Sinners are always to be held accountable for their actions. There was a time when that mantra would repeat over and over in his head as he stood AT THE TOP of the pile of corpses below him , boots slick with blood. If anyone got what they deserved , it would be him , the one who dared to make the skies and heaven his own with TAINTED HANDS even if it had cast him out for that very reason. It’s the boy who threw away revenge against the men who had stolen the only family he had , remorse and loneliness swallowed behind grit teeth , to give up his heart and HIS RIGHT to emotions for a dream.
It’s why he still doesn’t understand WHY HE’S ALLOWED this warmth on his lips , beneath his fingers , that he should be thoroughly deprived of however many times he lives. HE’S A CRUEL MAN , Levi knows this most of all than anyone else having been put in a position a lifetime ago , forced to choose and Erwin had put him there. Levi can do better than this , than him. He’s always taken from Levi , friends and family and loyalty , putting Levi in a difficult situation on that rooftop and ultimately in the end , a kind heart like Levi’s can’t seem to stop giving to this WRETCHED SOUL of his.
Every little reaction he can draw out from Levi , every bit of this soft side that shows itself in the most subtle ways are all committed to memory ; the way Levi’s feelings are LAID BARE for him within those eyes that have seen too much , always naturally guarded but not now. Erwin’s always loved that UNYIELDING FIRE of a free spirit that burns in them , lining the outer rims of grey eyes that he habitually looks into every chance he gets up close.
The heat of Levi’s hand over his heart stirs a KIND OF UNDERSTANDING between them that’s never faltered under the pressure of titans and corrupted humans , found within the BRIEFEST OF MOMENTS with words that meant more left unsaid. It’s in the way Levi holds onto him , lips fiercely claiming his own so he responds in kind , his free hand splaying over Levi’s that’s against his chest , fingers entangling in the spaces between Levi’s smaller ones in a sort of fist THAT’S TOO FAMILIAR , amusingly similar to a salute that meant something in another life. In a way , he is dedicating his life again , not for the good of humanity or a dream greater than himself. This time , IT’S TO ONE MAN who deserves everything good the world has to offer and if he’s a small part of that , he would do all he can so Levi could live life , not just survive it.
He pulls away first , breathless as he pulls Levi to him by the back of his head , LEANING IN until their foreheads touch and letting himself drown in grey. ❛ I never got to thank you , you know. ❜ A small huff of a laugh escapes his lips at his own morbid thought that would , no doubt , KILL THE MOOD but he just wants to say it , vague as it might be. He had meant to say it when his vision was blurring into black with nothing else on his mind except for the fact that he was glad that he was on the roof with the sky above him being THE LAST SIGHT that he saw. Somehow , the last thought that crossed his mind was that Levi would understand even if he hadn’t said it OUT LOUD. He doesn’t add on anything else as his arms scoop under Levi’s legs without warning to carry him.
❛ Thank you , Levi ––––––––––– ❜ For everything up until now , for the ENDLESS LOYALTY AND TRUST despite orders that weren’t explained , never stopping even past the discovery of Erwin’s own personal dream that had bred doubt. For offering him the words he had NEEDED TO HEAR before the suicidal charge and for letting him go. It’s for choosing him again in this new life. A faint smile graces his lips , OPEN IN ITS AFFECTION , the corner of his eyes wrinkling as he does. Thank you.
he remembers echoes of this. not this, not his hand entangled in erwin’s between their beating hearts, not his body tucked against erwin’s larger one like it was molded there -- but he remembers drifting to sleep in erwin’s office feeling safe, feeling protected; remembers quiet moments when he watched erwin’s silhouette hunched over a desk or standing tall before a crowd of recruits or sitting astride a horse looking up into the skies and felt a peculiar twist to his heart, felt the enormity of all that erwin was and all that he would ask of levi, and understood that he would meet it head on with something that was more profound than devotion, more enduring than loyalty.
he wonders, sometimes, what they would have been, what they could have become, if things had been different. as he was then, he had spared little thought for things like romance; there had been no time, no energy to spare, and anyway, the closer he let people to his heart, the heavier their death would be. erwin’s was hard enough, with nothing between them but that sky-vast, unnamed thing. levi has always thought that he knew better than to waste time on ifs -- but that was before he found out that he existed across multiple lives, multiple worlds, and suddenly the ifs seemed endless.
erwin pulls back and levi lets him only reluctantly. even now, in a life where they don’t stare despair in the face every day, these moments can feel urgent, and it’s too easy to get lost in them, to fear that when they end it will be for the last time. levi’s breathing hard, but he doesn’t shy away from erwin’s gaze as he brings their foreheads together (though he can’t help but think how ridiculous they must look from the outside; how far does erwin have to bend, for their faces to be level?). predictably, erwin is saying something as sentimental as it is vague, and levi wrinkles his nose slightly, pulling a little farther away to avoid the hot puff of erwin’s laugh.
“for what--” he starts, only to be cut off by erwin’s sudden movement. without warning, he’s being scooped into the air, and finds himself unceremoniously carried in erwin’s arms. no matter what kind of moment they’ve just been having, he’s tempted to swing his legs around erwin’s neck and use his weight against him, toppling them both over so that levi lands on top, back in control -- the scene plays out in his head for a split second, and then he dismisses it, settling for crossing his arms and frowning up at erwin’s stupid, sappy smile. “if you were literally anybody else, you’d be on the ground right now with my elbow at your jugular,” he grouses. “the fuck are you doing? and what exactly are you thanking me for, you sentimental shit?”
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