Tempus Fuckit

Alan || pronouns: surprise me  || Tell me about your OCs/special interest/cool projects! || I can't reliably tag most triggers || all posts are okay to reblog unless I specifically say otherwise

[gostaks]

The ‘O’ in opossum stands for ‘fuck’

[galileosballs]

The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were

[bumblebeebats]

"Potassium cyanide. Arsenic trioxide. Polonium 210. Tetrachlorodibenzodioxin," I say, smugly and with full confidence, before downing the glass of wine my political rival insisted on pouring for me. Seconds later, she watches with a smirk as I collapse writhing to the ground, in the knowledge that I never could hit that "R" in "pinot noir" quite right

[literallymechanical]

People hate to see a girlboss succeed in male-dominated industries. Just because she stole less than sbf did and got half the prison term doesn't mean the hustle isn't worth respecting

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

may you one day soon find the courage to open the tubberware container in the back of the fridge inshallah

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

@abx5 how does it feel to have single handedly saved the lives of thousands?

#put it in the deepest and coldest part of the freezer for a few days before dealing with it #it wont save you but it will minimize the stench

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[gostaks]

why is the only way to get in touch with audiologists by phone call. Surely if there was one profession that should have a robust email option it’s yours??

[necarion]

The worst part of "get more sleep" advice is that it is fucking correct.

[2022dirt]

DIRT documents: [# 5]

Drift stitching is a repair method where zip ties, wires, or clips are used to hold cracked parts together after an accident.

The technique became popular in drifting and motorsports because damaged bumpers could be repaired quickly without replacing the entire panel. Small holes are drilled along the crack so the material can be stitched back together and reinforced.

Over time, the repair style spread beyond racing and became common in DIY car culture. People have also used this method on motorcycles and anything in need of a temporary fix that doesn’t immediately hurt the wallet.

Some people use drift stitching purely for function, while others leave the stitching visible as part of the aesthetic.

[bagel-of-masyaf]

rarely laugh out loud at math memes but this got me

[collapsedsquid]

Sen. Bernie Moreno (R-Ohio), a close Trump ally, announced Thursday that he will introduce legislation to sanction Canada and Canadian officials over the huge wildfires that have poured smoke and haze across the United States, creating hazardous air-quality conditions. “I’ll be introducing a bill next week to sanction Canada and the responsible Canadian government officials for this atrocity,” Moreno posted on social media.

“We are done accepting apologies in place of action. If Canada will not manage its forests to prevent these fires, the United States will look elsewhere, and act on our own, to protect our people,” the GOP lawmakers wrote. “That means our own agencies exploring direct involvement in cross-border fuel reduction and firefighting capacity. It means reconsidering how much benefit of the doubt this relationship continues to earn on an issue where American lungs are paying the price for Canadian inaction, year after year,” they warned.

America gonna douse Canada's forests in agent orange until they get their shit together.

[kaiasky]

vvvv in favor of this I think "your pollution killing someone (or statistically causing an additional death) outside your borders is a violation of our sovereignty & casus belli for us to do whatever environmental mitigations we want, by force if necessary" would be the funniest possible justification for warfare. president xi the global warming caused by the USA has taken too many lives parachute in 1 billion square kilometers of solar panels and enough spec-ops electricians to hook them up to the grid.

[gaylor-moon]

[grippy3000]

fun fact one of the world champions in pepper-eating contests is a trans woman and she actually faced significant backlash because people somehow thought she had a biological advantage. to eating spicy pepper

[grippy3000]

update bc i went back and checked: her name is brianna “the chilli queen” skinner and she set a record in 2017 by slamming back 23 carolina reapers consecutively. she only stopped when told to by the referees, and the next year she stepped down out of boredom. queen

[pettyartist]

Here's a picture of her, by the way

And her super supportive wife

[nentuaby]

The championship, it should be noted, is unisex. Apparently being a trans woman gives you an innate biological advantage over both cis men and cis women.

[vexwerewolf]

The innate biological advantage of being cool as fuck

[cheesenames]

if we can set aside attachment discourse for a moment (please) i think the jedi marriage prohibition makes sense in a “please don’t enter a complex legal, financial, social, and in some cases religious contract, the specifics of which vary wildly depending on planet and culture” way. the single jedi with a law degree does not have time to draft everyone’s prenups to prevent the whole order from getting sued

[the-fallen-blue]

#we could create so many interesting new problems if we ignore romance and make it about contracts generally#jedi prohibition on getting a loan. jedi prohibition on signing a waiver before bungee jumping. etc

"Qui-Gon didn't try to buy Anakin or the engine because there wasn't anyone in town who offered a credit exchange service" wrong. Qui-Gon gambled for Anakin under the table because after dealing with the Cyrkon Delinquency of 24850, Master Olobi, Esq, has personally promised to hang by the the toes from the highest tower of the Temple for one week any Jedi who generates any trackable legal transaction or obligation between the Order and the Hutts.

[chillyfeetsteak]

a few doors down from me my neighbors have a squirrel bar nailed to the tree in front of the sidewalk, not exactly this but something like this:

it's been there for years and they never "stock" it so it's just sitting there. anyway, i thought it would be cute to make a little squirrel out of sculpey and leave it on one of the stools in the middle of the night. i also made a little sculpey beer bottle with its own label.

it lasted exactly one day and now it is gone. it didn't fall off, i stuck it on with tape. what do you think happened to it? your most fantastical and wrong answers only, please

[chillyfeetsteak]

HUGE NEWS HUGE UPDATE

squirrel REAPPEARED today... NOW PAINTED

[chillyfeetsteak]

i wanted to provide another update because there has been more activity at the nut bar

a few weeks ago i sculpted a new patron:

and put him in the bar. the next day he was gone. a couple weeks later he reappeared painted... but with ANOTHER new guest: a 3D printed squirrel based on the first one i sculpted (with a bottle!)

:)

[playwrongs]

I was going over those terrible comics from Make a Terrible Comic Day this year and I decided I’d do another one just for shits and giggles.

This one got kind of out of hand.

[necarion]

If you want to visualize gradient descent in neural networks, imagine minimizing a function that is a 2D surface in 3D space, and then say "billions of dimensions" to yourself.

[prokopetz]

I know it's not great from, like, a Being Functional Or Secure standpoint, but aesthetically I kind of love how websites for banks and universities and government agencies and such just sort of accrete layer upon layer of technologies without ever taking the lower layers out of the stack, and if you need to do something sufficiently obscure eventually you'll break through to some Web 1.0-looking form with a "Last Modified" footer whose timestamp isn't part of this millennium.

[heedra]

animal control to major tom

[heedra]

animal control to major tom

[heedra]

grab the cage and find out where that wombat's gone