If you ever speak to Lava again, I’m gonna slit her bird throat.
i don't do bad sauce passes
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
No title available
Today's Document
Cosmic Funnies
NASA
Cosimo Galluzzi

oozey mess

ellievsbear
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Kaledo Art
sheepfilms
styofa doing anything
taylor price
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

JBB: An Artblog!
KIROKAZE
art blog(derogatory)
No title available
No title available

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Switzerland

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@chillingonthisrock
If you ever speak to Lava again, I’m gonna slit her bird throat.
H/D Erised 2020 Anonymous Masterlist
Here is the complete anonymous masterlist for the 2020 hd_erised fest!
Reveals will be on Friday, January 8th, so there’s still a whole week left for you to catch up on all the submissions you might have missed and leave comments for our fabulous creators before reveals!
ART
Sometimes It’s Now or Never for chachisoo [T]
Trick or Treat for thistle_verse [G]
The Vault for nettleforest [M]
The Verdant Mirror for glittering_git [G]
Muggle Hobbies for Bluebutter [G]
Timelapse from the Hearth for icarusinflight [T]
Charlie Weasley’s Home for Very Nice Dragons for shiftylinguini [M]
Let It Bloom for Tedah [G]
Honey, I’m Home for nerakrose [G]
End and Start Again for bluedreaming [G]
what the magpie can’t bring for Mx_Maneater [G]
Ah, They Grow Up So Fast for RamaThorn [G]
Seven Minutes in Hell for dustmouth [G]
The Inside Scoop for maraudersaffair [G]
True Science for Janieohio [E]
Interlude for orpheous87 [G]
Chasing Cars for panicparade [G]
How we say “I love you” for erlasart [G]
Chrysalis for Writcraft G]
Dance With Me! for sargent [G]
ART & FIC
Crown Witness for The hd_erised Community [E, ~70k] Summary: After the war, wizarding society is oppressed by a new kind of plague—an organised crime group calling itself the Family. When Harry Potter goes to interrogate a potential witness, he doesn’t expect to end up on the run again, trying to keep Draco Malfoy alive, while a manhunt follows in their footsteps, adamant on eliminating the one witness that could ruin everything. In which Harry and Draco learn that the way to each other might just have to go through the dingiest hotels in Britain.
FIC
Not From Kindred Stock for herman_the_moth [E, ~46] Summary: “Potter!” Draco calls again, but this time he pauses at the sound of his voice. “Potter?” Something is very wrong. Because now that he’s gained a little of his equilibrium back and the room is no longer spinning, Draco has a sinking realisation that his voice doesn’t sound rough or gravelly, but rather different. Different like his vision and the feel of his body around his bones and the bloody goddammned fucking clothes on his—shagging Salazar, God fuck, this isn’t his body.
Litany for alpha_exodus [M, ~7k] Summary: With the wizarding world on lockdown due to a magic-draining pandemic, Harry is stuck in Grimmauld Place, bored and alone—until the ghost of Draco Malfoy shows up to haunt him.
Feathers, Fire & Fate for GallaPlacidia [T, ~26k] Summary: Harry Potter ignites the Veela’s Curse and gets an unwitting Draco Malfoy bonded to him as his executioner… and soulmate. They’ll need to break it quickly, before it takes over, but Potter isn’t the only one running out of time. The sand in the hourglass has nearly fallen, and whichever way this ends, Draco is doomed.
Out of the Woods for persephoneapple [T, ~35k] Summary: Teddy closes his eyes, wishing beyond wishes that the two men in his life whom he loves more than anyone would just learn to get along. A light flares. Teddy cries out, and the room falls silent. Harry and Draco struggle to find a way to escape a world of dark fairy tales and get back to Teddy, but the challenges they face are not all hidden in the woods.
A Better Kind of Love for JocundaSykes [E, ~26k] Summary: Harry, along with the rest of the Puddlemere United team, is determined that this year will be the year they finally win the Quidditch League Cup. But when a Bludger-induced fall leads to a missed Snitch, broken bones, and an extended stay in St Mungo’s, that conviction is put to the test. If Harry wants to have any chance of returning to the pitch this season he has to put all of his faith in his assigned Healer. Which is no easy task when that Healer is Draco Malfoy.
Knead for anemonen [E, ~83k] Summary: This is not a story about Harry renovating Grimmauld Place. This is a story about coffee shops and brewpubs, about Ginny and Luna on a farm with creatures, about magical Oregon, coastal road trips, flying, friendship, and Draco Malfoy’s lean arms.
the potential of broken things for MalenkayaCherepakha [E, ~11k] Summary: “Can you feel that? Some things want to be what they once were. The original spell is still there, and it wants to work again. All it takes is a little push and then"—Draco clicks his fingers of his free hand—"snap, everything will go back into place.” Harry’s feeling lost, but he finds Draco in a shop full of (not broken, just waiting to be repaired) items. He stays a while.
Sunseeker for Moonflower_rose [E, ~15k] Summary: Harry is a struggling writer. Namely, he is struggling with: writing his next book, dealing with his agent, finding a decent tea strainer, fielding his friend’s concern over the aforementioned book, and figuring out who the cat loitering in his garden belongs to. He also has a slight liking-Malfoy problem. Okay, he has a massive liking-Malfoy problem.
Eight Days (to Save the World) for The hd_erised Community [M, ~48k] Summary: Darkness returns to the Wizarding World. People disappear without a trace, and all they leave behind are rumours. When the Aurors are tasked with arresting innocent witches and wizards, Harry once again takes it upon himself to fight against the evil infiltrating the Ministry. But this time he isn’t alone. And one of his friends is especially determined not to let him die a second time.
We All Eat Lies When Our Hearts Are Hungry for laughingd0g [T, ~26k] Summary: Someone’s been attacking unsuspecting victims and Transfiguring them into animals. While the Healers and Aurors race to figure out this mystery, Harry has another, more familiar issue on his mind: Malfoy’s up to something.
Forged through flowing water for hephaestiions [E, ~40k] Summary: When Hermione sets up a diplomatic mission to begin repairing the damage British colonisation did to Indian magical communities Harry isn’t going to pass on the opportunity to visit and help his family’s home country. Maybe he should have asked a few more questions about the personnel she had recruited for it before signing on because Malfoy surely has an ulterior motive to be there. Or Harry goes back to India to rediscover some of his lost roots. He meets Malfoy there. Hijinks ensue!
(not anyone) you’re the one for AhaMarimbas [G, ~17k] Summary: “Bit early for some exercise, Potter.” The other blinked, posture rigid before he all but deflated, wand arm falling limp to the side as he wiped a hand across his forehead. Despite the relaxed stance, Draco didn’t miss how Potter kept a tight hold on his wand. “Malfoy,” Potter gasped, struggling to catch his breath, blinking rapidly as the wind picked up speed. “What are you doing here?” or The one where Draco and Harry get together, fall apart, grow up and then find their way back to each other.
Owl Was Well for cylsus [T, ~67k] Summary: Draco Malfoy is not an owl, really he isn’t. He simply assumes the shape of one on occasion when he wants to find a bit of privacy—a goal entirely thwarted because Harry Potter doesn’t understand you can’t just grab any old bird from the Owlery and force it to send your missives and deliver your packages.
Chain Me Up or Set Me Free for agentmoppet [E, ~13k] Summary: Big big thank you to F for the beta even with the time crunch – I appreciate you! Much love to the mods as well for being understanding throughout this process, and for pulling off this amazing fest for another year <3 To my dear giftee – I thoroughly enjoyed your signup, and I wish I had the time to integrate all of your tropes, as they were so much fun to read through. I hope you enjoy the few that I went with in the end!
the trembling of the moment for khalulu [G, ~5k] Summary: “You’re the last person I’d have expected to stumble across on the other side of the world.” In which Draco’s quiet single-parent life is not so much interrupted as unexpectedly harmonised.
If Wishes Came True, It Would’ve Been You for The hd_erised Community [E, ~40k] Summary: At eighteen, Harry is determined to be the best Quidditch player in the world. He also can’t stop wanking to thoughts of Draco Malfoy’s perfect arse. The problem? Malfoy is his competition.
Realisations for ravenclawkward [T, ~15k] Summary: When they return to Hogwarts for their final year, the students are surprised to learn that they will take part in ‘team-building’ activities instead of contributing to the House Cup. Paired up by Professor McGonagall, they need to work together to complete the challenge. Of course, new friendships and relationships are built along the way.
What Dreams May Come for slytherco [E, ~36k] Summary: If Harry had to get called into work on his day off, at least he was able to get Malfoy called in too.
Long Live the Wyverns and Wilderness Yet for dragontamerdrarry [M, ~9k] Summary: Five years ago, feeling lost and overwhelmed, Harry left England to seek healing, peace and solitude in the mountains of China. Now, welcomed back by his friends, he finds that no one is quite where he left them – and Draco Malfoy seems to turn up everywhere. A river, a return, a reconciliation and a rekindling. Also wyverns, Weasleys, poems, Patils, Taro Tuesdays and a tuba.
Stars Around Your Scars for The hd_erised Community [T, ~11k] Summary: I’ll never look at you the same way again. Draco doesn’t know if he’s addressing that thought to his Dark Mark or Potter, who offers redemption in the form of ink, needles and late-night bike rides.
Owl in a Day’s Work for WielkiOgien [M, ~9k] Summary: Owls have vanished across wizarding London, but Auror Draco Malfoy is on holiday, so surely that’s someone else’s problem?
Matters of the heart for xErised [G, ~5k] Summary: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Love and Paranoia for SoldSeparately [E, ~49k] Summary: When Harry finds out his soulmate is none other than Draco Malfoy, he genuinely expects his life to go to shit. It doesn’t help that Draco is an addict, coasting on reality-altering highs to feel something happy, something pure just once more before the comedown. What Harry doesn’t expect is to care so much that it tears him apart at the seams. A story about love, drugs, and getting better.
touch me, touch the sky for fencer_x [E, ~34k] Summary: Draco Malfoy has been an Auror for six years, but he’s never done anything more than push paper. When he and his new partner get called in on the biggest case the DMLE has worked in ages, Draco thinks his luck has finally changed.
‘Tis the Season (to Wear Ugly Christmas Jumpers) for gnarf [G, ~11k] Summary: Finding the perfect jumper for Draco to wear to the Weasleys’ Christmas dinner is not going to be easy, especially when there are limited options and they are all terrible.
Hung (Up On You) for apriicat [E, ~5k] Summary: Harry doesn’t see any need going all the way to St Mungo’s just to heal up a scratch, but if Malfoy wants to take him home and heal Harry himself, he won’t say no to that.
Heaven Through a Window for p1013 [E, ~81k] Summary: Life is going swimmingly for Draco: he’s a respected Healer, his son is excellent in every way, and none of his patients have died recently. Then he gets landed with Perfect Potter and his hordes of stupid friends. It’s intolerable. But the more time Draco spends with the lonely boy from Surrey, the more he believes that there might be a hero within us all.
Day Shift on Diagon for The hd_erised Community [E, ~22k] Summary: Auror Draco Malfoy has been relegated to patrol duty again. After a long shift, he stumbles upon a new coffee shop on Diagon Alley and finds himself being served coffee by none other than Harry Potter. Charmed, Draco can’t help but go back again and again in order to get a glimpse of what’s become of the wizarding world’s Golden Boy—and to get his weekly fix of caffeine, of course. But, as time passes, Potter’s mind seems to be occupied with more than just coffee… and it’s up to Draco to figure out what’s going on.
You Are Safe (I Know) for Spielzeugkaiser [E, ~43k] Summary: Draco Malfoy is sentenced to one year of exile following his participation in the Second Wizarding War. Harry Potter tags along.
A Little Perseverance for prolix [E, ~19k] Summary: Harry’s wand is dying and Draco’s flirtation with a magical matchmaking service is causing him no end of trouble. When Harry turns up at Draco’s shop looking for help, everything gets a lot more complicated.
Illuminate for sunnyeclipses [E, ~32k] Summary: It’s opening night at Draco Malfoy’s Muggle-friendly art gallery. Harry Potter is the Auror assigned to make sure the Statute of Secrecy stays firmly intact. When the party’s over and the all-too-encompassing security system kicks in, they might find reasons to look at things from new perspectives—but first they’ll have to make it through a night alone together.
Teenage Wasteland for whileatwiltshire [M, ~51k] Summary: Draco never thought he’d end up as the sole guardian of a troubled teenage girl. Harry never thought he’d end up a werewolf. Being twenty-two is hard.
“My mom painted this and said no one would like it. It’s her 2nd painting.”
“I painted somebody’s mom”
“Took a while and not perfect, but i painted the guy who painted the other guy’s mom”
“I painted the girl who painted the guy who painted the other guy’s mom who painted an egret”
This is so pure
I love everyone in this bar.
Omg you ship dramione??? Do you have any recommended fanfics?? (I've read isolation already!) :o
Yes! DRAMIONE IS MY MAJOR OTP I just, I read a fanfiction like four years ago and it was so good I could never ship anyone so hard as them!
Mostly I’d reccomend the famous ones:
The Fallout (if you like dramione after this you’ll ship them like Hermes)
Silencio (you’ll enjoy this and then you’LL CRY)
Beautiful Disaster (I love this one because MALFOYS)
The Accidental Malfoy (it’s wip but omg)
Aurelian (I LOVE THIS FIC, LIKE AFTER THE FALLOUT AND ISOLATION; THIS IS THE FIC I LOVE THE MOST)
We Learned at the Sea (this is beautiful too!)
Merry Christmas Mr Malfoy (read this one in chritsmas and it’ll be a lot much more beautiful and enjoyable!!)
Summer of the Dragon (I LOVE THIS FIC TOO, IT’S AMAZING)
and if I’m talking about Lena Phoria you just need to read The Deadline because I live for everyweek’s update in that fic I swear
oh you can check out every fic of her because every one of them are absolutely perfect!
Broken (I can’t tell you how much I loved this fic because there are no words enough to express it)
And lets not forget one of the best dramione writers: bex-chan
The first thing I read from bex was Graveyard Valentine and then Love Me Twice and then Isolation and then Hunted and then everything she writes because she’s so much talented and wow Isolation is my number one fic (The Fallout too, they both are my fav fics ever)
Mine ok this was strange because Veela and Draco and Veela and Draco and wtf that end in the last chapter posted and it’s WIP but it’s so so so good
aaaaaand I’ve left this to be the ast one because I’m not still sure if I like it, or if I love it, or if I will ever forgive this fic for hurting me so much. I have this kind of thing where everything about a parent who can’t show love but feels it, it gets me because I’ve lived it so yeah, read it but with a very open mind and just enjoy the hurting because maybe that is the thing that make this fic so special and amazing. Or I’m just a sentimental and that’s only a good story, anyway, I hope you give this one a chance:
Picture Retribution
and that’s it, I know I’m forgetting a lot of really good ones but these are the ones I remember as of now!
when you’re trying to write and your last two functioning brain cells start yelling at each other
it really kills me sometimes tho how zach looks at chris like he hung the moon
You
And
Me
Both
Anon
When you search the movie [The Outlaw King] on the internet, what keeps popping up: nude scene. If it were a female nude scene, it wouldn’t even be registering.
There’s certainly a double standard because no one would talk about it if it were a woman, and I would say… Why? Because are women expected to do it and men aren’t? And why aren’t men expected to do it, and why haven’t men done it before? Does it show vulnerability? Does it exhibit this vestigial, kind of puritanical shame over the human body and human intimacy? Yet violence and self-flagellation, self-hurt, hurting one another, we can do, because that’s what we’ve been taught culturally is okay? I don’t know, but it certainly seems to be an odd thing.
I loooovvvve you so much (painful sobbing), you arrogant son of a bitch
artypendragon’s merthur kiss fest 2018 🎊🎉
okay i guess this mess of text will be the official post (please bear with me!)
here is the LJ post for the merlin/arthur kiss fest, and here is the AO3 collection to go along with it!
rules:
all ratings welcome, all kinks welcome, ‘tis a free-for-all, anon posting a-ok ;)
no matter what else they do, our boys have to be kissing <3 cheek, neck, whatever, have at it
ficlets in the comments pls~ (this is for LJ)
haters gtfo
I SAID HATERS GTFO
deadline: when i say it is (won’t be until end of dec 2018 at least) this is pretty relaxed tbh like… no sign-ups no anything
this is a zero-pressure fest I came up with because I want these boys to have ALL THE KISSES they wanted while they were staring at each other’s mouths in the show haha~
^ possibly the most obvious example ever
i hope you’ll participate ♥️💋
damn should i make an official fest post this is the official fest post
ok so, for people who have seen the LOTR films but not read the book I’d like to share some things that are 100% canon:
- Sam Gamgee uses the word ‘boner’. In a song. Several times.
- he also writes a poem that contains the phrase ‘golden showers’. (this is actually in the extended cut but they changed it to ‘silver showers’)
- at one point after he’s defeated Saruman steals Merry’s weed & runs away
- Denethor has actual mindreading powers
- so does Faramir (but he’s a nice person so they manifest more as heightened empathy)
- Gandalf ALSO has mindreading powers but for entirely different reasons. he reads Frodo’s mind while he’s sleeping at one point, casually reveals this to Frodo, and Frodo’s just like ‘huh neat’
- rather than bravely drawing the orcs away from Frodo like in the film, in the book Merry and Pippin just kind of, panic, bolt into the woods, and run directly into the orcs’ arms.
- Merry then draws his sword and hacks a bunch of orc hands off
- Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli name themselves ‘the three hunters’ before setting off to rescue Merry and Pippin because they are dorks
- they also improvise a whole song about how much they loved Boromir
- Aragorn does not initially tell the hobbits he’s a friend of Gandalf bcos he wanted them to like him for who he is. im not kidding. he openly admits to this.
- i feel like this is fairly well known but, if you didn’t know Frodo is 50 years old and looks 33
- hobbits PROBABLY age different to humans so looking 33 in practice means he looks about 21
- in accordance with the above Pippin is the equivalent of a 16-17 year old human
- Pippin can pass for a human child and looks like ‘a boy of nine summers’
- this isn’t that weird i just think it’s really cute: Pippin has 3 older sisters and their names are Pearl, Pimpernel and Pervinca.
- Sam & Rosie have 13 children. One of them is called Goldilocks.
- Frodo has another best friend. His name is Fatty. He stayed behind in the Shire to cover for Frodo’s absence and ends up getting jailed for months by Saruman’s forces.
- Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, who steals spoons, is also jailed by Saruman. (She whacked one of his goons with an umbrella.)
- Grima Wormtongue MAY have eaten an entire hobbit
- Saruman invades the Shire and turns it into a communist hell police state.
- the whole Tom Bombadil thing is common knowledge but if you haven’t read the book i guarantee you he is weirder than you think.
- to give just 2 examples: 1) the whole tom bombadil arc provides the explanation as to how Eowyn and Merry were able to dispatch the Witch King
- and 2) for unknown reasons sleeping in his house causes everyone to have horrible nightmares… EXCEPT for Sam who has a peaceful and dreamless night. no explanation offered for any of this.
considering that Pippin’s dad is named Paladin, you fucking know he claimed the right to name each and every one of his children and his poor wife just begged him to choose a different letter to start with
also aragorn openly admitting to being fucking lonely and just wanting friends is treated like a weirdly funny joke in the book by the way that some of the hobbits react to it, and frodo also proceeds very soon after to basically tell aragorn that he’s pretty foul-looking but seems a good guy
yes to the above & a small correction + one i forgot:
- Merry does in fact gift Saruman the weed. It’s the bag it’s in that Saruman steals and runs off with. (also give that Merry stole the weed from Saruman’s personal supply in the first place i can’t say i blame him)
- Aragorn literally has magical healing powers. i don’t think they ever explain this in the films but he does very much have healing powers.
- the Ents are able to tear down the entire wall around Isengard, but can for whatever reason not make a single dent in the tower of Orthanc itself
- several riders knew that Merry was there and coming with them to the fields of Pelennor even though he was forbidden to do so, and they just sort of shrug and don’t tell the king
- GOD Merry and the riders: they don’t just shrug they straight up act like he isn’t there. to the point where if he talks they just pretend like they don’t hear him. this hurts his feelings.
- Merry doesn’t recognise Eowyn until she reveals herself to the witch-king. it could be that her disguise is just that good but Eowyn herself seems to be kind of surprised that he doesn’t recognise her so it’s possible he’s just a dumbass.
- Pippin goes all in for a suicide mission at the Black Gate because he thinks that Frodo and Sam are captured and/or dead and everything is lost anyway, so he just decides that if he’s going to die, he’s going to die fighting, and then he almost gets squashed by a troll
- Gimli found Pippin underneath said troll after the battle, only because Pippin’s fucking foot was sticking out, and probably had a bit of a panicky moment while he was MOVING the troll to drag Pippin out of there
- i can’t believe i forgot about the troll: Pippin single-handedly slays a troll & then its body falls on him and he’s just lying there like ‘well i guess this is how i die’
- Gimli 100% thought pippin was dead when he found him and was so distraught he almost ripped his beard out
- There’s also Aragorn making the Mouth of Sauron flee with terror because he glared at him. Not a joke. (An argument can be made here for Aragorn having psychic powers)
Or intimidation proficiency
If I may add…
- Legolas falling out of a tree and screaming.
- Legolas dropping hie bow. And screaming.
- Legolas just screamed. A lot.
- Legolas singing a song that he only knew half of.
- “Do what you will in your madness but I wish to see no eyes!”
- Legolas straight up walking away after a battle and singing
- Legolas sneaking Gimli into Valinor like contraband Twizzlers into the movie theater.
Provided by Mod Manwë
@criticalrolo heeeey claire you know LOTR, so uh
what the fuck
LISTEN… THESE BOOKS ARE A LOT
- everybody rags on Frodo for being a dumbass at the Prancing Pony, but listen, Merry knew they were on a top secret mission carrying the Ring and that the forces of Sauron were actively searching for them and not far away and he still decided it would be a good idea to just go out for a walk, at night in a strange city, all by himself, just because he fucking felt like some fresh air
Ok TO BE FAIR to Merry, unlike the others he hadn’t actually SEEN the Nazgul at this point (just glimpsed one from the other side of the river) and as a result doesn’t understand just how much danger they’re in.
I found my copy of the books a few days ago… might be time for a reread…
don’t forget when saruman went evil and told gandalf he promoted himself from saruman the white to “saruman of many colours” gandalf was like “but i liked white better”,,,,,he legit said that that was his rebuttal
Ok but what about when legolas, gimli and Aragorn are tracking merry and pippin and legolas just watches as Aragorn rolls around in the fucking dirt and when he’s like “there are a lot of riders on horses coming this way!!” legolas is basically like, yea I know I’ve seen them for awhile there are 105 and their leader is tall LEGOLAS
Shitty alpha laura HC here. What if she left peter because she blamed him for the fire? Peter and Chris are such a popular headcanon that you can imagine Laura knowing about it and by the time she finds out that the argent hunters burnt her home, her mind goes straight to Peter. So she abandons him, not out of fear but out of spite. She blames him and she never plans to come back... until season 1 happens
I love this!
I love that this can give us a whole new way to see the fight between Laura and Peter. What if Laura attacked and Peter was defending himself?
And BOOM–we have a whole different slant on canon!
November watch list
I’ll never get through all of these. But which of these would make you shake my shoulders vigorously and scream “WATCH IT ALREADY!”
- Penny Dreadful
- The Haunting of Hill House
- The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
- Hilda
- Dark
- Twin Peaks: The Return
- Dead Set
- Versailles
- The Handmaid’s Tale
- The Borgias
- Black Sails
- The 100
- Sense8
- Altered Carbon
- The OA
hi! any merthur hogwarts au story? i love ur blog btw <3
Thanks, anon! Here you go:
only fools rush in
The Badger and The Snake (It is a perfect fit)
Note to Idiot
The first name comes before the first date
The Magic of Two Sides
Don’t Leave Me Behind
The Little Bird and the Golden Bear
Make sure to look through here for a bunch more!
We make a good team, right?
Kirk and Spock
(credits to itsemilychong)
spooky diced carrots.
@ghoulyxboy