Thank you @pradaxstyles for the fun prompt! I hope I did it justice 🤞🏼 [Tags: smut, degradation, choking, multiple orgasms, angst]
“You left me.”
“I did it for your own good.”
“You left me.”
You groaned as you rolled over to shut off your blaring alarm. Loud enough to wake the dead, and it still wouldn’t wake you. You rub your face with both hands before reluctantly getting out of bed. Your 50 lb ball of love, lazily looks at you from his spot on the bed. He yawns dramatically and you lean down to kiss his head. He licks in your direction and you walk over to your closet. You pick out a grey band tee, your favorite black jeans, and a camel leather jacket. You tuck the tee into the front of your jeans and set your favorite vans by the door. Walking into the bathroom you finish off your morning routine (a quick splash of water, followed by mascara, and a touch of concealer to pretend the bags under your eyes haven’t been permanent for the last three years). As you walk back out of the room, Chief raises his butt to the air in a biiiiig stretch, before following you out to the living room. You slide the screen door to the backyard open to let him out and take a big whiff of morning air. Grabbing a granola bar as you fill up chief’s bowl, the bar half hanging from your mouth, he saunters in, tail wagging. You pat his head as he munches away, and move to close the back door, and gather the rest of your things before you leave for work.
Phoebe Bridgers pours through your car speakers and you decide to let it play. Glancing to the box in your back seat you sigh. Best to get this over with. You still had to get through your work day, so you push the intrusive thoughts aside.
Your work day was fairly normal: chaotic, fast, and over quickly with minor casualties. You say goodbye to your coworkers and check your phone as you walk to your car.
You drive to the coffeeshop that holds all too many memories. You are taking deep breaths to regulate your anxiety, to no avail. You know, deep down, no matter what you do this is going to be a shitshow. You get there before him, order a strong coffee, and sit in the corner booth, nestled against a window, and away from other patrons. In the Woods Somewhere plays softly in the background but the noise you notice is the bell above the front door. You look up over your coffee, both hands clutched around the scalding sides- not that you’d noticed. You were preoccupied watching the man who’d just walked in. A patterned button up, undone to show the black tee shirt underneath, perfectly loose on his frame, faded jeans and vans. Disheveled yet perfectly together. You stare at the grain in the table beneath you, until you hear the chair move across from you. You instinctively curl your left foot under your thigh, subconsciously grasping for some sense of security.
You naw on your lower lip for a moment before breaking eye contact to sip your coffee.
“You don’t need to thank me, I need it out of my house.” You shrug and hold your coffee close, as if it can become a wall in between the two of you. His green eyes pierce through your own, holding so much emotion you were having trouble sorting through them. Pain. That you knew. But beyond that you couldn’t make out.
He picks at a flake of wood from the table before looking back to you. “How have you been?”
“We don’t need to do this. Your stuff is in my car, let’s just go get it and leave.” You almost spit, desperately trying to make it out of this without making a fool of yourself. No matter what you chanted to yourself in the mirror every morning since that night, you cannot deny your pulse threatening to beat out of your neck right now. You stand and he copies you, observing your every move. You walk past him and through the thick scent you know all too well. Your birthday present to him. He’s just fucking with me at this point. You quickly make it to the street outside, taking a large breath to clear your head and steady your heart. You waste no time, before you are walking towards your car, knowing he is not far behind you.
“Y/n. Please.” His voice breaks a bit at the end and you squeeze your eyes shut. You set your coffee on the top of your car, while it unlocks and you reach in to grab the box. Turning around you thrust the box into his arms. He looks so broken and something in you snaps.
“Please what?! You asked me to meet you here to get your stuff. That is what we’ve done, now it’s over.” You seethe through your teeth. Your words landing the punches just as you intended. He glances down at the box of memories and blinks back at you.
“Let me explain.” He tries.
“Explain what. You left me. You made it very clear that night, there is nothing to explain anymore.” You slam the car door shut and move to the driver’s side, your shadow right on your heels.
He reaches out for your elbow and you spin on your heels. He’s so close to you, that you take a step back, connecting with your car. He runs his hand through his hair roughly, the muscles in his arm tense and giving away his stress.
“Y/n, I did it for your own good.” He looks back at you with so much pain in his eyes.
“My own good?! You left me. If that is my ‘good’ then you are truly delusional.” You push back at him and open your car door, forcefully. He catches it in his hands as you sit down. “Let go.” You hiss.
“Y/n. You don’t understand. Please..” He seems frantic now. Desperate. Good. He deserves it.
“I won’t ask you again. Let. Go.” You growl through your teeth. He steps back and you close your door, peel back and drive away. Leaving the man you love in the dust of the gravel parking lot.
Three weeks have past since that day. You’ve put it away in your mind and buried yourself in work, friends, and booze. You know your best friend was watching you closely, indulging you and your process. You can’t think about it, because if you do, you’ll remember the happiest you’ve ever been and it will crush you. You cannot and will not give him that much power. So here you are. Another bar, another drink, music coursing through your veins.
You dance, drink, and dance some more. Bodies moving against each other, men trying their best to crack through your front, and you expertly maneuvering around their efforts. You shout to your friend, over the music, that you are going to get some air, and she motions that she is coming with you. Arms linked, the two of you bust through the back door, to the small ally beside the bar. Your breath billows in a cloud before you, and you lean your head back, relishing the cool air on your heated skin.
“Y/n?” A voice cracks through the icy air and your eyes snap to the present. Your friend squeezes your arm and you just nod to her. She moves to go back inside, but not before telling you she will be just inside the door. You give her a look and she ducks inside.
You spin to face him. He looks different. More scruff than you’re used to, hair unruly.
“Hi.” You offer, cooly. Maybe it’s the booze, maybe it’s the night air, whatever it is, you feel confident and sexy. You’re dying to make him squirm.
He raises an arm to the nape of his neck, rubbing momentarily.
“You look amazin.” He offers and you smirk.
“Thanks.” Your words as icy as the air around you once was. Now it’s thick with apprehension. “What are you doin here, luv?”
He winces at the use of his pet name and in his accent. “Some friends are celebratin a promotion at work. I had to clear my head. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it. You step to him and hold your fingers out. He arches a brow to you before placing a fresh one in your fingers and hold the lighter for you. You pull long and slow, closing your eyes at the familiar feeling. “Thought you quit.” He mumbles, cigarette bouncing between his plump lips.
“I did. Doesn’t mean I can’t indulge.” You look at him through your lashes and draw in another long puff. He clicks his mouth, while cocking his head to the side, before taking a drag himself. You stay close to him and he leans against the brick outer wall of the bar. You two stand in silence for a moment before a slew of people come tumbling out of the back door. The group fumbles down the few stairs to the street, the girls giggling from the booze, the boys radiating “I’m gonna get laid” excitement, both oblivious to where you two were standing. One of the guys backs right into you, launching you forward. You would’ve connected with the ground had strong hands not caught your hips just in time.
“Oi, might wanna use your eyes, cocksucker.” Your ex growls towards the group. They just laugh him off, too intoxicated to care about us. “You alright?” He turns you to face him and you pluck the cig from your lips, using your other hand to move the hair from your face, nodding. You move to step away and roll your ankle on a pebble, causing you to fall into him again. This time you didn’t fight the urge you’d had since you’d laid eyes on him. You slam your lips to his and the world spins away. His hands immediately intertwine with your hair, your hands feeling the muscles of his chest, cigarettes long forgotten. You press yourself closer to him and he moves you both, your spine shivering from the cold bricks. He doesn’t wait for permission before slipping his tongue in your mouth, which you happily welcome. Suddenly it’s as hot as it was in the bar. Needed Me pounds through the walls and you feel the base in your hips. You bite down on his lip and he growls in your mouth. His grip on your hair tightens, forcing you to lean your head back as he attacks your jaw. He nips mercilessly and you choke back cries of your pent up angst. This man destroyed you. And all you want is to go down in flames with him.
“You’re coming with me. Text your friend. Or don’t.” He gives you all of three seconds to process before pulling you to the street where his car is parked. He peels out of the spot to a nearby parking lot and parks away from any prying eyes. You quickly message your friend that you would meet her at home and she tells you to be safe. Before you know it he is pulling you into the backseat, pinning you down in between his thighs. You can smell the bourbon on his breath, mixed with nicotine. You drink in his scent as he moves inches from your lips.
“Couldn’t resist.” He says and you smirk. He crashes into you again and you fumble to find the hem of his shirt. He pulls it off with ease, only breaking away from you for a split second. He rolls his hips into you, producing a groan from you. You were throbbing for his touch. You arch into him and he takes the opportunity to rip your shirt from your body. You suck in a sharp breath, relishing the sting. He latches to the base of your neck, trailing to just under your collarbone, careful not to spend too much time on the places that are noticeable. You discard your bralette and he grabs your freed boob with his hand, lips attacking the other. You arch into his touch, raking your nails down his back.
“Eager lil thing, aren’t you?” He taunts and you grimace at him. “I wanna hear you beg.” He nudges your thighs with his and you lift your hips so he can pull your skirt down. With one swift motion it is lost with your bralette.
You grit your teeth and open your mouth to speak, but before you have a chance, three fingers are pushed in between your lips.
“Suck.” He instructs and you do as your told. You lap at his fingers, swirling your tongue around them as he lightly pulses them in your mouth. You slurp around them until he pops them out of your mouth. His other hand expertly rips your panties from you and you hiss at the sting. Without skipping a beat he’s attacking your clit with rapid circles. He runs his fingers up and down your slit.
“So fucking ready for me. Always my good little slut aren’t you?” He praises. You nod, chest heaving, short shallow breaths. He thrusts two fingers in you, pumping relentlessly, curling them just right, to send your mind reeling. You arch your head back and clench your eyes shut, staving off the rapidly approaching orgasm.
“Does my pet want to cum?”
A hand wraps around your throat.
“Please daddy” you whine, “please let me cum... I-mm so close.” You fumble. He smirks and thrusts his fingers faster than you thought possible. Your orgasm rattles through your whole body, as he rides you through it, hand still squeezing your throat, just right.
“Open.” You obey, and he lets you taste yourself. Closing in the distance he locks lips with you. “Taste so good, baby girl.” He moans into your mouth. You whimper back at him, impatient for more.
He chuckles in your ear and he flips you both. “Want you to take a seat, love.” You straddle his head, his hands guiding you, massaging your thighs. “So I can see you.” He almost growls. You position yourself so you are looking down at him, as he nestles you into position, locking your thighs with a vice grip. He wastes no time, lapping up your juices, and attacking your sensitive bud. You grip the car door in front of you and throw your head back. The sensations taking over all of your senses. You try to lift up some to release some of the tension in your gut, but he holds you firmly in place, attacking mercilessly. You are already close again, the overwhelming sensitivity of your clit betraying you. He hums against you knowing you won’t be able to fight. Your hands find his hair and your knuckles go white as you roll through another orgasm, hips bucking uncontrollably against his face.
He finally loosens his grip on your thighs and slides his body up to meet your face, keeping you steady as your strength is failing you. He kisses your neck as you try to calm your breathing, forehead resting on his shoulder.
“Does my little slut have another round in her?” He whispers in your ear. You nod against his shoulder and he chuckles in your ear. “That’s my good girl.”
He wraps an arm around your waist, while he lifts you up, so he can remove his jeans and boxers. You move to help and he holds you in place. His hard dick bounces up and smacks your throbbing pussy, causing you to jump. You sheepishly look back at him and he smirks. He licks his fingers, encouraging you to lick them as well, which you accept gladly. He moves them to your clit, rubbing slow gentle circles. You moan at his touch and he squeezes your side, where his arm is still snaked around you. He positions you over him and rocks into you. You close your eyes, mouth falling open, as you feel every inch of you stretch open to meet him.
“My pet takes my cock so fucking good, doesn’t she?” He croons.
He rolls into you again, agonizingly slow, fingers still slowly pulsing and circling on your clit. You dig your nails into his shoulder blade. He thrusts slowly a few more times before picking up the pace slightly, and you match him by swirling your hips.
“That’s it baby girl. Taking me so good.” He praises. He brings his thumb up to rub your lower lip, causing your lips to part, as you pant. He kisses you deep, full of passion, as he thrusts deep, hitting your very core. You moan when he hits the right spot and he continues to push all the right buttons. He swirls your nipples in between his fingers as you lean back, resting your hands on the seat. You start to grind into him, pushing yourself closer to the edge. He bites down on your nipple and you let out a squeak, which only encourages him further. He thrusts faster now, pulling you back to him, arm snaking around you again. You two are fully intertwined and you’ve forgotten every single reason why you aren’t with this man. All the pain, the hurt, the betrayal. Gone. You are fully his and he is fully yours. He rocks into you quick and deep, until you come undone on his cock. He rides you through as long as he can before his own orgasm ripples through him. He holds you as tightly as possible, and you bury your face in his neck, both of you a panting, sweaty mess. You both stay like this for a while, lost in each other, unwilling to break the spell.
You finally shift up, to let him fall from you. He kisses your collarbone gently, then your lips. You smile at him and he caresses your face. You move to sit on the seat and he reaches in the back to his gym bag, and produces a clean white tee shirt, seeing as your other one is in tatters. You pull your bralette back on, along with his shirt, and tuck it into your skirt, minus underwear since that too is no more. He gets out and walks around to the driver’s side as you crawl back into the front seat.
He asks if you would come back to his and you place a gentle hand on his face.
“This was never our problem, darling.” He leans into your touch, and kisses your palm, before starting the car to take you home. The drive is quiet, the silence comfortable, but heavy. The words unsaid hang in the balance, both of you knowing this is the end. He pulls up to your house and you give him one last kiss, full of all the love you have for him, and will probably always have for him. He kisses back with the same bitter-sweet passion, cupping your face, thumbs gently rubbing your cheeks.
“Goodnight my love. It was good to see you again.” You say before getting out of the car. You let your gaze linger on him for a moment more. You loved him. You might always love him. But you knew deep down, you two weren’t good for each other. And you wanted more for him. You wanted more for yourself. And you knew he would never let you go if it was his choice. So you did the impossible. You walked away, up your path, and into your house, only to slide down your door in sobs.
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