C.J. Campbell

C.J. Campbell is an author, speaker, activist, and storyteller from the poverty-stricken city of Rockford, IL. Traveling from dive bars to college campuses, Campbell uses humor and vulnerability to peel back pre-concieved notions about life, socitey, and love.

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I Am Still Here

I do not celebrate this day of empire; but I am celebrating somberly celebrating today. One year ago I entered into the most difficult time in my life. This weekend marks one year since life as I knew it crumbled, and everything I loved about my life disappeared. July 4th weekend of last year after struggling with my mind being plagued by intrusive suicidal thoughts for over a month and experiencing the most intense loneliness of my life I checked myself into the hospital in the hopes of saving my life, This year has been the hardest and most heartbreaking year of my life, but I am glad I was able to fight against my mind. I don't share this because I want to congratulated. I am sharing this because I was afraid to reach out to the ones I loved to say I was struggling .I am sharing this because people often misunderstand the struggle of suicide as a selfish act by the ones who experience it. A year ago I fought against my cognition to cling to life, knowing that going to the hospital would mean losing my life as I knew it. It would cost me everything. I share this for anyone who is afraid to ask for help.In this last year, my life is is still difficult, but the important thing is ‪#‎IAmStillHere‬ ‪#‎LoveWillNotBeDefeated‬

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Tour Update “3″: Face The Storm

So I must apologize about the disappearance of the second tour update. I have been trying to schedule the posts to the morning following me writing these updates because I write these so late and for some reason it just repeated my first post and I am unsure what happened to my lost tour update.  So here’s is an abbreviated` recap of Chicago:

We played The Underground Bar a jazz/Blues, I got made some people laugh, I got heckled and then owned said heckler I sold a book, Ashton Blake dropped from the rest of tour.  Alli and I (Andrew “Danger” Standley and his guitar named Alli) closed the night. A blind man came up and asked to play piano with Andrew. When a blind man in a Jazz club asks to play with you, you say yes. We got paid $10 and spent on crappy bar pizza and listened to the owner of the bar’s jazz band. Thursday night, Alli and I and Ashton got scheduled to play a bar here in Rockford. It would be Ashton’s last day on the tour. It felt weird to be in my hometown and not perform but they were playing in the loft that is only accessible by stairs. It was nice to see some familiar faces after a tough couple days. I had a good night I got a few beers bought for me and even though some drunk guy I think may have tried to send a girl he was prostituting my way. I went home with a veggie pita from a local gyro stand instead. I woke today up with little sleep and a bit of an upset stomach this morning. I  spent most of the morning trying to secure a place for us to stay the night we play Brooklyn. I hear Andy start to hoop and holler with mike harmonizing in laughter. Andy called our local Chipotle franchise and scored us a free burritos. After the burritos Andy got booked to play a couples hours at one of Rockford’s local record stores. It was before 5pm on a  weekday so there wasn’t too much traffic but the owner really was into Andy’s music and when Andy found his favorite book for his childhood he traded it for one of Andy’s albums. We stopped at my favorite coffeeshop, The Rockford Roasting Company to get some pour-overs and coffee on-tap.  From there Andy decided to stay downtown and busk while Mike and I came back to my apartment to see about getting some dates in Connecticut between our show in Brooklyn on the 24th and our last date in Norfolk, VA on the 29th.   Tomorrow we are doing an outdoor show at Eckhart park outside of Lacrosse, WI. It’s a three-hour drive one-way and there is a 40% chance of thunderstorms; not to mention we are still waiting on the kickstarter funds to be wired to the label’s bank account. Pursuing your art is difficult, and you can only understand it if you do what Andy and I have been doing: getting up on stage alone in front of strangers and putting it out on the line. Andy has given up his job to jump on this tour and has to make a car payment on  . He and I are in a place in life where we just have to go for it. With everything I do it is to fight this spectre that haunts me. The foreboding knowledge that if I don’t make something happen for myself I may never breakout of poverty and I may waste away in this empty apartment I dwell in. My only companion will be all of my unused potential. There is no option other than to face this storm and hope we are still here when the rain ends,

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Tour Update 2: The Blind Leading The Blind

We are in the car driving down Dixon, IL. We are discussing  the stress of having a razor thin budget. We aren’t even sure if we will have enough gas to make it back to IL at the end of this. At this point, I I know that positivity is needed. I am guaranteed nothing in this life. So I just have to make this tour work. I have to get this book in as many hands as possible and try to build a career one worthwhile fan at a time. We showed up a couple hours early. We are wondering around town. Trying to scope out a place with an accessible bathroom.  I spot a coffeeshop that has some stairs leading to the front but I find an ADA compliant oasis once my friends carry my chair up the stairs. If you are curious on how they managed to make an accessible bathroom but not an accessible entrance; so am I.  We decide to stop at pizza place to grab food before the show. The budget is so tight that it looks like we are on our own as far as food goes. My tour manager, Mike is coming on this tour as a favor last minute. I feel an obligation to cover his food.  Mike and I scour the menu I am looking for cheap and vegetarian friendly food.  They have 99 cent tacos and if he orders a couple we can split a plain calzone and be out less than $10.  A few minutes later the waitress comes back and says that someone has left us $30 to cover our meal. It was beyond generous. We had done nothing deserve it. It was the little bit of positivity I have needed. This tour has been a stress I have found myself worried because the excitement has been lost over the last few weeks as it has been riddled with one new battle after the other.  Now I am ready to do my set. I am ready to share my life through story with reckless abandon because my name is C.J. Campbell and I am a storyteller. Dixon is not going to know what hit them. We arrive at the venue and we discover that the only entrance is several steep stairs.  I am not going to let this drag me down. The only choice is to drag myself up the stairs.  I made it. Mike carries the chair and Ashton Blake starts a sound check. We wait, we set up merch and we wait.  It is getting close to show time and The Defeated Royals are not here. They are the local act.  No is one is here….A few minutes later we hear that The Defeated Royals can’t make it. The show is cancelled.  With all of the struggles I have had the last weeks I had people in my life tell me that I should just cancel this tour.  I have considered it; but I have to try. I have to swing for the fences because I am not guaranteed that I will have another shot.  How I got dinner today was exactly how everything in my career has happened. Kind and generous people have helped me to get by one day at a time.  So tomorrow I am getting up and headed to Chicago.  I am going to share my life with reckless abandon because my name is C.J. Campbell, and I am a storyteller.

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8 DAYS! We have 8 days to get this tour funded. I am excited to hit the road and further work towards my dreams. I am really excited to do a show at The Trash Bar May 24th. It's always been a dream of mine to play a show in NYC. Sure, I always imagined playing in a punk band, but this is close enough. This tour is to promote my first book and I just want to keep working at my art. If you want to partner along side me in this journey I would be honored if you gave to the campaign https://www.kickstarter.com/…/the-love-will-not-be-defeated…

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BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: We are adding an act to the tour! Alli and I will be joining the tour and also will be offering their new album as a reward. Don't forget that if you back this project or recommend it and someone becomes a backer you enter to win a free signed copy of my book. We have 11 days to get this tour funded and hit these cities:

May 12th- Rosbrook Studio Dixon, IL

May 13th- Underground Wonder Bar Chicago, IL

May 16th- Park Show La Crosse, WI

May 20th- Wilberts Blues and Food Cleveland, OH

May 21st- Vineyard Community Space Rochester, NY

May 22nd- Boulder Coffee Company Rochester, NY

May 24th- The Trash Bar Brooklyn, NYC

May 29th- Borjo Coffeehouse Norfolk, VA

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We are at the halfway point in the campaign and we are about half funded. To celebrate this I have decided to do a giveaway. I will be giving a free signed copy of my book, The Zen of Beard Trimming to a winner selected after the tour is funded. There are two ways to enter to win: 1. You become a backer of this campaign at any level (even $5) 2. Get someone else to be come a backer and have them leave a comment on the kickstarter page that says they are a backer because of you.

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This is the official tour poster for The Love Will Not Be Defeated Tour. I will be doing live storytelling sets with some stories straight from my book. I will be supported by two bands and traveling to 7 cities across US over 2 weeks in May. But I need your help to make this happen. Here is a link to the kickstarter page: https://www.kickstarter.com/…/the-love-will-not-be-defeated… We have about 2 weeks left to hit our goal to make this your happen. We have great rewards lined up if you decide to be a backer. Many you have already decided to back this project have said we give too much. You can give as little as $5 and make a huge impact in my life.

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Just my beard trimmed up to get ready to go on tour in May. I should need another trim the week before I hit the road...well, if our kickstarter gets funded. If you are interested in backing the campaign go to here:  https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/874099712/the-love-will-not-be-defeated-tour

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https://www.kickstarter.com/…/the-love-will-not-be-defeated… IMPORTANT UPDATE PLEASE READ We are 25% of the way to being fully funded! This is on target to come down the wire. It's funny how dreams consume you. Kickstarters are stressful because they force you to question yourself and look how much support and influence you truly have. I am always shocked at how loyal and generous some people are to me. so I want to thank you all deeply. We are now at a point where if myself, Ashtonblake and The Defeated Royals each get 20 people to give at $20 this project will be funded. During the first couple days of the campaign I was pretty stressed because no one was seeing my posts and the giving was dismal; but now I see the goal and I think we can make it. I have a goal to sell every single copy of this first run of The Zen of Beard Trimming I know that this tour can make that happen

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CJ Campbell, Conveyer's former storytelling director, goes on tour with book

ROCKFORD — CJ Campbell has cerebral palsy and consequently a beard that inspired his book, “The Zen of Beard Trimming: Stories of Punk An article about my book, The Zen of Beard Trimming and trying to fund a tour to promote my book. I will be touring with two bands: Ashton Blake, and The Defeated Royals we will be hitting 8 cities. May 12th- Rosbrook Studio Dixon, IL  

May 13th- Underground Wonder Bar Chicago, IL  

May 16th- Park Show La Crosse, WI  

May 20th- Wilbert's Blues and Food Cleveland, OH

May 21st- Vineyard Community Space Rochester, NY  

May 22nd- Boulder Coffee Company Rochester, NY  

May 24th- The Trash Bar Brooklyn, NYC  

May 29th- Borjo Coffeehouse Norfolk, VA To help make this tour happen you can give to our kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/874099712/the-love-will-not-be-defeated-tour

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The Love Will Not Be Defeated Tour - Two music acts, one author, a national tour. Together they fight for their dreams and they aren't afraid to fail. - http://kck.st/1CKbCvg  A couple days ago the kickstarter to fund the tour to promote my book, The Zen of Beard Trimming went live. We need to $100 a day to reach our goal. There are 8 dates set for the tour (so far)

May 12th- Rosbrook Studio Dixon, IL  

May 13th- Underground Wonder Bar Chicago, IL  

May 16th- Park Show La Crosse, WI  

May 20th- Wilberts Blues and Food Cleveland, OH  

May 21st- Vineyard Community Space Rochester, NY  

May 22nd- Boulder Coffee Company Rochester, NY  

May 24th- The Trash Bar Brooklyn, NYC  May 29th- Borjo Coffeehouse Norfolk, VA

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Art Is Failure

I feel as though so much of the life experience living within the construct of disability is an experience of reverse engineering.  My life is not conventional, so the experience in which I draw from comes from a reality which is intrinsically opposing that which is the conventional experience. I seem to learn everything backwards.  I literally learned how to fall before I learned how to walk.

I have found that success is something to avoid. I seek the humble truth of failure.  I have been told most of my life that success is what I should aim for but I find that not to be true. I have found that success is truly a fallacy that we choose to believe.  In my own life I know that I don’t really ever hit the goals that I set. At least not in the ways I really planned. Nothing ever works out the way I imagined or wanted. My dreams and goals are usually inflated by my ego. I am more grandiose in my vision, more sure of my capabilities.  So when I imagine finishing a project it’s never what I was actually shooting for in many ways.  So in reality even my successes are failures. They were just a more successful failure. Often, I see that we talk about failure as the thing we did before we hit success. We gloss over failure and allow ourselves to focus on what is comfortable to focus on. We focus on what is right or good about us but that doesn’t allow much space for honesty.The allusion of success allows to pad ego. The reality is that this was just a less painful failure.

Art is failure. It’s something I have found. the acceptance of failure allows honesty. Honesty brings the ability to live artfully. Chasing failure allows you to never stop.  I had a cool opportunity a few weeks ago to speak all day to high school students about my book, The Zen of Beard Trimming: Stories of Punk Rock, Poverty, and the Search for Peace.  A teacher introduced me to a very exceptionally bright student named Dennis. The teacher said:

“This is Dennis, I am really trying to work on him to participate more and  open up. I think he could be a very powerful voice.

I looked at him and said “Art is failure.”  Dennis immediately starts giving bits of himself away in the currency of tears.  He was given an allowance to be without the need to succeed. May we all have that freedom. May we all be honest. May we all be failures in order to become art.

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You would not believe the anxiety I felt reading The Zen of Beard Trimming's  first review

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After 7 years of just being a thing inside my head I am able to hold my book in my hands for the first time today.

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A New Chapter

with 110 backers you all backed 'The Zen of Beard Trimming: Stories of Punk Rock, Poverty, and the Search for Peace" three times over! I cannot thank you enough. 500 copies will be put in print. This 7 year journey has come to a close, and new chapter begins. Next stop, The Love Will Not Be Defeated Tour coming this summer. For those of you that missed the kickstarter you can order a copy at http://www.zombielogicpress.com/ ‪#‎lovewillnotbedefeated‬

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#7yearsallornothing Letting Go of a Dream

How do you let a dream go after 7 years? For 7 years I have been on this journey. For the last 7 years when everything went wrong I always had The Zen of Beard Trimming to focus on. (If you read the book you will see.) When the fight for my own life went wrong. I could fight for this book to see the light of day. In about 12 hours this journey is over. This dream of mine I just simply have to let go of; the fight is over. Yes, I still have to figure out funding a tour this summer. Yes, I will have to promote myself but The Zen of Beard Trimming will be over. This journey ends today. A new chapter begins. I will have to start writing again some time soon, but for now, I am just going to enjoy this journey for another 12 hours. There is still time to preorder a copy of The Zen of Beard Trimming: Stories of Punk Rock, Poverty, and the Search for Peace by backing the kickstarter https://www.kickstarter.com/…/making-the-zen-…/posts/1107937 ‪#‎7yearsallornothing‬ ‪#‎lovewillnotbedefeated‬

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With 36 hours left to secure a copy of The Zen of Beard Trimming: Stories of Punk Rock, Poverty, and the Search for Peace.Luke Harms of A Deeper Story has graciously has given me his blog as space to leak a chapter of the book. It's personally one of my favorites in the book too.