Just a reminder that this blog is very pro-palestine and very much anti-zionist. (if you have a problem with this feel free to block me bc i don't want you here).
If you're looking for resources on information or ways you can help, have a look though the 'free palestine' tag on my blog.
from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸
SUMMARY. for one night, you secretly took on a chance to step into the life of the wealthy through a masquerade. to refresh and reset, all you desired was to be free. but you were not expecting a mysterious gentleman to sweep you off your feet.
PAIRING. jaehyun x fem!reader
WORD COUNT. 7k
GENRE. bridgerton-like universe, regency era, strangers to (future) lovers, masquerade ball, duke!jaehyun, lower class maid!reader, future forbidden romance, fluff-ish with humor, angst
PLAYLIST. if i aint got you cover by the vitamin string quartet, pov cover by strings from paris
WARNINGS. mentions of parental death, living under toxic family dynamics, jaehyun is the mystery man so his name is barely mentioned, class and gender differences given the times, formal language majority of the time, subtle mentions of other neos
⤑ vero’s words: HEOL AFTER 3 OR SO YEARS???????? all i can say is that i missed you guys and this platform so much and i missed writing and I MISS JAEHYUN SO MUCH!!! this story was instantly inspired by the few previews of bridgerton season 4 (coming early next year UGH LETS GO), and during the process, i realized how vital writing is to my overall being! the past 2 years, work and other life problems took a toll, but now, this is my chance to reclaim my power and express who tf i am! HAHAHAHA anyways i hope this story makes up for the long time, but i can guarantee more is on the way (no dates but just know that i won't go awol for a while again). so yeah this story definitely saved me and i really hope you guys join along the journey with me! ALSO thank you for the 1k followers MWAH I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH 💖💖💖
⤑ disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. i don’t own the people/characters written, but the plot is mine. translations or copying my work is not allowed.
⤑ masterlist
⤑ leave me some feedback or hellos!
YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
But if you stayed at that wretched estate any longer, you may just lose all your composure.
And that is not a modest attitude expected from a scullery maid of said estate, correct?
You are already of poor standing in society, so why add more to it?
However, it was not always like that. If only your late father were a lot wiser in choosing his next bride after your late mother…
Because said bride would become your stepmother and took over his entire estate, finances, and everything else he belonged. And while you were his daughter, she spared nothing other than a maid uniform and a bedroom near the kitchen. Perhaps the fairytales were real, very much the unfortunate beginning of it. And seeing how unlucky your life has been so far, a fairytale ending is very much out of your cards.
No money, nowhere else to go, this estate is all you know and the last thing that connects you to your parents. Leaving it is not an option.
With that truth, taking a chance of minor freedom should not sound so bad. You may have no clue how long you have such in this world, so if there’s even a sliver of an opening, you would gracefully slide through it.
Hence, that is what brought you to this special event. The yearly Jeong Masquerade Gala that all of the ton anticipates, wherein even the king and queen themselves made an appearance. Perhaps, they’re the only ones who did not remain anonymous. Yet to be in the same room as them feels like a dream.
Throughout the night so far, you roamed through the entire ballroom with curiosity and awe. Shimmering gowns swayed, glasses of the finest wines clinked, and wild chatter filled the air.
“The ballroom resembles a fantastical dream.”
“The Jeongs have done it again. Perhaps even better than the last.”
“Has anyone seen the soon-to-Duke? I heard he is on search for a bride, and my daughter would be quite the suitable woman for him.”
Just like every woman present in the venue, a man would approach them for a dance. Your hand has been asked for such and who are you to decline? It is a night of mystery, and who are they to distinguish who is of high class and who is not as of now?
That only adds to the allure of it all.
One, two, even five gentlemen sought your hand for a dance. There were quick step waltzes with group dances that made you switch partners until you return to your original partner.
Was this what it felt like to be part of their world?
“I thank you for this lovely dance, my lady.” The original partner in question, who introduced himself as “Mark” or whatever his alias name is for the enigmatic night, bows. “Would you do me the honor for another dance later in the night?”
You nod out of respect, though your feet are quite not used to such high, tight shoes. Years in flats to pace all over the Park estate and serve your stepmother and stepsisters was deemed more practical, so such fancy shoes were another challenge.
But the roster of challenges did not end there. Besides dancing and getting comfortable in your overall outfit, trying to keep up with various conversations can make your brain woozy and overwhelmed. And that is not even due to the bits of champagne you sipped on tonight. Speaking of, you are not one to indulge in such alcohol luxury, so you can feel its effects taking a toll on you. Mid-swaying, higher pitched and quickly triggered
Stepping outside through the tall columns of the patio was the first thing that came on you, where a sprawling acre of peaches ran across the field. The lovely Jeong Peach Gardens, their staple product and once-in-a-lifetime view. Leaning closely to get a better view, a lot were fresh and ready while others are just starting to bloom. They were a show on their own.
However, the garden is no feat for the luminous sky above you. It appears that the stars and the moon have their own celebration above you, twinkling with all their might to express joy. Perhaps they wanted to spread it to those living below them. Minus all that deep, scientific chatter that men of the ton theorize about them earlier that evening, the poetic beauty behind these celestial objects urges you to feel a lot more happiness than worry.
To just forget your duties and just be you.
“Such a beautiful evening, is it not?”
Your momentary daze was cut short by a deep, rich voice. Masculine and rather amused too.
Almost instantly, you regained your composure and straightened your stance after perching against the railing for god knows how long. As you turn back, nothing could have prepared you for what you would see and say.
Or rather who.
There stood a tall gentleman leaning on the side of one pillar of the estate, donning a black and gold suit with a caveat of the same shades. He readjusts his sleeves momentarily, wherein your eyes caught the sparking gleam of his cufflinks. To be more specific, customized ones as one had a peach engraved while the other had the letter J.
This well-dressed gentleman must be of high ranking, you already assume. Only they’d have their family crests on their clothing, but that’s not for the knowledge of the lower classes. And it shows because who is this gentleman?
His hair is as black as the night sky, coiffed and proper with a few of his bangs dangling in front of his mask for the formal evening. His posture straightened, seeing his shoulders roll back to avoid slouching. And those brown orbs of his, they radiate warmth and invitation.
Hence, the nerves earlier came to halt.
And yet, out of all the possible gentleman you have glanced, seen, spoken, and even danced today, he was not one of them.
If you believed you carried mystery throughout the gala, this man solely fully takes you reign.
Because even with a black, sleek mask concealing his identity, a part of you can already tell that he’s rather handsome.
“My lady?” He asks with an inquisitive tilt of his head.
“Oh yes.” You quickly and smoothly nod in agreement to his statement. You must stop spacing out! “The stars beam so brightly tonight, as if wanting to join this very gala beneath them.”
“Indeed.” He calmly shifts his stance back to the sky as he leans against the railing. Just a few mere inches away from you. “These celestial beings are truly immaculate.”
He pauses. “Or maybe they choose to gleam their precious light to someone they deem worthy.” Then he spares an earnest glance at you. “Someone as radiant as you are.”
A gentleman, you say? He has quite the flirtatious tongue. It felt… risqué. Was he a part of a different lot of men who charm their way around life?
“Such flowery, sweet terms.” You point out playfully. “Have you flattered other ladies of the ton already with them, my lord?”
He chuckles, revealing his pearly whites and dimples on his cheeks. “I believe that is just you, my lady.”
A flutter. A second one. Damn, this man. The charm he carries is justified alright.
But are you to revel in his compliments and give him the boost in his ego? Follow the usual construct of women easily falling for such shallow words?
Exactly.
“Well, thank you for your words.” You give a subtle nod and politely smile his way. “But I must say, I have already heard those words from numerous men tonight.”
He arches a brow. “Is that so?”
“Similar in physique, but alike in nature.” You expound further, fixating your attention back to the stars. “Then again, neither of them truly share a keen interest for the stars like I do.”
“Does that put me at an advantage?”
“View it however you please.”
The silence between the both of you, alongside more hushed music from the ballroom in the background, carried a sense of comfort. Fully captivated in watching the night sky twinkle and shine a lot brighter, it’s nothing like watching from the window of your chambers. Even the transparent barrier created a huge difference when you are outside.
Perhaps this luxurious, silk gown elicit such imposter-like feelings, but deep down, it’s as if you were meant to be right here.
If my mother were only here with me…
“What of the night sky entices you?” He cuts through the air, his tone curious and intrigued. Perhaps he knew where to draw the line of camaraderie and flirting.
“The night sky presents endless stars above, and those stars represent all the potential dreams I could have and even achieve.” Those words from your mouth elicited bittersweet memories of a younger you with your mother, a maid just as you. After lights out in the estate, you and her would sneak out to a hidden open curb with a majestic view of the night sky. The sky is the limit for your dreams, my love. Your place in society should not hinder you otherwise.
She may not have lived long enough to follow her advice, but here you were doing it. Not just for her, but for yourself and knowing better. Starting with this gala.
The mystery man gave a hopeful look as his lips curved into a half grin, along with a nod of agreement.
Less to your knowledge, he felt trapped as well. In his own world surrounded with high expectations and rules and standards he must abide and follow. And so the idea of stars as dreams had him wishing for an easier life, where he is in control and leads it in his own accord.
Perhaps you are not so different than me, he thinks.
But returning back to you, “And what dreams do you have that excites you, my lady?”
It is not everyday someone asks you that question, even more of how low of rank you are. Dreams are for the wealthy and for rich, high-ranking men, counteracting the words of your mother. But like breathing fresh air, having dreams of your own come naturally to you.
“I dream to see the world beyond this city, to be one of the lucky people stepping on the several ships that ride in and out rather than being the watcher. I also dream to make a name for myself, work for myself, to be free.”
Your heart soars as such thoughts. Yet those last words hit you as perfect as bullseye in archery. To be free from your stepfamily, to be free of patriarchal-dominant standards, to be free to dream and live a life that is yours.
“You have remarkable dreams, my Lady.” He praises.
“And what of you, my Lord?” You ask, pivoting your body to fully face him. “I believe it is fair to know what a rich and perhaps successful gentleman such as yourself would aspire to have and want.”
“You say I am rich?”
“And successful. Did you not listen, my Lord?”
Your banter earns you a deep, warmhearted laugh from him. Seeing how his eyes crinkle into the shape of crescent moons and his chest heaves, almost as if all of the tension in his body is set free. It made you wonder what made him feel that way. Did he had to act in such a formal, dignified way that showed no cracks to the ton? This whole evening is filled with gentlemen trying to flaunt what they have and own, one-upping each other. Only the strongest can survive here.
“Well,” He gives a more authentic smile. “I dream to live my own life in my own terms. Away from the pressures and rules my family has on me, to travel more and create more art that my father would not shun away as “a waste of precious time.” While I have no retorts on my soon to be responsibilities, I simply want freedom even for a moment to breathe and treasure the young man I am as of now.”
Soon-to-be-responsibilities? This mystery gentleman must be the heir of a big family then, the firstborn. Thank goodness for your masks then. Because sans mask and during day light, this conversation would be a scandal.
But regardless of his identity, his answer must’ve required a lot of trust because he practically expressed his vulnerability to you. In this society, a gentleman would never Even with masks on, he was honest and authentic. Compared to earlier, it’s as if his mood changed into a lighter one.
With a pause, he brushes some strands of his hair away to face you again. “It seems that we share similar aspirations, my Lady.”
“I assume you’re a Duke or Viscount of some sort?” The curious part in you could not hold it in. “Maybe an Earl or Marquis?”
“Maybe one of them.” He gives a mischievous glint. “Maybe not.”
“Ha ha.” You mockingly laugh, crossing your arms on your chest. “So which is it?”
“An answer for another time. Why break the mysterious allure of the masquerade, my Lady?” He questions, tilting his head at you. “Perhaps you take a fancy at me?”
“You are quite incorrigible.”
“And you ask too much.”
The conversation between the both of you flew by seamlessly, all while keeping some things to yourselves to honor the mysterious aura of the night. As you share how you adore the pressed flower display in one aspect of the ballroom, he opens up about all the gentlemen in the evening that he knows are all looking for potential brides.
“I presume you will be of attendance in their weddings?”
“As if I had a choice.”
His playful, boyish charm made it easy to talk to him as informally as you can. It is simply not everyday you talk to a man of such ranking (whatever it is), given your own (hidden) lowly status. All you would get is a nod and “may you fetch me a glass of whiskey and crackers?”. So to have a real conversation, one that would not get you scolded or judged for, made you feel seen. Validated. Important.
Just as you listen to him talk about this one insistent mama trying to set her herself up with him (“a widow who would rather be with me that her daughter”), you let out a loud laugh. The most authentic one from tonight too, you can feel your belly and upper body contract. Trying to cover your mouth to muffle the noise, his attention quickly shifted to the piece of jewelry in your left wrist.
“Such beautiful charms you are wearing there.” Out of the blue, he slowly took your hand in his. Swiftly enough, something electrifying jolts your spine. And perhaps your heart too. Soft yet calloused, he brings it closer to further inspect it. “What do each of them symbolize?”
Your silver charm bracelet holds deep importance to you ever since your wrists were big enough to accommodate such fine jewelry. The only one really that is of high quality as the ones you wore were either borrowed or knock-offs from the market. This very bracelet belonged to your late mother, who received it as a gift from your late father when their forbidden romance was still blossoming. It was something she always wore until she passed it down to you in her bedridden state.
“It is time to make your own mark in the world, but always know that I am always with you in every step of the way. It will always be you and me, my butterfly.”
Those words continue to ache in your heart, all the more to take care of her bracelet.
6 small charms clung along to the silver chain, half of them starting to fade as time impacted them greatly. But the other half still shone brightly, only recently bought through the years since you started wearing it. That is if you saved enough money for such, and so you ensured each new charm was intentional and vital to who you are becoming day by day.
“The rose,” You delicately pointed out the faded flower with the lightest gleam when put under the light of not for the minute-sized gems. “It symbolizes how my parents met and fell in love.”
The Park Estate has the most renowned rose garden, the envy of everyone of the ton up until today. A close second to the nearby Jeong Peach Gardens. Decades ago, your mother simply sought out respite after a day of cleaning the spacial library when she accidentally encountered your father. He also need to take a breath after his lectures with his father as the duke-to-be. Instead of running off after a hefty amount of apologies that almost made her cry and beg to keep her job, your father asked your mother to stay by him as he vented out his worries. So did she. From that day on, they were always secretly meeting there while all the staff and his family were resting in their chambers.
“The books,” Your gaze fell towards the pile of stacked books right beside the rose. “They represent my parents’ shared love for literature.”
Behind the growing bushes of the rose garden, your father always exchanged books with your mother when she mentioned her interest for reading. He was quite into classics, while she loved romance. And soon enough, the details she read in books started to manifest in real life the more she opened to your father.
“The moon,” You paused to admire the beautiful crescent to prepare your heart for the impending doom. “It expresses the freedom and privacy of their love even in the darkest of nights.”
A maid and soon-to-be duke could never be together. Even as their love continues to grow, the risks of exposing into the light is grave. And so they continue to love and be together in the shadows. Beyond the rose garden, they explored the hidden parts of the estate and even the parts of London that are mainly for the lower class. It was only in the night where they had such adventures, and so the moon was their loyal companion who kept them safe.
Other than some maids in Park estate, this story is something you keep secret to yourself. Being the by-product of that love holds so much risk if the story was shared to the wrong person. And while you keep the more intricate details to yourself, a part of you still feels vulnerable whenever you tell the story and relish in the emotions that follow after.
Pity because their love ended when the butler caught them and threatened to expose them.
Longing when your mother was expecting you and upon telling your father, he could only give her access to his most private cottage in the countryside to protect her. Rather than be fully there for her.
Heartache when they both parted ways forever after he gave her the key and a carriage to take her to the countryside and how neither of them wrote to each other due to the risks it held.
However, you put on a brave face for the mystery stranger, who could only nod and grin at your words. That only meant that you managed to share their story in a positive light, as if tragedy never happened and that they still exist and loved each other openly.
“Such lovely people who raised you,” He praises, unaware of the real truth. Though you give him a glimmer of smile because they were good people, only unfortunate in their circumstances. “How about the other charms? What do they signify?”
“Quite the curious cat, aren’t you, my lord?”
He slowly squints his eyes, forming these fine lines around his nose. Those very lines ended up resembling cat whiskers. “They do say I look like one.”
Humor mixed with playful annoyance were expressed through your soft laugh at his jesty remark. “And dare as I say meow.”
With a teasing roll of his eyes, he continues on. “Do tell me what these other charms mean. They must be just as important.”
They are, especially when they symbolized your independence at a young age.
“Well, the ship represents my desire to travel and venture through this vast world. Like I mentioned earlier.” Your fingers delicately pick up the rather loose charm of a ship with a small chimney releasing exhaust.
“As for this tiny star,” You maneuver your wrist to accentuate the very charm under the moonlight. “I believe that I always meant to shine, no matter where in life I can be.”
“And finally, the butterfly,” The last charm is between the star and rose, coming into full circle. “It resembles freedom to soar and fly high, no matter where you come from.”
From your hidden yet unique cocoon that was the cottage you were born into then to a bolder cocoon that is the Park estate when you were merely a toddler, you can feel yourself slowly crumble and exit out of its hard interior. And once you do, you’ll gracefully bloom into this magnificent butterfly who’ll fly to wherever her heart deems.
But then again, that scenario still feels so far and while you sense progress, the cocoon you’re in still remains hard and solid. Cracks, sure, but not strong enough to break through. Your appearance tonight at the gala is almost like a premature getaway. You were lucky to have some knowledge of proper etiquette through books while being clueless in certain aspects now that you were in the actual event. But luckily, the latter did not occur as much, seeing that a lot of these people in the ton are actually easy to impress.
Or at least the people you have met and encountered so far were like that. No need for additional flowery terms to get on their good side, as long as you can hold a great conversation and manners.
But with this stranger, the informality between the both of you felt seamless. Freeing. Just right. And how the side of his lips went for a crooked grin while gazing down at you, it was mutual. Differences in ranking were not considered, at least that’s how you viewed it in the moment.
Under his watchful yet soft gaze, his hand returns to your charm bracelet-clad one. “The meanings behind this bracelet are beautiful.” He lifts it up to leave a gentle kiss on your knuckle, almost leaving you breathless. “It only makes sense when its owner is as such.”
“Flattery again, my lord?”
“Is it working then?”
Before you could respond with a witty retort, he speaks up again. “Dare I say, is your father in attendance?”
“Why do you ask?” You respond, taken aback at his directness.
“I would like to speak with him.” His thumb rubs the side of your hand, hopeful. “Perhaps seek for more time with you.”
What an offer, this holds. In fact, you already know what this may entail. It is quite the goal for many ladies (un)like yourself to achieve as the social season is in full swing. Other than the m-word, this arrangement between you two could have been your gateway to freedom. All the possibilities this held, rushing through your mind with such lighting speed. Even more so discover who this mystery stranger is and further appreciate just how open-minded and kind he is.
And perhaps who is truly is and like behind the mask.
However, your father has already passed, and even if you shared a few years with him, he never truly acknowledged you as his own. It was too risky, and well, you’re a deep and painful reminder of the woman he loved most. Other than that, you have no one with you in the moment. That immediately put a tumultuous stop in your daydreaming like a carriage being pushed off-track and crash down the hills.
Someone of your ranking should not indulge in such fantasies, let alone entertain this offer.
Let alone use a mask as a momentary security blanket from your current reality, which still feels permanent to you.
“But you barely know me, my Lord.”
“Then that can be changed, if you are open to it.”
Optimism was evident in his tone, even as his hold on you remains. If not, tighter than prior. In a split moment, he steps forward and get closer to you. A whiff of cedarwood and sage has your senses enwrapped in his presence, making your frivolous thoughts of protest simply stop. Now, it starts to pick up the 2 small moles on his left cheek, the short black dots of his shaven scruff on his chin and upper lip…
The pinkness and plumpness of his lips. Just inches away from your own.
You could only gulp subtly at all these pieces of information. This rather compromising position you are both in feels scandalous, even more if someone were to catch you both. And as you bravely lock eyes with him, it’s as if time slowed down just for this moment. As the moonlight continues to beam down on him fully along the fire-lit lanterns all across the gardens, this masked stranger has taken notice of your full scrutiny on him. To that, his free hand smoothly glides along your lower back and rest on the side of your waist. You hitch a breath. This very moment between the both of you, appreciating each other’s silent presences, stretched with a lace of delicacy and danger.
But it can also go a number of ways, if either of you would further close the g-
“I am unsure, my Lord.”
“How so?”
“I-” I am not who you deem I am. “I still have numerous gentlemen to tend to.”
“Is that so?” He says, challenged. “But what if I can change your mind?”
“And how would you do that?” Oh, how much harder he is making it for you.
In a swift transition, the music from the ballroom switched from a lively tune to something slower and graceful. The sweet strings of the violin danced around with the mellow sounds of the flutes, and so did the growing tension between the two of you. It was as if a higher entity conspired to push the two of you together and go even further.
“May I have this dance, my lady?” Even when you are both entangled and beginning to sway along, his politeness remains dignified.
In the briefest second, you hesitated. Almost wanting to show that your dance card for the night was full. In fact, the next gentleman after this “Mark” must be looking for you.
However, the mystery man’s brown eyes and kind gestures were impossible to refuse. And was it everyday to be so near a man like this, given your status and busyness to your maid duties?
You loosened your left from his grip so you would come to contact with his palm in yours instead of your wrist, then place your right hand on his shoulder. Picking up quickly, the hand on your waist moved to the small of your back. Warm and secure, almost as if he was not letting you go so soon.
“I presume that is a yes?”
“Would you like me to step back instead?”
“Are you challenging me once again, my lady?” His brow smugly lifts.
You chuckle. “Quit your teasing and let us waltz, my Lord.”
Your closeness could have easily shocked all of the ton and became a huge topic for gossip if you were to get caught. And yet, living a little bit on the edge boosted this newfound thrill in you. Any closer and your faces would come in contact. Anyone from afar would assume that you two are much more.
And it’s not helpful that he has such pink, plump lips.
Okay there, that is not something you would ponder on given that he is a stranger.
A really handso-
In a sudden switch of things, the mystery man momentarily pulled away from your entanglement. Your brow arched in confusion.
“Let us dance somewhere much more private than here, my Lady.”
“Is this location not already remote enough?”
“Remote is being able to dance near the beautiful peaches and under the bright stars,” He reasons. “So do tell me if that is not a better option when we are near a buzzing ballroom.”
He is right, and you cannot deny it. And perhaps, you are eager to see more of this place. Who is to say if this is your only night to be surrounded by such luxury?
Measured and refined, his hand reaches out for yours. You take it, letting him guide down the stairs leading to the gardens. The sprawling greening serves as a better temporary shelter from your reality, wherein like the stars, the flowers would dare not snitch and focus more on blooming and provide comfort and awe to whoever sees them.
As you both stride through soft patches of grass, he stops right by small bushes of dandelions soaking in all the moonlight. The music from the ballroom is not as faint, but your ears pick up on its much slower and gentle pace. Almost like for a waltz, reserved for those who are completely sure with each other.
Comparing that to the pace of your own heart as this mystery man’s gaze on you is deep and fully on you, the gap of similarity is huge.
Even more as he swept into a courteous bow. Naturally enough, you curtsied in the same manner.
When he extends a hand at you, it still fuddles your mind at how a woman of low class was to step into a rather tender dance with a man of presumably high class and influence. Instead of intimidation, ease seeped in like how the light from the garden lanterns bathes over his thick, black hair with slight dishevelment from tonight’s festivities. Having anonymity from this masquerade gala was one thing, but being completely yourself even in a mask in these gardens brought out a different aspect of you.
Someone braver and bolder, one who is not going to let her societal status define or control her.
As if an imaginary fabric of silk slides over your shoulder, any remaining fear and reservations slips free from your grasp.
Without a second less, your hand is placed back in his. Like a missing piece of puzzle, wherein everything about it just looks and feels right.
The mystery stranger straightened his posture as his free hand returns to rest on the small of your back. Unknown to him, his touch lit a flame in your skin and a small sigh escapes your lips. The both of you sway side to side, back and forth, embodying certainty and patience in your moves. At the moment, it did not matter where you two were at; just being and existing did.
You let this stranger take the lead, your skirts grazing with the grass at every step and sway. The rhythm of your steps was quite aligned with every breath and pulse of this lively garden. From the calm ripples from the fountains, the hush of wind-kissed leaves, to even the distant laughter and chatter from guests from the ballroom.
“You dance well, my Lord.” You found your voice, even if it was just a mere whisper. The awe of the entire moment still remains with you.
“I may have garnered lessons over the years,” He bashfully admits, a tinge of pink painting the tips of his ears. “It was something my mother highly insisted.”
“I presume it was a non-negotiable amongst your other duties?”
“You could say that.” A light shrug of his shoulders. “Despite my father’s protests, who says dancing is best reserved for women, it does match up to my liking for fencing.”
“A man of balance and talents.” You tease. “What is it about dancing that you like so much?”
“The freedom, the grace,” He explains, perusing you deeply as if studying your every feature that is not hidden by the mask. “Being able to step away from the real world and simply focus on the present moment.”
Your breath hitches when he momentarily stops so his hand interlocked with yours could graze the supple skin of your cheek. “And you, my Lady, make me forget and just let me be and live.”
It’s only natural to relax into his touch and drown in his words, fully spellbound in his brown-eyed gaze. To be a source of his comfort, regardless of whatever his worries were, makes your unexpected appearance filled with purpose.
Perhaps, being here despite all odds was weaved into your fate all this time. And not even society could try to alter that.
“I resonate with your words too, my Lord.” Your emotions guide your words this time, letting logic and your battling mind take a deep backseat behind. “You are the plot twist that I never knew I needed.”
Swiftly, something in the air changed. The once playful and testing mood between you and this mystery stranger delved to uncharted territory. Something more vulnerable and... intimate.
The space between you both seemed to contract inwards, as if the garden was folding and closing in on them further. No more bushes or the traces of the bustling estate, just you and him. With your free hand cupping his that rests on your cheek, you can sense his other hand on the small of your back drawing you nearer to him. For a split moment, his gaze dipped to see your parted, faintly scarlet lips, nearly dissolved of hue from all the drinks and conversations.
His face was much closer now than before, being able to outline his light stubble along his jaw and the delicate curve of his lips barely parted as he exhaled. His breath mingled with yours, warm and intoxicating with refined traces of whiskey. And those eyes of his, dark and unreadable, made you feel small yet powerful. Whatever it is about you, he was hooked and cannot let you out of your sight.
Your heartbeat thundered into its own internal storm in you, yet you had no intention to pull away.
“This may seem silly to say,” His husky voice momentarily cuts the tension as his palm rose up to where your mask rests. Almost as if he were to remove it, but instead, get a feel of your visage beneath it. “But I can dance with you all night, forever even.”
“No,” You croaked, fluttering your lashes up to him. “It is not at all.”
The air becomes more charged between you two, as if reaching the climax of a bolting sonata. As your hands now stay on his shoulders, his face further lowered while yours tilted to meets his. Almost like a puppeteer are stringing you both together. Your eyes slowly closed, waiting for its inevitable impact. You could even sense the slightest brush of his nose on yours---
DONG.
DONG.
DONG.
The great bell of the Jeong estate tower chimes sharply, cleaving through the evening hush.
Midnight.
You were startled at first, your breath catching audibly. Then your heart drops immediately.
As planned with the estate staff, this sound would only mean one thing.
It is time to go.
Whatever spell you were coaxed into tonight, it is shattered and gone.
And just like clockwork, most families of the ton would start leaving the gala.
To add on, that would include your stepmother and stepsisters, or who is to say?
Then again, it is always better to be safe than sorry by scrubbing the floors all week on your own with limited materials if you get caught.
“I must go.” Reluctantly, your body frees itself from his grasp. It takes a moment for your heart to catch up as all these different emotions burst through you. Relief, disappointment, envy, maybe some anger, processing each of them can be done at another time.
You have a carriage to ride, even more as a subtle, flickering white light signals you from the right side of the garden. As agreed on, that sign indicates that Mark is ready to pick you up. You are even more impressed that he found you among the vast acres of this estate.
Twelves chimes of the bell rang, further telling you that it is midnight.
“But wait,” His hand almost grips your wrist, but you were a lot quicker. Yet you still turned out regardless of how crucial every second counted at this point. You wanted to study him once more before he would be merely a memory in your life. A sweet one among the tumultuous storm that is yours.
“Yes, my lord?”
“I do not even know the name of the lady whom I have spoken to and danced with all night.”
Your lips curved up, masking the disdain in your chest. The night was a mystery in itself, so why not keep it at that? “But where is the fun in that, my lord?”
Skepticism is spread across his mask-clad visage, and before he could protest,
“Until we meet again, Charming.”
Oh, where did you get such boldness? Wherever it came from, you can ponder on it later. Time is ticking.
Without a breath longer, you turn around and run to where your carriage was secretly parked. Just beyond the hedges to the right, which remains unseen to the public, your adrenaline was your driving force. Your body merely reacted to the need to arrive at Park estate on time, holding no more extra thoughts that can disrupt your flow. It did not even matter if the bottom hems of your gown grew dirty with soil and leaves or the tightness of heels intensified the ache in your feet.
Even the resounding voice of the mystery stranger calling and chasing after you as your movement crunches the near branches and further rustles nearby bushes did not pull you in for a stop. The faster you go, the better chances he would not spot where you are going.
The moment you leapt inside the carriage with the help of your trusted companion, Mark, he sat on the driver’s seat and pulled the ropes on the horses. Just after the last bell signaling that midnight has arrived, the carriage rode off just like how all the stars in the sky have now vanished. As if seeking for rest, just like you were at this moment.
The grip on the tulle of your skirt loosened as your back relaxes on the cushioned seating, urging your eyes to close for a moment as you catch your breath.
At this point, you were running on fumes that decreased by the second. From the moment you woke up at the dawn of the day to attend your maid duties until the sudden chime of midnight where you truly danced the night away, your once-in-a-lifetime fairytale evening came to a close.
While the pace of the carriage had some haste to it, it was also slow enough to peek through the slightly open sliver of its window. The moon is what remained of the sky, being your only witness to this new, sneaky side of yourself without anyone to tell. Maybe your late parents are up there too, feeling more optimistic that they would be supportive too.
But besides that, there is relief in knowing that the moon would never snitch, lie, or betray. All it does is provide its beautiful light so no one would ever feel alone in the dark.
And as this light safely leads you back to the familiar estate, going back to your unfortunate reality, your eyes close once more and deeply this time. Your body also starts to ease into the softness of the cushion, using your shawl as a temporary blanket from the mild chill of this spring evening.
But even as you have some momentary go shut eye, his inviting brown eyes and genuine smile were all you could envision. Your heart leapt, making your lips grin in utter exhilaration.
To the heavens above, “I hope we could cross paths once more, Charming.”
Back in the vast gardens of the Jeong estate, a very determined gentleman continues his search of his entrancing muse.
“Where are you gone, my Lady?” He calls out with a tad of desperation and longing.
Within the pressure and scrutiny faced in the crowded ballroom, only these acres of flowers sprawling endlessly through the village along with the beautiful night sky above kept his composure.
But mostly, her.
Who is to leave so soon simply because the tower of the estate rung midnight? It is not like this is some sort of real-life fairytale, correct? Nothing made sense, he thought.
But then again, everything about her, her alluring presence, and their moments together was a dream in itself. Away from the expectations of his family and eager young ladies with their pestering mamas, she simply let his guard down and relax even with masks on.
That just adds to the charm of their evening together, even when his yearning lips almost…
Just as he was to resign back to the ballroom, his chambers even if he were lucky to sneak in from behind, something metallic on the side caught his line of sight. Resting on a pillow of daisies, he crouches down to see what this item was. The moment his calloused fingers gently pried some of the blooms away, they picked up the delicate item.
Judging by the mix of faded and new silver charms latching on the various hooks along the chain, it’s none other than a charm bracelet.
Specifically, hers.
“Wherever you are,” The passionate stare of the invincible Duke Jeong Jaehyun remains unmoved on the delicate piece of jewelry, inspecting and thumbing it to rotate all the charms to his perusal. “I will find you, my darling.”
How is it that you can a music library of like 1,200+ absolute bangers but as soon as you put it on shuffle in a group setting it's like. anime opening you added in 2010. homestuck parody song. musical artist who was cancelled last year for kidnapping and eating children in his basement. Hamilton
THESE CUPCAKES TASTE SOMEWHAT LIKE . . . LOVE ! — L.CY
synopsis: somewhere between late night drinks & baking, your friendship with anton seems to be turning into something else entirely.
› pairings & contents: lee anton x fem!reader, non established relationship, bestfriends with tension
✧ warnings: tension, tension, tension ! bickering, anton is described to be bigger / taller than reader.
the air in anton’s apartment is warm and smells like vanilla and brown sugar. it’s a sunday afternoon, the kind of lazy, golden-hour stretch of time that feels stolen from the real world. you’re at his kitchen island, up to your elbows in flour, while he’s meticulously whisking a bowl of cream cheese frosting for the strawberry cupcakes you’d decided, on a whim, to make.
it’s a familiar scene. you’ve done this a dozen times, though it's your first time making strawberry flavored ones. studying here turned into napping here, which turned into cooking here, which settled into this: a comfortable, unspoken domesticity that neither of you ever questioned.
you’re just friends.
best friends.
the kind who have each other’s passcodes and spare toothbrushes and know exactly how the other takes their coffee.
"you’re getting eggshell in the batter," he says without looking up, his voice a low, amused rumble.
"— am not!" you protest, squinting at the bowl.
"there's a speck of eggshell, you dumbass. here." he abandons his whisking and comes around the island, standing so close behind you that you can feel the heat of his body through your thin t-shirt. he reaches around you, his long fingers plucking the offending white fleck from the yellow batter. his forearm brushes against yours. a simple, casual touch.
it shouldn’t make your breath hitch. but it does.
"see?" he murmurs, his voice right by your ear. he holds the tiny shell up before flicking it into the sink. he doesn’t move back. you’re hyper-aware of his presence, the solid line of his chest almost against your back.
"show-off," you mutter, focusing intently on folding the dry ingredients into the wet. your heart is doing a stupid, frantic rhythm against your ribs.
he hums, a non-committal sound, and finally retreats to his side of the island. the space feels colder. you watch him resume whisking, his brows furrowed in concentration. the fading sunlight from his big window catches the dusting of flour on his dark hair, the line of his jaw.
he’s beautiful.
it’s a thought you shove down immediately.
friends.
the cupcakes go into the oven, and the real waiting begins. you clean up in a comfortable silence, your shoulders brushing as you pass the dishcloth back and forth. it’s too easy. that’s the problem. it feels too much like … something else.
"taste this," he says finally, breaking the quiet. he’s holding the rubber spatula he’d been using on the frosting. a perfect, smooth dollop of cream cheese icing sits on the tip. "is it sweet enough?"
you step closer, leaning over the island. you could just take the spatula from him. but you don’t. you meet his eyes—dark, warm, waiting—and then your gaze drops to the frosting. without breaking that fragile, electric eye contact, you close the small distance and wrap your lips around the tip of the spatula.
his breath catches. you hear it. a sharp, quiet intake.
you pull back slowly, your tongue sweeping over your bottom lip to catch the last sweet, tangy residue. you watch his eyes follow the movement, his pupils dilating just a fraction. "it’s perfect," you say, and your voice is softer than you intended.
for a second, he just stares. the air crackles, thick with everything you’ve never said. the late-night texts that felt like secrets. the way his hand always finds the small of your back in a crowd. the jokes about you being his "plus one for life" that don’t feel like jokes anymore.
then, his gaze drops to his own hand. he slowly, deliberately, drags his index finger through the bowl of frosting, coating it thickly. he holds your stare as he brings his finger to his own mouth, sucking the icing off with a soft, deliberate pull. your stomach twists, hot and tight.
"yeah," he says, his voice rough around the edges. "perfect."
BEEP ! BEEP ! BEEP !
the timer on the oven beeps, a jarring, ordinary sound that shatters the moment. you both jump slightly.
"they’re done," you say, stating the obvious because you don’t know what else to say. the tension isn’t gone; it’s just been displaced, simmering under the surface.
"right." he turns away, grabbing the light blue oven mitts. you busy yourself with getting the cooling rack.
the next fifteen minutes are a dance of careful non-touching. you both know a line was just crossed. or maybe you’ve been on the other side of it for a long time, and you only just looked down.
when the cupcakes are cooled, he starts frosting them with a focused intensity. you lean against the counter next to him, watching his hands. they’re musician’s hands, long-fingered and capable. you’ve seen them fly over piano keys and guitar strings. now they’re carefully swirling frosting.
he finishes one and holds it out to you. "first one’s yours."
you take it, your fingers brushing his. a spark. you take a bite, the cake still slightly warm, the frosting cool and rich. "so good."
he’s watching you eat, a small, unreadable smile on his face. he picks up his own cupcake but doesn’t bite it. instead, he looks at you, really looks at you, and the playful mask is gone. what’s left is raw and a little scared.
he puts his cupcake down, his movements slow and deliberate again. he steps closer, wiping his hands on a towel. the space between you is charged, humming with potential.
highlight. "please don't go. please. i'm—" he exhales shakily, and when you turn back to look at him, his eyes are wet. jeong jaehyun, who never cries. jeong jaehyun, who smiles through everything. "i'll do anything. i'll be whoever you need me to be. just—don't walk out that door. i can't watch you leave again. i can't."
pairings. nonidol!jaehyun x fem!reader
genre. angst, non idol fic, college au, smut 18+
tags. angst, college au, communications major jaehyun, non-idol au, second chances, situationship, slow burn, yeaner jaehyun, exes to lovers, miscommunication, trust issues, emotional hurt/comfort, smut with feelings, needy jaehyun, desperate jaehyun, jaehyun begs, crying during intimacy, soft dom jaehyun, making up, hopeful ending, realistic fiction
warnings. desperate sex, begging and pleading, repeated apologies during intimacy, deep kissing, sloppy undressing, body worship, breast worship, praising whispers, fingering, oral sex female receiving, cunnilingus, clit sucking, tongue fucking, penetrative vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, size difference, height difference, smaller female reader with taller male, missionary, prone bone, eye contact, hair tugging, gentle aftercare, cuddling, holding tight, yearning desperate male character, no condom (lets pretend she's on bc, i forgot condoms again forgive me)
wordcount. 7k
part 1. | masterlist
it's 8:47 in the morning when your phone buzzes.
you're already awake, sitting cross-legged on your bed with a cup of instant coffee going cold on the nightstand. the screen lights up with his name, and you stare at it for a solid five seconds before flipping the phone face-down.
jaehyun.
you don't pick up. you haven't picked up since sunday.
the call ends. a minute later, a text comes through.
jaehyun: you awake? i'm outside
you don't reply. you don't even open it. the read receipt stays off, and you let your thumb hover over the notification before swiping it away.
outside your apartment building, jeong jaehyun is sitting in his black kia k5, engine idling, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding his phone. he's wearing that gray hoodie you used to steal from him back when things were different. back when you still believed him.
he waits.
five minutes pass. then ten.
he checks his phone again. nothing.
he runs a hand through his hair—freshly cut, shorter on the sides, the way you once said you liked—and exhales through his nose. then he pulls up your chat history, scrolling up to see the last time you actually responded to him with more than one word.
you: ok
you: sure
you: thanks for the ride
that was friday. three days ago. before everything shifted again.
he types out another message, thumbs moving slowly like he's weighing every word.
jaehyun: did i do something?
he stares at it. backspaces. types again.
jaehyun: you have class at 9 right? i can drive you
send.
he tosses his phone onto the passenger seat and leans his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes. the campus isn't far—fifteen minutes with morning traffic—but he's been coming here every tuesday and thursday for the past three weeks, ever since you let him back in. or at least, let him try.
rewind to a month ago.
september. the semester had just started. you were walking out of the communications building, earbuds in, bag slung over one shoulder, when someone fell into step beside you.
"you're walking fast."
you didn't have to look. you knew that voice.
"what do you want, jaehyun."
"to walk with you."
"i didn't ask."
"i know. i'm offering."
you kept walking, faster now, but his legs were longer and he had no trouble keeping up. he didn't say anything else, just walked beside you all the way to the bus stop, hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket, that stupid dimple flickering at the corner of his mouth like he was holding back a smile.
when the bus came, he didn't get on. he just stood there on the curb, watching you find a seat.
the next day, he was there again.
and the next.
by the end of the week, you finally cracked.
"what is this, jaehyun? what are you doing?"
he tilted his head, feigning innocence. "i'm walking you to the bus stop. is that a crime?"
"yes. it is. you lost the right to walk me anywhere."
the playfulness in his face flickered, something more serious bleeding through. "i know," he said, quieter. "i'm trying to earn it back."
you didn't believe him. you told yourself you wouldn't. you told yourself that jeong jaehyun was all charm and no follow-through, a communications major who knew exactly how to talk to people because that's what he was good at—talking. saying the right things. flashing those dimples and getting away with everything.
but he was persistent.
he started driving you to campus on days your schedules overlapped. he'd show up with coffee—your order memorized, even though you'd only told him once, months ago, before everything fell apart. he'd buy you lunch from that overpriced sandwich place near the library and leave it on your desk during your afternoon lecture without asking for anything in return.
he was doing all the right things.
and you hated that it was working.
mid-september to early october.
it went like this:
tuesday morning, he picks you up at 8:30 sharp. he's never late. the car smells like his cologne and the vanilla air freshener dangling from the rearview mirror. he asks about your assignments, your group projects, the professor who always mispronounces your name. he doesn't talk about himself unless you ask, which you rarely do.
thursday afternoon, he's waiting outside the communications building with two cups of iced tea. "you look tired," he says.
"thanks. that's exactly what every girl wants to hear."
"i didn't say you look bad. i said you look tired. there's a difference."
you roll your eyes, but you take the tea.
saturday, he takes you to a hole-in-the-wall ramen place in hongdae. "you're paying," you remind him.
"obviously."
"and this isn't a date."
"obviously," he repeats, but there's a smirk tugging at his lips, and you hate that it makes your stomach flip.
he tells stupid jokes. like, genuinely stupid ones—dad jokes, knock-knock jokes, puns so bad they physically hurt. he does it on purpose, you know. he wants to see you crack. he wants to see that involuntary twitch of your mouth before you catch yourself and bury the smile under a scowl.
"why did the scarecrow win an award?" he asks one evening, driving you home.
"i'm not doing this."
"because he was outstanding in his field."
you groan, loud and exaggerated. "that's not even funny."
"then why are you smiling."
"i'm not."
"you are. your cheek is doing that thing."
"my cheek doesn't do a thing."
"it does. right here—" he reaches over, finger hovering near your face, and you swat his hand away before he can touch you.
he laughs. dimples on full display. and for a moment—just a moment—you forget why you were supposed to hate him.
but the thing about jeong jaehyun is that he's always been too good at this. too smooth. too effortless.
that's the problem.
you've known him for two years now. you met in intro to mass communication, ended up in the same study group, and somehow fell into something that felt like it could be real. he was charming then, too. flirty. always finding excuses to sit next to you, to borrow your notes, to ask for your opinion on his projects.
for a while, you thought it meant something.
when you walked away, he didn't stop you. didn't chase you. didn't text or call or show up at your door. he just let you go, like it didn't matter. like you didn't matter.
so when he showed up in september, all apologies and coffee runs and dad jokes, you didn't trust it. how could you? jeong jaehyun was a communications major in more ways than one—he knew how to say the right things, how to deliver the right lines, how to make you feel like you were the center of his universe even when you weren't.
you kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.
and then saturday happened.
saturday, october 11. minji's dorm room, 9:14 pm.
you're sitting on her floor, back against the bed frame, scrolling through your phone while she rummages through her closet for something to wear to her birthday party next weekend.
"so minseo isn't coming," minji says, tossing a black top onto the bed.
"wait, why?"
"because jaehyun's coming."
your thumb freezes mid-scroll. "what?"
"yeah, i invited him. you guys are talking again, right? i figured it'd be fine."
"no, i mean—why isn't minseo coming just because jaehyun's there?"
minji pauses, turning to look at you. there's a flicker of something on her face—realization, maybe, or regret for bringing it up at all. "oh. you didn't know?"
"didn't know what."
she hesitates. "they had a thing. like, months ago. minseo said it was serious. or at least, she thought it was."
the room feels smaller.
"when," you hear yourself say.
"i don't know exactly. around june? july? she didn't really talk about it until recently. i think she's still kind of hung up on him."
june or july. months ago.
the same months when jaehyun was supposedly realizing he made a mistake with you. the same months when he was allegedly thinking about you, missing you, regretting the way things ended. the same months he later described as "hell" when he was trying to win you back.
apparently, hell looked a lot like getting serious with minseo.
"hey," minji says, reading your face. "i'm sure it's not—i mean, you know jaehyun. he's..."
"yeah," you cut her off, voice flat. "i know jaehyun."
you leave her dorm twenty minutes later. you don't cry. you don't even feel sad, exactly. it's more like a dull, familiar ache—the same one you felt last spring when you realized he wasn't going to come after you. the same one that told you, over and over, that you were never as special to him as he was to you.
of course.
he's jaehyun.
a face like that, a smile like that, a way with words like that. why would he ever settle for one person when he could have whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and call it "just having fun" when things got too real?
you were an idiot for thinking anything had changed.
sunday, october 12. you start ghosting him.
it's subtle at first. you don't answer his good morning text. when he calls, you let it ring. when he sends a follow-up message—you okay?—you leave it on read.
monday passes the same way. he texts three times. calls twice. you ignore them all.
by tuesday morning, he's standing outside your building like clockwork, and you're still in bed, coffee gone cold, phone buzzing against the mattress. the vibration stops, starts again. he's calling.
you don't pick up.
outside, jaehyun checks the time. 8:52. your class is in eight minutes. if you don't leave now, you'll be late.
he calls again. straight to voicemail this time—not because your phone is off, but because you rejected the call.
that's when it hits him. this isn't a busy morning or a dead battery. this is deliberate.
he stares at his phone screen for a long moment. then he opens his chat with minji.
jaehyun: hey, random question. did something happen over the weekend?
three dots appear. disappear. appear again.
minji: uh
minji: i might have mentioned the minseo thing
minji: sorry, i thought she already knew
jaehyun closes his eyes.
minseo.
he presses his forehead against the steering wheel for a solid ten seconds, then straightens up and puts the car in drive. he doesn't speed off dramatically—he's not that kind of person. he just drives, merging into morning traffic, heading toward campus because he doesn't know where else to go.
he's not angry. he's not even defensive. he just feels... stupid.
because here's the thing: minseo was june. early june, right after finals, when he was trying to convince himself that he was fine. that he didn't mess up with you. that there were other girls, better girls, girls who didn't look at him like they expected him to fail.
minseo was nice. minseo was fun. and for about three weeks, jaehyun let himself pretend it could be something more. but it wasn't. it didn't matter how pretty she was or how much she liked him—she wasn't you. every conversation, every date, every kiss, he was thinking about someone else.
he ended it in july. told her he wasn't ready for anything serious. she cried, which made him feel like absolute garbage, and he spent the rest of the summer alone, replaying every mistake he'd ever made with you.
that was the summer that changed him. or at least, he thought it did.
he thought he could come back in september and prove it.
but old reputations die hard, and jeong jaehyun knows exactly what he looks like. the guy who never takes anything seriously. the guy who bounces from girl to girl. the communications major with the dimples and the charm who could sweet-talk his way out of anything.
he knows that's what you see when you look at him.
and right now, sitting in his car in the hanyang university parking lot, he's realizing that he might never be able to change that.
wednesday. thursday. friday.
you keep ghosting. he keeps trying—but quieter now, less persistent. a single text in the morning. a single text at night. no calls. no showing up at your building.
jaehyun: i know you're ignoring me. i'm not going to force you to talk
jaehyun: but when you're ready, i'll explain. about minseo. about everything
jaehyun: i'm not asking you to believe me. just to listen
you read them all. you don't reply.
it's easier this way, you tell yourself. easier to cut him off now than to let him in again and get burned. he's jaehyun. this is what he does. he's probably already moved on to someone else.
(he hasn't.)
(he's been going to class, coming home, and sitting in his studio apartment with the lights off, staring at the ceiling and wondering how he let this happen again.)
saturday, october 18. minji's birthday party.
you almost don't go. but minji is your friend, and you're not going to let jeong jaehyun ruin that. so you put on a decent outfit, fix your hair, and show up at the rooftop bar minji rented out, determined to have a good time.
jaehyun is already there.
you see him the moment you walk in—standing near the railing, talking to someone from your communications seminar. he's wearing a black button-down, sleeves rolled up, hair pushed back. he looks good. annoyingly good. but there's something off about him. his smile doesn't reach his eyes. his dimples are nowhere to be seen.
you look away before he can catch you staring.
you spend the first hour avoiding him. it's not hard—the party is crowded, and you're good at making yourself small. you stick to the edges, nursing a drink, laughing at the right moments, pretending you're fine.
then you step outside to get some air, and he's there.
the rooftop has a smaller balcony section, semi-private, and he's leaning against the railing with his back to the door. his phone is in his hand, but he's not looking at it. he's just standing there, shoulders slightly hunched, like he's carrying something heavy.
you should turn around. you should go back inside.
instead, you clear your throat.
he turns. when he sees you, his whole body tenses—shoulders drawing back, hand tightening around his phone. for a second, neither of you speaks.
"hey," he finally says. his voice is rough, like he hasn't used it in a while.
"hey."
a pause.
"you've been avoiding me," he says. it's not an accusation. just a fact.
"yeah."
"can i ask why? or do you want me to figure it out myself."
you cross your arms, leaning against the doorframe. the october air is cold against your skin. "i heard about minseo."
he doesn't flinch. doesn't look surprised. "i figured."
"so?"
"so nothing." he turns to face you fully, and you're struck by how tired he looks. dark circles under his eyes, jaw tight, none of that easy confidence he usually carries. "minseo was a mistake. i was—i don't know. i was trying to get over you. it didn't work."
"wow. that's very romantic. i'm sure she loved hearing that."
"she didn't," he admits. "i ended it badly. i'm not proud of it."
you don't say anything.
"i know how it looks," he continues, voice quieter now. "i know what you think of me. the guy who's always 'just having fun.' the guy who doesn't take anything seriously. and maybe i deserved that reputation. maybe i earned it. but i'm not—" he stops, exhales. "i'm not that guy anymore. or i'm trying not to be. i wouldn't have spent the last month driving you to class and buying you lunch and telling you stupid jokes just for fun. that's not what this was."
"then what was it."
"it was me trying to show you that i changed. because i knew telling you wasn't enough."
you look at him. really look at him. the tension in his shoulders. the uncharacteristic lack of dimples. the way his hand is shaking slightly against the railing.
you want to believe him.
but you've wanted to believe him before.
"jaehyun," you say, and your voice comes out steadier than you feel. "you let me walk away last time. you didn't fight. you didn't chase. you didn't even text. and then you spent the summer with someone else, and you expect me to believe that i'm different?"
he flinches. actually flinches, like the words hit him physically.
"i know," he says. "i know i messed up. i know i keep messing up. but i'm still here. i came back. and i know that doesn't fix anything, but—"
"but what."
"but what do you want me to do." his voice cracks on the last word. "tell me what to do and i'll do it. i'll stop trying if that's what you want. i'll leave you alone. but you have to tell me, because i'm not going to walk away this time unless you ask me to. not again."
the city hums below you. somewhere inside, minji's party continues—music, laughter, the clinking of glasses. out here, it's just the two of you and the cold october wind and the weight of everything unsaid.
you don't answer right away.
and for the first time in two years, jeong jaehyun doesn't try to fill the silence.
he just waits.
it's been two weeks since minji's party.
two weeks of him trying. not in the loud, performative way he used to—showing up unannounced, buying your coffee, filling silences with jokes. quieter this time. more careful.
he took his time, sucking gently, then softer, like he was trying to memorize the way you felt under his tongue. his free hand rested on your ribs, fingers spread wide, the size difference clear in how easily his palm covered so much of you. he switched sides, mouth warm and unhurried, little hums vibrating against your skin when your back arched slightly. “you always feel so good like this,” he murmured, lips brushing the underside of your breast before he kissed lower, open-mouthed and slow.
he texts once a day. not good morning or good night, nothing that expects a response. just small things. a song he thought you'd like. a photo of the campus cat that always sits outside the communications building. once, a voice memo of him attempting to play a song on his guitar, which he's terrible at, and he ends it with a self-deprecating laugh that you replay three times before you catch yourself.
you don't reply. but you don't block him either. you're not sure what that says about you.
on tuesday, you see him in the library. he's at a table near the window, head bent over a textbook, earbuds in. he doesn't notice you. you stand there for maybe fifteen seconds, watching the way his brow furrows when he's concentrating, the way he taps his pen against his lip. then you leave before he can look up.
on thursday, you run into him outside the communications building. literally run into him—you're rushing to your afternoon lecture, not looking where you're going, and suddenly there's a solid chest and familiar hands steadying your shoulders.
"sorry—" you start, then stop. it's him.
"hey." his voice is soft. his hands drop from your shoulders immediately, like he's afraid of holding on too long. "you okay?"
"yeah. fine. late for class."
"right. yeah. go." he steps aside, clearing the path. "i'll—see you around."
he doesn't say anything else. doesn't push. and somehow that's worse than if he had.
friday night, it rains.
you're at a house party in hongdae, a friend of a friend's place, and the whole night you've been restless. the music is too loud. the crowd is too thick. you keep checking your phone even though no one's texting you.
then minji grabs your arm, tipsy and grinning. "jaehyun's here."
your stomach drops. "what?"
"yeah, minho invited him. he's in the kitchen."
you don't go to the kitchen. you stay in the living room, wedged between the couch and a bookshelf, pretending to be interested in a conversation about someone's internship. but then the crowd shifts and there he is, leaning against the kitchen counter, a red cup in his hand, listening to minho talk about something with a polite half-smile on his face.
he looks tired. he always looks tired these days.
his eyes find yours across the room. he doesn't wave. doesn't smile. just holds your gaze for a moment—long enough to make your chest tight—and then looks away.
at 1 AM, people start leaving. you're outside waiting for a taxi, rain coming down in sheets, your thin jacket doing nothing to keep you warm. your phone is at 4%. the taxi app says 25 minute wait.
a car pulls up to the curb. black kia k5.
the window rolls down. "get in."
you hesitate. everything in you says no. everything in you says yes.
"i'm not going to try anything," he says, and his voice is so tired, so genuinely drained, that you believe him. "you're going to freeze out here. just let me drive you home."
you get in.
the drive is silent.
rain hammers the windshield. the wipers squeak rhythmically. jaehyun doesn't turn on music. doesn't try to fill the silence with dumb jokes or easy conversation. his hands are at ten and two, eyes on the road, jaw tight.
when he pulls up to your building, he doesn't turn off the engine. just sits there, waiting.
"thanks for the ride," you mumble, hand on the door handle.
"wait." his voice comes out strained. he clears his throat. "can we talk? not here. not in the car. somewhere. my place is close. five minutes. that's all i'm asking. five minutes, and if you still want to leave after that, i'll drive you back myself and you never have to see me again."
you should say no. you know you should say no.
"fine," you hear yourself say. "five minutes."
his apartment is small.
studio, really. a bed pushed against the far wall, a desk cluttered with textbooks, a guitar case gathering dust in the corner. fairy lights strung above the window—you remember helping him put those up. last year. back when things were simpler.
you stand near the door with your arms crossed. he stands near the kitchen counter. three feet of space between you. it feels like a mile.
"okay," you say. "talk."
he takes a breath. then another.
"i don't know how to do this," he admits. "i've been trying for weeks and i keep getting it wrong and i don't know—i don't know how to prove that i'm serious. that this is serious. that you're not just some—some game to me."
"maybe because you've treated everyone like a game for two years, jaehyun." your voice is sharper than you intended. "maybe because every time i let myself believe you, i find out about another girl. eunji. soyeon. minseo. how many more are there that i don't know about."
"there's no one else." he steps forward. you step back. he stops. "there hasn't been anyone since july. i ended things with minseo because she wasn't you. because no one is you. and i know that sounds like a line, i know that's exactly the kind of thing i would say to get out of trouble, but i swear—"
"swearing doesn't mean anything to you."
"what do you want me to do." his voice rises, cracking at the edges. "do you want me to get on my knees. do you want me to call minseo right now and let you listen. do you want me to—" he breaks off, running both hands through his hair, tugging at the ends. "i don't know what you want from me. you won't tell me. you won't let me in. you just keep shutting me out and i'm trying—i'm trying so hard and it's never enough."
"because you let me walk away." your voice shakes. your eyes sting. you refuse to cry. "last spring. when i found out about eunji. i wanted you to stop me. i wanted you to fight. and you just—stood there. you let me go like it was nothing."
"it wasn't nothing."
"it looked like nothing."
"i know." his voice drops. "i know what i did. i think about it every day. i think about your face when you walked out. i think about how i didn't chase you. i think about what a coward i was. and then i spent the whole summer trying to convince myself i was fine and i wasn't. i wasn't fine. i'm not fine now. i haven't been fine since you left."
he's close now. you don't remember him moving, but he's close. you can see the faint shadow of stubble on his jaw, the red rims around his eyes, the way his chest is rising and falling too fast.
"you're so good at this," you whisper.
"good at what."
"talking. saying the right things. making me feel like i'm the only person in the world. it's what you do, jaehyun. it's what you've always done."
"it's not an act." his voice breaks. "it was never an act with you. i know i messed up. i know i gave you every reason not to trust me. but i'm not—" he stops to take a shuddering breath, "i'm not performing. i'm not trying to win. i just—i just want you. that's it. that's all it's ever been."
you shake your head. "i can't do this again."
"do what."
"this." you gesture between you. "the hoping. the waiting. the finding out i was wrong about you. i can't."
"then don't hope." he steps closer. you don't step back. "don't trust me. don't believe a single thing i say. but stay. just—stay. give me a chance to show you. not tell you. show you."
your throat is tight. "jaehyun—"
"i know i'm selfish." his voice is barely above a whisper now. "i know i'm asking for something i don't deserve. but i'm asking anyway. please."
the word hangs in the air. please. jeong jaehyun doesn't say please. jeong jaehyun doesn't beg. he's too proud, too confident, too used to getting what he wants without having to ask.
but he's asking now.
something in you cracks.
"i should go." your voice barely audible. "this was a mistake."
you turn toward the door.
he moves faster than you've ever seen him move.
his hand catches your wrist—not hard, not grabbing—just stops you. gentle. desperate.
"don't." the word comes out strangled. "please don't go. please. i'm—" he exhales shakily, and when you turn back to look at him, his eyes are wet. jeong jaehyun, who never cries. jeong jaehyun, who smiles through everything. "i'll do anything. i'll be whoever you need me to be. just—don't walk out that door. i can't watch you leave again. i can't."
"jaehyun."
"i know." he steps closer, still holding your wrist, thumb pressed against your pulse. "i know i'm too late. i know i should've done this a year ago. i know you don't owe me anything. but i'm begging you. i'm actually begging you."
his other hand comes up, hesitant, hovering near your face like he's afraid to touch you without permission. his fingers are shaking.
"you're the only thing i've ever been sure about," he whispers. "and i ruined it. i know i ruined it. but if there's even a tiny part of you that still—"
he doesn't finish.
he kisses you instead.
it's not smooth. it's not confident. it's desperate and messy and his lips are trembling against yours, one hand still around your wrist, the other finally cradling your jaw like you're something precious. he kisses you like he's drowning and you're air. like he's been waiting months for this and he can't believe it's happening.
"please," he breathes against your mouth. "please, please, please—"
the word becomes a chant, a prayer, broken and breathless between kisses. his forehead presses against yours. his eyes are squeezed shut. a tear slips down his cheek and lands on your collarbone.
"tell me to stop," he says. "tell me you don't want this and i'll stop. i'll stop. i swear i'll stop."
your hands are in his shirt. you don't remember putting them there. his heart is pounding so hard you can feel it through the fabric.
you don't tell him to stop.
the sheets were already warm under your back when jaehyun kissed you again, his hand steady on the side of your neck, thumb brushing your jaw. his mouth moved slow and deep, the kind of kiss that tasted like the mint from earlier and the faint salt of his skin. he kept murmuring sorry against your lips, the word slipping out between breaths like he couldn’t stop it. “sorry… i just—don’t go yet.” his voice was low, rough at the edges, nothing dramatic, just real and tired.
he tried to pull your shirt up but his fingers caught in the fabric, clumsy from how tightly he was holding on. you lifted your arms and did it yourself, tossing it aside onto the floor where his clothes already lay scattered. the cool air of the room hit your skin for a second before his mouth was on you, warm and immediate. “fuck… so pretty,” he breathed, the words barely above a whisper as he leaned down. his lips closed around one nipple, soft and wet, tongue circling slowly while his hand cupped the other, thumb brushing over it in lazy strokes.
he took his time, sucking gently, then softer, like he was trying to memorize the way you felt under his tongue. his free hand rested on your ribs, fingers spread wide, the size difference clear in how easily his palm covered so much of you. he switched sides, mouth warm and unhurried, little hums vibrating against your skin when your back arched slightly. “you always feel so good like this,” he murmured, lips brushing the underside of your breast before he kissed lower, open-mouthed and slow.
your pants came next. his hand fumbled at the waistband, pushing them down your hips but struggling with the angle on the bed. you raised your hips and helped slide them off along with your underwear, kicking them to the foot of the bed. jaehyun sat back just enough to yank his hoodie over his head in one motion, revealing the lean lines of his chest and stomach, skin already starting to flush. he was taller, broader in the shoulders, and when he leaned back over you the mattress dipped under his weight, making your smaller frame feel even smaller beneath him.
his fingers found you first, two of them sliding through your folds before pressing in carefully. “is this okay?” he asked, voice husky, eyes flicking up to yours. you nodded and told him to shut up, the words coming out breathy. he gave a small nod, lips pressing together, and focused. his fingers curled inside, slow and steady, thumb brushing your clit in gentle circles. the wet sounds were quiet, mixing with his heavy breathing and the low creak of the bed whenever he shifted. he watched your face the whole time, dark eyes steady, breathing through his mouth as he worked you open.
after a minute he slid lower, shoulders settling between your thighs. his mouth replaced his fingers, tongue flat and warm as he licked a slow stripe up your center. he groaned softly at the taste, the vibration traveling through you. he ate you out without rushing, lips closing around your clit and sucking gently, then releasing to lick again, over and over. his hands held your thighs apart, fingers pressing into the soft skin, keeping you spread for him. because of his height, his long arms reached easily, one hand sliding up to rest on your stomach, feeling the way your breathing changed.
you threaded your fingers through his hair, the strands soft and slightly damp with sweat already. he made a low sound when you tugged lightly, tongue pressing firmer, circling then flicking. the room filled with the quiet, wet noises of his mouth on you and the occasional hitch in your breath. he stayed focused, switching between slow licks and gentle suction, building it steadily until your hips started shifting against his face. he didn’t speed up, just kept the same deliberate pace, like he wanted to draw it out as long as possible.
when he finally pulled back, his lips were slick, chin glistening. he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and moved up your body, kissing your stomach, then between your breasts, then your mouth again. his cock was hard and heavy against your thigh, the tip already wet. he reached down, guiding himself to your entrance, rubbing the head through your folds a couple times before pressing in.
he went slow, eyes locked on your face the entire time. “fuck,” he breathed as the head slipped inside, the stretch real and full. inch by inch he sank deeper, hips pressing forward until he bottomed out, pelvis flush against yours. a heavy breath left him, chest rising and falling visibly. he stayed still for a moment, letting you adjust, forehead dropping to rest against yours. his hand stayed on the side of your face, thumb stroking your cheek.
you breathing harder, bodies moving together in the quiet of his apartment. he reached between you, fingers circling your clit again, the added stimulation pushing you closer. his thrusts faltered a little when he got near the edge, hips snapping forward with more urgency. “cum with me,” he said against your ear, voice strained. “please.” you clenched around him and he followed right after, burying himself deep with a low, heavy groan. his hips stuttered, pulsing inside you as he came, warmth spreading. he kept moving through it, shallow thrusts to draw it out for both of you, until the tension finally eased. his arms shook slightly as he held himself up, breathing hard against your neck.
he didn’t pull out immediately. instead he stayed buried inside, forehead pressed to yours, both of you catching your breath. his hand stroked your side slowly, gentle now that the intensity had peaked. after a minute he carefully slid out, a soft wince from both of you at the loss. he reached for the towel he’d left on the nightstand earlier, cleaning you first with careful wipes, then himself. nothing was said, just the quiet sounds of fabric and breathing. when he was done he pulled you against his chest, your smaller frame fitting easily into the curve of his taller body. his arm wrapped around your waist, hand resting on your stomach, fingers tracing idle patterns. the sheets were tangled around your legs, damp with sweat. he pressed a lazy kiss to the top of your head, then another to your shoulder, his breathing slowly returning to normal. the fan kept spinning, the streetlight outside casting soft shadows across the room.
his fingers kept moving on your skin, slow and soothing, like he was still trying to keep you close even after everything. the apartment was quiet again, just the two of you tangled together on his bed, bodies warm and spent. he didn’t say anything more about leaving.
for now it was just this—skin against skin, his heartbeat steady under your cheek, the real, messy aftermath of two people who weren’t ready to let go yet. he shifted once, pulling the blanket up over both of you, then settled back, holding you tighter. his leg draped over yours, the height difference making it easy for him to surround you. sleep started to pull at the edges, but he stayed awake a little longer, fingers still tracing your skin, breathing slow and even against your hair. the night stretched on like that, quiet and intimate in his small bedroom, the outside world far away for the moment.
afterward.
the room is quiet except for breathing. the rain has stopped outside. his fairy lights cast soft yellow shadows on the ceiling.
you're on your side. he's behind you, arm draped over your waist, face buried in the back of your neck. he hasn't let go for twenty minutes. his fingers trace absent patterns on your stomach.
"are you awake," he whispers.
"yeah."
"okay." a pause. "i just wanted to check."
silence.
"i meant everything," he says. "before. during. all of it. i meant it."
you don't answer.
"you don't have to say it back," he adds quickly. "you don't have to say anything. i just wanted you to know."
his arm tightens around you. his lips press to the nape of your neck. soft. almost hesitant.
"i'm not going anywhere," he murmurs. "not this time. even if you push me away. even if you tell me to leave. i'm staying. i'm going to keep staying until you believe me."
you turn in his arms. face him. he looks young like this—eyelashes still damp, lips slightly swollen, hair a mess from your fingers. vulnerable in a way he never lets anyone see.
you reach up. trace the line of his jaw with your thumb.
"okay," you say.
his eyes widen. "okay?"
"okay. i'll—try. i'm not promising anything. but i'll try."
the smile that breaks across his face is small. tentative. nothing like his usual grin. but it's real. you can see it in his eyes—the dimple appearing, just barely.
"that's enough," he says. "that's more than enough."
he pulls you closer, tucking your head under his chin. you feel his heartbeat against your cheek. steady. steady.
outside, the city hums. inside, jeong jaehyun holds you like you're the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth.