Musings of a Novelist

[ckmercedes]

Hello,

It’s been a while, I’m currently in the process of completing my MFA in creative writing and hadn’t focused much on my blog. Apologies for that! I wanted to drop by and share news of my first poetry publication. The first poem I shared on here was ‘Gaea’ and it was my first foray into writing poetry, so it’s ironic and deeply meaningful that ‘Gaea’ would be my first publication as well.

Gaea was published by The Penmen Review (2023) and can be read here. You can also access it on my blog through the publication tab, where I plan to share future published works. 

Until next time,

c.k.m

[ckmercedes]

My voice is unused, although you do not blink. I withdraw from the world, crawling inward into myself where my soul pulses with agony. I am absent. You do not blink. You do not notice. You move as if nothing was amiss. I tread through the rooms, careful not to make a sound. Careful not to be seen. I see you, but you do not see me. My voice is unused, my presence absent still you do not blink.

Thoughts #4 | c.k.m

[ckmercedes]

Icarus

2:00am [sent]: My soul was yearning for the sun

2:01am [sent]: Ribcage empty and rotting

2:02am [sent]: I found you and my soul sings

Apollo

2:10am [unsent]: Is it wise to search for the sun?

2:11am [unsent]: Is it wise to hope for love?

2:12am [unsent]: I will scorch down your wings

2:13am [unsent]: Your love will be your undoing

Icarus

4:00am [sent]: Are you still there?

Apollo

4:01am [sent]: Always

Text Messages Part I 

c.k.m | ko-fi 

[ckmercedes]

I admire his strong jaw,

slope of his nose, and the way his brows

pinch in stern expression over dark

brooding eyes. I imagined kissing him,

tasting pomegranate on his lips.

Shrieking souls haunt him

each step he takes, condemns

a soul. In his throne of skulls, 

he sits regal and imposing.

Behind his mirthless gaze

of black coal lies torment, 

weariness weighing heavily 

upon him like a crown.

I admire the Undead King, 

isolated in his Kingdom

of Death seeking solace from

Spring, with her grace and 

compassion. Even death felt 

loneliness.

The Undead King

c.k.m | ko-fi

[ckmercedes]

There’s a person waiting, watching.

Gazing intensely, peering into my soul.

Their hands pull away flesh, tendons of muscles

until I stood bare; my soul flawed and splintered.

I peered deeply into the fissures of my soul.

Tracing the crevices that ran along its depths. 

They stood there watching, eyes unblinking,

eyes that held no judgment. 

I was alone with my reflection.

I, Me, Myself 

c.k.m | ko-fi

[ckmercedes]

A profound sense of emptiness;

a shell that once belonged, but who?

Forgotten on the rustic bench, sitting, waiting

for whom, I wonder?

Thoughts #3 | c.k.m

[ckmercedes]

His shoulder blades moved like wax-wings as he worked out the kinks in his bones, easing the tension. Tawny skin trailing with sweat, he closed his eyes, long lashes kissed his cheekbones as he felt the sun’s warmth seep into his flesh.

His soul yearns for the sun, bones aching with feverish want. His pearly grin and wild curls screamed

F R E E D O M.

ONCE THERE WAS A BOY NAMED ICARUS

c.k.m | ko-fi

[ckmercedes]

Icarus loved the sun so dearly

that his father Daedalus had gifted him,

wings fashioned from feathers and wax

and with heavy words warned him:

Neither fly too low nor high,

for Poseidon’s sea is ruthless

and Apollo’s scorch unforgiving.

Your death is sure to be merciless.

However, Icarus yearned for the sun

with its brilliant rays of gold,

that Icarus flew too close.

Soaring through the skies

he yearned to be near the sun;

to the boy beyond the hues of gold.

So when Icarus caught a glimpse of Apollo,

his fingertips reached out

and Apollo’s fingers brushed against his-

pulling Icarus too close, by the grasp of his arm.

A kiss so tender,

Icarus heart sang

breast blossoming with warmth.

Icarus felt weightless and joy

however, soon the blissful moment ends-

his wings melted off

and lips scorched,

Icarus fell, fell to his death.

Apollo’s sorrowful voice reached out to him:

For thou love thee I fear

no mortal could ever bear

the glory scorch of a god.

Your love will be a ballade.

Thus, Icarus plummeted down below

so that Poseidon embraced him;

in the cold abyss of the ocean,

the sea stole from him

Apollo’s warmth.

Bittersweet Kiss 

c.k.m |  ko-fi

[ckmercedes]

1:00 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: Maybe it’s sleep deprivation speaking, but I can’t get you outta my mind. 1:05 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: The way your pearly smile seems to blind me. 1:10 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: A radiant glow that mimics a halo crown surrounds your curls. 1:15 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: I find myself drowning in your honey-colored eyes, warm and inviting. Promising euphoric delights. 1:19 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: I can’t get you outta my mind. My bones ache to be with you, to feel your touch. 1:22 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: My heart is bursting with feverish want. 1:24 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: I want you 1:25 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: I want you 1:26 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: I want you 1:27 a.m, Icarus [unsent]: I…

Unsent Messages From Icarus  

c.k.m

[ckmercedes]

You’ve fallen into a spell,

in which your reflection

has imprisoned you.

My Dearest Narcissus, | c.k.m

Snippet taken from MY DEAREST NARCISSUS.

[ckmercedes]

Gentle large hands reached out. Calloused fingertips gingerly trace the curves of my cheek, and leaning forward your lips ghost over my own. I feel your breath tickling my face, I reached out to you, my hands hesitant. Afraid that you’ll disperse with the smallest of touches.

Withdrawing my hands, I closed my eyes. Basking in this moment, praying with ache that prickles at my heart that this moment will last forever. A thousands forever. My soul weeps and my bone aches for you, but still I do not touch.

the art of yearning

c.k mercedes | ko-fi

[ckmercedes]

This plague of loneliness

and doubt haunts me.

A phantom that lingers,

chipping away at my core

until I am convinced;

that perhaps its words

is a prophet.

Thoughts #2 | c.k.m

[ckmercedes]

I. 

He was glorious, his physique chiseled and hard like stone, as he lumbered on, across shore. The cool waves lapping at shore, soothes his exhaustion. The smell of salt assaults her nose, but his piercing eyes- a brilliant blue- takes her breath away. He smiles a crooked smile, and she wonders if she’ll ever remember how to breathe again. From across the beach, he slinks away, leaving her dazed. She hopes; she’ll see him again.

II. 

The sun sets across the horizon, the sky a pastel colors of pink, orange, and blue. She laid on the warm sand, feeling each tiny particle like microscopic needles against her sepia skin. Onyx-black hair forms a halo around her head, as she watches the sky dye an indigo color. Piercing gaze lingers on her form, and she sits up hesitantly. She sees him sitting by a bonfire, the flickering flames set his eyes ablaze, his gaze so intense; he’s looking through her soul. Picking her apart piece by piece, until there was nothing left. His eyes roam across bare skin, to her flushed face, hazel eyes, his gaze lowering to her full lips, lowering to her breasts, and back at her hazel eyes now narrowed in warning. He only smiles that crooked grin of his, and she hopes she doesn’t see him again.

III.

Night falls and she’s walking along the shore, the cool waves lapping at her toes. The sky above is black like obsidian with scattered stars winking playfully. Her mind continues to be haunted by his gaze, and she curses his beauty, curses his piercing brilliant blue eyes, and curses at herself for thinking of those eyes. She stops by the shores and looks out into the sea, the moonlight reflecting off the calm ocean. She begins to wonder how lovely his eyes would be, reflecting the stars above. So brilliant, so lovely...how beautiful it would be, she wants to pluck his eyes out and hold them between her forefinger and thumb. Hold them out like marble and gaze with one eye, into the blue topaz and watch as the light catches and glitters in its depth.

Utinam Ne Illum Numquam Conspexissem

C.K Mercedes  | Ko-fi 

[ckmercedes]

O’ what sweet sorrow, for Fall grieves thee. To see spring sweetness wither away, and in its place, a field once vibrant with life now a remembrance of what was…

 Spring Blues

C.K Mercedes