long YOI x HQ (Haiba-Nikiforov relation hc + bby Kenma and salt boy) trash at 2 am
OKOKOKOKO but what if Lev and Alisa are cousins of Victor and one day their parents arrange for them to stay with their older cousin for a while in Russia to learn more about their heritage. Alisa is super pumped to go but Lev is whiney and says things like “why would I want to visit some crusty old man when I could be practicing volleyball?” Alisa finally convinces him to go, but there is a catch, Kenma is going with them. Kenma has no fucking clue why he’s going quite honestly but Kuroo forced him to, saying that it is the opportunity of a lifetime.
The siblings plus Kenma are greeted at the airport by Victor and Yuri. Lev’s opinion of the ‘crusty old man’ is drastically shaken when Victor rolls up looking like the super model he is, with his adorable boyfriend on his arm. Yuri acts as their translator as the three guests only speak Japanese and limited English.
Yuri can not get over the similarities between Lev and Victor, even if the younger boy towers over his fiancee by 14 cm. Alisa also looks remarkably like Victor from his long haired days. At this point Yuri is both drooling over and frustrated by their blessed genes.
Kenma is standing behind the family reunion texting Kuroo to pick him up as soon as possible. Suddenly Victor gasps and clears a path right to him.
“YURIO WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!” he exclaims in Russian, causing Kenma to shudder and turn bright red, now the center of attention. Yuri laughs nervously and pries Victor off of the poor boy, but he cant help but agree, it’s a Japanese Yurio! Lev grabs his senpai from behind by the shoulders, as proud as Victor was when he earned his first gold. He introduces Kenma and Yuri translates. That’s it, Victor and Yuri have decided without a doubt where the must stop first.
Yakov is irritated to find out that there are others carrying Victor’s blood. Wasn’t one enough God? Why do you punish me so? Even still he’s curious to see if skating runs in the blood making haste to fit them with spare skates.
Alisa is a natural, gliding across the ice easily, even doing basic turns. Lev however, is an utter fucking mess. The walking spaghetti noodle wobbles on the ice and Victor and Yuri must stand on either side, supporting him.
“Watch this Victor!” Lev bolsters in broken English (their only common language so far). Lev’s pompous ass tries to do a jump and regrets it immediately, taking his teachers down with him.
Kenma giggles from the sideline, as he refused the skates, after all learning to skate seems like a lot of work. Someone behind him starts to giggle to, but then quickly stifles it. Kenma turns around and Yurio is flushed red, trying to act cool, and pretend that watching the graceful Victor Nikiforov land on his ass wasn’t a real treat.
“YURIO!” Victor and Yuri exclaim with their arms wide as they help Lev up. The two parents run to their son and coddle him, must to his disdain. Only then did Yurio notice the boy in front of him. Does he see his roots? Even in his mind he’s a bitch. Kenma notices him staring and starts to shift on the balls of his feet nervously. The Russian boys green eyes are frozen on him. He’s just as short as Shouyo, maybe shorter. Even in his mind he’s a surprisingly witty brat.
Yurio suddenly loses all composure and begins to cuss at Victor in their native tongue. First you abandon our deal and now you’re trying to replace me?! Fuck off you good for nothing goat fucker (referring to Yuri ofc)! The coach, the siblings,Yuri, and Kenma stand there in incomparable confusion. After mother Yuri settles his son down the group decides to go out for dinner, dragging Yurio along.
Yurio and Kenma are forced to sit next to each other, after all they cannot separate the couple nor the long lost family. Yuri tries to take a sly picture of the ‘twins’ for Phichit but Yurio sees and knocks his phone out of his hands. While Yuri recovers and readjusts for a more secretive photo, Yurio breaks the silence between himself and Kenma with a bit of English. Yurio is much better than Kenma, he uses it more, but Kenma is relieved to hear something a bit familiar from the cold boy’s mouth. Kenma’s English isn’t the best, but ‘shockingly’ he knows a hell of a lot of words relating to cats. Yurio and Kenma start sharing stories about their cats, and in general how cats are better than people. The bond is solidified later when Kenma lends Yurio his PSP while they wait for Victor to bring the car around. Yurio dies at least 10 times in 5 minutes, Kenma’s laughter is uncontrollable. Maybe even a person like Kuroo could beat this noob.
A couple days later while hanging out by the vending machine Yurio and Kenma exchange Japanese and Russian swears. While battling a particularly hard boss, Kenma lets out a good ole ‘son of a fucking whore mother’ in Russian, causing Mila to spit out her water. Yurio purposefully uses Japanese swears around Yuri, and Yuri chases after him.
“YURIIIIIIIOOOOOO YOU CAN’T SAY HORRID THINGS LIKE THAT!!!!!” Yuri whines, but to no avail.
On the ice Lev is finally getting the hang of this skating thing, and can now skate backward, very very slowly. In sync Victor and Alisa erupt with pride and smother the lanky boy, who consequently face plants into the ice. They slowly back away and Victor begins to tell Alisa all about their family history. Lev shakily gets up, stumbling after them.
A week has elapsed and it’s time for the guests to go home. Alisa and Lev sob into Victor’s jacket, and don’t get me wrong, Victor is wailing too. Yurio and Kenma fit in their last minute gossip and exchange social media. “[applepi] yuri-plisetsky has started following you!” lights up Kenma’s phone. Yurio bites his lip, despite his outward sass, he get easily attached. Tears dripping down his cheeks he hugs Kenma tightly and quickly before storming off without a goodbye (but wait, isn’t Victor his ride home?). Shocked, Kenma smiles slightly. As soon and Yuri and Victor say their last goodbye and the guests enter the loading gate, Lev begins to gush about his cool cousin. Kenma rolls his eyes and nods quietly. Lev repeats stories about Victor to him, forgetting that Kenma was there when the story took place.
Back their old boring lives, but at the same time they are relieved. They have much to share with the people back home. The Haiba siblings now have a far better understanding of their heritage and even have grown a taste for Borscht.
NOTE: It’s 2 am and I can’t sleep and just Yuri/Kenma makes my heart pound out of excitement AND OH MY LORD IMAGINE LEV AND VICTOR TOGETHER, BE STILL MY BEATING HEART. Also Alisa is a cutie pie. WE NEED MORE OF THIS NOT SO QUALITY CONTENT PLS.
