Tommy wakes to the sunlight slanting through the blinds, warm and butter yellow. It's strange, he usually wakes when it's still dark out and goes for a run before the overwhelming heat of LA in the day cranks up, but judging by the light in the room now, it must be well into the morning. He hasn't slept this late in years, maybe not since his first night back in the states after his final tour.
He rolls, stretching his arm out to wrap around Evan's waist and pull him close. He makes a soft sound, his nose scrunching slightly as he rubs his face into the pillow, then his eyes crack open and he smiles sleepily.
"Hi."
"Good morning" Tommy replies, kissing his shoulder. Evan hums and reaches for his phone to check the time.
"He slept through the night," He murmurs. Tommy nods.
"Third night this week."
Theo had been struggling with his sleep ever since the accident. The nightmares were the worst of it, but he also had a hard time finding peace in his new bed in Evan's house. Most nights, he either called for him in the middle night and Evan dozed back off stretched out beside him on his Jurassic Park bedspread, others Theo would sneak down the hall and climb into Evan's bed with his stuffed dog tucked under his arm. Evan didn't particularly mind, he knew the boy was just seeking comfort, and now that time had passed and Theo knew he had a stable home again, things were getting better.
"He sleeps better when you're here," Evan says, tucking his phone away again and snuggling into Tommy's arms. "We both do."
"Just a guard dog to you, hm?" Tommy teases, running his fingers across Evan ribs. He laughs and nods, looping an arm around Tommy's neck.
"Yep. Gonna buy you a collar soon."
"Kinky."
Evan threads his fingers in Tommy's hair and pulls him in for slow kiss. Tommy hums against his lips, sliding his hand down his back to press their bodies closer, slipping it under the material of his sweatshirt to get to bare skin. Evan is still sleep warm and pliant, opening his mouth to Tommy's tongue eagerly.
God, how had he gone without this for so long? Just kissing Evan was enough to make his brain go haywire and basically shut down. Evan is an excellent kisser, every kiss is filled with passion, like he's trying to push all the love he carries around into Tommy. He punctuates every slide of their lips with soft sounds and needy sighs. Tommy was desperate for him, aching with desire. Since they'd gotten back together they hadn't had an opportunity to get much further than quick hand jobs in the shower and rutting against each other fully clothed liked teenagers. Tommy let his hand slide lower, dropping down to cup Evan's ass through his boxer briefs and squeeze lightly before continuing down to grasp his thigh and hike his leg up over his hip.
"Fuck, yeah," Evan pants against him, dropping his head back to let Tommy latch onto his neck. Tommy worries the skin of his collarboane between his teeth, rolling his hips forward, seeking friction. "Tommy, please, I–"
Tiny feet pound down the hall, each step sounding like a roll of thunder growing closer and closer to their bedroom. They barely have a moment to untangle their limbs before the door bursts open and Theo launches himself onto the bed, landing right in the middle of them with a big smile.
"T. Rex attack!" Tommy exclaiming, tickling his sides until Theo squeals with laughter and squirming away into Evans arms.
"Hey, kiddo," Evan says, hugging him to his chest. "How'd you sleep?"
"Good." He nestles in for their morning cuddle session, his thumb trying to sneak up to his mouth before Evan catches it gently. Theo had reportedly kicker the habit before he started daycare, but it's made a resurgence since the accident. "Can we have pancakes?"
"Sure we can." Tommy tosses the covers back and sits up. "Extra chocolate chips?"
"And whipped cream!" Tommy chuckles and ruffles his hair before he gets out of bed to head to the kitchen.
As he leaves the room, he hears Evan and Theo making their plans for the day and smiles. He never pictured a life for himself that included a Saturday morning routine like this, never let himself dream that he had a chance at a real family at any point in this lifetime. He pauses in the doorway to look back at them and soak it all again. Evan looks up and smiles at him.
Elbow deep in a car is where Tommy finds the most peace. Cars are easy. Every part has its purpose and if it fails, it's not all that hard to find the problem and repair it. You can take them apart piece by piece, clean them up, put them back together better than you found them. He's been doing this long enough that it's almost all muscle memory. He can spend hours under a hood, the radio playing in the background, letting his hands solve one problem while his brain works through something else entirely.
Maybe it's a little pathetic spending his Saturday off striping down the engine of a ‘88 Ford, but he needs a mess he knows how to clean up to distract him from the tangled web he's found himself in.
The sound of footsteps on the concrete floor of his sanctuary pulls his attention away from the bolt he's been trying to loosen. Evan is standing by the fender of the car, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his coat, denim this time. Unlike the last time he had been here, sprawled across the bench in the corner, reading the history of the car that had been on the lift then out over the music, he looks unsure, like his presence might be a mistake.
“Hey,” He offers, lamely.
“Hey,” Tommy echoes. “You can come in. Just watch your step.”
Evan smiles a little, probably remembering the first time he'd been in here and immediately tripped over the roller Tommy used to slide under his projects and bruised both his knees and his ego. He moves a little closer, up to the passenger door, leaving space between them. Tommy knows it's his way of offering an escape hatch, and he doesn't know if he feels grateful or disappointed.
“Can we talk?”
“I didn't assume you were here for an Automotive 101 lesson,” Tommy says, wiping his hands on one of rags he keeps laying around. It's dirty and only manages to spread more grease across his palms, but it gives his fingers something to do. Evan licks his lips anxiously.
“Sal said you left pretty quickly the other night.”
“Did he?” Tommy abandons the rag and turns back to the engine, wanting to look anywhere but at Evan now.
“Not his exact words, but I don't think those would be very constructive at the moment.”
Tommy doesn't answer. He puts his attention back on the bolt that's still holding fast, despite all the effort and WD-40 he's applied to it.
“He told me what happened before you left, too.”
Tommy sighs. He drops his wrench and turns to face Evan. He's closer now, almost in Tommy's space. He forgot how quiet Evan could be when he wanted to.
“That why you're here? To fight me for hooking up with your boyfriend?”
Evan's face does something complicated, a strange mixture of emotions Tommy can't really unravel. Humor? Hurt? Tommy's body tightens despite himself, bracing for whatever Evan is planning to throw at him. Evan shakes his head.
“He's not – It's –” He blows out an exasperated breath. “I'm not here to fight with you.”
“Then why are you here?”
The words come out a little harsher than Tommy meant them, but Evan doesn't flinch.
He's so close Tommy can reach out and pull him in. It wasn't so long ago that he had, one hand swiping the work table's surface clear, so he could spread him across it, the other reaching blindly for the button of the garage door, uncaring of whether it closed or not. He feels his fingers twitch at his side, aching to do just that, but he resists. He has to.
“I felt like I should explain,” Evan says. “Sal and I–”
“I really don't need to know,” Tommy cuts in. He doesn't need the details of how Evan and Sal got together. He doesn't want to hear Evan stumble his way through explaining their dalliances with Tommy had been a mistake, but they could all still be friends. Evan sighs.
“Tommy.” They're nearly chest to chest now, he can smell Evan's aftershave. “You drive me fucking insane.”
He swoops in, pressing his mouth against Tommy's. It feels like the moment should be charged, they should be tearing at each other's clothes, but it's almost tender, reminiscent of how Tommy kissed him for the first time. It's breathtaking. Evan must feel the same because he sighs softly when he pulls away from the kiss and presses his forehead to Tommy's.
“We want you, you idiot,” He murmurs. “We both want you.”
Tommy struggles to comprehend what he's saying. It doesn't feel real, he'll wake up any second. Evan is still talking.
“Just come over tonight. Maybe it's crazy, but I know we can make this work. You just have to show up.”
His eyes are big and earnest and so full of hope. The last time Tommy had said no to that beautiful face, he'd broken both of their hearts. He didn't have it in himself to do it again.
“Okay,” He agrees softly. Evan smiles brightly and kisses him again, just as soft, but slower, deeper.
“I have to go,” He sighs against Tommy's lips. “Tonight, seven o'clock. Don't make us come looking for you.”
One last kiss, then Evan is slipping away, back out into the afternoon sunshine. Tommy watches him go, hoping he had just made another huge mistake.
Elbow deep in a car is where Tommy finds the most peace. Cars are easy. Every part has its purpose and if it fails, it's not all that hard to find the problem and repair it. You can take them apart piece by piece, clean them up, put them back together better than you found them. He's been doing this long enough that it's almost all muscle memory. He can spend hours under a hood, the radio playing in the background, letting his hands solve one problem while his brain works through something else entirely.
Maybe it's a little pathetic spending his Saturday off striping down the engine of a ‘88 Ford, but he needs a mess he knows how to clean up to distract him from the tangled web he's found himself in.
The sound of footsteps on the concrete floor of his sanctuary pulls his attention away from the bolt he's been trying to loosen. Evan is standing by the fender of the car, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his coat, denim this time. Unlike the last time he had been here, sprawled across the bench in the corner, reading the history of the car that had been on the lift then out over the music, he looks unsure, like his presence might be a mistake.
“Hey,” He offers, lamely.
“Hey,” Tommy echoes. “You can come in. Just watch your step.”
Evan smiles a little, probably remembering the first time he'd been in here and immediately tripped over the roller Tommy used to slide under his projects and bruised both his knees and his ego. He moves a little closer, up to the passenger door, leaving space between them. Tommy knows it's his way of offering an escape hatch, and he doesn't know if he feels grateful or disappointed.
“Can we talk?”
“I didn't assume you were here for an Automotive 101 lesson,” Tommy says, wiping his hands on one of rags he keeps laying around. It's dirty and only manages to spread more grease across his palms, but it gives his fingers something to do. Evan licks his lips anxiously.
“Sal said you left pretty quickly the other night.”
“Did he?” Tommy abandons the rag and turns back to the engine, wanting to look anywhere but at Evan now.
“Not his exact words, but I don't think those would be very constructive at the moment.”
Tommy doesn't answer. He puts his attention back on the bolt that's still holding fast, despite all the effort and WD-40 he's applied to it.
“He told me what happened before you left, too.”
Tommy sighs. He drops his wrench and turns to face Evan. He's closer now, almost in Tommy's space. He forgot how quiet Evan could be when he wanted to.
“That why you're here? To fight me for hooking up with your boyfriend?”
Evan's face does something complicated, a strange mixture of emotions Tommy can't really unravel. Humor? Hurt? Tommy's body tightens despite himself, bracing for whatever Evan is planning to throw at him. Evan shakes his head.
“He's not – It's –” He blows out an exasperated breath. “I'm not here to fight with you.”
“Then why are you here?”
The words come out a little harsher than Tommy meant them, but Evan doesn't flinch.
He's so close Tommy can reach out and pull him in. It wasn't so long ago that he had, one hand swiping the work table's surface clear, so he could spread him across it, the other reaching blindly for the button of the garage door, uncaring of whether it closed or not. He feels his fingers twitch at his side, aching to do just that, but he resists. He has to.
“I felt like I should explain,” Evan says. “Sal and I–”
“I really don't need to know,” Tommy cuts in. He doesn't need the details of how Evan and Sal got together. He doesn't want to hear Evan stumble his way through explaining their dalliances with Tommy had been a mistake, but they could all still be friends. Evan sighs.
“Tommy.” They're nearly chest to chest now, he can smell Evan's aftershave. “You drive me fucking insane.”
He swoops in, pressing his mouth against Tommy's. It feels like the moment should be charged, they should be tearing at each other's clothes, but it's almost tender, reminiscent of how Tommy kissed him for the first time. It's breathtaking. Evan must feel the same because he sighs softly when he pulls away from the kiss and presses his forehead to Tommy's.
“We want you, you idiot,” He murmurs. “We both want you.”
Tommy struggles to comprehend what he's saying. It doesn't feel real, he'll wake up any second. Evan is still talking.
“Just come over tonight. Maybe it's crazy, but I know we can make this work. You just have to show up.”
His eyes are big and earnest and so full of hope. The last time Tommy had said no to that beautiful face, he'd broken both of their hearts. He didn't have it in himself to do it again.
“Okay,” He agrees softly. Evan smiles brightly and kisses him again, just as soft, but slower, deeper.
“I have to go,” He sighs against Tommy's lips. “Tonight, seven o'clock. Don't make us come looking for you.”
One last kiss, then Evan is slipping away, back out into the afternoon sunshine. Tommy watches him go, hoping he had just made another huge mistake.
Everything Is Different Now (But It Kind Of Feels The Same) Part 3
Part 1 Part 2
Evan calls late on a Friday night. Tommy had just settled into bed with a crime novel he'd bought second hand when his phone screen lights up. He picks up immediately, worry gnawing at his gut.
"Hey," Evan's voice is quiet. "Sorry to call so late. I hope I didn't wake you."
"You know you didn't." Tommy has always been a night owl, usually staying up until the wee hours of the morning, especially if he didn't have a shift the next day. "What's up? Everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, things are great." Tommy hears rustling on the other end of the line, then the slide of Evan's back door opening and closing. "I'm taking Theo for a hike tomorrow and he asked if you could come."
"Oh."
Tommy can't say he's not surprised. Since he had come over dinner two weeks before, he and Evan had been in touch, checking in and sharing little life updates, but had been limited. Evan had has hands full juggling work and learning how to be a full time caregiver to a kid who had more energy than even he did, Tommy wasn't expecting hour long phone calls like they used to have.
"You don't have to," Evan says quickly. "I know it's last minute and you probably have plans."
"No – I mean, I don't have plans. I'd love to come."
"Yeah?" His ears are probably playing tricks on him, because Evan sounds so relieved and...hopeful?
"Sure. What time are thinking?"
They spent a long time talking, switching from the hike to how Tommy's last shift had been to how Theo's week at school was to the video rabbit hole on sea turtles Evan had fallen down during a rare moment of quiet. By the time they say their goodnights, Tommy's ear is hot from having the screen pressed to his head for so long.
Evan and Theo are already waiting in the parking lot when Tommy arrives the next morning. Theo looks as pleased as Tommy imagines any four year old would to be woken up at this early on a Saturday morning, arms crossed tightly around his chest and his lower lip jutted out. That all changes when Tommy steps out of his truck and he runs to wrap his arms around his leg.
"Hi, Theo," Tommy greets, patting his head lightly. Theo beams up at him.
"Buck says there's a waterfall. Can we find it?"
"I'm sure we can," Tommy nods. He turns his eyes to Evan. "Hey."
"Hey," Evan grins. There's a moment where it almost seems like he's going to lean forward for a quick kiss, but instead he looks down at Theo and holds out his little backpack. "You ready, kiddo?"
"Yeah, let's find the waterfall!" Theo grabs Buck's hand and tugs him toward the start of the path, and Buck laughs, allowing himself to be pulled along. Tommy falls into step next to them under the shade of the trees.
Theo is a ball of energy, excitedly pointing to the flowers and insects, asking Evan to tell him their names and if they can take pictures of them all. He's loud, especially when a flock of birds takes off when they approach their roost. He squeals with delight and grabs Tommy's hand, pointing up to the sky.
"Like you!"
He keeps his grip on Tommy for a while, his little fingers squeezing tightly around his when he gets excited. The distance doesn't seem to bother him at all, they've walked maybe a mile and a half and his engery hasn't depleted a bit
He's still babbling away when they hear the rush of water in the near distance. He looks eagerly up at Evan.
"Is that it?" Evan pulls up a map of the path on his phone and shows it to him.
"Seems like it."
"So cool!" Theo takes off, kicking up a trail of dust in his wake.
"Stay where we can see you!" Evan yells after him, shaking his head.
"Is that a good idea?" Tommy asks. Evan grins at him and shrugs.
"He's okay. I have an airtag in his backpack, just in case." It's such an Evan thing to say, Tommy can't help but laugh. Evan laughs too and they drift closer as they follow Theo up the path, their shoulders bumping occasionally with their movements.
As eager as he is, Theo doesn't go more than a few feet ahead of them, bouncing in excitment. The waterfall is small, but he's thrilled by it all the same, marveling at the little rainbows the mist creates and small creatures swimming around in the water underneath. Tommy sneaks a few pictures of him and Evan knelt down, Evan pointing out a salamander and telling Theo some facts of his own. Tommy tries teaching them both how to skip rocks across the water's surface and they laugh as each one Evan tries sinks quickly. More hikers come and go, smiling and nodding kindly as they pass or settle on the grass nearby. It hits Tommy that those people see them as another happy family enjoying a day outside, two dads and their little boy who screams in shocked wonder when a fish leaps out of the water. How much he wishes that was true.
They start their descent back to the parking lot after sharing the smorgasbord of snacks Evan had brought with them. Now that the fun part is over and the day has gotten hotter, Theo is no longer as enthusiastic about the excursion and he starts whining quietly after a few yards that he's tired, his legs hurt. Evan has both of their backpacks now, so Tommy stoops and swings him up onto his shoulders without a second thought. The smile it gains from Evan is heart breakingly beautiful and more than a little grateful.
"How's the weather up there?" Tommy asks and Theo giggles.
"Daddy says that, too."
Back in the parking lot, Theo let's Evan buckle him into his carseat with little fuss, his eyes already drooping closed as soon as he gets still.
"Thanks for coming today," Evan says when they walk around to the drivers side. "I think he had a great time."
"I did, too. Thanks for inviting me."
That same tension from a few weeks ago is back, think and magnetic between them. Evan's gaze drops to his lips for a half second, then shoots back up to his eyes.
"I...I should get him home. Let him have his nap."
"Yeah." But he still lingers. Tommy huffs out a laugh and pulls him into a hug. "Drive safe."
"You, too," Evan says into his neck. "We'll see you soon."
And they did. After the hike, it seemed Tommy was being invited to join in on most of Evan and Theo's outings. They explored child-friendly museums and galleries, went to events in the park, spent evenings playing board games gathered around Evan's coffee table or watching animated movies on the couch. There was a memorable afternoon where Evan brought Theo to the Harbor station for a tour and Melton followed the boy around with the quiet amusement of a grandfather helping to sniff out harmless trouble. The three of them fell into each other's lives and routines like clicking a final missing puzzle piece into place.
Every encounter brought Tommy and Evan closer than they had been before. Keeping a tight lock on romance forced them to talk instead of burying themselves in each other's bodies. Evan told Tommy about his childhood, growing up with a family haunted by the memory of a brother he didn't know existed until just a few years ago, and how that loss shaped his relationship with his parents. Tommy told him about a father who was more of a dictator, watching and controlling every move he made until he joined the army, his distant mother who he believes loves him, but never as much as she loves herself, a string of step fathers he never bothered getting to know before they were replaced with the next. They shared secrets and regrets, fears and past glories, until it felt like there wasn't a flaw or scar left unseen. And all the while Theo whirled around them in bursts of glee and screaming anger, evenings of refusing to let Tommy leave until he fell asleep because the idea of him driving scared him, days when he wouldn't speak to Evan, but let Tommy coax him into eating his lunch or changing into his pajamas.
One day, Theo greets Tommy at the door with a little blue envelope decorated with ballons and his name drawn in crayon on the front. Inside is an invitation to Theo's fifth birthday party that weekend.
"I told him we could just ask you to come," Evan says, "but he insisted that all his friends get real invitations."
Later that evening, before getting tucked into bed, Theo makes Tommy pinky promise that he'll be at his party.
"Buck says you can't break these," He says, seriously. Tommy nods.
"I wouldn't miss it. Sleep tight, T-Rex."
Tommy has never been to a child's birthday party, but has an idea of what to expect when he lets himself in the day of the party thanks to movies and TV. There's the excited screams of children in the backyard, streamers and balloons and dinosaur decorations abound. The adults are gathered in the living room and back patio, talking and laughing, the table they had shared that first dinner at is piled with gifts.
"Tommy!" Theo shouts. The congregation of 118 members at the side of the yard looks up as he leaves his friends and runs to hug him.
"Hey, kiddo. Happy birthday!" He can feel multiple sets of eyes on him as Theo runs back to his playmates and Evan makes his way over to his side to take the gift bag from his hands and offer him a beer instead.
"Thank you for coming," He says with a small smile.
"Well, I did pinky promise. I was told those are unbreakable vows." Evan nods with the same seriousness Theo had.
"I have a couple of things to finish up in the kitchen, but I'll be right out. Help yourself to anything."
He bustles off and Tommy sighs. He doesn't know anyone else, so he figures he may as well bite the bullet. He heads over to join the other firefighters at the picnic table by the fence.
It's not nearly as awkward as he feared it would be. No one seems surprised to see his, and they all greet him with friendly familiarity. Soon enough, he's laughing with Howie and Hen about old calls, discussing the pros and cons of the new truck Eddie has been thinking about getting versus the one he has, giving Ravi and the 118's new probie work out tips. It feels normal, but Tommy knows it isn't. He sees the looks exchanged between Howie and Hen when they think he isn't looking. He hears their trepidation of him when they talk about Theo or Evan. It's all subtle, but Tommy is a man who lived most of his life with his head on a swivel, watching and listening for every small change in a person's demeanor.
Tommy is comfortable enough with himself to ignore all of that now. Today isn't about him, it's about the little boy who has had a traumatic year smiling while he blows out the candles on his birthday cake, it's about Theo excitedly tearing into the presents people who care enough to show up brought him, it's about a little boy curled up in his father's lap while they look at his new books together, even if he doesn't know what that moment really means.
People slowly start leaving and soon it's just the extended 118 family lingering, helping Evan gather up miscellaneous trash and take down decorations. Tommy grabs a couple of the serving trays and carries them into the kitchen, hesitating only a moment when he sees Evan's sister already standing at the sink, almost like she was waiting for him.
"That was a heck of a party," He says, shifting under the weight of Maddie's eyes. "Evan did a great job."
"He did," Maddie agrees. She takes the trays from him, emptying the leftovers and starting to wash them. Tommy is about to make his escape when she speaks again. "It sounds like the three of you have been spending a lot of time together."
Tommy can tell she's trying to keep her tone casual, but there's still an edge to it. His shoulders threaten to tighten, ready to go on the defensive, but he forces the feeling down and away. There's no reason for it, and he refuses to let himself be forced into this corner.
"We have," He acknowledges with no further explanation, not giving an inch. Maddie meets his challenge evenly.
"And you think that's a good idea? Given you and Buck's history?" Tommy grits his teeth.
"I think Evan is grown man who can make his own decisions, including who he wants involved his and Theo's lives."
Maddie drums her nails on the counter, obviously fighting against whatever words are poised on the tip of her tongue. After a long moment, she sighs.
"Look, I know you're not a bad man, I know I owe everything I still have to you. But Buck is in a vulnerable place right now learning how to live with all this. The last thing he needs is a boyfriend."
"Funny. Evan said the exact same thing." There's a vicious satisfaction at Maddie's look of surprise, how that drew her up short. "You're right, he doesn't need a boyfriend. He just needs someone who has is back. Someone who he isn't worried is waiting for him to make a wrong move or is going to try to correct him. We're friends, Maddie."
"You know he can never just be your friend," She says, and it's not an accusation, it's not said in a mean, nasty way. She states it as a plain fact. "Please just remember that whatever you two decide to do, there's someone else who's heart can be broken this time."
With that, she wipes her hands on a dish towel and leaves Tommy standing in the kitchen. He's tempted to follow after her, but Evan sweeps in holding Theo.
"Would you mind helping him with his pajamas while I get everyone else out of here?"
Theo whines softly as he's transferred from Evan's arms to his, and tucks his face against Tommy's neck. He can hear the quiet goodbyes being exchanged down the hall as he helps Theo through his bedtime routine; the casual "good night, see you laters" exchanged by him and the Diazes and Wilsons, Jee and Nash's giggles before Chimney takes them to the car, then a quiet exchange with Maddie that shifts to tense whispers.
Tommy is tucking an already half asleep Theo into his bed when Evan rejoins them. He lingers in the doorway for a moment, long enough to watch Evan brush Theo's hair back and kiss his forehead before he retreats to the living room and settles on the couch, the tension that had had kept his muscles tense the majority of the evening finally relaxing. He hears Evan go down the hall and move around in the kitchen, the quiet snick of the front door lock, then Evan walks into living room with two beers dangling between his fingers and offers him one before sitting down.
"Is it just me, or was the the most exhausting party ever?" Tommy chuckles.
"It was something. You did an incredible job, Evan. I know Theo had the time of his life."
"Thanks." They're quiet for a moment. "Tommy, I– I want to to thank you for everything. For how you've shown up for him, no matter what, no matter when. I can never tell you how much it means to both of us."
Evan's looks at him with earnest eyes and Tommy smiles, reaching out to squeeze the hand he has laying on his knee.
"There's nothing that could keep me away. Not from Theo...or from you."
The first kiss is barely there, the softest brush of lips. The next was deeper, firmer. Tommy's hand moves to cup Evan's face and he sighs against his lips, letting his fingers thread into Tommy's hair. They get lost in each other, and it's been a long time since Tommy has just kissed someone like this. One of Evan's hands tightens in his shirt, the other reaches behind himself, knocking a small collection of stuffed animals to the floor so he can lay back, drawing Tommy down with him, whispering his name against his lips like a prayer.
"Buck!"
Theo's voice echoes down the hallway, finally pulling them apart. Evan lays his forehead against Tommy's cheek, the warm huff of his laugher ghosting across his neck.
"I'll be right back," He murmurs, leaning in for one last kiss before gently pushing Tommy away to get up.
Tommy has to fight the urge to pinch himself. He feels like he's living a rom-com romance fantasy, reconciling with the love of his life, helping him care for a child he adores. He knows that he and Evan have a lot to talk about, but for the momemt, he allows himself to marvel at at how the universe has smiled on him.
He waits a while, but Evan doesn't return. Tommy rises and pads down the hall to make sure that everything is okay. He leans against the doorframe and smiles at the sight before him. Evan has fallen asleep laying next to Theo, his cheek pressed against the boys head where he's snuggled up against his chest. Tommy eases into the room and turns off the lamp, leaving the room in the soft glow of the nightlight in the corner.
Back in the living room, Tommy finds himself at a loss for what to do next. The logical thing would be to leave Evan a note and go home, call him first thing in the morning and figure out where they stand. But to leave agter kissing him like that feels wrong. He can almost picture the flash of devastated disappointment that will come across Evan's face when he wakes up to Tommy gone, knows the thoughts that will run through his mind, always the worst case scenario first. To hell with it, he and Evan have never been logical anyway.
Evan's smile when he walks into the kitchen and finds Tommy waiting for the coffee to finish brewing is almost blinding.
"You stayed." Tommy's answering smile is just as bright.
Cameron Whitcomb put out this song and I can't stop thinking of Buck when I listen to it, so have a little angst, loosely inspired by it.
The club is loud, the thrumming of the bass makes his whole body feel like it's vibrating. The lights are neon and flashing, making it nearly impossible to see the faces on the bodies packed into the building. It's Friday night, the crowd is mostly college kids, laughing and dancing because life hasn't found a way to kick them in the teeth yet. The setting is the exact opposite of how he's feeling, but that's what Buck wants. He wants it to be too loud to hear the thoughts he can't stop, he wants too many bodies pushing and pulling around him so he doesn't feel alone, he wants the cheap whiskey to burn on the way down and dull everything else.
He's been there for maybe an hour before he sees him. Tommy is at a table a few feet away with some of the people from his station. He's reclined in his seat, obviously uninterested in whatever conversation has everyone else at the high top laughing. There's a beer in front of him, mostly untouched, and he's looking around, that mildy bitchy and unimpressed set to his eyebrows, his smile is polite, fake.
Look at me, Buck thinks desperately, as those storm blue eyes rove over the crowd toward the bar. Look at me. Come over.
He knows what would happen. Tommy's eyes would lock with his, there would be a brief flash of surprise, then he would excuse himself from his friends and come and lean against bar beside him. He would make a comment about how clubs were better when he was younger and Buck would laugh, maybe it would even be a real one. They'd make lame small talk for a few minutes, trade a story about a recent call, shift awkwardly closer when another patron came up for a new drink.
Then Tommy would pin him down with his gaze and ask how he is, and Buck would lie. He's a good liar, he's been doing it his whole life. He knows how to paint on a smile, turn up the charm, how to turn into a person everyone wants to see. He would tell Tommy he was fine, everything was great. He's got a new house and his niece and nephew are growing like weeds, and he barely ever has nightmares about dark hallways and glass walls anymore.
And Tommy would see right through it, just like he always had. Right from the start, he had always been able to look right through the smoke and mirrors Buck built around himself straight to his core. He would see the hurt, the fear, see how lost Buck is, how he's fumbling to hold on to any threads he can find as he feels them all slip through his fingers and get further and further away. Tommy would see it and he would say "Evan," in the way only he could, soft and and wrapped in care. And Buck would crack.
Maybe they would stay at the bar, but he thinks Tommy would suggest they go somewhere more quiet. Out on the sidewalk where he can lean against the brick facade of the building and pull the pack of cigarettes he bought on his way to the club from his jacket, the one he'll give away with only two missing, because Tommy only smokes when he drinks. Or maybe they'll go to the coffee shop across the street, or the bar down the road that's almost always empty. It didn't really matter, just somewhere where Tommy could hear him, because he always listened.
He would let Buck spill his guts all over the space between them. How missing Bobby still takes him out at the knees some days, like he's walking wounded and bleeding everywhere but no one can see it. No one wants to talk about Bobby, it feels like they've all moved on, and maybe they have, moved forward with their families and their kids, while Buck was left laying on a cold floor screaming on his own. That the only person who ever asked about Bobby was his own distant father, and how Buck isn't sure if it was genuine or if he just felt guilty. No one wants the cookies or bread loaves he bakes in the middle of the night because he can't close his eyes without seeing the trail of blood leaking from Bobby's nose and the quiet acceptance in his eyes.
He thinks he could tell Tommy that he sometimes doesn't know what to believe anymore. How a house he thought would be his safe place came with a vindictive man in the attic, how what he thought might be two real connections came with a secret string attached, pulled tight to trip him up again. That his friends give him glimpses of how things used to be, only to snatch them back with playful words dipped in poison, that sometimes being at the Robert Wade Nash Memorial Station sometimes feels like he's back in a house there's no escape from.
Look at me, He begs, like his thoughts alone might make Tommy's head turn another fraction of an inch. See me like only you can. Just for tonight. Just for a second. I need–
But Tommy doesn't look at him. Maybe the club is too dark, maybe the flashing lights made him impossible to see. Maybe he just didn't want to.
Buck tosses back what's left in his glass and pushes his way to the door.
One day this will become a whole fic and be posted all together. One day... 😅
Shift starts with a flurry of activity. The crew was just about to sit for their morning briefing when the alarms sounds and 12 pairs of boots start running for their gear.
“Harry,” Chimney shouts over the melee, pulling on his coat. “You're with Diaz.”
Harry pauses and looks at Buck, who only shrugs and grabs his helmet.
“He's the cap. Just follow Eddie's lead, it'll be fine.” He sends Harry a mock salute and runs for the engine, climbing in behind Ravi and closing the door.
Harry runs to the ambulance and gets into the passenger side as Eddie slides behind the wheel and gives him a wide grin. He has no idea why Chimney has paired them together, he's never expressed any interest in being a paramedic, but he knows they’re still a person short while Hen is recovering. Maybe he couldn't find anyone to fill in today and just picked Harry for the experience.
It is actually a pretty good learning experience. While the rest of the team is doing the grunt work of prying the cars involved in the accident open and carefully extracting the victims, Eddie walks him through how to check for a concussion, check for broken bones and possible internal injuries, things that are covered in the academy, but are a totally different ball game out in the field with real people.
When they get back to the station, Eddie shows him around the back of the rig, where supplies are stored and how to restock them, how the different pieces of equipment work, gives him a basic rundown of how a hospital transport usually goes in various situations. That information turns out pretty helpful on their next call, when Harry is squeezing air into the lungs of a girl not much younger than him under Eddie's calm guidance.
“You're doing great, just keep a steady rhythm. Not too hard or too fast.”
It's a whole new kind of adrenaline rush, Harry's hands are shaking when the hospital staff takes over outside of the ER and wheel the girl away. He watches the doors slide closed behind him and Eddie squeezes his shoulder lightly before directing him back to the ambulance, the passenger side inside instead of the back this time.
“How are you feeling?” Eddie asks after a long while of silence that Harry has spent replaying every moment of the ride.
“It felt way more intense than I thought it would,” Harry says. “But it was kind of incredible.”
Eddie nods, a little grin playing over his face.
“You did an awesome job for your first run. More time, a few classes, you'd make a great medic.”
“I don't know about that.” But the idea gets the gears turning in his head. Having those skills, being able to do more than just one job, wouldn't be a bad thing. It's the kind of thing that would make him an asset, just like he and Buck had talked about. Maybe he should consider doing more training in the future.
Chimney keeps him assigned to the ambulance for the next two shifts. He watches Eddie and another paramedic work on a car crash victim with amazingly steady hands as the rig rocks around sharp turns at top speed. He helps support people who are in shock after the worst moments of their lives, assists in stitching up wounds and assessing injuries. It's rough work, but he comes out understanding the job on a different level. When their shift ends on Thursday, he unlocks his phone and finds a text from Hen waiting for him.
A little birdie told me you're trying to steal my job 😂 come over tomorrow night and we can talk about it.
Harry agrees and they plan dinner for the following evening. It will be nice to decompress with Hen, and it will give him time to mine her wealth of experience, a chance to ask about classes, if she thinks he has what it takes to really delve into that kind of work. He is surprised when he arrives at the house and Eddie and Chimney are already there.
“What's going on?” He asks, slipping off his coat and tossing it over the back of the couch. Hen smiles.
“I thought it would be fun to invite the guys. Make it a paramedics night.”
Harry's gut twist a little. It's not that he doesn't like spending time with everyone, he's been breaking bread with them whole life. But something about this feels different. “Paramedics night” feels strangely pointed, a direct exclusion. He frowns.
“I'm not a paramedic,” He points out.
“Not yet,” Chimney grins. “But Diaz told me about your stellar work. I saw some of it. You have the right stuff.”
Hen waves for him to come to the table and he moves on instinct. He sits beside Eddie who slaps his shoulder again, like he has been all week. What he had considered a friendly gesture just yesterday feels different now.
“So, what? You were trying to job trap me?” He asks, feeling his fist clench on his thigh under the table. Chimney frowns.
“Of course not.” He sets his elbows on the table and leans a little closer. “Now that you say it, pairing you with Eddie and then doing this little dinner does make it look that way, I guess. No, Harry. I just…” Chim pauses, thinks about his words for a moment. “When I started at the 118, it was a totally different place. I didn't really feel like I belonged until I started working on the rig. I know you don't have that problem, but we had the opening and I guess I just thought it would be a good idea.”
“It's also great experience,” Hen adds. “It's a part of the job not everyone steps up to do. It also allows you to work with other people. Switch things up.”
“And gives you a little break,” Chimney adds, elbowing Eddie lightly. They laugh like there's some kind of inside joke between them.
“What's that supposed to mean?” Harry felt more exhausted after a run on the ambulance than he ever has after fighting a fire or clearing a scene. Eddie exchanges a look with the other and sighs.
“You're spending a lot of time with Buck,” He explains. “Don't get me wrong, Buck is a great guy, he's probably one of the best people I'll ever meet in my life, and he's an awesome fire fighter. But he can be a little…clingy.”
“What Eddie means is,” Hen jumps in quickly, “Buck helped you learn the job, we know you're kind of looking to him as a mentor because of that. And that's not a bad thing, he can teach you a lot. But he doesn't know everything. We don't want you to get so focused on what you're doing with him that you never try to learn the other aspects.”
“You think working with Buck is holding me back?”
Harry almost can't believe what he's hearing. Buck is the third most senior firefighter at the station, second with Hen out on leave. He's done nothing but push Harry since the second he asked for help.
“No, that's not it at all,” Chimney answers with a shake of his head. “Look, we all know how magnetic Buck is. It can be hard to see past him sometimes. I just want to make sure you're getting a well rounded experience during your first year.”
Harry scoffs before he can stop himself. Chimney opens his mouth to keep going, but Hen lays a hand on his shoulder.
“Maybe that's enough for now,” She says. “We should move on to dinner and you can tell me about what you learned this week instead.”
“Actually, I'm not really all that hungry anymore.” Harry stands up a little more roughly than he meant to, his chair scraping across the floor making a noise that sounds as unpleasant as he feels. “I appreciate the invitation, but I'm going to head out.”
“No, Harry–” He shakes his head.
“I'll see you all later.”
He grabs his coat and walks out, ignoring their calls for him to come back.
Harry spends a while driving aimlessly around town in the car he'd borrowed from his mom for the evening. He wants to let his anger simmer down before he goes home, he knows his mom will pick up on his mood immediately and want to talk about whatever is bothering him and he really doesn't even know how to explain it to himself.
The thing is, he can see where Chimney is coming from. It really was a good idea to move him around to learn new things. He had enjoyed working with Eddie and the other paramedics. He's glad he did it. But the way they talked tonight made it all feel kind of underhanded. Like he or Buck would have rejected the idea if Chimney had brought it up outright. It makes him feel like they think he's a dumb kid can't understand the importance of stepping out of his comfort zone.
This place is bad for him.
Ravi's voice echoes around in his head, intermingling with everything the others had had to night. He wonders if maybe that won't end up being true for him, too.
After a while, he decides to drive to Buck's and see if he can stay the night there. He can't get his thoughts to settle and he knows Buck won't push him to talk about it. The house is mostly dark when he pulls up, only a dull light shining through the living curtains, like the glow of a lamp. He uses the key Buck had made for him to let himself in, expecting the man to poke his head around the corner and shoot him a grin before going back to whatever he was doing. But the house stays silent.
Buck is on the couch, snoring lightly, his neck bent at an uncomfortable looking angle. There's a book open in his lap, notes and highlighter lines scattered across the pages and a notepad laying on the couch next to him. Harry walks closer, planning to just wake him up and go to his own guest room and stew some more, but curiosity gets the best of him. He reads over some of the page and looks at Buck's detailed notes. He lays a hand on Buck's arm and shakes him gently.
Buck wakes with a low groan, then a start. Harry takes a quick step back just in case his first instinct is to swing at the intruder in his home. He hadn't been expecting him, after all, it wouldn't be a totally unwarranted move. Buck relaxes quickly when he realizes who has been sneaking around his house uninvited, giving him a small, tired smile before stretching and popping his neck.
“Hey, Harry. When did you get here?”
“Just a minute ago,” Harry shrugs. “I figured you might be more comfortable in your bed.”
Buck nods and moves to stand. The book, forgotten in his sleepy haze, falls to the floor with a thud. Buck looks confused for a moment, and leans down to pick it up before he pauses. He looks up at Harry with wide eyes, almost like he's an animal that's been caught in a trap. Harry holds his gaze and gives him a small nod.
I was tagged by @letsdosciencetoit and @corporatebanana. Thank you!
WIPs:
Phillip Buckley Torment Nexus: Basically what the title says. A fic exploring Phillip Buckley's point of view on his relationships with his children and his wife and where their family stands.
Unconventional Roomates: an AU in which Harry lives part time with Buck and starts to see past the rose-colored lenses to the core of the 118
Jacket Verse Part 3 - salbucktommy- getting the idiots into the same room and making them talk about their feelings
Everything Is Different Now (But It Kind Of Feels The Same) - bucktommy- Tommy being a supportive friend to Buck after finding out that he's taken Theo in. But can they really stay just friends?
Hitmen AU - salbucktommy- Sal and Tommy are hitmen boyfriends who have a one stand with a pretty boy from their bar. Then they find out Buck has basically sold himself to another hitman in exchange for his services.
Kidnapped Omega Buck - salbucktommy- Alpha Tommy's mate is kidnapped by another pack to try to force his hand in a negotiation. It should be an easy job, but there a several things they didn't count on. 1. Buck isn't nearly as easy handle as they thought he'd be. 2. One of their own isn't on board with this plan. 3. Tommy isn't Buck's only mate. 4. Two pissed off alphas are on their way to their compound and hell is coming with them.
In Another Life Verse - salbuck- an au in which Sal and buck meet when Buck joins the 118 and fall head over heels.
Angsty Mpreg AU - bucktommy- Buck is pregnant and Tommy is wrestling with his past and his fears that he'll follow the same path the men in his family laid before him.
Ideas:
There's an idea for a Jee and Tommy bonding ficlet floating around in my brain right now.
Everything Is Different Now (But It Kind Of Feels The Same)
Part two of this fic
Dinner is...an event to say the least.
Tommy had texted Evan first to find an evening that would work for them both, and surprisingly they were both free on Friday night. Tommy absolutely does not spend way longer than he should getting ready, and his heart definitely doesn't pick up speed when Evan sends him his new address. This isn't a date, he knows that, just two old friends having dinner to catch up and a chance for Tommy to officially meet Evan's...son? Evan hadn't really had time to explain the situation when he dropped Tommy off at Harbor the week before, just that it was more complicated than it appeared.
He pulls up to Evan's house a little earlier than he'd originally planned on arriving, but the waiting around in his living room made him feel antsy. He grabs the bags he has sitting in his passenger seat and goes up the walk, ignoring the ridiculous anxiety he feels building in his stomach. The front door swings open before he can prepare himself to knock and Theo is standing there with a big grin on his face.
"Hi, Mr. Tommy!" Tommy blinks in surprise, then smiles.
"Hey, Theo."
"Theo!" Evan calls, rushing down the hall to the doorway. "You know you're not supposed to open the front door by yourself!"
"You said Tommy was here!" Evan huffs and scoops him up, settling him easily on his hip.
"That doesn't change the rules, kid." He chastises gently before turning to smile at Tommy. "Hey. I'm really glad you could make it."
It's honestly kind of pathetic what Evan's smile does to him, how it sends a bolt of lightning up his spine every time it's directed way. He grins back.
"Thanks for the invite."
Evan moves so that Tommy can come inside and shuts the door, before leading him into the living room. Tommy lifts the bags in his hand slightly, drawing Theo's attention and he immediately starts wriggling in Evan's arms, trying to get a closer look.
"I, uh, brought some house warming gifts."
"You didn't need to do that." Evan places Theo back on the floor and Tommy holds his bag out to him. It's nothing special really, just a baseball, but Tommy had loved throwinb his around in his backyard when he was kid, pretending he was in the major leagues. Theo looks ecstatic when he pulls it out of the tissue paper, and Tommy's breath almost falters at how much he looks like Evan when his eyes light up.
"Can I go play with it, Buck?" He asks, looking up him excitedly. Evan tries to give him a stern look, but his smile betrays him.
"What do you say first?"
"Thank you, Mr. Tommy!" Theo surprises him by throwing his little arms around his leg before he runs for the door to the backyard.
"Not too close to the windows!" Evan calls after him, shaking his head when the door bangs shut without an answer. "Thank you. Really. You didn't have to–"
"I wanted to," Tommy smiles. He holds the other bag out to him and Evan takes it with a shy smile. "It's that wine we had on our trip to that vineyard. I remembered how much you liked it."
Evan's face goes through a complex array of emotions as he looks at the bottle, his thumb running over the label for a moment before he swallows and gives Tommy a strained smile.
"I, uh, I hope you like dino nuggets," He says, indicating to the kitchen. "I was going to make something a little fancier, but Theo had a great behavior week at school, so he got to pick whatever he wanted."
"Oh, that's great. No more misadventures with the fire alarms then?" Tommy jokes, leaning against the counter and looking around the room. There are toys stacked in every corner, building blocks and animals, a fire truck and police cars. The fridge is plastered with drawings and papers, Tommy can see what looks like a spelling test with a big '100' and a smiley face hanging front and center. Evan laughs.
"No, thankfully. We had another long talk about why that wasn't okay after we got home that day. I think he has an apology card for your station floating around here somewhere." Evan opens the side door and calls for Theo to come in and wash up and the boy begrudgingly trudges inside, the knees of his pants now stained with dirt and grass.
"Can we eat outside?" He asks as Evan leads him to the bathroom down the hall.
"Sure. Do you want to sit at the big table or at your table?"
They all sit around the table on Evan's back patio, and Tommy starts to feel a little awkward again. He's a grown man, nearing his mid-forties with a plate of dinosaur shaped chicken, mac and cheese of a slightly concerning orangish-yellow color, and bright green peas next to his glass of wine. He doesn't have any experience with children other than what the job calls for, so he's caught off guard when Theo picks up one of his nuggets and starts roaring loudly before smashing it into the ketchup on his plate hard enough to shake the whole table then shoves the whole nugget into his mouth in one go.
"Buck said you fly helicopters!" He says around the food in his mouth, specks of chicken flying across the table.
"Theo, don't talk with your mouth full," Evan admonishes, looking mortified at the glob of slober dangerously close to Tommy's plate. "And we take small bites, remember?"
He tries to wipe a big smear of ketchup off Theo's face, but the boy leans away, smacking at his hand, ripping another dino nugget's tail off viciously with his teeth.
"Yeah, I do," Tommy finally answers. "I drop water on fires from the sky or help get people to the hospital faster."
"Why didn't you bring your helicopter to my school?"
"Oh. Uh. Well, they only let us fly so many hours at a time...so we don't forget how to walk." Evan chokes on a laugh and Theo tilts his head.
"Really?" Tommy nods. "Can I ride in your helicopter? Buck lets me ride in his fire truck sometimes."
Tommy looks to Evan, who looks unsure, which is understandable. Theo wouldn't be the first kids who thought choppers were cool until they found out about the noise and how high up they'd be in the air.
"I'm sure we could work something out." At the very least he could let Theo climb inside and see the controls and instruments, give him one of the pilot in training pins he keeps for school trips to the station.
"That's so cool! It'll be like–" Theo snatches up another nugget and starts making flying noises with his mouth, swooshing and dipping the thing in the air before making a screeching sound and crashing it into his dipping sauce. The force of it sends ranch splatters flying and knocks over his glass of chocolate milk, soaking the front of his shirt and pants.
"Well, hopefully not just like that," Tommy smiles weakly as Evan jumps up, spreading a handful of napkins from the pile next to them over the spill. The movement is so quick, practiced, that Tommy is certain that it's fairly regular occurrence.
"I think that's enough playing with our food," Evan says. Tommy can hear barest edge of frustration in his tone, and apparently he's not the only one. Theo looks up at him with big, wet eyes and Evan immediately softens, ruffling his hair. "Come on, let's get you changed. We'll be right back, Tommy."
When they return, Theo sits at the little plastic picnic table set up near the edge of the patio instead of returning to the seat he had been in while Evan makes quick work of the soiled napkins. Tommy watches as he plays with his nuggets, a bit more subdued now, making them casually graze around his plate before chomping on them.
"Sorry about that," Evan says when he returns, dropping into the seat next to his.
"Hey, dinner and a show." Tommy bumps his shoulder and Evan gives him a small smile.
"Yeah. It's always an adventure around here."
A millions questions are on the tips of his tongue, each one fighting harder than the last to escape, but Tommy holds back. He's fairly certain Evan wouldn't want to answer them all with his charge sitting within hearing distance. Instead they all eat in a strangely comforting silence, he and Evan still sitting close enough to occasionally knock shoulders or knees when they shift.
"Mr. Tommy, will you play catch with me?" Theo asks when Evan rises to gather the plates and glasses.
"Sure, kiddo. You don't have to call me 'mister,' by the way. Just Tommy is fine." Theo smiles hugely at him and runs towards the center of the yard to gather his ball.
"I think you've unlocked a new obsession," Buck tells him, watching the boy toss the ball in the air. "Don't let him run you too ragged."
To be as small as he his, Theo has a pretty good arm on him. Tommy keeps his pitches gentle, underhanded, and Theo misses more often than not, excitedly chasing the ball under bushes and through the unending maze of toys scattered around the yard. He prattles on as they play, telling Tommy all about his school and his room and more dinosaur facts than he ever knew before.
"I think Buck has a crush on you."
The ball slips out of Tommy's fingers and he fumbles to catch it before he hits the ground.
"Wh-what?" Theo tilts his head, looking expectantly at the ball. Tommy tosses it weakly and Theo beams as it lands easily in his hands.
"He was on the phone with Ms. Maddie earlier and he was smiling a lot when he said your name and his face got all pink. That's what happens to Jenna in my class when she's around Milo."
He says it so plainly, like it's all so simple, and Tommy vaguely wonders what it would be like to see the world through a child's eyes again. He gets distracted when he hears Evan open the door and call that it's time for Theo to come inside.
He barely registers the ball soaring towards his face.
~*~
Tommy hears the door to Theo's bedroom snick quietly as Evan pulls it shut, then his soft footsteps coming back to the living room. He looks up as he steps into the room, keeping the football shaped icepack pressed gently against his face, more to make Theo feel better than anything
"I think he's down for the count," Evan says, smiling tiredly. "All the excitement really wore him out."
"Happy to be of service," Tommy replies, hus answering smile making the cut on his lip sting a bit.
"Alright, let me see the damage." Evan takes a seat next to him on the couch and Tommy moves the pack away so Evan can inspect the swelling. "I think you'll make it."
Tommy huffs out a laugh and Evan sets the pack aside.
"He's a great kid," Tommy says after a beat of silence. "Hell of a pitch."
"He is," Evan agrees. He leans back into the couch with a heavy sigh. "I don't even know where to start."
"You don't owe me any explanations," Tommy says gently, leaning back so their eyes can meet.
"I want to tell you," Evan's eyes drop down to watch where his fingers twisting anxiously in his lap. "Even after all this time, you're still the first person I want to tell everything."
Evan doesn't give him time to process that bombshell before launching into the whole story of how he came to care for Theo, starting nearly ten years before in Peru, leading to him becoming a donor for a peripheral friend and his wife, to reconnecting with them years later and seeing them laying dead in the street in the span of a week. Then the weight of seeing Theo sitting on a hospital bed with no idea of the loss he'd just suffered, watching the social worker lead him away to an uncertain fate, the fight to gain a foster license and temporary custody of the boy during the search for any remaining family.
"He has grandparents in Seattle," Evan says, toying idly with a stuffed animal that had been laying on the back of the couch when he started talking. "We met at the funeral, they're really nice people. But they're older, they said they just don't think they can keep up with him full-time. I know what it feels like to grow up in home where you feel like you're too much all the time, and I couldn't...I didn't want that for Theo. I invited them over, showed them how i had everything already set up, gave them all the information about the school and the child physiatrist Dr. Copeland helped me find, everything I had arranged just in case. In the end, they agreed that, as long as he's happy and improving, he should stay here. We talk a lot, lots of FaceTime calls, and they're going to visit around Christmas. We have a social worker that drops in a few times a month to make sure things are going smoothly, I'm sticking to my program, all that. And...I guess that's kind of the whole story."
"That's..." Tommy leans back into the couch and looks up at the ceilding for a moment, turning it all through his mind again. "That's a lot, Ev. I mean, it's incredible. And that you just stepped up like this after everything..." He turns his to take him in. "How are you doing?"
Evan opens his mouth, then pauses. He slumps back against the arm of the couch.
"Honestly? It's been hard as hell. Theo doesn't sleep great, he still has a lot of nightmares. He wants his mom and dad and he knows they're not coming back. He's sad and he's angry and he doesn't know what to do with it so he acts out. Things are getting better, but he's still struggling. Then I have to be the bad guy, you know? The one who makes him go to school and take baths and eat his vegetables. The one that puts him in time out or takes away screen time when he misbehaves. I'm the one that holds him when cries and screams that he wants his mom, that he hates me, that he wants his real daddy back. It's a lot harder than I thought it'd be, doing this on my own."
"Not all on your own, though, right? I'm sure the 118 has your back."
Evan grimaces a little and stares down at the stuffed toy, gripping it a little tighter.
"They're helping some, but it's complicated. No one was really on board with me taking him in at first, and sometimes it feels like they're all just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for me to prove that I wasn't ready for all this. Things really haven't been the same since...not in a long time."
Tommy frowns. The 118 he had been a part of hadn't been close knit, but the team he had seen during the cruise ship rescue and in the months that he had been dating Evan had been a unit, always in each other's pockets, always having each other's backs. It doesn't make sense to him that they wouldn't be here now, offering Evan support and advice.
"Your sister, though. She's gotta be around, right?" There was no way Maddie wasn't as totally crazy about Evan's child as he was about hers.
"Maddie...She's been supportive to a point, but she also has own kids that keep her pretty busy. We got into an argument today when I told her you were coming over."
Evan rubs a hand over his eyes and Tommy aches to reach out and hold him, to take some of the weight off of his shoulders. He reaches out and lays a hand on Evan's knee.
"I'm sorry," He murmurs. Evan puts his hand ovef his and squeezes.
"You don't need to apologize. Maddie just–"
"Not for that. Well, for that, too. But-" Tommy shifts so he can cup his other hand around Evan's cheek. "For everything. For not being there for you. For making you think you couldn't reach out. I never–I would have–"
"Hey," Evan interupts softly. "You don't carry all the blame here, Tommy. I had just as big of a part in creating the distance between us."
Their eyes lock and in this moment of closeness and quiet forgiveness, Tommy feels more intimate with him than almost any moment they shared before. His body moves on instinct, pulling him closer. At the last moment, Evan dodges, tucking his face into his neck instead.
"I can't, " He whispers. "I want to, so badly. I've thought about this moment so many times. But i have Theo now. I can't...he's my first priority. My only priority. Everything else - work, dating - it's not..."
Tommy pushes him back wnough to see his face again, to see the tears starting to shine in his eyes. He rubs a thumb over his cheek.
"Then I'll be whatever you need me to be."
"Tommy." Evan pulls away shaking his head. "I won't ask you to–"
"You're not asking. Evan," Tommy takes his hands in his again. "There's no one else. I don't think there ever could be. So if what you need now is just someone who has your back, then that's who I'll be. For as long as you'll let me."
He leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to Evan's forehead.
"Thank you for tonight. Thank you for letting me into this part of your life. For trusting me with him."
"There's no one I trust more." Evan wraps his arms around his waist and hugs him tightly. "Thank you for being here."
5 facts about an AU where...Sal and Tommy get roped into running a lemonade stand at an LAFD fundraiser block party thing and academy cadet Buck gets assigned to help them out
1. Tommy expects Sal to be annoyed when they get their assignments for LA First Responders Summer Bash (the name sucks, but community outreach is always good) but Sal surprises him by shrugging it off.
"It's gonna be hot as shit and they want us sitting under a little tent peddling lemonade instead of out on the pavement watching kids fail at carnival games? I'm not complaining."
Okay, yeah. He has a point.
2. Sal's mood is a bit soured when it turns out they actually want them to make the lemonade, not just pour some MinuteMaid into plastic cups. Neither of them have ever actually done it, so Sal has to take a blow to his pride and ask Captain Nebraska for help because he's made it at the station and it's probably the best drink Sal's ever had. Bobby is happy to walk them through the process, and Sal and Tommy become more and more dismayed to find that their cushy gig is actually going to be a full time job or cutting and squeezing and stirring. They should have traded Chim for the ring toss when he asked.
3. The day of the event, Bobby tells them the 118's new recruit will be joining them at their station. Sal isn't exactly thrilled to be babysitting the new guy, but at least it will be an extra set of hands to help with all the bullshit. The kid doesn't make a great first impression, trying to carry too many boxes of supplies at once and tripping over his own long ass legs, sending lemons and little cups rolling everywhere. Tommy immediately moves to help and Sal is about to ask what circus he escaped from, then the kid knocks them both off their feet with his big blue eyes and eager smile.
4. Evan Buckley, "most people just call me Buck," turns out to be a full-time, mile a minute yapper. Normally, two minutes in his voice would be grating on Sal's nerves and Tommy would be looking for any escape route, but Buck is actually interesting. He tells them all about making his way across the country doing odd jobs and living out of his car, training horses at a ranch in Montana, bartending and surfing in Peru, all the while nimbly slicing lemons with an ease so practiced he doesn't even need to look.
"But I think this might be the place for me," He says, popping one of the pieces into the juicer and pressing it. "It feels different here, you know? Like I've finally found what I've been looking for. "
"Yeah, I think I know what you mean," Tommy says, and Sal is going to give him so much shit later for the love struck look he can't seem to keep off his face.
5. Later, when the event is over and they're cleaning up, Sal elbows Tommy in the ribs and nods towards Buck, raising an eyebrow. Tommy shakes his head slightly, and Sal elbows him again, harder this time, pushing him toward the kid.
"So, uh, Evan...You were a really great help today."
Sal looks skyward for strength because holy shit is his best friend lame.
"Thanks." Buck leans back against the table and tilts his head with a little grin. "You know, we have a enough stuff left over here for another batch."
"Yeah?"
"And I have a pretty decent bottle of vodka back at my place...if you're interested?"
Tommy hefts the box of supplies without another word and buck laughs softly, stepping around the table to lead him to wherever he parked this morning. They're about ten feet away when he looks over his shoulder at Sal.
Lighter, even though I keep losing them lol I especially like Bics with designs on them and keep my favorites after they give out
21. something you’ve kept since childhood?
I'm a little bit of a hoarder, so I actually have a lot of stuff from my childhood stashed away. My most precious item is probably the book Butterfly Kisses that my dad gave me for Valentine's Day when I was really, really little.
germansingergirl
discoholicmusic
annaxmalina
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yousharknotpass
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