Dead Mom Jokes

"T." she/her. Married, Ace, Parent, Attempted Author. Love, Support, Geekitude. And the occasional Dead Mom joke. (Your unofficial tumblr mom. Welcome home, kiddos!) Dedicated writeblr @themswritinwords

[deadmomjokes]

Life update: More hopeful version!

Nugget saw the sleep specialist. She (specialist) was immediately very concerned and professionally aghast that it had taken so long to actually get to them, and put us at the top of the cancellation list for a sleep study. And less than half an hour after we left, we got a call that someone had cancelled for two days later! So instead of waiting 4 months, as our initial appointment had been, we got in that week and got our results appointment rush as well.

She has (maybe had?) severe sleep apnea. The doctor said she "was expecting it to be bad, but it was more severe than she anticipated." So we got immediately referred to an ENT who has experience with pediatric sleep apnea, they shoved a camera up her nose (traumatic for everyone involved, -1000/10 do not recommend), and found that her adenoids were blocking approximately 80% of her airway. And that was while she was awake and screaming. So likely they were blocking all or almost all of it while asleep.

So they scheduled her for surgery to remove them just 2 weeks later, and the surgery was completed two weeks ago yesterday.

Y'all.

Immediately after she quit trying to destroy everyone and everything near her post-anesthesia, she took a lil nap. And I didn't hear her breathing.

I didn't even know I had been hearing her breathing until suddenly I wasn't anymore.

So that alone tells me it did something good.

But the best part is that she's sleeping better. She's even getting to where I don't have to pick her up at night! That's slower in coming, because the surgery and all the ibuprofen she had to take in the days following really messed her reflux up big time, so she's waking up a lot more than she was immediately following the surgery. But we're able to tell her "all done rocking chair" or "all done pat-pat" (depending on what she's requesting) and she's mad about it, but she eventually lays down and goes back to sleep. It's AMAZING. Unfortunately my body is finally sensing the relief and is slowly turning of the survival mode settings, which means the exhaustion is actually worse now, but that will pass eventually.

It could also be worse because we're in the middle of moving.

We bought a house, though! So no more moving for a very long time after this!

I'm still stressed as heck, because moving (this Saturday, btw), and Bean has an endoscopy for her EoE the day before we move, and my husband's work is doing this thing where they're struggling financially but don't want the optics of layoffs so they're trying to force people to quit by taking away the work from home days they specifically used to attract people to the position in the first place, so he's job hunting now too (while also working in-office more, which is bad because of the commute, which is why we only agreed to this job because it was initially pitched as 3 days at home). And of course our furry anxiety disorder is stressing because things are Weird, and according to the vet she's lost a whole pound now (a Big Deal when you weigh less than 10 pounds to begin with).

But we're on an upward trajectory with things, and once this move and job hunt are done, we should have used up all of our collective allotment of Insanity for the year. And we'll have our own house, with a huge yard and fewer stairs (and what stairs there are happen to be carpeted!), and Nugget will eventually sleep properly all the way and Bean is on track to get medicine for her EoE so she can eat "normal food" and not have dietary restrictions. It's gonna be good.

Just in the meantime, I'm gonna continue to be So So Tired. One day I will take one of those epic recovery naps like in Lord of the Rings where Sam and Frodo just sleep for 3 days straight after Mt. Doom.

Til then, I once again implore y'all to not ignore the apocalyptic importance of sleep. Please, for the love of all that has ever been holy, take care of yourselves and SLEEP. If you have trouble making that happen, see a professional. Sleep is so important I cannot even form words around just how important it is. If you neglect your sleep it WILL come back and bite you one day.

Anyway, obligatory rant over. Love y'all, hopefully I'll be around more in the near future. Have fun, be safe, stay hydrated and rested, and go do something nice for yourself today!

[deadmomjokes]

My little dog is what we in the business would refer to as a Hot Mess. She's so smart, but so so dumb. She's also a neurotic little sack of dysfunctional spare parts who probably has OCD and is a certified Genetic Disaster due to both her early life as a breeder dog in a hoarding/puppy mill situation and as the late-generations product of said hoarding/puppy mill situation.

We also have a concerningly brilliant six, almost seven year old (how did she get this old?!) who almost certainly has ADHD, and a semi-feral young toddler who uses her powers of ambulation and dexterity to find and cause problems on purpose (a normal and important part of human development).

This leads to the following game.

I will present you with things we have actually said in our house, and you try to guess which one was said to the dog vs to one of the children. I will post the next round after

Round 1: Guess which one was addressing the dog

Look, I love you, I don't like trying to clip your nails either, but it's my job to take care of you, so you're getting these talons lopped off for the good of everyone in this home, yourself included.

We don't eat grass in this house, thank you. You're not a horse.

You have the constitution of a Victorian ingenue, babe, you can't be licking the floor.

Pretty sure if you eat that you're going to regret it, but feel free to prove me wrong.

That is a squirrel and you are small enough that I'm pretty sure it doesn't see you as a threat. Please do not test that theory. They do, in fact, have claws.

Which one was said to the dog?

1

2

3

4

5

Voting ended onApr 24

[deadmomjokes]

Y'all are a bunch of smarties-- it was, in fact, number 3! While Nugget is turning out to be quite the stomach bug connoisseur, it is our little sack of dog-shaped disasters that routinely makes herself ill by doing weird but not abnormal dog behaviors.

Stay tuned for round 2!

[deadmomjokes]

Round 2: All of these were said either to Bean or to the dog.

Which one was addressing Bean (the almost-7-year-old human)?

Sweetie. Darling. Beloved. Bath is not the end of the world.

You can't eat just bread for the rest of your life, you need nutrients, child.

In Celsius it is below zero outside, you 100% DO need sleeves on.

Per our previous conversation, yes, we do have to brush your hair.

You can use the computer when I am done, but I have to send this email, babe.

Remaining time: 6 days 21 hours

[snackpony]

*goat noise* 4x4" wax pastel

[deadmomjokes]

My little dog is what we in the business would refer to as a Hot Mess. She's so smart, but so so dumb. She's also a neurotic little sack of dysfunctional spare parts who probably has OCD and is a certified Genetic Disaster due to both her early life as a breeder dog in a hoarding/puppy mill situation and as the late-generations product of said hoarding/puppy mill situation.

We also have a concerningly brilliant six, almost seven year old (how did she get this old?!) who almost certainly has ADHD, and a semi-feral young toddler who uses her powers of ambulation and dexterity to find and cause problems on purpose (a normal and important part of human development).

This leads to the following game.

I will present you with things we have actually said in our house, and you try to guess which one was said to the dog vs to one of the children. I will post the next round after

Round 1: Guess which one was addressing the dog

Look, I love you, I don't like trying to clip your nails either, but it's my job to take care of you, so you're getting these talons lopped off for the good of everyone in this home, yourself included.

We don't eat grass in this house, thank you. You're not a horse.

You have the constitution of a Victorian ingenue, babe, you can't be licking the floor.

Pretty sure if you eat that you're going to regret it, but feel free to prove me wrong.

That is a squirrel and you are small enough that I'm pretty sure it doesn't see you as a threat. Please do not test that theory. They do, in fact, have claws.

Which one was said to the dog?

1

2

3

4

5

Voting ended onApr 24

[deadmomjokes]

Y'all are a bunch of smarties-- it was, in fact, number 3! While Nugget is turning out to be quite the stomach bug connoisseur, it is our little sack of dog-shaped disasters that routinely makes herself ill by doing weird but not abnormal dog behaviors.

Stay tuned for round 2!

[deadmomjokes]

Nugget is in the delightful stage of "figure out how to Language," so I'm gonna try to make this post be a compilation of her doing words and such.

Starting with her discovery of dandelion puffballs. I picked one and blew it for her and she lost her mind laughing. We started another one, and she finally caught enough breath between laughs to shriek, "BUBBLES!!!"

So now every time we see one, it's "bubble flower."

MY HEART

[deadmomjokes]

She has figured out that "ing" is something you add to words when that thing is happening. She applies it liberally to all parts of speech, not just verbs. So we get such delights as:

eating chicken nuggets, she proudly stabs a piece with her fork, holds it out, and nods while informing us "meat-ing!"

playing in the kitchen sink, pours water on the ground. I ask her what she's doing. She says "messing!"

morning walk to see the geese is "geese-ing." Naturally.

turning her loose in the back yard to blow off some steam and she just screams at the top of her lungs, but with little tiny vibratory hitches as those stompy feet jostle her entire body with each step, "WUNNING!!!"

playing in the patch of dirt at the bus stop is, shockingly, not "dirting," but "stick-ing," because she always grabs a stick with which to dig in said dirt.

[deadmomjokes]

Speaking of the dirt, with which she is obsessed to the point that I believe she may be part chinchilla, I asked her one day if she was ready to go home after dropping Bean off at the bus. She tells me, "No. Busy."

[deadmomjokes]

I had forgotten that Bean did this one too:

Going through a phase of walking around with shirt hiked up to show off the belly for no reason other than belly-out feel good. And when she puts the shirt down, very deliberately of course, she goes, "Close it!"

[horsegirlprime]

Golden retriever!Adolin this, golden retriever!Adolin that.

What about german shepherd!Kaladin? He wants to protect you but he's not sure how and he gets nervous when he can't see you

[deadmomjokes]

May I also offer:

GoldenDoodle!Shallan-- absolute wreck mentally, highly intelligent but still somehow so dumb and self destructive, and everyone coos about how pretty and sweet she is while she's dissociating in the corner

Chihuahua!Renarin-- wants so bad to be a big bad military attack dog, and would probably manage it if he wasn't 8lbs soaking wet and prone to both the shakes and mental breakdowns

Senior Cane Corso!Dalinar-- used to be a terrifying Unit of an attack dog, now somehow got retired and stuck as a family dog and still isn't sure how that happened or how he feels about it

[deadmomjokes]

Good life news: finally got through all the hoops, medical gaslighting, and insurance deductibles to get Nugget a sleep study in hopes of finding out why she wakes up so often and can't let herself or anyone get more than a couple hours' rest at a time.

Bad life news: landlord raised rent on us which, combined with the rising utilities costs (thanks, data centers and unchecked regional growth!), means we can no longer afford our current place.

Bad life news -> maybe positive life news eventually after lots of stress and scrambling: we are trying to buy a home now so we don't have to do this again in another two years, which means moving from our area across the nearest state border immediately before everyone else with the same idea hikes the prices out of our budget.

So if you need me, I'll be sobbing into my blanket cocoon as I call realtors and mortgage lenders and barely holding on by the thin little silk threads of "once this is done we're done and we don't have to do this again for the foreseeable future" and "maybe by the time this is done we'll also have a path towards good night's sleep."

[thefugitivesaint]

Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941), poem 85 from “The Gardener”, 1914 Translated by the author from the original Bengali. New York: The Macmillan Company.

[grammarpedant]

It is an hundred years hence now. Go open your doors.

[deadmomjokes]

Nugget is in the delightful stage of "figure out how to Language," so I'm gonna try to make this post be a compilation of her doing words and such.

Starting with her discovery of dandelion puffballs. I picked one and blew it for her and she lost her mind laughing. We started another one, and she finally caught enough breath between laughs to shriek, "BUBBLES!!!"

So now every time we see one, it's "bubble flower."

MY HEART

[deadmomjokes]

She has figured out that "ing" is something you add to words when that thing is happening. She applies it liberally to all parts of speech, not just verbs. So we get such delights as:

eating chicken nuggets, she proudly stabs a piece with her fork, holds it out, and nods while informing us "meat-ing!"

playing in the kitchen sink, pours water on the ground. I ask her what she's doing. She says "messing!"

morning walk to see the geese is "geese-ing." Naturally.

turning her loose in the back yard to blow off some steam and she just screams at the top of her lungs, but with little tiny vibratory hitches as those stompy feet jostle her entire body with each step, "WUNNING!!!"

playing in the patch of dirt at the bus stop is, shockingly, not "dirting," but "stick-ing," because she always grabs a stick with which to dig in said dirt.

[deadmomjokes]

Speaking of the dirt, with which she is obsessed to the point that I believe she may be part chinchilla, I asked her one day if she was ready to go home after dropping Bean off at the bus. She tells me, "No. Busy."

[deadmomjokes]

My little dog is what we in the business would refer to as a Hot Mess. She's so smart, but so so dumb. She's also a neurotic little sack of dysfunctional spare parts who probably has OCD and is a certified Genetic Disaster due to both her early life as a breeder dog in a hoarding/puppy mill situation and as the late-generations product of said hoarding/puppy mill situation.

We also have a concerningly brilliant six, almost seven year old (how did she get this old?!) who almost certainly has ADHD, and a semi-feral young toddler who uses her powers of ambulation and dexterity to find and cause problems on purpose (a normal and important part of human development).

This leads to the following game.

I will present you with things we have actually said in our house, and you try to guess which one was said to the dog vs to one of the children. I will post the next round after

Round 1: Guess which one was addressing the dog

Look, I love you, I don't like trying to clip your nails either, but it's my job to take care of you, so you're getting these talons lopped off for the good of everyone in this home, yourself included.

We don't eat grass in this house, thank you. You're not a horse.

You have the constitution of a Victorian ingenue, babe, you can't be licking the floor.

Pretty sure if you eat that you're going to regret it, but feel free to prove me wrong.

That is a squirrel and you are small enough that I'm pretty sure it doesn't see you as a threat. Please do not test that theory. They do, in fact, have claws.

Which one was said to the dog?

1

2

3

4

5

Voting ended onApr 24

[deadmomjokes]

Nugget is in the delightful stage of "figure out how to Language," so I'm gonna try to make this post be a compilation of her doing words and such.

Starting with her discovery of dandelion puffballs. I picked one and blew it for her and she lost her mind laughing. We started another one, and she finally caught enough breath between laughs to shriek, "BUBBLES!!!"

So now every time we see one, it's "bubble flower."

MY HEART

[deadmomjokes]

She has figured out that "ing" is something you add to words when that thing is happening. She applies it liberally to all parts of speech, not just verbs. So we get such delights as:

eating chicken nuggets, she proudly stabs a piece with her fork, holds it out, and nods while informing us "meat-ing!"

playing in the kitchen sink, pours water on the ground. I ask her what she's doing. She says "messing!"

morning walk to see the geese is "geese-ing." Naturally.

turning her loose in the back yard to blow off some steam and she just screams at the top of her lungs, but with little tiny vibratory hitches as those stompy feet jostle her entire body with each step, "WUNNING!!!"

playing in the patch of dirt at the bus stop is, shockingly, not "dirting," but "stick-ing," because she always grabs a stick with which to dig in said dirt.

[beardedmrbean]

Rick Rolled a entire stadium full of people, epic.

[kurhanchyk]

my preemptive answer is that because people refuse to commit main characters to it but i'm sure there are many reasons

[monstrousgourmandizingcats]

#i think it's also because many people write about them from an atheist's perspective#i.e. they write like they can't believe a character would take a religion and its tenets seriously#without being a caricature of fundamentalism

(from @lilybarthes)

[fivekoboldsinacoat]

It's a good video! I highly recommend it. Watched it a few hours after it dropped and was thinking about it again this morning.

OP isn't wrong, exactly (saying this for everyone else reading, not at you, OP) and the pasted tags are excellent & about a real issue, but actually further from the thesis of the video.

That thesis boils down to fiction that creates religions, like fantasy novels or RPGs, is very prone to only really depicting the religion's myths and sacred texts. The creation stories, the pantheon melodramas, that kind of thing. Adjacent to this is a big focus on belief. Both of these, ReligionForBreakfast (RFB) suggests, are due at least in part to (unexamined or deliberate) Christocentrism.

The thing that's missing, that RFB proposes as what he thinks would make a big difference and be good to see in fictional worlds, is action. ("Ritual", for certain definitions of the word.) What do followers of a religion, or people within that religion's culture, actually do? How does it appear in daily life, in art and architecture, customs and food, etc.? And not just the Official Approved actions or activities, either.

It's a really solid video, just under 20 minutes long, link here for the interested.

[galileosballs]

"I want to live in a world in which teenagers can fulfil their natural purpose of being annoying" and "I do not always want to be annoyed by the teenagers" are compatible sentiments

[galileosballs]

#I get so happy when I’m annoyed by teenagers in public#because it’s like#these kids are forming communities outside of their parents!#they aren’t shackled by school or soccer or clubs their parents put them in#they have the initiative and confidence to make their own social connections#it’s so so cool that I’m out of touch with what they’re saying and doing#because it means they have lives of their own (tags via @elongated-twink)

You! You are the only person who has correctly understood this post. The point is not that they should go be annoying somewhere else, it's that being annoyed by teenagers in normal public places, while annoying, is a good thing. It is a sign of societal health. We adults just need to be ok with the fact that we're going to be annoyed sometimes.

[annebronte-deactivated20210628]

reblog if you wear glasses. too many mutuals don't know they have glasses wearers in their midsts

[loccorocco]

Was riding a provincial bus with my friend. The bus braked hard, and she caught me by the forehead. It was a meaty smack

[deadmomjokes]

Nugget is in the delightful stage of "figure out how to Language," so I'm gonna try to make this post be a compilation of her doing words and such.

Starting with her discovery of dandelion puffballs. I picked one and blew it for her and she lost her mind laughing. We started another one, and she finally caught enough breath between laughs to shriek, "BUBBLES!!!"

So now every time we see one, it's "bubble flower."

MY HEART