I know there are a lot of iconic “don’t kill yourself” posts out there. They helped me a lot. The only thing is that I never felt I could relate. The post would always mention friends and significant others and the like, and because I felt so utterly alone, it almost made me feel worse. So, here’s my don’t kill yourself post.
There’s a girl who walks the hall every morning going to her class. She always passes your locker, noticing your funky hair colour or a cute outfit. She never says hi, but she notices you, she sees you. She’s going to miss you.
The boy who sits in front of you in class. He’s popular or an athlete or something, so he doesn’t mingle with you. But every time the teacher says “take one and pass it down,” he turns around and hands you a stack of papers. If you’re gone, don’t tell me he won’t miss that.
There’s your teacher. They don’t seem to care, right? They don’t ask you how you are or check up with you. They just teach and mark your assignments. If you kill yourself, they’ll look at your name on the attendance sheet or look back on assignments they didn’t get the chance to hand back. They’re going to feel so guilty for missing the signs.
The cashier at your favourite convenience store knows you come in every day after school to get a chocolate bar. One day, you stop coming. It’s weeks before he hears the news, you’re dead. He’ll restock those chocolate bars that you loved, and he’ll always think of you. Always. He didn’t know your name, he never started a conversation with you, but he knew you would still come in and buy a chocolate bar. Now, you can’t anymore.
An old man sits at the bus stop with you every morning. He asks you for the time or how your school is going. He’s always there, every morning. He’s always sitting there when you walk up. When you stop coming, he’ll have to check his watch for the time. He only asked you because his wife is dead and his kids aren’t around, and he wanted to talk to someone. You were his saviour, even if it was just for a couple of minutes. He never got to thank you, and he’ll sit alone at the bus stop until he dies, too.
Maybe you have a job. Maybe you have an awful boss or uncaring coworkers. When they get the news, you think they’re not going to go over every interaction with you and wonder where they went wrong? Your boss won’t ever be able to get mad at another employee again because they're stricken with the guilt that they caused all this. When the new employee replaces you, they’ll wonder why everyone is so quiet. It’s because they miss you.
This is for the people who have crap families, no friends, and no s/o. Just because you don’t have anyone, doesn’t mean you won’t ever have anyone. If you kill yourself now, you’ll never get to meet the people who will care about you. But in the meantime, your presence on this earth affects people. You affect people. You affect their lives. You think no one will miss you? Think again. There’s always someone.
