Did your therapist convince you it was a delusion?
Not really. I mainly described what it felt like to her and then we narrowed it down to if it was a hallucination or delusion (and she did tell me I didn’t have to call it either).
I also continue to get evidence that it was, at the very least, not real, so it’s not “evil professional convinces innocent system that she’s faking!!!”.
I'ms hugging you (/p) sitting patiently in ur inbox awaiting ur return
I sorry ppls were mean to you :( I hope they didn't scare you away from tumblr forevers, 'cause I think you're real nifty n stuff my bean 💖🦐
Naw. I was just taking a break for a very long time. For my own mental health I decided against looking at any content about plurality for a while and even did a little social media break.
It’s been a little hard, but things are really looking up, you know. Life has its ups and downs.
this is the friendship shrimp (friendshrimp)! ->🦐<- his name is Jeeves and he brings good tidings/vibes to the function! He also wards off haters with our army of shrimp brethren >:)
I LOVE YOU (platonically) AND THANK YOU FOR COINING A TERM FOR THE THING
You would not believe the rollercoaster of STRESS, anxiety, and dysphoria that has been me trying to figure out if there’s a name or community for whatever it is that’s up with me. Every time I thought I found one, I’d do research and be like “okay yeah no that sounds like a disorder I don’t have/oh dang that's endogenic/that sounds like a pyramid scheme or cult???”
the way I do it is a sort of mix between Selfshipping and immersive daydreaming I think. It’s become so subconscious a coping mechanism for me to just imagine Angel Dust (my beloved :3) comforting me, that when. Have an anxiety attack, my brain kickstarts that automatically in the background, to where it’s almost a surprise to have such a loud upsetting mind, only for it to feel like I’m being hugged and shushed as he (I) push through the noisy static to get myself someplace quiet to calm down~
I also like that I the name makes us sound like magicians :3c waving my special lil sparkly wand and summoning forth my army of fictional characters to hype me up when I don’t want to do selfcare~
ppl should be nice and leave you alone :( Ur so valid and I’m so sorry they’re giving you a hard time friendo
ur always welcome on my blobgs :3c this is my main, but I mostly imaginary-fam post over on my Selfshipping sideblog, “cheetos-family-dump”
Squishes you!!! Gets snacks and puts you n your f/os in blanket burrito and watches ur favorite shows w you in a lil blanket fort MWAH (get kissied on the head you beautiful creature :3c)
ur doin the Lord’s work 🫡 I salute thee soldier!!!
Thank you!!!
I mainly named the community Illusian because of the magician vibe, you know? I also mused on Illusionmaster.
It is extremely, extremely amazing for me to see at least some people really connecting with the term. And that was my goal! To give people who don’t want to identify as plural a term that still can fit them, to give people who wanted to find likeminded people a term to find them from.
you can only imagine my happiness when I check my notifications after a massive while of not checking Tumblr and seeing different people really connecting with the Illusian community!!
Tbh I didn’t want to make a flag before but it’s very cute and if people want to use it they sure can. There are definitely flags for things like age regression (while agere is sometimes involuntary it is also voluntary sometimes, that’s why I’m connecting the two) so I don’t see an issue with the it!
i admit i have not had the most Rational posts sometimes (not like any person will ever have 100% rational posts. just human nature) but why am i suddenly the vagued-about syscourse bus driver
Sophie has apparently decided that, with delusions specifically, you have to be super super close to what the DSM describes in order for your delusion to actually be a delusion. Apparently, to her, a specific kind of delusion is only an actual delusion if it has studies done on it, as if there isn't basically an infinite amount of potential delusions someone can have. For someone so very against medicalization and trusting people's experiences, she's awfully keen to fake claim people's delusions for the sake of, I really don't know honestly, maybe further this whole "singlets are fake" thing she has going on? :/
Anyway, I'd just like to say that bizarre delusions are a real thing (using this terminology because that's how the more out there delusions are described medically) and that being in a state of delusion isn't the same as having a headmate. Reminder that headmates are much more than just feeling like a different person sometimes. Stop trying to fake claim delusions and trying to reinforce them when that could potentially be dangerous to those who have them. Delusions aren't inherently plural, and trying to force the label onto someone who does have delusions around it is a very risky thing to do. Don't try and convince people that the delusion is actually real, ESPECIALLY if the person is specifically telling you not to do that!
To the people who do deal with delusions, how you're doing alright today :3 We don't have them ourselves, and we may have gotten something wrong here, but I do wanna say that yall are awesomesauce! Don't let anyone tell you that you can't possibly have a certain delusion, or that it can't exist and you MUST be not delusional actually. If you say you have a certain delusion, no matter what kind it is, we believe you :3
Cee sounds very cool and I'm glad you've found something that works for you
Thank you! If the Illusian community takes off I can’t wait to post most stuff about her. Cute Cee :3.
I think she’s a very good example on what you can do with imaginary friends. Obviously there’s not actually someone else reminding you, but getting into the habit of thinking “if I get upset or start spiraling, make this character try to help” could possibly be super great! Trick your mind into associating feeling upset with having that character remind you to ground yourself.
Obviously, she’s not a substitute for actual mental health or help. But in some situations she’s very nice to have.
yo be a bit careful, you’re kinda getting targeted by Sophie who’s calling you a “fake singlet”.. just wanted to let ya know
isn’t that the person who ran this blog and said this insanely tone deaf thing making fun of shootings?
Like. Like this is disgusting. Anyways if that person is going to start talking about me I would APPRECIATE IT if she said that shit to my face?
Also… how in god’s name am I a “fake singlet”? What the hell is a fake singlet? I sure love it when people try and tell me my delusion was actually real!! /sarcasm
I want to talk about this comment because it genuinely gets me upset TO THIS DAY.
(Disclaimer: I am not trying to say that all (pro)endogenics are like this. I had many come into my comments and be rather respectful. But on the other hand, I had people like this.)
Eight whole people saw this guy go “the delusion was your fault” and were like, yeah, that seems correct, like it!
Firstly, “endos can be nice too” makes no sense considering the content of the video. I made it very clear that I do not hate pro-endos and that I didn’t think anyone should attack them because that would make it worse.
Maybe the text at the end is what they’re referring to but from reading everything else you should probably be able to say “hey, maybe we shouldn’t be saying a delusion is someone’s fault.”
And another thing, A DELUSION IS NEVER THE FAULT OF THE PERSON UNDER THE DELUSION. I am genuinely baffled by how you come to this conclusion. It’s not like I woke up one day and was like “hey, I’m going to go into a harmful delusion, time to go find a community to get it from”, I was fed misinformation!! I was told shit that wasn’t true and genuinely believed I was a system without a CDD!!
Even if endo systems do exist, even if alters without a CDD do exist, it would literally not be either of their faults in this case. If this comment was formatted like “It’s your fault that being a system ended up harmful” I’d still be upset cause what the Fuck, but I’d understand what their thought process was. A delusion is not some kind of moral failure. A delusion is not the fault of the delusional person, or an insult, or something that shows a lack of intelligence. And I would have expected someone who aligns with the believe all experiences community to understand that?
Also, I noticed this in several comments where people ask what the endo community had to do with it and it’s like, what? Let’s say, for a moment, I researched and found out things about DID instead. Firstly, I’d think, “hmm, this is a serious disorder. I better do more research before I diagnose myself with it!” And then probably test to see if the characters in my head could be controlled by me. Which they would be able to. And then I’d see more about how DID isn’t just “alter disorder” and is a lot more symptoms and go “okay, I don’t have this!”
Besides, the anti-endo system community DOES have problems, I will say! Fakeclaiming is rather rampant in some spaces! But that also brings up a point of WITH ALL THE FAKECLAIMING GOING ON, I’m sure it’d be a lot fucking harder to get a delusion of being a system!! The endo community regularly is like “everyone is a little plural”, and hell, I see it in my inbox where people are like “I hope you can be plural without judgement!!” some day even though I have made it very clear it was a delusion.
Am I saying it’s impossible to get a delusion that you’re a CDD system? No, not at all! You can get delusions of tons of stuff. I am just saying that it’s a lot easier to get one in pro endo spaces than in anti endo spaces!!!
Mandatory preface that I disagree with you on a lot of The Discourse, so while this isn't about that, I understand if you'd rather delete this ask and not engage.
I was curious about your imaginary friends. Like what it's like having them, what kinds of personalities you gave them, your favorite things to do with them, that sort of thing.
I really don’t mind if someone with a different viewpoint interacts with me, especially if it’s about something else! I don’t wanna seem like an evil scary guy who hates everyone that doesn’t agree with her lol. If you’re being respectful, I’ll be respectful. It’s just fair.
Anyways, I have one current imaginary friend I control. I’ve posted her before, and her name is Cee. She’s a Croissant plushie based off of my irl one, a very mischievous yet caring character who is unfortunately prone to freaking the fuuuuck out when things go a little sometimes.
She is a manifestation of the longing of all of her source’s (the TBD from Cookie Run) employees and can shapeshift in any form based off a plushie of those employees that she desires. She also has a true form I sometimes draw her in, but otherwise she is a very silly and cute plushie.
I mainly just snuggle with her. It is super nice having a person to snuggle with at night and having her be a little plushie to compliment and call cute names is super fun. Also, she’s kind of a mental health reminder. It helps to have a thought process of “if feeling not good, make Cee remind you of nice thing” instead of feeling like shit and forgetting to try and feel better. Mainly things like reminding me to ground myself if I feel myself dissociating and asking reality checking questions if I feel like I’m going into the delusion.
I do have like. A String Gummy one that I’ve currently put on pause, based off of the previous “headmate”.
Sorry if I started talking a little more about my previous delusion than I should have, I kind of have no idea how to explain what they do without bringing it up because they’re very connected to it and a way I deal with it ;-;’
Why the fuck do people try to pull the “your delusional” card on all alterhumans like ok? Your point is? It’s not your problem and you shouldn’t be demonizing delusional people.
hey so extremely scary shit happened yesterday. Not a fun day?
Got off the phone with my therapist. I remember everything I wrote last night or so and fuuuck that is scary. 100% fell back into the delusion last night for some reason. think I crawled back into some pro endo communities for a moment?
Anyways PLEASE disregard all the shit I deleted, that was me saying it and me under, again, delusion.
I am not saying that for you it wasn’t a delusion but in your post you said everything stopped the second you realized it’s a delusion and that it wouldn’t with a CDD and that’s not true it’s well studied that often if someone discovers they’re a traumagenic system and they aren’t ready to know that their brain can convince them it was either a delusion and then system reset so that the host doesn’t remember it, or have it go back into hiding. So not 100% true always even if true for you - also anti-endo just wanna clarify
Oh yeah, good clarification. Don’t worry about accidentally coming off wrong, I get what you’re saying.
Not much to add onto this haha. Just that makes sense, good clarification.
Did any of your "ex headmates" fight against the idea that they weren’t real once you realized? Like in denial parts of yourself
Basically. If you see my earliest post after I got out of it you can see me talk about it a little. I was so used to imagining their voices in my head that stopping wasn’t as simple as just imagining them not being there. Especially since I had been conditioned to believe that my brain wasn’t my own.
I likened it to when you are told not to imagine a clown and therefore imagine a clown. Like that. Thoughts aren’t 100% consciously controlled sometimes. It’s why intrusive thoughts and the like exist. It’s why we often forget stuff or think weird things (stories of people trying to imagine scenarios in their head and one of the characters won’t stop backflipping for example).
I heard them be very in denial, yes. Very actively hostile at the idea. But eventually I weaned myself off of the idea that I needed to hear their thoughts 24/7 like I used to.
Idk if this helps but, the fact that you felt so loved by your ex headmates is kinda beautiful bc you love parts of who you are that much, the love you got from snuggling them was just love from yourself, you can still snuggle alone and watch movies and games alone and still have that love for yourself, I feel like I can never do anything alone without feeling lonely and you can
Thank you. Although I guess it’s more “you could” now, but that’s a nice way to look at it. I suppose the delusion made me feel slightly more loved by myself.
And when I got out of it, I decided that maybe I should frame it all differently. That even if those people weren’t real and were just myself, that… I did like myself. And I am comfortable being myself, and loving myself.
