[chloeness-blog]

God I love the winter. I live out in the forest and we have wild ponies everywhere. Their winter coats have come through now, so they've gone all fuzzy. They're like giant, bitey teddy bears.

[chloeness-blog]

Merry Christmas everyone

[chloeness-blog]

Queens Speech

So I live in England, and Queen Elizabeth II makes a speech every Christmas. Just once before I die, I want her to show up on our screen in the middle of the afternoon in her fluffy dressing gown, absolutely wrecked from day drinking like the rest of us.

I want one of those cheap Christmas cracker crowns balanced over her big Imperial state crown, while she wobbles round a bit and rants about about the rubbish presents all the politicians got her. By the time she gets to the end she’s mumbling something indistinguishable about setting her swans on them. 

While she’s distracted, the corgis take their chance, and nick the turkey behind her. 

[octopussoir-]

[chloeness-blog]

Movie idea: Release a special edition of Thor 1, but let Chris Hemsworth have eyebrows this time

[strawberryinstantoatmeal-deacti]

i remember being like 11 and asking my dad why he hunts and kills deer and he said “because i think theyre beautiful” and that’s just. that’s just what men are like

[werewolfofsector2814]

Yeah… &?

Is it any different that women seeing cute things & wanting to squish their face?

[genderidentitty]

Is killing different than endearing physical contact? Local man unsure

[weaselle]

I really like … many aspects of hunting. And I think animals are beautiful. may I present

What is the point of mounting something like this sad, gross, proof that you will end a beautiful life for no good reason…. 

when you could frame you up a trophy like the photo below !? 

This takes at least as much skill, and involves all the same wilderness stalking. It proves that you are both brave AND compassionate. There’s no downside to doing this instead. Imagine you go to somebody’s home, and they have a trophy room filled with beautifully composed close up photos of wolves and deer and boar and eagles and things all over the walls, with a couple camera guns mounted up there too - on one wall is a photo of a standing bear who obviously sees the person taking the photo and it’s been blown up so the bear is life size (that’s why you need that gun-barrel lens, so the quality holds up when you enlarge the pic) The person you are visiting is like, “yeah, I took all these.” THAT’s impressive. A room full of dead things just means they are weird and gross and pointlessly cruel and proud of it.

[unfuckablebogtroll]

[chloeness-blog]

There's a new royal in town. . . .

I'm quite proud of Prince Harry right now. Whole world's watching and he sneaks a dad joke into his firstborns name. Welcome to Archie 'Harri-son' Mountbatten-Windsor x

[riseofthecommonwoodpile-deactiv]

humans don’t have enough ornamentation. where’s the plumage, the antlers

[wetorturedsomefolks]

i could go for a good vibrant throat sac i could display as i sing in the mating season

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Humans have some of the most extreme hair variation over their bodies in the animal kingdom, with hair on some parts of our body a few millimetres long and fine enough to be almost invisible, and hair in other parts a good metre long if not artificially trimmed. Part of the inside of our mouths are turned out to make our lips bright red, we have comically oversized breasts and lack penis bones to make erections more indicative of impressive circulation, and have some of the most complex behavioural adaptations to self-ornamentation for courtship seen in anything that doesn’t spend half its life collecting blue bottle caps. How much ornamentation do you want?

[riseofthecommonwoodpile-deactiv]

I’d like antlers, as previously stated

[chloeness-blog]

I'd like a jazzy tail.

[chloeness-blog]

I have a theory : The UK MP's who quit their political parties this week just went on a bender at spoons the night before. They were too hungover to make it into work the next morning, so they're saying it was a 'political statement'. And now it's all got a bit out of hand. . . .

[terminal-young-thing-deactivate]

[congalineofdurin]

dear god, let it be enough

[belf-on-the-shelf]

i took a vow to reblog this each and every time i see it

[excessunrated]

I AM WHEEZING

[chloeness-blog]

New year's

My mother : So, how was the party last night?

Me : I disgraced myself. Please give me a vegetable, I think I might be dying.

[chloeness-blog]

London is beautiful. I love it here x

[limoncellolacroix]

“MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WEEKEND, BUT IT’S GONNA BE MY YEAR” I scream at 12 am with tears streaming down my face and a bottle of champagne in my hand. it has not been my year yet. it’s not even a weekend today is Thursday

[chloeness-blog]

Yup. Right in the feels x

[poems-and-word]

[poems-and-word]

[chloeness-blog]

Healthy living

I bought myself a loaf of wholemeal bread this week because : Healthy.

Then I deep fried it and turned it into French toast because : Me.