i met with an ocd specialist yesterday and genuinely feel like everything in my life is beginning to make sense.
all the struggles with my mental health and my anxiety and my depression and my rumination and cyclical thoughts and downward spirals - it was always ocd. it was always.
my heart breaks for little me, who just needed someone to notice. who just needed someone to ask the right questions. who just needed someone to tell me it was real.
i had grown up with such a stereotypical view of what ocd is (germs! putting things in a line!), i had no idea how many different types of ocd there are. i only knew how much distress i’ve been in for so long. i described the feelings and the thoughts and the patterns to the specialist and she was like “i’m going to stop you there - all of that, that is ocd.”
now i can get help that will hopefully stick. after so many years of things not working. and god i am so ready.












