I know I've been MIA for, like, over a year, so sorry about that.
Nugget was first a newborn in the midst of a family medical crisis, then I had surgery and my husband started a new job. And around that time, she also quit sleeping well at night. She had been sleeping through the night by, like, 4 months old, which was a relief because Bean had extreme, mental-breakdown-inducing sleep issues as a baby and young child and I was so not looking forward to that again. But it seems like it was just delayed for Nugget, because around 6 months old she quit sleeping through the night and started waking up anywhere from 4 to 18 times a night and needing assistance most times to get back to sleep.
Some of it was reflux, which we finally got relatively controlled with medicine. But that doesn't explain everything. Like, she now can lay down to sleep, which it had gotten to the point where she would just scream if she was laying down and we had to hold her all night. So that's better, but she still wakes up minimum 6 times in 11-12 hours, and only rarely manages to get herself back to sleep without help.
She also snores which is pretty not good considering all those breathing parts should still be under factory warranty and whatnot. Regardless of if she's snoring or not, she's waking up at random intervals crying, at which point she sits up and yells for help. At that point, about 15% of the time she'll lay back down with coaching and go back to sleep if her back is being patted. The rest of the time, she needs to be held, and put back in the crib once she's basically dead asleep or she'll panic and start yelling and crying again. Idk if it's gastric issues or body pain or anxiety or breathing issues or all of the above or something else entirely, but she just cannot sleep right anymore.
And of course, she has decided that the only person allowed to hold her or help her at night is Mama. She has extreme separation anxiety with me specifically, and it's especially bad at night. Sometimes she'll let Dada pat her back or rock her, but usually she just starts scream-chanting MAMA and refusing to let him help. I average 5 hours of incredibly broken sleep on an exceptionally good night because the rest is spent holding her, trying to get her to lay down and stay asleep, etc. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight in almost a year, and those 3 hour stretches have been naps when my husband is able to take both girls out to the library or something. Not really much to be done about it, because she was a baby and now she is a toddler-- she has to sleep, or she won't grow or develop right, and nobody else will sleep anyway because of the screaming and crying and stress barfing that happens if you leave her to try and work it out on her own, and days will be miserable, etc. So I spend a big chunk of my nights holding her, soothing her, and generally just being the one awake because there's not much of another option.
Anyway, the gist is this: I am severely, chronically sleep deprived to the point that my doctors are concerned about my health. I genuinely wouldn't pass a field sobriety test at this point (thank goodness I don't drive at night, and will always pass a breathalyzer, eh?). So I haven't really been in the headspace to post, or write, or do much else other than survive.
None of this means I don't love her to bits or anything. She's a hoot and a half, she's an absolute light and a total genius, she's my sweet little Nugget, and life is still good all things considered. It's just a lot of things considered, y'know?
We're on the wait list for a pediatric sleep medicine doctor, who we will see for a first appointment by mid May. Hopefully by the time she's 2 we'll have some kind of answers and solutions.
Til then, please forgive the continued absence. I'll try to pop in every now and then with stories if I can. But if I remain Gone, know I am still alive, just with a head full of goo and currently unable to smear it back into brain shape to make the words do right enough to post.
Anyhoo, be well, my lovelies. If you are of the "sleep is lame" persuasion, please heed my warning and do it anyway, and do it right. Lack of sleep will jack you up in the long run. And if sleep is a difficulty for you, please try to pursue answers to make it easier. I hate that for you; I hate seeing my girls struggle with it, and I don't wish it on anyone. There isn't always an answer, but sometimes there's things that can help. You deserve quality rest, or the closest thing to it that can be managed.
<3
