Reporting from behind the Wall.

Basically this is a blog to record the craziness from my life studying and working in England and China. Click the archive button to browse posts by month.

[chil0]

Korea Trip DMZ Adventures

Delicious rice 

The tunnels 

The train and station

Going to the JSA and having a face off with North korean soldiers and tourists on the other side

[chil0]

Those two trips to the arcade

Soooo me and my friend really love the arcade for I don't know why .. here is my little blurb about that. 

Anyways the first time we went to this arcade we saw ppl playing this bootleg DDR and there were actual seats and couches around for an audience to watch! Also the people playing it were a dance crew that legit had a uniform and were really gettin down. The arcade also they had these little personal KTV booths and a freaking skating rink! Ofcourse we went skating but we couldn't find the dude that runs the place for like ever because him and his skating posse were too busy skate dancing and doing turns and stuff in the dang rink. 

When we did finally find him we had to beg him to give us change for the lockers because they don't take tokens for whatever reason (-_-).. but with a little flirting my friend was able to exchange one token for one yuan... go girl! The rink was hella dangerous though because the rollerskating posse was zooming around with their light up skates and laying down and sitting and whatever all around the rink while bad 90s music played in the background. Not to mention there were like no lights in the entire rink besides a single dim disco ball in the middle. I am pretty sure the mall this rink was in was built in the 2000s but somehow this skating rink managed to make it feel like we were taken back to the 80s in a bad way. Truly a feat. 

The next time we went we played this crazy driving game with steering two wheels in the car that also shakes. Basically the steering can switch to either side at any point in the race so you gotta stay ready. 

THEN I was minding my own business playing Tekken and Street Fighter and apparently doing well bc people started watching me O_O. Then this little twerp kid [like 8 years old] decides to come over and challenge me! He was actually pretty good bc him and his accompanying father are apparently arcade rats, but any time I lost a round he would peep over at me from the other row with a smug look [jerk]. SO naturally that fired me up and I wasn't bout to lose to no little punk so I beat him two times in a row then retired LOL  

We also played this crazy cube game where you have to tap cubes to the rhythm of a song that so tiring but this one guy was playing it like a wizard. Needless to say, good times were had at the Wanda Arcade.  

[chil0]

Random Bag - Japan

Woooo I haven’t posted on here in forever. Please enjoy these random moments from the past. 

1. When I was in Japan my friend and I went to Nagoya. Strangely at the time, on the streets of Nagoya there were like no people. No idea where all the citizens of the city were at but they were not outside. Anyway we went to a convenience store  (like a CVS) to look for some snacks  and were probably two out of like 4 people in there. We went to the front counter to pay for our stuff in the short line of two people (there was only one person working at the registers) but then my friend realized she had misplaced a souvenir bag somewhere around the store. Still in line at the registers we looked around briefly for the bag. I swear when we turned back, suddenly the store was packed! Three more cash register people appeared already at the counter out of NOWHERE. There was literally no one else around when we first got in line and suddenly there were three more workers and a line of like ten people. We had not heard or seen a thing and this happened in like one minute’s time. WHERE DID THEY COME FROM??? We were so astonished we just stood there in silence ...........Japan is quiet, very quiet. 

We went to this Japanese Brazilian restaurant to eat. It was upstairs hidden somewhere in Shibuya and it was very small, probably the size of a bedroom with like three teeny cafe tables. Anyway it must have been the hangout spot b/c there was already a group of young people in there gettin turnt pouring it up with the workers and bar tender. When we walked in they looked at us like (-_-). Like I’m sorry is this not a public eating establishment with a sign outside saying open???? So for whatever reason we decided to stay and sat down and ordered some stuff. Sometime during our eating a man walked in with a whole package of double stuffed oreos and gave it to the chef. He really just sat it on the counter and then he peaced out... don’t know what that was about. 

[wildlifewednesdays]

The dangers and troubles of being a panda zookeeper.

[bace-jeleren]

LET! THEM! IN! THE! BASKET!!!!!

[tsix-xist]

This poor woman is just trying to clean the leaves. #allpandas.

[queen-mayhem]

if you’re having a rough night, watch this. trust me.

[chil0]

Love how she is speaking 四川话 to the pandas. haha 

[pdlcomics]

Pigeon Noir

[chil0]

Lolz

[chil0]

High Five Guy

For a limited time there was a guy wearing white gloves and carrying a sign at the entrance of our office building. He would walk along the super long line to get in the elevators and give people high fives. I am not sure what the purpose of this was [I guess to raise morale] but for some reason it was the funniest thing to me, ever. Seeing the people look up from their phones with awkward looks on their faces to see some random guy holding a sign and asking for a high five was the best ever. Even better was their lack of high five technique, like man have you never given a high five before what the heck?? People would not know what to do with it; some would just stare in disbelief, others would give a weak little tap. It was terrible. 

[chil0]

The Hidden Perils of Walking in China

Mop/broom crew. Generally composed of a few aunt or uncle aged people； it can also be one person who is whipping up enough mopping action to equal the mettle of a crew all on their own. These ubiquitous squads can generally can be found outside sweeping sidewalks, crosswalks, or inside mopping hallways, just outside the elevators or any other place that people should reasonably be able to walk. What makes them so dangerous is their vigorous sweeping motions that are difficult to evade. They do not stop for anybody, so you have to time your steps just perfectly so as to dodge that mop or broom. Are you getting ready to walk out of the elevator? Be careful because a mop crew might have just turned the area in front of it into an ice skating rink. Are you simply trying to cross the street at the crosswalk? Might as well jaywalk because that uncle with the huge tree-top broom is a sweepin his way over and an ankle or two might get caught in the action. You would think these people would take their time as they tend to be older and have alot of work to do all day but NO they must have trained in the special art of sweepery because they are like machines.  

E - Bikes. These idiots not only terrorize the streets but also run the sidewalks. Just like when crossing the street, you should also keep your head on a swivel when stepping out of any building or doorway that opens out onto a walkable space. E-bike riders are the worst kind of wheeled citizens: heartless, fearless, extra-mobile and in a rush. Maybe that delivery 哥 needs to travel several kilometers in just a few minutes and decides to hop the curb rather than deal with the stop light. Or perhaps someone just brought their scooter up to their apartment and are riding it through the hallways on their way home. Regardless of the situation, no one and nowhere is safe. 

Loose tiles/sidewalk cracks on a rainy day. First of all if it is raining outside in a city, your legs will get dirty and wet. But secondly you gotta be on the lookout for any bricks or tiles that look like they might be loose. If you walk over them you will unsuspectingly receive an aggressive splash attack of dirty rain gutter water. No one wants that. 

Children. No joke they are so small and swift that before you know it they are right under your feet ready to become 锅盔. You never know when that tiny little toddler will decide to toddle right out from their parent’s grasp and straight into your walking path. If you see any parents walking around with their toddler on their own two feet, you need to be alert. Even if they are on a leash they are prone to sudden and unpredictable movements that include jumping directly into your pathway and making it look like your fault. Lolz

[chil0]

Finally! Views of Chengdu. 

[chil0]

On Genghis The Cricket

Way back in Beijing [yes two years ago] my friend was gifted with a fighting cricket and I probably made some random comment about it. That thing was huge and fierce so naturally it was named Genghis, after Genghis Khan the Conquerer. What I did not realize at the time was that China has a long flourishing history of cricket fighting. 

So, the other day I was looking at articles about Chinese history and came across the topic of cricket fighting. There are techniques; people specially train their crickets, and a cricket that loses never fights again. There are also morals and values associated with properly raising and training a fighting cricket and people feel they can learn alot from the process. In other words those things are valuable. 

Now it makes way more sense to me why a friend’s neighbor, after a night of drinking baijiu and bonding, would surrender ownership of a fighting cricket kept in a glass jar with gold trim. It meant alot to him and it was a true offer of friendship. It really is amazing how a little bit of context can totally change your perspective. Now, after learning the history, I have a whole new appreciation for the story of that giant cricket. But it’s still ugly and scary looking though (O_O). 

[chil0]

That one time my apartment got burgled [The finale]

After eating late night 串串 and talking about our high school love lives, it was time to turn in for the night. I returned to my apartment to grab my small carry on suitcase and quickly stuff it with the necessities. I put some tape around the broken balcony door handle [like that would do anything] and we GTFO’d.

My coworker walked with me in 15 minutes of silence to the hotel and I checked in, walked upstairs and dropped everything on the floor in the room. I sat on the bed in a daze contemplating the meaning of life and then pulled myself together and got ready for bed. 

The next day I took a few hours off before going to work but I decided to brave it after work and go home to sleep. It might sound silly but I had a coworker help me buy nightlights on Taobao that would arrive the next day. Sleeping at home alone after being broken into is no joke scary; I was super paranoid. 

We talked with my rental agency about putting bars on my balcony and they tried every excuse in the book not do it. They said the landlord said no, it is illegal because my apartment is facing the street [it is blocked by a building and there are bars on windows everywhere else], it costs too much [it cost like 2000 RMB and it’s their responsibility]. After I continuously did not take their crap for two days they eventually gave in and paid for it. I slept much easier after that. 

[chil0]

That one time my apartment got burgled [Last few hours]

So finally on to finishing this story. 

The police asked me to open my door but the minute I went to step in they threw out a hand to hold me back and yelled “Don’t go in!”. Then tech crew in their loafers rushed in and dropped the briefcase on the floor to get to work. They all put gloves on and these little booties on their shoes, leaving the lights off as they started taking flash photos of my apartment. They asked me which places the thief touched and also seemed to do some fingerprinting [it was real crime scene stuff y’all]. While we were outside we kept chatting with the makeup artist about his new life in the Big City. Also my neighbors had gathered around my apartment to ask what was going on but the captain guy kept shooing them away.

At some point part of the police crew broke off to go find the 物业 [building management]r. The captain first went up to the roof to inspect then tsked as he saw the door was wide open. The 物业 finally came grumbling trailed by two officers and locked the doors. Then captain guy gave him a good scolding like “Don’t leave the doors open FROM NOW ON”. Like yeah thanks alot for that now that my apartment had already been broken into.... 

Eventually the tech crew finished and it was time for the police to leave. By this time we had become some sort of friends so we were sad to part ways. 

I received a call from my manager telling me news had reached the Big Boss and he paid for my hotel for the night which was really sweet. By the way my coworkers were still there with me like the real troopers they are [My coworkers are awesome!]. By this time it was about 1:30 AM and we all had work the next day so what did we do? We looked at eachother and said “Let’s go for late night 串串” Yes we went to one of the many late night eateries near my apartment and sat down to drink beer and eat spicy food. Turned out to be a great decision because we got to tell eachother crazy stories and finally let the chaos of the night sink in. 

[chil0]

That one time my apartment got burgled [6 - 7 hours in]

Finally back to this story. 

Non-police shoes - So anyway the computer report guy was super stylish for no reason. He had on these swaggy black suede and leather loafers with a square toe. Like dude are you even police? We explained that in the US police mostly wear boots or those ugly tactical sneakers which makes them look aggressive rather than fashionable. Upon closer look we also noticed that his eyebrows were on fleek and his hair was perfectly styled. This would all make much more sense later in the night [Oh the suspense!]

When the tech people FINALLY came, lo and behold, they were also wearing casual attire: jeans, a polo and Toms (-_-). Mind you these are supposed to be the professional forensics squad and they are over here like its a casual day on campus. Whatevs.

We went outside and I thought we were gonna walk back to my place but nope. Apparently since the tech people came with their van we had to be in official police cars... to go around the corner. So anyway my friends and I get in the back of the car and the captain guy literally said “Welcome to Chengdu police car!” like it was some sort of joyous occasion lolz. We mobbed over to my apartment with 3 cars and 10 police officers just to go around the corner. When we got there they parked randomly on the sidewalk in front of a bank because police, and hopped out in a group.  

We get upstairs and the captain walked over to my neighbour’s apartment. He knocked on the door and was like “Hi can I come in?” Unexpectedly [or not] the lady said NO. The captain tried to convince her for a bit but then suddenly pushed the door open and barged in like “I’m having a look around”. When he came back he whispered to me that he asked and she pays less rent than me so I need to work that out with my landlord hahaha 

While we were waiting for the tech people to do their thing, my friend and I chatted with swaggy shoes guy. Turns he was makeup artist back in the day but he had to leave his rural hometown because people would not accept him and now he is police. He was super nice and his story was really sad! I told him I hope that he can follow his dreams now that he is in the city. 

Almost done with this story. One more part! 

[chil0]

Stonehenge by itself from forever ago. 

[blkproverbs]

Don’t talk about it, be about it.

African American proverb (via blkproverbs)

[chil0]

That one time my apartment got broken into [5 hours in]

So after the locks were changed and the details of the theft were sorted out, we needed to all walk to police station to as they called it “办事” (deal with matters). When we arrived there most of the officers were behind the front desk  watching TV and drinking tea. When the head officer walked in the man at the main computer jumped into action asking me like 500 questions: Where do you live? Where are you from? Do you have a visa? Work or study? Where do you work? etc. 

Once I made it past that stage we had to go to yet another office for them to enter the report into the database. In the back office there was literally one guy at a computer and that guy was on his cell phone. So we sat there looking at him while he was on the phone making dinner plans. Overhearing that I whispered to my American coworker [let’s call them T] and we both started to laugh. When he hung up he asked with a typical stern police glare  “你笑我吗?”（Are you laughing at me?）T and I struggled to keep a straight face like No no of course not....  Anyway he asked for my passport and when he opened it to the front page he just stared at it silently for about 3 minutes... sighed.. and busted out laughing. I looked at him and asked if something was wrong and he said something like ”我啥都看不懂!“ （I actually cannot understand anything on this page) then face palmed and started laughing even harder. My coworkers and I were cracking up at the ridiculousness of the whole situation by this point but I explained to him what all the information meant in Chinese. 

When he and the head officer were determining the value of lost goods they tried to tell me my Macbook Pro was only worth $100 because it was used. I was like Nah bruh you crazy that thing’s been upgraded for memory and battery and kept in very good condition, it would definitely fetch more than ~650 RMB considering a new Macbook is ~9000 RMB. Because my Chinese is not at the level that I can be discussing the technicalities of computer upgrades, my Chinese coworker jumped in to push them to state its true value. As we went back and forth over this we actually ended up in a discussion about cultural differences in ideas of value. The police officers kept pondering if it’s used how would it still be worth so much when you can just buy a new one? Why not just buy a new one? My coworker and I explained that in the US, used goods can still hold a lot of value because we tend to maintain them well and there is a decent market for trustworthy secondhand goods.

After a while I had to go to the bathroom so I asked the head officer where it was and he told me to go out the door, turn left, walk down the hall and don’t go in the first set of doors! Go to the next set of doors which is a stairwell, go up two floors and down another hallway. I must’ve looked at him crazy because after a second he said forget it the men’s room is right next to the stairs just go there and I’ll make sure no one goes in. So we walked over the the bathroom and he checked if anyone was in there then ushered me in. I was a little hesitant but he insisted he would “guard the door” then turned with his back to the doorway, blocking it with a typical tough guy stance. Though a little embarrassed, I didn’t mind too much because that bathroom was hella nice, it had marble counters and everything but anyway that’s not the point back to the story. 

After the report was entered into the computer, I was told we had to wait for “the tech guys” to show up. They were in another district doing something so it would be a while. While we were waiting T and I got the idea to play charades so we were playing kinda low key with our coworker but then the police captain jumped in with hilarious commentary. He was seriously critiquing our acting ability and demonstrating how we could make it better. He did 007 and literally crouched by a desk like he was in a shoot out LOLz. When we told him to just join the game he declined because he said he has to be “serious at work”. Yea sure dude hahah. 

[sandandglass]

President Barack Obama at the White House Correpondents’ Dinner. 

[chil0]

He went off. lolz. I need to know who wrote those jokes because they were on point. 

[chil0]

Reaching into the backlog of last year: So I take the worst pictures ever. I figured I should just settle for picturing things as they are from a common person’s perspective haha. Here’s Paris. That first picture is from when my [then] boyfriend and I got stuck on a Paris public bus for 1 hour because the driver got lost...