hii! lately i've been having trouble with describing my characters emotions and feelings (basically the show not tell thing, i feel?) and i don't know how i can improve this, though i've tried many things already... i'm just not satisfied with how i do it... i dont know if it helps, but i write from third person pov focusing on one character's pov especifically
Trouble Describing Emotions
Learning to describe emotions (rather than label them) is one of the early challenges many writers face in improving their writing skills. So, trust me, you’re in good company. It’s something a lot of newer writers (and even some more seasoned ones) struggle with. Fortunately, there are a lot of things that can help.
1) Labeling vs Describing
First and foremost, it helps to understand the difference between labeling an emotion and describing one.
Emotion labels are words like happy, sad, scared, worried, elated, horrified, angry, embarrassed, etc.
Every one of those emotions has specific facial expressions, body language, and internal cues that go along with them. If I realize my best friend has a crush on my next door neighbor, and when I call her out on it she’s embarrassed, I’ll probably be able to tell that just by looking at her. Any one or combination of the following might happen: blushing, hives, nervous giggling, wide eyes, shaking head no, waving it off, hiding face in hands, hysterical laughter, biting bottom lip, not willing to make eye contact, etc. These visual cues will let me know she’s embarrassed. Likewise, she’ll know she’s embarrassed because of the things she’s feeling physically, like her cheeks burning, nervous energy, inability to stop giggling, butterflies in the stomach, watering eyes, etc.
So, the key to describing emotions, rather than labeling them, is to think about the cues that indicate what someone is feeling, and describe those rather than labeling the emotion. For example:
Terrance got down on one knee and Aisha was super happy!
“Super happy” is a label. What visual cues might we see that indicate Aisha’s super happiness?
Terrance got down on one knee and Aisha’s jaw dropped, her eyes widening as everything sunk in. She gasped and brought her hand to her mouth as she burst into tears, but her twinkling eyes reflected her smiling face before she revealed it to Terrance. “Oh my God, T! Yes! Of course I will marry you!”
I strongly encourage you to get a copy of The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, as this provides all of the external and internal cues common to a huge variety of emotion labels and is a super handy reference for any writer’s desk.
2) When to Show Emotions (And When Not To)
Remember, fiction is made up of three elements: narrative exposition (explaining information or internal monologue), action (describing things that are happening), and dialogue (characters having conversations.)
The main point when you will show emotions rather than label them is during action, which is when something is happening, like Terrance proposing to Aisha. This is a moment the reader is watching unfold, so you want the visceral impact of the description rather than the blunt and weak label.
You may also sometimes show emotions when characters are recalling something that happened, specifically when that recall is being used to show the reader something that happened outside the events of the story, like in the past or between chapters. Here again, the moment is technically meant to be unfolding for the reader, so it helps to have the impact of description.
However, sometimes a character is recalling or thinking about something that happened that the reader already saw unfold. This could be happening internally, as in they’re thinking about it, or it could be happening externally, in dialogue with another character. This is a point where it might be better to label rather than describe. For instance, if your character is sitting in a coffee shop and another friend arrives, and that friend sits down and says, “OMG, did you hear Terrance proposed to Aisha?” If your character happened to be there when it happened, it might be weird for her to answer, “Yes! I was there! Her jaw dropped, her eyes widened as everything sunk in. She gasped and brought her hand to her mouth, bursting into tears…” That’s just not really the way people talk. In this case, it would make more sense for your character to say, “Yes! I was there! She cried but she was super happy!”
On the flipside, let’s say the reader didn’t see the actual proposal unfold. Terrance is sitting in a coffee shop when his friend arrives and asks, “How did it go with Aisha? What did she do when you proposed?” He could certainly answer, “She cried. She was super happy…” but it also might make sense for him to say, “Her jaw dropped and she burst into tears, but she was smiling so big, and she said yes!” Not quite as much description since it’s dialogue, but since the reader didn’t actually see it unfold, it’s more than just a label to give the moment a bit more impact.
3) Treat Emotion Labels As Alarm Bells
Try to think of emotion labels as alarm bells. When you see them in your writing or are tempted to use one, stop and consider whether it’s best to label or describe, according to what you learned in #2. When it’s a situation where you should be describing, consider what those cues would be (or look them up in The Emotion Thesaurus) and formulate a description rather than relying on a label.
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