An Art Collab with local artists during the Free Comic Book Day event. Of course I’ll have to draw the lovely couple. <3 //casually added Madara cause there’s still space. The custom cover comic was a prize for a raffle during the event and a friend (twins) won the prize. Congratulations~!
It’s been a long time since I was active on this blog. I apologize for the inactivity. A lot of things happened in the last few months.
[Depression Trigger warning also something really personal]
We received a news that our uncle died, and my family prepared to go back to father’s hometown to attend the funeral. I stayed home because I’ll be taking care of our dog, and our shop. Other reason is, I’ll have an event to attend to- Free Comic Book Day last May 5) the next day, I received a message that my close artist friend passed away, and the cremation service was on May 5 too. I asked the comic shop owner if I can take a leave after I set-up my stuff then go to the service in the afternoon. I was told it’s okay since the shipment for the comics were delayed so they made it into a two day event. On may 5, I attended the service with 4 of my friends from the same club back at UNI. When I saw my friend’ brother, we talked to him a bit and, I excused myself and couldn’t help but break down and cry. We then learned the cause of death... it was suicide. Until now, as I write this, I’m still teary eyed.
She’s done so much for me. We both loved Ancient Magus Bride- and I was supposed to give her a b-day art gift of Elias (which I still haven’t done cause I was procrastinating). Now I cant give it to her anymore. Whenever I go to the city, It always reminds me of her-we hanged out a lot. She’s one of my confidantes, and always accompany me on art conventions to help me man my table. I always tell her about my problems, and she does the same. The last time we chat on FB was when she asked me to go out to the mall and hang out. That time I said “No”. Me who is always just one call away for movie dates and just look at art supplies and thrift shops. I didn’t know what she felt. And I feel like I’v been selfish (she’s one of the few people who lets me be myself and not worry bout being judged and all). I regret it so much, but I know she didn’t mind. I posted about the beautiful hat she made me and she liked my post. 5 days later, she took her life. On may 5, I saw her relatives wailing for the loss.. it’s our loss. I miss her every day. and May 5 is also my dog’s birthday. T.T
When my family are away, I am happy I have my friends with me. They helped me a lot, received lots of hugs and encouragements. Then, I received a news that another uncle passed away and my family had to extend their stay at father’s hometown. After they returned, my parents had a quarrel and they separated. My older sister also went away to work abroad. I’m left with the realization that important people in my life are slowly going away somewhere and I feel like I’m being left behind. Now I’m staying late nights to keep my friend company cause she’s abroad and is also depressed. I don’t want to loose anyone anymore.
It’s been a really emotionally exhausting experience, but I’ll hold my ground. I figured that keeping it hidden makes it feel worse. I’ve seen one of my friend’s posts : “A burden shared is a burden halved”. I’m thankful to my close friends and from friends at discord for listening (even if they’re strangers) to my worries.
It’s been hard for me to watch depressing anime like Sangatsu no Lion and Mahou Tsukai no Yome. But now, I’ll try to re-watch them. Also, that my parents are now together but had to deal with them arguing every day. I wished my parents are the Fujiwaras from Natsume book of friends... But, even if my family is dysfunctional, I still love them and I’m terrified of loosing any one of them.
Everyone please take care. If you’re hurting, please do talk to others about it. it doesn’t matter if you’re talking to strangers. If you’re always alone, even if it’s scary to make a connection, slowly, even for a little bit, try to open up to others, step by step....one day you’ll find people who’ll accept you for who you are- even just one person who’ll make you stay, please stay. If we could cry for a fictional character, YOU who is a real person, is worth it. Don’t give up. A day will come when we look back in the past and be glad we didn’t jump or pulled the trigger.
For those who still follow this blog, I love you all. Thank you for staying with me.
gummygunk
theartofmadeline
vaporwave
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