Chlo

[timid]

[whisperingbones]

March 4, 2013 I was unpacking when I heard you walk in. I had on light pink lipstick that I found at the bottom of a box. You put a few things on the counter and handed me my car keys. I kissed you and asked if you could help me move the bed. You said you needed to talk. I keep replaying this over and over in my mind. I don’t think I’ll be able to unpack the rest of our boxes. April 4, 2013 It’s been a month since you left. Mark says you’re not coming back. I can’t sleep. Are you awake? May 4, 2013 I finally went to the doctor like you had begged me to. You were right and yeah, I’ll be fine. June 4, 2013 I sold my engagement ring at a pawn shop today. I bought expensive lipstick and flowers. I also bought a lot of beer and a carton of cigarettes. I’ve lost a lot weight since you last saw me. My friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years hardly recognize me. It’s weird being back in this town without you. I spend most of my afternoons at the beach. I saw a sea turtle today while I was swimming. I miss eating breakfast food at midnight with you. July 4, 2013 I stumbled across the video of you in the car singing Taylor Swift. I deleted it before it played all the way through but I have to admit it made me laugh. I can’t remember how your voice sounds saying my name. I broke down and called you. Thank you for not answering. August 4, 2013 I dropped my cigarette in my lap when you drove past me today. September 4, 2013 I went on a date. He thinks Bud Light is “quality beer”. It just isn’t going to work out. October 4, 2013 It doesn’t hurt anymore to say your name. November 4, 2013 Hope you’re doing well. December 12, 2013 Thank you for setting me free. March 4, 2014 It has been a year. I heard you moved to Baltimore. I don’t know what you’ve heard about me but I hope it’s that I’m happy. I hope you’ve heard from our friends that they often see me sitting in the sun, laughing with my hair in a braid, collecting seashells and running straight into the ocean with no fear.

(via bl-ossomed)

[joyhysteric]

[ipoetried]

This is how it’s going to go. You don’t know they exist. You are unaware that they are on this Earth. You wake up, you brush your teeth, you do whatever it takes to make it through the day, you lay in bed and play out fantasies of finally finding the right comeback when somebody is mean to you and the like, and then you sleep, and everything starts over again. Then you meet them. You might know it right then, or you might not, but God, you are in love with them. It’s the little things. You keep checking your phone to see if they have messaged you. You find yourself having to read the same sentence three times because you were too busy wondering if they were thinking about you too. And when you do talk to them, it’s better than it even is in your head and the way they smile sticks your tongue to the top of your mouth. Maybe you’re too scared to hold eye contact for too long because they might see how you’re feeling, but looking away makes you feel weak and when the blush creeps up your neck onto your cheeks, it’s too warm and uncomfortable and you wish you had just kept looking at them instead. You’re going to kiss them. The first kiss probably won’t be that good. You might both tilt your head to the right and then awkwardly both shift to the left to try to get the angle just perfect. There might be too much saliva involved and you quickly wipe your mouth against your sleeve the second they avert their eyes. Maybe your mouth will be too dry because you are nervous and all you can focus on is how quietly they kiss, like this moment between the two of you is a secret. Don’t worry. The first time will not be the best time, and even the best time will not be the best time, because each and every kiss will change as your feelings change. Love is a learning process, and you’re going to be fine. This is how they’re going to go. You’re going to open your eyes one day and your phone will have been silent since you plugged it in at night. You are going to roll over and realize that everywhere you are not laying feels like the cool side of the pillow. You’re going to shower alone for the first time in months. You forgot how much work it is to wash your hair. When you go on drives, you realize how bad you are at directions and finding where you are supposed to go. It’s the little things. Their laugh, that you thought was so funny and unique when you heard is, is suddenly the loudest noise at any crowded event you go to. It’s never going to be them, so stop straining your neck. You’re going to stop comparing their heart to the flowers you pass on your way to work in your head and you won’t even realize it. You are going stop waiting up until you are too tired to keep your eyes open. Love is a learning process. You’re going to be fine.

This is How You Lose Them (K.P.K)

[liminares]

[kloah]

boho :)

[nycbambi]

[florenctts]

[chanel-and-louboutins]

[tierdropp]

[kennysweeney]

[jennifersandsjo]

[waves-turned-blue]

[ipoetried]

This is how it’s going to go. You don’t know they exist. You are unaware that they are on this Earth. You wake up, you brush your teeth, you do whatever it takes to make it through the day, you lay in bed and play out fantasies of finally finding the right comeback when somebody is mean to you and the like, and then you sleep, and everything starts over again. Then you meet them. You might know it right then, or you might not, but God, you are in love with them. It’s the little things. You keep checking your phone to see if they have messaged you. You find yourself having to read the same sentence three times because you were too busy wondering if they were thinking about you too. And when you do talk to them, it’s better than it even is in your head and the way they smile sticks your tongue to the top of your mouth. Maybe you’re too scared to hold eye contact for too long because they might see how you’re feeling, but looking away makes you feel weak and when the blush creeps up your neck onto your cheeks, it’s too warm and uncomfortable and you wish you had just kept looking at them instead. You’re going to kiss them. The first kiss probably won’t be that good. You might both tilt your head to the right and then awkwardly both shift to the left to try to get the angle just perfect. There might be too much saliva involved and you quickly wipe your mouth against your sleeve the second they avert their eyes. Maybe your mouth will be too dry because you are nervous and all you can focus on is how quietly they kiss, like this moment between the two of you is a secret. Don’t worry. The first time will not be the best time, and even the best time will not be the best time, because each and every kiss will change as your feelings change. Love is a learning process, and you’re going to be fine. This is how they’re going to go. You’re going to open your eyes one day and your phone will have been silent since you plugged it in at night. You are going to roll over and realize that everywhere you are not laying feels like the cool side of the pillow. You’re going to shower alone for the first time in months. You forgot how much work it is to wash your hair. When you go on drives, you realize how bad you are at directions and finding where you are supposed to go. It’s the little things. Their laugh, that you thought was so funny and unique when you heard is, is suddenly the loudest noise at any crowded event you go to. It’s never going to be them, so stop straining your neck. You’re going to stop comparing their heart to the flowers you pass on your way to work in your head and you won’t even realize it. You are going stop waiting up until you are too tired to keep your eyes open. Love is a learning process. You’re going to be fine.

This is How You Lose Them (K.P.K)

[thoseconstellations-deactivated]

Day 1 Holy hell this hurts. I can’t breathe. I don’t know what to do without him. I have no idea what I did wrong or what I could have fixed. Fuck. He stopped loving me. Maybe he never loved me at all. I can’t feel my fingers. Day 7 I’m crying again. I don’t know why. I shouldn’t be so upset. I shouldn’t be sad. I should be angry. He left without a proper explanation. He left because he was a coward. He left. He left me. I’m sobbing. Day 11 I saw him with another girl yesterday and I was so so so furious. I ran outside without shoes in below freezing temperatures and then I came back inside and ripped apart a gossip magazine. I feel childish. Day 26 All of our friends want us to be mature about this. They don’t know our ending. They don’t understand. Day 27 But maybe I should speak to him. There’s no use or purpose in holding everything against him anymore; obviously nothing is going to change what happened and nothing is going to change who he is. Day 31 We spoke and we are fine, but I think I am still in love with him. Day 45 He is not who I thought he was. He is more vulnerable than he shows and it makes me sad to know that I can’t do a single thing to help him. I’ve tried so many times already. Day 60 He was not ready for us. It was not the right time. He wasn’t right for me. At all. I wish I could have realized this earlier. It would have saved me a lot of pain and time. Day 81 I’ve just had a dream about him—for the first time in weeks. It was a hopeful dream. Wow, I thought I was done with him? Maybe I’ve misjudged myself. Day 90 It’s been three months and I still think of him from time to time. Sometimes I still expect to see him next to me when I wake up in the morning. Sometimes I crave his touch. Sometimes I listen to our song and try not to sob out loud. Day 108 I haven’t seen him in so long. I think this distance is good for me. I’m starting to think about him less and less. He is fading away. Day 121 There is someone else now. Someone new. I haven’t felt this way in so long. I haven’t had anything to look forward to in months. Now I smile when I get out of bed because I know I’m going to see this boy today. Day 140 I’m falling for this new boy. His touch is so different but so warm. I only want to get closer to him. I hope I can. Day 151 He’s back. The old boy. The one that broke me. He’s back to shatter me again—or at least he has the capability to. The way he’s treating me is odd, like the past five months never happened. Like all is forgiven. Is it? Day 158 Yesterday was my birthday and I spent it with all of my friends. He was there—the old one. So was the new one. I’ve decided that the new one is a much better fit for me. Day 159 I am actually so angry with him. The old boy. He never takes responsibility for his actions and he never apologizes. I’m so glad that we ended when we did. I dodged a bullet. I could not have handled somebody so immature and pathetic. Day 173 The new boy took me out tonight. It was sweet and innocent and good-natured the entire time. He told me I looked pretty. This is what I want. Day 175 I’m leaving for a while. I can’t wait to get away from everything and everyone. I want to forget about everything that’s happened. I’ll come back a brand new person. Day 196 I’m back and the first news I hear is that the old boy wants to speak to me. He wants to apologize for everything he’s done, for all the lies and secrets and omissions. Half a year later and he finally feels remorse. I doubt he’s genuine. Day 197 Would I be stupid to listen to him? I mean he can’t just waltz back into my life and fuck things up again right after I’ve finally forgotten about him. But what about the closure I’ve been waiting for? Day 198 I’m overthinking things. As usual. I was fine and now I’m not fine. Almost seven months later and he’s still at the back of my mind. When will it all end?

Days since you left (via thoseconstellations)

[dieebicz]

hopeless | via Tumblr na We Heart It.

[ollebosse]

[autoportraitt]