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neonmanatee

this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light

banshees-deactivated20180812

i ate chef boyardee and began to cry bro that shit was so bad… i had noodles i could have eaten those

banshees-deactivated20180812

diarygirls

breaking news … the color of the year, once again, is pink

defencelesslou

so who’s kissing me on new years? no one? that’s what i thought

teardropsonmyguitar

just saying but i think i had a pretty rough year and i deserve some of that romantic love type stuff

britneyspears

Hello, Tumblr peeps! I’m here!! Ask away…

jncoes

i would take a bullet for you britney

guardgirll

College Advice

1. Just because you took 7 classes in high school doesn’t mean you can manage 7 classes in college. 2. Just because you woke up at 6am everyday in high school doesn’t mean you can wake up at 6am everyday in college. 3. Just because you got straight A’s in high school doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily get straight A’s in college (and that’s okay). 4. Just because your teachers in high school said they were preparing you for college doesn’t mean you’re actually prepared for college.

emastral2718

5. If your advisor says it’s too much, it’s too much.

words-writ-in-starlight

6. If Health Services says to take a day off, take a day off.

deadmomjokes

7. If you have flu symptoms, do not go to class, you don’t want to be the start of an epidemic.

gostaks

8. If you have a diagnosed disability (including mental illness) you can get a lot of accommodations including stuff that you might not expect, like making teachers accept late work