. The flowers are blooming and it devastates you because you don’t have time to enjoy them. Summer and winter both distant. Hating yourself for not loving it enough, breaking your promises. And then, that creeping feeling that it’s too warm this early in March. Did the daffodils come out as early last year? You can’t remember. Things growing and you, in the soil, stagnating, feeling like a swan among ducklings.

Summer depression: The worst kind of depression in my opinion. Summer is life and death mixed in one. Again, the feeling of wasting days, because this is meant to be the best time of the year but you’re spending it inside. Again. Everyone seems to busy and away and you start to get lonely. You’re busy, too, you have to keep working, and if you’re not working, the thought always lingers in the back of your mind that you’ll have to soon. It drives you insane. You lose yourself. The days pass slowly but the months go by fast, and soon you feel like it’s all slipped away and you forgot to enjoy it. Summer is always yearning for summers past and then weeping when the flowers rot.

Autumn depression: Again, so much beauty around you and not enough energy to appreciate it. It’s not always time, or society- after so long, you start to get scared that it might be you. Leaves falling everywhere and making you want to cry because it’s happening again but it’s never as magic as it once was. The chill in the air as you step outside, always slightly too cold to be happy. Everything dying again, and the wish that summer could last for just a moment longer, you swear this time you’ll appreciate it. The approaching dread of winter, trying ot savor the last dregs of sunlight, knowing it’s never enough.