Chioma's Blog

[It's Ok, I'm a black girl.]

[chiomawrotethis]

Petty, if Nothing Else.

I know that it hurt you.

I still don't regret it.

I meant what I said too.

Don't ever forget it.

I'm not always patient.

I feel like we're wasting

So much time!

I'm tired of chasing you away.

I'm over explaining,

What shouldn't be done.

Making sense out of riddles.

And speaking in code.

Asking why you shot me,

While I watch you reload.

I take hits on mute-

Yet you cry, as you shoot.

My demeanor's Non-violent

But the temper behind it

Isn't quite as kind.

Seems you've lost your mind.

Let's hasten the Search:

You don't win a War

Just because you shoot first

Lying makes things worse.

Don't open fire on something,

expecting that Nothing

Sends fire returning.

My anger keeps churning,

Smoke choking my breath.

I said the last few things

Now ain't nothing left,

To do, but get gone.

And you should move on

And really far away too.

If I make prose + song

About my shitty attitude.

This time, I moved past you.

And I don't regret it.

I meant what I said too.

Don't ever forget it.

[chiomawrotethis]

Woke People

I hear what you’re saying:

Complaining bout the others.

They're such a waste of space + time.

Why do you even bother?

All I know about Change:

If we do not change ourselves

Then the only that changes,

Is our opinion of everyone else.

[chiomawrotethis]

Fear Entered the Room

I had to kill a bug in my Bedroom. At first, I thought it was a shadow. I suppose that I didn't HAVE to, but I chose to kill it anyway because I was scared. I chose poison, like most Female killers: Clove Oil in an Amber spray bottle. When I went back to check on the spider, it went running in the other direction. It was afraid of Me. I realized that it hadn't run before, when I was observing it, trying to figure out if it was a shadow. When My Fear entered the room, in announced that one of us could possibly die. The Spider understood that + went running.

With Fear, enters the Possibility of Death, or Vice Versa. Surely the energy in any space fear has entered must shift, in order to accommodate for the possibility of Death. I wonder what the Environment expects when two fearful beings encounter each other. Is it waiting for energy to be purged + liberated from consciousness? How does the Earth prepare herself to become a receptacle for yet another body? - And all of this, simply because Fear entered the room.

In this case, it was mine, but I am thinking about the Kalahari Bushmen I watched in a Documentary last night. When Lions entered their camp, the Bushmen simply shooed them away + the Lions scampered off. I say this because those Bushmen are our Ancestors. Many people like me have met Creatures in the Night without announcing the possibility of Death. If fear Signals the presence of Death, Mother Nature must be confused to see it there, with Me + the Spider. When did I become a Portal to the underworld? When did I become so far removed from my Ancient self that I ask the Earth to prepare for Bodies without giving it a second thought?

Something about Me will still kill the Spider, because I can't tell which ones will bite + some do. But another part of Me doesn't want to be the one who announces that one of us could possibly die, when I enter the room. What I'm saying is that I don't want to be afraid of little Things, but I am. I don't like that fear has conditioned my mind to the possibility that one of us must die, but it has. There's nothing profound here, but I don't like what I see. Yet, I'm accepting it + here it is on my blog- as proof.

[chiomawrotethis]

Puberty

We commend the most immature Minds amongst us as 'Genius'. In a very real sense, this condemns the rest of us to forever reside in a fledgling state. Through Art, we are forced to relive the Anxiety of the years where we knew the least about ourselves + didn't have adequate language or experience to describe the granular contradictions of society. Powerless to create anything for ourselves, we were forced to rebel against our parents + craft our escape from the ills of Society with borrowed tools.

Our growth remains stunted through our interactions with Toxic Media. A 16 Year Old has a Clothing line? Did you know?! A 19 wore a Certain dress to an Event. Have you heard? 21 year olds are buying drugs with Corporate Money. Is your sense of Style up to Date? Don't go through Puberty or you will Die + no one will care because you're too old to matter. How do we learn from a Tribe full of Pupils screaming loudly about their underdeveloped talent, demanding applause-but only from a distance.

Up Close, the Children are Weeping. Their Eldere have abandoned them for a Selfie on the Internet + laudable promises of Eternal Youth.

[chiomawrotethis]

Dark Thoughts

It's been Eye for an eye + now the World is blind. Without a Community to Support it, Wealth rolls in at night, like a storm cloud + is dissipated into ether by sunrise. Our People escaped the bowels of the Slave ship by climbing over one another. On dry land, the stampede continues, yet nothing is chasing us. Looking back at the ruins of our trampled society, we're searching for a culprit for this destruction, ignoring the flowers embedded underneath our footprints.

Once an amusement park, this world has become a prison. Some of you have the key, but rather than unlocking your own cell, you use your key to trap your fellow man in ignorance with you. There may be no escape, if reality functions as you Dictate. So for you, life is a matter of learning to cope with what the mind + spirit find revolting, because the heart + will power aren't strong enough to revolt.

We find ourselves a lost people who have doomed our children to Slavery because we will not free ourselves. Eventually the Hominids' offspring will destroy the earth, as they are doing now. Mother Nature will extinguish them + the cycle will begin anew. Maybe this time, creation will manifest beings capable of protecting the Divine. I pity our people, but I refuse to get swept away by delusions that I did not concede to perpetuating.

Hence, I wonder what to do with my consciousness while the clock ticks down + how to find meaning as a member of a race of beings, who have marked themselves for extinction.

[chiomawrotethis]

Creative Alternatives to Liberation

God made the Creator. The Creator Made Humans. God is not here on Earth. The Abode of the Divine supercedes this Realm, but Mother Nature serves as a Guide for Humanity. Her Cycles should teach us to abide by the Divine order + ensure our prosperity. Instead, we've stripped the world of everything Divine + in absence of Truth, we are flailing. We keep crying out to an invisible Human in the Sky asking why we've been abandoned on Earth, while we consume each other. We act in defiance of the God that surrounds us, permeating the fabric of space time + ushering order out of Chaos. Our Ancestors would have thought this was a sort of madness. To be at odds with all of the Laws of Creation, yet to still expect to be at Peace.

We're at an age where we've been taught to Rage Against a Machine that is fueled by the Anger triggered within us, when we observe the futility of our efforts to liberate ourselves. We buy into the notion that we must destroy ourselves to purge our shackles. What is Freedom? Sex, Drugs, consumption + hyper-stimulation of the senses? Is Liberation merely a Fleeting State of Consciousness, that can only be unlocked by Gurus who retreat from the World? Is there no Freedom to be found in Reality?

We keep redefining alternative realities with alternative liberties to supplant the ones we lost when we fucked up the Divine Order, by creating a God in the image of our Oppressor. Are we at the Mercy of an invisible stranger in the Sky; or is the Barrier between the Horizon + Heaven a Lie that we only accept because we can no longer Envision a World with a Purpose beyond satisfying our personal needs? I'm in Awe of Creation. I love the Ocean more than anything + I'm convinced that it loves me too. I'm convinced that my Grandmother is whispering to me when the wind brushes the tears on my cheeks. The sound of Music entrances me + I feel my heart throbbing at the same rate as a drum. My feet meet the ground at the same tempo + I sense that the vibrations of rhythm within me are proliferating through all other living beings simultaneously. This is why we were taught to sing our Prayers.

We feel the need for transformation. The Industrialist would uproot society by examining its structure + redesigning its elements to better serve the needs of Commerce. The Shaman would exorcise the vessel + Create a space for the Spirit to forge a Human to House itself. I studied matters of Science + I learned to see like a Civilized Person. Through that lens, I could only conceive of a Barbaric world, where the Will of Men compete for the favor of an invisible God, who has fled to the Sky. From looking within + observing Creation, I clearly see that Humans didn't create an Invisible God, when we changed the Natural Order. Instead, we seem to have created an Invisible Human, with no Sanctuary on Earth or in Heaven. If Freedom is a Divine Right, we can only lay claim to it by respecting the Divine Order.

We are not Caretakers of the Planet, in exchange for its Service. The Earth takes care of us, as long as we Serve it. If we continue to defile each other + everything around us, this World will no longer Serve us or our Children. We may feel confused as to why asking a Man in the sky for Salvation won't mitigate the consequences of our disregard for Mother Nature + the Divine Order. Our Ancestors would think the World we're seeking redemption from, is merely a reflection of our own delusion. They would wonder why they built Monuments to remind us not to betray ourselves spiritually, if their Wisdom would be reduced to an Afro Futurist Aesthetic + Woke Internet Memes. They would ask why their children choose to be Slaves + created a God that keeps them Captive.

[chiomawrotethis]

Poisoned

I cried this Morning when I thought about how our People have betrayed me. How we've betrayed ourselves. They asked for our Attention + we've given them EVERYTHING of Value:

Our Time, Our Labor, Our Resources, Our Arts, Our Gods, Our Talents, Our Hope + Dreams for the Future.

We've even given them the Traditions our Ancestors died to preserve, in exchange for the Gnawing emptiness we received, along with our positions as Slaves + Pawns in a World that was created to be Paradise.

I cry out, expecting a chorus of voices to ring out in Protest with my own worn cries of agony. Instead, you ask for my Silence. You demand my complicity + offer me the same Poison you've sipped as a palliative to satisfy this thirst for freedom, that nothing but the Liberation of my People can Quench for Me.

I refuse to Drink the Poison. I'd rather die from this thirst than be Satisfied with my Slavery. You ask me who am I to demand that things must change. I wonder what has died inside you. I wonder what extinguished your fire + how you learned to live with this diminished version of yourself; How you dimmed the light inside until you became a shadow of yourself.

And I thought you would care,

When Bullets Rain Down.

When the Rivers are Stagnant from Waste, as Blood Flows in the Streets.

When Parents can only offer Hope to their Children in Bedtime Stories.

I thought you would Care.

I thought you would fight to Save Yourselves.

I thought you loved yourselves as much as I Love us.

I thought you wanted Us to Survive.

I even thought that we might Thrive.

But you've proven me wrong, again + again, yet I refuse to relinquish the Hope that someday you will care. That someday, we'll save each other. And I know that the biggest obstacle in your way is YOU.

That's why I cried for my People this Morning.

That's why I'll never drink the Poison.

[chiomawrotethis]

Ghosting...

They Say I'm Hiding because there are bits of me that I don't want to include in this masquerade.  Because I don't want to be cheered on + given empty words of praise, while I tackle the insurmountable. Because I do not want to exchange pleasantries as I teeter on the edge of the Metaphysical.  Because a part of me craves privacy, even though it's just Art to my fingertips.  They Say I should be present while they “present”.  That I should listen, even when they have nothing to say...That I should dance even if the Melody is not Memorable.

They Say, They Say, They Say... Do they ever shut up?

[chiomawrotethis]

Since I’m Here Anyway...

I used to pray for death, until recently, when I became sure that it may not be an escape.  I can't think of anything worse than living twice, returning to this.   Since I had this thought, life has gone from bleak to merely a numb feeling.  Life is a sketchy rollercoaster at an old, dilapidated amusement park.  I know I'm waiting for something, namely my death- but I'm not sure how or when I get off this ride.  I'm nauseous + folding a wrinkled admissions ticket in my hand.  Each time I try to hand it back to the attendant, he won't accept it.  But I'm done.  I swear.  I keep tugging at the straps trying to remove the safety cords that keep me tethered unto this ride.  They fly in the air along with all my hopes, dreams, ambitions + frustrations.  The long lines of the straps stream into the air + my eyes follow them as they shoot up + away, then gather at a point, distant in the horizon.  They're so far away + it feels delicious.  One descends towards me + playfully knocks me in the head.  I touch my crown..It's wet.  I'm bleeding + horrified by the realization that all the straps will soon descend.  I was so busy celebrating the end of the ride, I forgot to get up from my seat. The ticket attendant returns as he hears the sounds of each strap striking the floor.  He examines each one closely.  I reach my hand out eagerly--Please, help me off.  He pushes me down, gently tucks the straps back in.  I am perplexed.  I want to be angry, but I have already resigned myself to the notion that life must continue, even without me--even my life.  The ride starts again.  It should be terrifying with all its twists + curves.  I should be anticipating the drop, living in fear of inertia or the exhilaration of the climb.  I should be feeling something.  Everyone else is so excited.  They're taking selfies- exchanging jokes.  White knuckles intertwined, they're holding unto each other for dear life.  I lend someone my hand, though my spirit is still way too far away to feel them tug it back gently.  I marvel at how something lifeless is still warm, how it can still provide warmth to others.  I want to cry, but instead, I inhale bc there is no point.  I close my eyes + my eyelids envelope the tears forming underneath.  My lashes sweep them away + I maintain my composure.  This ride will end soon, I tell myself.  No point in crying over what life has reduced you to anymore.  Remember, you're just waiting for Death.  All things will come to pass, even you.  The ride still gives me Vertigo.  I've learned to close my eyes until the spinning stops.

[chiomawrotethis]

Our Actions are Prayers

Our Actions Create Reality. If we take no Action, we create Hopelessness. We're at the Mercy of our Environment + the Space between us + the Creator grows. If we take Action, the Creator express itself through Us + we see that there is Heaven on Earth.

When we encounter something terrifying, we often feel like we can't face it + start to look for Heros + Champions to save us. Most of them exploit our Fear to create Power for themselves. We Elevate People, they let us down, so we go searching for other Heroes to replace the Fallen ones.

If we can't find a Living Hero, we will even revive the Memories of Dead Heroes. If He or She were alive, this would never happen!

We have to become Heroes for each other. Start by looking for Someone you can save, instead of looking for someone to save You. That's your Power.

When you realize that you are someone's savior + start looking for that Person, you're creating a World where Salvation is looking for People, not the other way around. You'll feel like Salvation is looking for you as well + you will have peace. You will understand your Power.

[chiomawrotethis]

There are so many voices competing for our attention, but we can't tell the difference between Corporate Marketing, A Sermon + A Politician's Speech, because they're all selling the same lie.

Instead of tuning out + screaming "Death to Distraction", we buy into the frenzy. Now everyone wants a crop of followers, to grow. Doesn't matter where we're leading them, as long as we're not alone in our confusion.

[chiomawrotethis]

Our woes are amplified by feelings of helplessness, because we give our thoughts, time + treasure to institutions that murder our neighbors, while we pray to keep death away from our doorsteps.

We wonder why our God is Silent + Invisible, hiding in the Darkness. We ask for God to reveal itself, so that we can kill it + replace it with a Human.

[chiomawrotethis]

Nothing can Defeat us until we comply-until we give up our Humanity to Fear, Heartbreak, Pain + Sorrow. What if we fight back? What if we say "fuck all that"? What if we refuse to break, to go down in Silence? What if we choose to lift someone else up once we find our feet? What if we are Divine Beings having a Human Experience? What if we start affirming our infinite potential for Kindness + Compassion? What if we have nothing to Fear as long as we are here Together? What if it's never dark, as long as one of us keeps a light on? What if Love can save the World? What if we stopped asking "what if" about things we know are Truths?

[chiomawrotethis]

I woke up this Morning + I noticed that People are arguing about Coronavirus on Twitter.

All the arguments online are trying to bait People's ego. To make people who are demanding answers based on facts seem like vigilantes throwing a tantrum, while affirming the irrational fear that is leading people to relinquish their Power to the Coronavirus Hysteria.

Why should I care about my reputation if my apathy as a Citizen could cause someone else their life. Why shouldn't I ask questions when I'm being forced to stay indoors at gun point. Why should I allow Govt to kill poor people who don't have a way to ride out a Global Recession?

If you decide that it's too difficult to think, someone else will always think for You. Someone else's conscience will care for you. You might as well be dead. How do you prove your existence if you have no impact on the world around you.

I will never accept that a World where 8 out of 10 People are suffering bc Hunger, Unemployment, Theft of Nature Resources + Exploitation of the less fortunate is the Norm. That's Psychopathic thinking. It's not Human to lack empathy + cling to Power. It's Evil.

[chiomawrotethis]

Asking for Friend

What if real strength is measured by your ability to serve?

What if real power is your ability to control yourself?

What if your real wealth consists of what you've sacrificed, rather than what you've accumulated?

What if we didn't ask "what if" about things we know are Truths?

[chiomawrotethis]

Fake News

When an unwise person hears new information or encounters an opposing point of view, they try to destroy it, because that information is a reminder of their own ignorance. This is because they wish to keep their ignorance, as long as they can conceal it from others.

A wise person will embrace the new information + expose their own ignorance so that they can rid themselves of it.

[chiomawrotethis]

For Your Own Good + Against Your Will

When People Fail to teach Themselves, they often try to force their opinions on other people. If People spent as much time Policing their Actions as they do Policing the Actions + Thoughts of others, they would be a lot less afraid of the freedom of their fellow man.

They say don't teach, if the Student is unwilling. Knowledge should serve the Student who receives it, rather than simply satisfying the Teacher's desire to Teach. When a Teacher attempts to force a Pupil to accept a lesson against their will, that Teacher ceases to be a Teacher + instead becomes A Tyrant.