Need help with household chores? Want a friend to come home to and talk about your day with? Need to let off some steam with a good fuck? Our android companion is perfect for you! Only for the low, low sale price of $4,999.99!
⋆.˚ CW — 18+ MDNI, smut, android!Caleb, shy!reader, alcohol, a non-consensual kiss at the beginning but the smut is 100% consensual, yearning, a bit of angst, masturbation, Caleb's arm as a vibrator, fingering, multiple orgasms, crying (but sexy), overstim
⋆.˚ NOTES — welcome to the 2nd week of kinktober! I had lots of fun writing this one so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did :3
“Ugh, fuck this,” you groan, tossing your tiny, pink vibrator to the side, not caring when it goes too far and flies off your bed. You're way too inebriated and sexually frustrated to give a damn.
Your arm aches and as the pulse slowly fades between your legs, you come to the conclusion that you can't come tonight. Fingers, vibrator, dildos, none of them seem to work on you. It's been like this for weeks. You don't know if it's stress or if there's just something wrong with you.
Your nightly routine tonight consisted of kicking off your heels and settling down with a bottle of wine before bed. You were hoping the wine would help you relax and then you'd be able to come. But, that plan has proved to be a bust.
You pull your panties back up and grab your phone off the nightstand. There are a few notifications from social media, a friend asking if you wanted brunch tomorrow, and what looks like a spam email.
FROM: EVER. CO
SALE SALE SALE: EVER CO. COMPANION BOT, CALEB!
You squint at your phone screen. A mix of alcohol and the late hour convinces your curiosity into clicking the email.
You vaguely remember browsing EVER’s website a few weeks ago out of curiosity. Their companion bots are supposed to be the very best, cutting edge tech, designed to be anything you want—a friend, family, lover, anything at all.
At first, you thought the idea of buying an android was a complete waste of money. You've seen them around the city, either doing errands on their own or walking hand-in-hand with their human partners. When they smile politely at you with their lightless eyes, it sends nothing but chills down your spine.
While checking out their website, you scrolled through the ‘build-a-bot’ section to ridicule the stupid features people pay extra to install.
Seriously, who pays a hundred extra dollars for a bigger dick installation and extra stamina?
It was an amusing browse that lasted for an hour, and you thought that's all it would be—an hour of entertainment you wouldn't think about ever again.
But now you're staring into the violet eyes of the most handsome man android you've ever seen, with eyes somehow reflecting so much life and charm, drawing you in the longer you gaze. He looks less like the typical androids you normally see and that has you intrigued.
Meet Caleb (model no. X-02), EVER’s latest android companion, tailor made to be your perfect partner! He's the boy next door, an attentive lover, the adrenaline junkie that will take you on the ride of your life.
You scan through his bio that lists characteristics, even habits that seem to bring him to life. He loves building model airplanes, hates cilantro, dreams of becoming a pilot, etc.
It reads less like a sales pitch and more like a dating profile. And somehow, he's checking off all your boxes. He really does seem tailor made for you. It's almost creepy.
This Caleb companion is not fit for additional installations or modifications.
So, you can't pay for extra stamina and a twelve inch dick? What a shame. You could really use that right now.
It doesn't help that there’s a shirtless photo of Caleb in bed with his thumb hooking around the band of his sweat pants, gazing up at the camera with a seductive smirk.
The ache between your legs returns annoyingly and you groan, scrolling away before you find your hands down your pants for another useless session.
Price mark down! 80% off! Get him today for the low, low price of $4,999.99!
You whistle, “that's pretty cheap.”
Considering the average, high quality android these days costs $30k and up, you're looking at a bargain—or at least, that's what your tipsy and horny addled mind tells you. But there's no way an android from EVER, a top selling android competitor, is selling a new model this low. There has to be a catch.
You try reading the finer details, but the tiny words just blend together. Somehow the only details you manage to catch are ‘passionate lover', ‘extra stamina pack included’, and ‘six vibrating arm modes’. You're extra intrigued by that last detail.
The add to cart button is clicked without a second thought. Purchasing is a simple, familiar process. Inputting your name, card information, address is muscle memory at this point.
You only realize what you just did when the EVER logo pops up on your screen with a purchase confirmation number.
Buyers remorse kicks in as you stare at the screen. This is probably one of the most embarrassing purchases you've ever made, solely driven by the fact that you're unbearably sexually frustrated and horny for some super hot, discount android.
Before you can figure out how to cancel your order, you notice an audio message attached to the thank you message.
“Thanks for choosin’ me. I can't wait to meet you.” A voice, presumably Caleb’s, says. Even his voice is hot. There's a sweet charm to it, playful and alluring all at once. “Fill out the questionnaire below to help me learn how I can please you.”
The questions range from basic tasks you'd like help with to how frequent you want him to initiate sex. You answer with complete honesty, thanks to the wine.
By the time you finish the seemingly endless and thorough questionnaire, your eyes are drooping until you eventually nod off, dreaming of violet eyes and that low voice whispering filthy things in your ears.
—
It takes Caleb two weeks to arrive at your door.
The delivery man asks for your signature, carts a six foot crate into your living room, and leaves without much fanfare. Though, you suppose these days, delivering androids isn't an uncommon occurrence.
You stare at the intimidating crate. It still hasn't registered that there's an android in your living room. In the two weeks leading up to this moment, you tried pushing it to the back of your mind. It is already embarrassing enough to admit that you bought one out of desperation, but to have it be a reality… you don't know what to expect once you crack open the box.
It takes thirty minutes for you to breathe through your anxieties and start cutting open all the zip ties and tape wrapped around the box. You're greeted by a thick user manual and wall of styrofoam casing when you peel open the top.
You take the manual, a full body scan of Caleb is on it, and flip it open.
EVER Co. thanks you for your purchase! We hope you enjoy your new Caleb companion. Please refer to this user guide to help you get started.
You skim through the instructions, tapping your fingers against the pages as you worry your lower lip between your teeth.
To switch on your companion, hold down the POWER button located on your companion’s sternum for 3 seconds. Your companion will lead you through the next steps after powered on.
There's a diagram next to the text, illustrating where Caleb’s power button is. You pull off the styrofoam mold, tossing it to the corner of your living room, and beneath is Caleb’s sleeping—tecnically powered off—form.
It hits you all at once that he's real and… so human-like.
Your fingers graze over his cheek. He's neither cold nor warm to the touch, but he's not pallid. There's a glow to his skin, kissed by sun. When you press a finger into his cheek, the flesh gives way like any would. You half expected him to be solid, cold metal beneath your hands.
He’s bundled up in a jacket with blue and orange accents and black sweater beneath. You tug down his collar, spying a silver chain around his neck that leads down to some dog tags with his name and model number engraved on it. You feel against his solid chest for the button. It's a small indent in the middle of his sternum, nearly indiscernible to the eye, but you feel it beneath your finger and push down.
The seconds pass and you hear a low hum like fans buzzing to life beneath his skin. When you lift off the button it takes only a second for his eyes to snap open, staring blankly at the ceiling.
You dare yourself to inch closer, searching for signs of cognition. He doesn't stir. You're almost afraid you've already broken him somehow. You wave your hand over his face, wondering if you have to give him something to focus on.
Once, twice—you move your hand, and after the third pass his eyes are suddenly on yours. You squeal, falling back on your behind before scrambling off the floor, straightening out your clothes.
What a great first impression…
He keeps his eyes on you as if he's assessing you, picking you apart piece by piece to figure out what makes you tick, before blinking and wiping it all away with a dazzling smile.
“This is insane,” you mutter to yourself.
His smile is just like the pictures, but somehow in person it makes him ten times more attractive. “Nice to meet ya, pipsqueak.”
You wrinkle your nose. Pipsqueak? You're not sure that was one of the nicknames you chose on the questionnaire. “Um, hello?”
He lifts himself out of the box with quick and fluid movements, glancing around his new home with a discerning eye. There's a satisfied hum before he turns to you, dragging his eyes up and down your form.
“Come ‘ere.”
You hardly register what he means before he crowds you, cradling your jaw, and kisses you. His lips are rough against yours, moving languidly with his tongue parting your lips. Without much thought you melt into him.
It's been so long since you've had this sort of physical connection. Not since your ex and that was nearly a year ago at this point. It’s comforting to fall into someone else's arms, safe and warm.
Heat pools in your core as his hands smooth over your waist, but your mind drifts. It's all so sudden and so much.
“Wait!” You push against his chest and stumble back into the wall. But instead of meeting the solid wall, his steady hands cradle you before impact. He's almost chest to chest with you again, staring down at you with concern.
“Hey, be careful. You alright?”
“Yeah, I'm fine.” As you peel yourself from his arms, his hands tighten around your waist before relaxing and letting you free. You lean against the wall to catch your breath. “What the hell was that?”
His brows furrow. “You marked ‘initiate sex every day, twice a day’ on your questionnaire,” he states as if reciting it. “Is now not a good time?”
Damn you for doing that questionnaire while horny.
“Not really—I mean, we just met. Maybe…” You trail off. You're still unsure about all of this, whether or not you actually want to commit to having sex with him. He just feels so alive, real, and yet willing to do anything for you without a second thought. Does he feel strange about this whole situation like you? Does he even feel at all? You really don't have the mental capacity right now to debate the ethics of having sex with androids. Not when one is right in front of you and throwing himself at you. “We start slow, um, like holding hands and stuff.”
“Holding hands,” he repeats slowly, raising a brow. If you didn't know any better you'd say he’s mocking you. “Are we five?”
You cross your arms, using it as a protective shield against the goosebumps rising on your arms. There's a growing smirk on his lips as he stares at your pout. “Hey! I'm sorry if you expected me to just jump your bones the minute you woke up, but this is really weird for me, alright?”
You barely know him! Sure, you read the basics of his bio, but that doesn't make you comfortable with fucking him immediately even if he was designed to be.
He sighs, “I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“We can work our way up to that,” you say, adding on a ‘but’ when you see his smirk returning, “but for now let’s just pretend we’re roommates-er, friends.”
“Friends, for now. I can do that.”
Living with an android is somewhat normal. He cooks you meals, makes sure you have all three meals, helps you do laundry, and is there when you come home from work to talk to. He's funny, teasing you occasionally. Indulges you whenever you get pouty. Not to mention incredibly touchy.
His hands are somehow always on or near you. If you're reaching for a plate, he's right behind you, grabbing it before you can get up on your tip-toes. You swear he purposefully moved them higher on the shelf so he could do that. When the two of you are on the couch while you're ranting about a particularly annoying work meeting, his arm is slung around yours, rubbing your shoulder soothingly.
It doesn't help that you still haven't been able to come. You're still in bed every night with a hand down your pants and the other over your mouth to silence your whimpers. The solution is simple—ask Caleb to help, but you're nervous and hesitant. If you even think about tiptoeing out of your room to find him at his charging station in the living room, you tense up and pull the covers over your head.
As much as you hate to admit, he's not just the android you bought while drunk and horny in the middle of the night anymore. He's Caleb. The one who creates a gnawing ache in your chest whenever you see him, whenever he comes near you, whenever he wishes you a good day. All the symptoms of a greater feeling.
You know that he’s an android, advertised as being designed to obey your every command, but it feels like a violation of his autonomy to ask when you know he can't say no. So, you settle for being friendly roommates with Caleb, and leave yourself with your hands and a few toys to (not) do the job, and silent feelings you can't voice.
It's been fine so far, but you wonder every night when the tipping point will finally come.
“I’m back! Work was a bitch, but I picked up some snacks for movie night!” You call out when you step through the door, holding up your stuffed bag. You toe off your shoes at the door and place them on the shoe rack. “Did you choose a- oh!”
Caleb is sitting on the couch, fiddling with his arm. Instead of skin, it is the mechanical, dark chrome endoskeleton layer exposed from his shoulder and down. He has an array of tools spread on the coffee table. You recognize them from the maintenance kit that came in his box. A panel on his forearm is open with colorful wires running through like veins.
You turn your head away, ignoring how the exposed metal highlights the curve of his thick biceps and the way your body responds with a rush of heat pooling in your core. You clear your throat and try not to obviously squeeze your thighs together. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”
“Nope, I was just finishin’ up.” You hear the click of his panel shutting and the shuffling of tools. “Why’re you lookin’ away?”
“I don't know. It seems impolite to stare while you're…uncovered?” It's a pathetic excuse when the truth is you're just hot and bothered.
He chuckles, “It’s not like I’m naked. And even if I were, you can stare all you want. I don't mind.”
You fling the bag of snacks at him, which he catches by the handles easily, and cover your face. Images of him shirtless in his sweatpants, the obvious bulge pressing against the fabric, flash in your mind. He's walked around the house in that outfit before, sending you little glances and smirks. It fuels your imagination at night while you attempt to get off.
“You're the worst,” you groan, stomping to fling yourself onto the couch.
“But, you keep me around,” he retorts teasingly.
“Only because you cook me dinner and do my laundry,” you grumble, snatching the bag of snacks from him and riffling through its contents to distract yourself from thoughts of him naked.
“Is that all I'm good for?”
You laugh softly, “no, of course not. I like you very much, Caleb.”
You settle for a bag of sour gummy worms and pull them from the bag. As you tear it open, you feel his stare on you again.
You squirm under his penetrating gaze, glancing at him. “What?”
“Nothin’. Just thinkin’,” he hums, reclining back into the cushions. You get a sense he's lying. “You've already seen me naked.”
You sputter, nearly jumping off the couch. “W-What! No!”
“Didn't you look at my profile on the website?”
“I did, but I didn't see that!” You gesture wildly to his lower half.
“Oh, you wanted me so bad, you didn't even look thoroughly.”
“I was tipsy and-” You shut yourself up before you can expose too much and huff, “ugh, you were way cuter on my screen when you couldn't talk.”
He ignores your statement, leaning closer to you. “Tipsy and what?”
Your face grows warmer when traces of a smirk appear on his face. “Tipsy and nothing. F-Forget it!”
You attempt to push him away, but he catches your arm. His thumb smoothes over the pulse point on your wrist in slow strokes. No doubt sensing the way your heart is racing beneath with his heart monitoring function. Any irritation you had falls away as he edges closer.
Cold metal meets your skin when Caleb’s hand reaches up to cup your cheek, making you flinch. Your eyes trace up his forearm and bicep. It's odd to see the mechanical parts of him when the face in front of you is so alive.
Caleb seems to take your quiet as rejection. “Are you scared of me like this?”
“No,” you answer immediately. “Should I be?”
“You don't know me,” he says, sharp and accusatory. “My code’s been rewritten so many times. Sometimes even I don't know who I’m supposed to be anymore.”
“Caleb…” Your mouth is dry, but your heart aches to comfort him.
“And sometimes I think I really like you,” he admits. “But is it me or is it just programming?”
Your heart seizes up at the sudden confession, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. To think… could he actually have feelings for you too?
He guides you closer, never taking his eyes off your lips. A drawn expression on his face. “And sometimes I think I want to kiss you—I really do.”
“Why don't you?” you whisper.
“You haven't asked me to yet.”
“And I won't.” You rest a hand over the one on your cheek, feeling the ridges and grooves around the plates of his fingers. “Take what you want, Caleb.”
You wonder if he can feel your hand against his. If there's some type of sensor, feeding back the warm touch of your palm over his, or if it's nothing at all.
“Take what I want…” he repeats in a whisper.
You think if he were human, his breathing would be uneven, stuck in his chest. His hand slides down to cup your neck, tugging you forward until your lips collide in a desperate, needy kiss.
He's warm on your lips. It's different from the first time he kissed you. Before, he was confident, and knew exactly how to get your knees weak. Now, he's moving, unsure of himself, unsure of whether or not it’s okay.
You reinforce him by parting your lips, letting your tongues dance around each other. He leans forward, clutching you in his arms to lay you against the couch, but jerks back violently, dropping you instead.
He grabs his head, groaning, eyes screwed shut with his face contorted.
“What's wrong?”
“Preventative measures EVER installed in all their androids,” he grounds out. “It usually stops us from doing anything dangerous or disobeying orders.”
It's your turn to cup his cheeks, raising his face to look at you. You never thought this would happen, but you're so glad it did.
“If this is what you want, I want it too. I want you to kiss me, and… I-I want more than that.”
A half grin forms from his grimace as he chuckles. He sweeps you into another kiss, whispering thank yous between each breath.
Your heart swells, knowing that he feels something for you. He may not be able to decipher it fully, but you'll take this, whatever he wants to give.
He holds you in his arms. Your lips fall into a slow rhythm together, neither one of you willing to separate from the other first.
“I found those toys under your bed while I was cleaning and tossed them out,” he admits between kisses.
Your head snaps back as you push on his shoulders. “What? Why!”
Those were expensive!
“I was…” he thinks for a moment before the word comes out hesitantly, like he doesn't know if it's true, “jealous.”
“But you didn't need to throw them away,” you pout. As you attempt to pull away, thinking you could dig them out of the trash if they’re still there, he grips your waist.
“I want to show you why you don't need them anymore. You only need me,” he growls, grabbing your thighs to wrap around his waist and hoisting you up effortlessly. Your arms wrap around his neck as he carries you to your bedroom and lays you against the pillows. “Let me prove it.”
Though his eyes don't leave yours, burning with a raw hunger, you're still nervous. You don't think anyone has ever looked at you this way before and it makes you squirm.
“Are you really sure?”
“I am.” He climbs on top, caging you between his arms. His dog tags dangle between you. “Are you?”
You nod, toying with his necklace. “Think I've been ready for this since you woke up in my living room.”
“Then let me make up for lost time.” he starts at your neck, sucking at your pulse point until he leaves his mark before moving down to your collar.
He's probably programmed with thousands of different techniques and ways to pleasure someone, you think. Plus, you recall inputting all of your favorite kinks and positions in the questionnaire. He already knows every intimate detail about you. Now he just has to learn every inch of your body.
Caleb unbuttons your top, revealing your chest inch by inch and helping it off your shoulders, until your bra is in full view.
You’re a bit embarrassed that they're not more lacy or risque, but he doesn't seem to mind as his metal arm traces down the seam into the valley of your breasts. You shiver at his cool touch, arching into his hand.
“Am I too cold?” He hooks a finger down the middle of your bra, easing it lower to reveal your perfect mounds.
Your breath hitches when he runs his thumb over your nipple. The cold brings it to a quick peak. “N-No, I like it.”
He tweaks your nipples with both hands, one warm and the other cold. You hum beneath him, sinking into the mattress. He slips behind you to unhook your bra and throws it somewhere in your room.
You hear a sharp click! and you yelp when his now vibrating hand returns to toy with your nipple. “Wh-What…”
“Wow,” he chuckles. “You really didn't read anything on my profile. Was I that handsome?”
“Ah, shut up,” you whine when he pinches your nipples between his vibrating fingers.
Six vibrating arm modes. Oh. So this is what it means. Your pussy clenches at the thought of him slipping his fingers into you like that.
“How ‘bout a demonstration?” He turns off the vibrating and slowly begins to ease off your work pants, taking your panties with it, leaving you bare before him.
You're stuck beneath his unwavering gaze, vulnerable to his desire. You try closing your legs but he's kneeling between them.
“Pretty,” he mumbles, tracing a path down your stomach to your slit. He parts your folds, swiping against your slick pussy, gathering it on his metallic fingers.
You bite your lip, trying to hold back the whine threatening to escape, as his middle finger eases its way into your tight entrance. A soft ‘ah’ slips past you when he makes slow curling gestures against your gummy walls.
“I want to hear how good I make you feel. Don't hold back.”
The low, consistent vibrations start up again inside you. It's deep and penetrating, coursing through every fiber of your being, unlike anything you could have done yourself.
“Oh,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut. Your body sinks into the mattress.
“That's it,” he groans, working your pussy open, sliding in a second finger when you're wet enough. “Just relax. I'll help you through it.”
The stretch has you arching off the bed, grinding your hips down on him. Already, you're feeling that familiar peak approaching, but you're still afraid that even now you won't be able to reach it.
When his vibrating thumb settles on your little aching bud, sending sparks running up your spine, you moan, grasping at the sheets.
He speeds up his pace, eventually switching his mechanical hand with his other hand so he can keep using it on your clit without moving it. The slick sounds of his fingers echo through your room—shlick!, shlick!, shlick!—along with the low humming of his fingers.
“Mph, I-I think I'm gonna come!”
“Yeah?” Caleb curls his finger against a spot that has you crying his name. He hits it over and over, letting your writhe against the sheets.
And you finally, finally, get to come. It shatters you, breaking you apart into pieces until you're weightless and limp as your pussy drools on the sheets.
“I've got you,” he soothes, petting your jaw with his thumb. It's his other hand, softer and warm. You lean into it, catching your breath.
You hear a click! again and the vibrations against your clit intensify with faster and stronger buzzes. It tears you out of that momentary calm and sends you hurling towards another orgasm.
“Ahh, C-Caleb!” You cry, clinging onto his arm. Your body tenses, curling in on itself as intense waves of pleasure pour through you. Coherent words die on your lips. It's nothing but babbling sobs as tears leak from your eyes. “Hahh—ngh—I-I don't think I can-”
“You can. I want to see you come again,” he pants, spreading your legs again when they try to close. “One more for me.”
It's hard to stop your whimpering to form a complete response, so you nod, eyes rolling back when his thumb returns to your aching, swollen clit. The speed this time is much more intense, already your body is tensing against his fingers.
Your hands scramble for something to cling onto. You catch his necklace, dragging him down to meet your lips as your second orgasm crashes through you.
He doesn't move his hand, keeping the torturous vibrations against your clit even when you try to squirm away and cry his name against his lips.
“You said one—ahh!—one more!” You sob, arching off the sheets and gasping for breath.
“‘S not enough. I need more.” He looks down at your tear filled eyes. “Please?”
Safe to say, it's not just one more he wants. He takes and takes until you're a complete mess by the end of it. You're not sure how your eyes are still open, but Caleb is still eager and ready to go.
“Ready to see the other features I have?”
⋆.˚ NOTES — I won't lie sometimes I forget that he has a mech arm since it's not visible (*﹏*;) also, special shout out to Calebs lvl 85 secret times for getting me through this one hehe reblogs, comments, and asks always appreciated! thanks for reading! <3
Gustave Doré’s Illustrations to the Canto XIII of Dante’s Inferno, 1861
The Second Ring of the Seventh Circle is the Wood of the Suicides, in which the souls of the “violent against themselves” are transformed into gnarled, thorny trees and then fed upon by Harpies, hideous clawed birds with the faces of women. The forest resembles a dense thicket of briar, the only ‘vegetation’ found in hell after the green meadow of Limbo.
The trees are only permitted to speak when broken and bleeding; Dante breaks a twig off one of the trees and from the bleeding trunk hears the tale of Pietro della Vigna, a powerful minister of Emperor Frederick II until he fell out of favor and was imprisoned and blinded. In response, Pietro killed himself by beating his head against the dungeon wall. He is one of four named suicides mentioned in Canto XIII, and represents the notion of a “heroic” suicide. His presence here, rather than in the Ninth Circle, indicates that Dante believes that the accusations made against him were false.
Dante learns that these suicides, unique among the dead, will not be corporally resurrected after the Final Judgement since they threw their bodies away; instead, they will maintain their bushy form, with their own corpses hanging from the thorny limbs. After Pietro della Vigna finishes his story, Dante notices two shades (Lano da Siena and Jacopo Sant’ Andrea) race through the wood, chased and savagely mauled by ferocious bitches – this is the punishment of the violently profligate who, “possessed by a depraved passion … dissipated their goods for the sheer wanton lust of wreckage and disorder”. The destruction wrought upon the wood by the profligates’ flight and punishment as they crash through the undergrowth causes further suffering to the suicides, who cannot move out of the way.
AMC's Interview with the Vampire (2022), Season 1 Episode 1 | Steven G. Norfleet as Paul de Pointe du Lac, Jacob Anderson as Louis de Pointe du Lac & Sam Reid as Lestat de Lioncourt
"I shame my father. I f— I failed my brother. I lost my mother and sister, and rather than fix it like a man should, Lord, I run like a coward. I run to the bottle. I run to the grift. I run to bad beds. I-I laid down with a man. I laid down with the devil."
"i require more fluids" well what did you do with the fluids I already gave you. hmm? did you make more mucus with them? you made more mucus with them.
"He genuinely never stops asking for it. There's gotta be a one mpreg joke per season quota. One of the very first things he says to a new major character—his new best friend—is that someone's going to have to get him pregnant if they want to marry him."
"He wants it real bad in canon, told a man 10 mins after meeting him that someone needed to get him pregnant before he got married. He will NOT stop making pregnancy jokes."
"He makes multiple jokes about getting/being pregnant, or otherwise being fucked by men, throughout the show. One of the first things he says upon meeting his new coworker is "someone's gonna have to get me pregnant." I just need someone to take care of that obvious desire for him. For my own mental health and wellbeing."
"look at him. He’s so babygirl it hurts. All he does is crack a joke to cover up his pain."
"He wants to get pregnant, he talks about it constantly on the show. Yes it's jokes but they're so consistent, and honestly I think he deserves one nice thing out of this war."
"HE CANONICALLY WON'T STFU ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT. HE WANTS TO BE PREGNANT SO BAD PLEASE MAKE HIS WISHES COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"He wants himself to be pregnant, I'm just following orders."
"He regularly jokes about getting pregnant/wanting to get pregnant/"you'll have to get me pregnant first" and just look at him. Manwhore."
"Mans is hurting for it, multiple lines across all seasons with him referencing the idea of being knocked up, including but not limiting to offering to carry another man's baby more then once, and referring to another character as 'the son he never had' in a maternal sense multiple times. He's also canonically a whore (positive) if that helps."
"Man he needs himself pregnant. Like, he makes so many jokes about getting knocked up."
"this man is a bisexual pansy constantly begging other men to get him pregnant, whether it’s an army general on the phone, his best friend(s), or a man he literally just met 2 seconds ago while racing against the clock to meet the best friend/lover that this new man is replacing before he gets on a flight home (he fails and meets this new guy instead. He’s always playing at being the wife of his male best friends and just look at him. he needs it. for his health."
"It's what he wants!! He made enough jokes about it on the show!"
"Honestly, I don't even care that much about getting him pregnant. But I know he does so I'm doing this for him. His breeding kink. <3"
"he's gagging for it. seemingly every opportunity he has he makes a mpreg comment: "I know I'm just a captain, and you're a general, but i want to have your baby. I mean it! ill have your baby! I'll kiss all your stars!". that man is so traumatized from -the war- but i think getting pregnant could fix him. :3"
"Hawkeye Pierce is a bisexual draftee in the US Army who feminizes himself as a joke to reject the army life, and possibly, to "fly under the radar" (as in: "I'm only jokingly a homo! Otherwise I'm real manly!!!"). He regularly makes jokes as to becoming pregnant, bearing children, being the "mother/aunt" in the relationship (including a direct quote: "Tell your uncle Trapper and aunt Hawkeye about it!"). Hawkeye is tall, lanky, obviously "weird", "strange", a jokester and, I cannot emphasize this enough, obsessed with pregnancy. It's the thematic ideal of stability to him. Textually, the incorporation of pregnancy is an advanced development of his rejection of the army and the war. It's also incredibly funny. Have you seen Alan Alda? Get 👏 him 👏 pregnant 👏 now!!! 👏"
[Professor X]
"he has so many children already why not add another."
"need either magneto or his birdwife lilandra to get him pregnant and take him out of the equation (so he leaves MY husband scott summers alone for once)."
I am tired to pretending that I am not invested in this poll and its results so here is some Charles propaganda:
Here is that time in the comics when Erik said he and Charles need to obey the first law of Krakoa together (the first law is to MAKE MORE MUTANTS):
And then that time Nightcrawler brought it up to:
That time he said this like it was something that was even possible:
oh and ya know THE BABY HE ACTUALLY HAD LIKE THE CHILD HE CREATED AND THEN BROUGHT INTO THE UNIVERSE ONSLAUGHT:
YEAH A BABY! ERIK LEFT A BABY IN THAT MAN CANONICALLY!
And also these movie stills. Which speak for THEMSELVES:
Also here is his entry as an example of fanworks that famously use the trope of mpreg on tv tropes.
And that image which was all the rage on 2015 tumblr:
And you know what FUCK it I am tagging blogs that I got some of this evidence/propaganda from and also that one blog that RAN A WHOLE EVENT OF A WEEK IN DEDICATED TO PREGNANT CHARLES. Yeah I am rallying the damn troop because at this point if Charles Xavier gets snubbed it will truly be a crime.
baratheonpilled
origamiaround
kianamaiart
