sentimental garbage

Daniella • XXIV • 🌷

[cinderyellaa]

🌀 h e n l o 🌀

[titsay]

[cinderyellaa]

i’ve been struggling mentally for the past few months and someone told me na baka makatulong if babaguhin ko environment and routine ko. thing is, hindi ako naglalabas ng bahay kasi. mula nung nag-WFH ako, lumala pagiging introvert, anti-social ko and i just bed rot before & after work. i don’t even go out kahit rest day ko. a “healthier lifestyle” just doesn’t appeal to me that much. but i need to do something and naalala ko na maraming stray dogs sa lugar namin. effective na motivation yung makapagpakain ako ng stray dogs while taking a walk around the neighborhood. and so these last three weeks, consistent yung paglabas ko at pagpapakain ng mga aso. i intentionally do it around noon cause it’s summer and i know naiinitan mga aso sa labas so tinatiming ko para mapainom ko sila ng malamig na tubig. among those dogs na pinapakain ko, there’s this one na paborito ni mama kasi sinasalubong daw siya every night pag naglalakad siya pauwi from work. kahit sa gabi papalabasin niya ko para lang puntahan si whitey. i’ve no complaints kasi it rly helped improve my mental health somehow.

naiinis lang ako kasi for two consecutive nights, naabutan ko na may nagbigay nga ng food kay whitey pero puro tinik ng isda naman tapos may siling pansigang pa. benefit of the doubt sige, kasi hindi naman lahat ng tao pet lover at baka yun ang ulam nila at gusto lang talaga makapagbigay sa aso. kaso pagpunta ko ngayong gabi, nakita ko yung tubigan ni whitey may limang siling labuyo na hiniwa pa. hindi ko na alam kung wala lang talagang pakialam or kung galit ba sa aso. nakakaawa, people are so cruel. much as i want to adopt whitey, i already have 2 dogs. hindi ko na afford ipacheck up at ipagamot si whitey. and i can’t risk din naman yung health ng dalawang aso ko. i already reached out to a few orgs that i know, and hopefully someone can come rescue.

[cinderyellaa]

They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates, and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey

[perfectfeelings]

“I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I didn’t deserve.”

— Unknown

[cinderyellaa]

So I wander through these nights

I prefer hiding in plain sight

My fourth drink in my hand

These desperate prayers of a cursed man

Spilling out to you for free

But darling, darling, please

You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking

If you knew where I was walking

To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there

Where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care

No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

[cinderyellaa]

errands day lang sana, nakagat pa ko ng aso ko. parang nananadya talaga universe, yung mapilitan ako lumabas labas ng bahay para magpainject at may mga follow up shots. tapos nagkareaction pa skin ko sa erig, so yung hrig binigay sakin w/c is 4x ang presyo. awa na lang oh 🫠

[cinderyellaa]

proof of life ✨

dump ko lang dito cause nakadeact na mga soc med accts ko. kung anu-ano na lang talaga pinaggagawa ko. nag-DIY wolf cut, bangs, DIY off shoulder tee. nangangati naman ako magkulay ng buhok. or what if magpa-tatts? or manahimik na lang talaga sa bahay.

[futuristic-koala]

[cinderyellaa]

Are you okay?

not rly pero wala namang choice.

pero ganito pala feeling makareceive ulit ng anon TA, i feel so old 😭 magPM ka na lang wala na ko makausap HAHAHAHAHH

[cinderyellaa]

bakit kasi ang sensitive ko? ang lala ko mag-overthink. hindi ko na alam kung hormones lang ba ‘to o ano. naooverwhelm ako sa mga nangyayari yet at the same time i feel like walang nangyayari sa buhay ko, i’m not getting anywhere. pagod na pagod na ako that even the slightest shit makes me cut people off.

it def feels like a ME problem. valid ba yung feelings ko? or did i overreact? hindi ko na sure. hindi ko na alam paano tutulungan sarili ko tbh. choice ko naman ‘to pero ba’t ako yung umiiyak??? having to walk away from someone i love and care about when every part me wants to hold on… and the grief that comes with having to stand firm on that decision knowing it’s not what i want, but it’s what’s best for everyone.

[soul-from-another-era]

Unconditional love isn't a free pass to hurt me.

[firstfullmoon]

Maria Gray, from “Bad Nostalgia”

[melodiden]

[vexheart]

[cinderyellaa]

366/366

I can't remember the last time I logged in here. Hi! I hope everyone's doing well.

2024 has been such an intense, overwhelming year for me from a mental health perspective. Looking back, it was one bad thing after another. And I feel like I spent most of my time this year holding my breath, hoping for better days to come. Though I still don't understand why I had to go through certain situations, I know those experiences were necessary for my personal growth.

That said, I'd also like to thank my support system. I may not have a big circle of friends, but I am very much contented with the people I surround myself with right now. There were days when it felt like everything's falling apart, but they helped me piece myself back together each time.

At this point, I am just happy to be closing this chapter with my mom and our 2 dogs still by my side. I hope 2025 treats us all a little kinder. Happy New Year!

[cinderyellaa]

Wow, it’s been a while. 🤍

I hope everyone’s doing well!