Tori Spring

I like to sleep and I like to blog. I am going to die someday. I hate almost everyone, it's funny because it's true. || Tori Spring RP blog || Dosen't follow canon timeline|| Side blog: pessimist-and-insomniac

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

My name is Victoria Spring. I am 18 years old and I'm in year 13 at Harvey Greene Grammar, or higgs as it's popularly known.

I think you should know that I make up a lot of stuff in my head and then get sad about it. My hobbies are drinking diet lemonade, being a bitter asshole, sleeping, blogging, watching films, listing to a song I love about 20 billon times until I hate it, playing mario kart with my brothers, and annoying Michael Holden.

I have never been very good at making friends. Rebecca Allen use to be my best friend, and although she it still my friend and I still love her, I think too much has happened to still call her my best friend. I don't really get along with Our Lot anymore, I don't like Lucas Ryan or Evelyn Foley for obvious reasons, and I don't really have an opinion on Lauren Romily or Rita Sengupta.

I don't get along well with my mum, we've never liked each other and I don't think we ever will. I get along fine with my dad, he's pretty good. I love both of my little brothers, although some days (especially on the bad days) it feels like they are less my brothers and more my kids.

I have a boyfriend, Michael Holden, he is also my best friend. Some days "boyfriend and girlfriend" dosen't feel like the right lable for us. We are truely each others persons and see each other in ways nobody else could. I use to think soulmates were bullshit, but he is truely my soulmate, both romantically and platonically. I don't think there is a lable that can truly sum up our relationship, so we still use boyfriend and girlfriend. Despite it not being the perfect lable, I still am very happy that he is my boyfriend.

I am asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, although I very much so do have romantic feelings for Michael, so I would assume I fall somewhere along the lines of demiromantic. I am a pessimistic twat. I am an Insomniac. And I probably have some sort of depressive disorder, although I will never get a formal diagnosis as quite frankly I'm too depressed to get the motivation to go to a psychiatrist.

I don't really know who I am, or what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I'm here. And I'm alive. And I'm not alone.

I am going to die someday.

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I don't actually think I'm any less mentally ill now then I was when I was at home, I think the only reason I'm doing better now is because there's no pressure or fear, I'm allowed to just be broken and not be forced into anything.

Micheal makes sure I'm still together enough to not deprived my body of anything important, that I'm safe and not a danger to myself. Which is honestly the most helpful thing ever, he makes sure I don't die and I stay healthy, but dosen't push and lets things be on my terms. He's not trying to fix anything, he just wants to be there for me, and that helps my issues more then anything else ever has.

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

How the fuck does Charlie keep beating me at Uno?

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I hate reading when I'm the one reading, but I love when Micheal reads to me

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I think maybe the reason I care so much about this blog, is because I have never done anything meaningful with my life, but this blog will still exist long after I'm gone, and to me that makes my life feel slightly more meaningful.

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I gave in

We got a dog

Because he got to name Binx (our cat) I got to name the dog, so his name is Gizmo after the movie Gremlins

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

It's not a mid-life crisis. It's just a life crisis.

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I don't actually want to eat, I just do, because I'm scared if I stopped eating and Charlie found out he'd stop eating again too

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

Maybe I am a manically depressed psychopath

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

It's just that it's not socially acceptable to say depressing stuff out loud in the real world because people think that you're attention seeking.

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

Quiero suicidarme

Translation: I wanna commit suicide

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I thought leaving home would fix me, I mean being away from my mum definitely helps, and so does being with Micheal majority of the time, so I am doing better. But my anxiety about Charlie has gotten worse as I don't see him daily anymore.

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I want to go to sleep and never wake up, not even in a suicidal way, but in a I'm extremely sleep deprived way

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I wanna be alone, alone with you, does that make sense?

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

I start to feel, again, like this whole day has been pointless.

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

If I could swap bodies with someone for a day, I would choose Oliver

[chronic-pessimist-0402]

All the people are chatting and laughing and smiling and it sort of makes me feel a bit sad, like I'm watching them through a dirty window.