-Abi geçen bi arkadaş Banana Fish diye bişey anlattı. Acayip bişey. Böyle çok fena kendini kaptırıp gidiyosun.
-Hadi ya, neymiş o?
-Ya böyle New York’ta geçiyo şimdi bu hikaye. Ash diye genç bi çocuk var. Böyle bi sokak çetesinin lideri bu. Karizmatik bi bebe. Belinde silahla geziyo sürekli. Vurdu mu asla şaşırmıyo hedefini. Bi de bu çocuğun peşine düşen bi mafya var. Ama mafya böyle bildiğin ağzına kadar boka batmış. Her türlü pislik var. Ash bunlara karşı tek başına mücadele ediyo. Çok sürükleyici.
-Adı ne dedin?
-Banana Fish.
-O ne lan öyle isim mi olur?
-Abi işte Banana Fish diye bişey var. Kimse bilmiyo ne olduğunu. İnsan mı, yeraltı örgütü mü, başka bişey mi bilmiyosun. Gizem de var yani hikayede.
-Diyosun?
-Yani sana demem o ki, böyle komplo teorileri, derin devlet ilişkileri, kimyasal silahlar falan ilgilini çekiyorsa, bir de böyle bol aksiyonlu şeyleri seviyosan bi bak derim.
Originally posted on 22 December 2019 in Turkish here.
No, I’m not done yet.
I previously wrote about how Eiji found a new purpose in life after meeting Ash and getting to know his world, which helped him come out of the depression he suffered back in Japan. But what exactly is Eiji’s new purpose in life? It’s saving Ash from his very “different” world.
In the beginning of the story, we saw how devastated Eiji was when he found out that Ash was ready to use his one and only trump card (the capsule containing the Banana Fish drug) against Golzine, knowing full well that he wouldn’t win.
Ash had risked his own life to save Eiji’s when he didn’t know him at all and now Eiji doesn’t have the heart to let him walk to his death. It’s like he’s thinking to himself, “How can a boy my age find himself in such an impasse?” This is the first time we see Eiji rebel against the world Ash’s living in.
But Eiji does more than silently shed tears, especially once things get more complicated. For example, here he’s basically telling Ash to quit doing things that would put him in harm’s way.
Later, when it becomes clear that there’s no “quitting” in this world (because they simply won’t let you), Eiji comes up with a different suggestion.
And this offer is so unexpected that Ash doesn’t understand at first. Eiji simply asks him again if he would like to come to Japan with him. He is presumably surprised that Ash was so taken aback by such a straightforward question. Ash’s surprise is telling me that he never even thought it would be possible to leave this life behind.
Eiji’s offer also means this: I forgive you. Going to Japan to start a new life means that Ash won’t have to account for all the bad things he did in the past. Ash doesn’t believe there’s such a possibility or that he deserves such a chance. So he averts his gaze and comes up with an excuse. I just realized that there’s a pattern here. When Ash makes such excuses, he always puts himself down as if to say he’s not worthy of Eiji’s offer. But then, as you’ll see in the scene below, he realizes that this attitude only serves to embarrass Eiji, so he stops and apologizes.
What this scene inherently tells us is just how ashamed Ash feels about the things he was forced to do all his life. It is also a good example of the difference in opinion between Ash and Eiji—while Ash thinks so little of himself, Eiji thinks the world of him.
When Eiji repeats his offer to go to Japan together a second time, he can’t stay so calm.
Because by then, Ash gave himself up to Golzine as hostage in exchange for Eiji’s life, underwent an eating disorder, started a guerilla war, got raped and is still fighting against commandos as they’re having this conversation.
This time, Ash tells him what he really thinks instead of coming up with excuses. He says “My hands are dirty with other people’s blood,” implying that he doesn’t deserve a fresh start. “But you had to. Or you would be killed yourself,” replies Eiji, whereas previously, when they were quarreling before Ash’s one-to-one fight with Arthur, Eiji had yelled “You are not the kind of man who shoots defenseless people!” to his face. It seems that Eiji has learned the cruel ways of Ash’s world since then.
There is another reason why Ash is not taking Eiji up on his offer besides thinking that he doesn’t deserve a fresh start. Ash thinks he’s a troublemaker and will put those around him in danger no matter where he is (I talked more about this here). And as expected, he tells Eiji exactly that: “I’m bad news, Eiji. Doesn’t matter where I go… And you’ll get caught up in it. Like you are now.”
We know by now that Eiji never even once stayed silent when Ash said something to stigmatize himself. He always told Ash otherwise and explained why in a perfectly logical way. All this time, he calmly and patiently fought against Ash’s toxic mindset. But this time, he’s had enough.
This is the first time Eiji puts his emotions into words in such a raw way. He literally screams how much he cares about Ash. And a minute later, he indisputably proves just how much by pushing Ash away and taking bullet for him.
This incident resets all the progress Eiji’s so far made to change Ash’s self-loathing mindset. The fact that Eiji almost died because of him and later Lao’s tirade against Ash in front of all the gang members (“He ain’t human! He’s a goddamn monster!”) make Ash feel ashamed and disgusted at himself.
Then comes the wretched hospital scene… This scene is drenched in symbolism, but it actually serves to make us understand one simple fact: Similar to how Eiji can’t survive in Ash’s world, Ash will never be accepted in Eiji’s world. Eiji’s not capable of protecting himself in Ash’s world. He’ll always be vulnerable as long as he stays there. And in Eiji’s world, Ash will never be accepted by others in the way Eiji accepts Ash. He’ll ultimately be seen as a criminal rather than a victim and will have to answer to the law for what he did.
So Ash enters the hospital. He’s been reminded in the most painful way that he can never be part of Eiji’s world and has come to say goodbye to his friend one last time. Eiji vaguely hears Ash’s accented “sayounara” and crawls out of bed with great difficulty to stop him from leaving (Ash can’t pronounce the second syllable long, but instead says “sa-yo-na-ra”). But just then, Charlie and Ibe-san notice Ash and come after him. Eiji knows that even if they have good intentions now, eventually Ash will be found guilty. And, for the first time in his life, Eiji tells Ash to leave him. He screams “Go!” with all his might. The anime adaptation did a wonderful job showing us how difficult this must have been for Eiji to do.
I think Eiji inherently knew that this was the last time he would see Ash. But he refused to believe it, because that would mean that he himself had surrendered to the fatalistic mindset that he was trying to liberate Ash from. So what does Eiji do next? What he does best, of course.
Remember when Eiji wanted to pass a message to Ash through his gang members when Ash tried to send him back to Japan without telling him? He asked Bones and Kong to tell Ash to “take care of his life” and that he would “always wish him luck” even from far away.
So this time, Eiji writes a letter to Ash in case he can’t see him before going to Japan. He pours in all that he feels. The letter ends up being the most earnest summary of everything Eiji has been trying to make Ash understand.
… You said to me before, “We live in different worlds” … We are friends. Isn’t that enough? … But I never felt scared of you, not even once … Actually, I always felt that you are hurt, much more than me—that your spirit is wounded … I always wanted to protect you … I think I wanted to protect you from your future … You can change your fate …
Eiji wants these words to accompany Ash while he’s away: “You are not alone, Ash. I am with you. My soul is always with you.” The one-way ticket to Japan he encloses with the letter serves as a reminder of his invitation. We know that Eiji had every intention of seeing Ash again from his thoughts on the plane. What didn’t cross his mind at all was without a doubt that Ash would draw his last breath as he read Eiji’s heartfelt words.
When it comes to Ash’s death, I feel overwhelmed with a series of unanswered questions as I previously indicated here and here. For example…
When Sing can’t get Ash to say anything to Eiji, he can’t bear to face Eiji empty-handed so he sees him off with a few made-up parting words in Ash’s stead (Aww, isn’t he precious?). Does Eiji ever realize this? Can he tell that Sing made up Ash’s parting words? I think he can. So does he ever confront Sing about this before or after Garden of Light? Who knows.
And just how much does Eiji know about Ash’s death? He knows that his letter distracted Ash, so he didn’t see Lao coming. But does he know that Ash had read part of his letter by then and started running to the airport? Does he know that Ash went back to the library after getting wounded to read the rest of his letter? Does he know that Ash laid his head on his letter and died with a smile on his face?
I really wish for a “yes” to these questions.
To me, the story of Banana Fish is more antagonistic towards Eiji than Ash. Yes, all the bad stuff happen to Ash but he’s never shocked that they do. The leopard has learned how harsh the ascent can be. Eiji, on the other hand, believes he can save Ash from this shitty world. He is proven wrong a number of times but he never stops believing that. As I mentioned in the answer to this ask, if you think about it, in the end Ash dies just like he knew he would.
He is stabbed by a street thug who held a grudge against him and dies just like that. In the end, he couldn’t change his fate like Eiji tried to make him believe. In the end, the leopard couldn’t climb down the mountain. But what’s remarkable is that Eiji never surrenders to Ash’s fatalistic mindset even after his death. Not even once. He never says things like “He was right after all and I was wrong. He couldn’t change his fate and trouble never ever left him alone.” Instead he says this:
Originally posted on 19 December 2019 in Turkish here.
This is the part where things get complicated. Eiji will discover the true extent of Ash’s solitude and try to save him from a fatalistic mindset.
Like I mentioned in the other meta, Ash doesn’t want to kill. On the other hand, he shows no mercy to those who sold their friends out to Arthur. Or let me rephase that: Ash can’t take the risk of showing mercy to these spineless cowards who indirectly caused members of his gang to be killed. In the meantime, Eiji more or less knows what Ash is up to until late at night. He pieces together the bits he overheard Ash tell his gang members and the news about gang violence. Still, Eiji doesn’t judge him without hearing his side of the story. Instead he calmly asks him about what is going on.
Eiji gives Ash an opportunity to explain himself first. When Ash brushes him off, he points out the blood stain on his t-shirt, making it clear that he wants an explanation. He shows Ash the article on New York Times and asks him “Did you do this?” Then he softly adds “I don’t want to believe it…” This last sentence serves to make Ash understand that Eiji’s disappointed in him. Yeah, that’s just how good Eiji is at expressing his emotions.
Ash, on the other hand, is already feeling guilty about the lives he took, so being confronted about it makes him angry and defensive. He brazenly tells Eiji “And so what?” I think Ash is trying to act all nonchalant about it because he’s trying to convince himself that he did the right thing. But Eiji doesn’t know what to make of this sudden shift in attitude because just a few days ago he witnessed the extent of Ash’s trauma with killing when Ash cried his heart out on his lap. So Eiji gets angry because he’s scared. He wanted to protect Ash’s soul but now he’s scared that he has already lost him for good. Fueled by disappointment, his next remark hits home: “You now are not you! You’re not the Ash that I and Skip and Shorter knew so well!”
Remember the part where Eiji was thinking to himself that he feared Ash was slowly drifting away from him even when they were so close? This is the first time Eiji voices that fear, which leads Ash to conclude that Eiji started seeing him differently than before. And that thought is enough to make him panic because Ash always took consolation from the fact that, in Eiji’s eyes, he was just a teenager, not a cold-blooded murderer (although he just called himself a murderer in front of Eiji).
Seeing Ash storm out of the apartment, Eiji regrets his words immediately. He also feels guilty about defending others and telling Ash that he wouldn’t understand the feelings of the “have-nots” while he failed to understand Ash’s feelings in the first place. The last thing Ash said before he left the apartment keeps echoing in his mind: “I never ever wanted to be exceptional in my whole life!”
I assume Eiji then spent a sleepless night thinking things over and followed the logic I explained here, which lead him to look at things differently: Ash’s actions aren’t always dictated by his will or desires. He does certain things not because he wants to but because he has to, because “his world” compels him to. So Eiji decides to go and apologize to Ash as he thinks he hurt him while all he intended to do was to warn him. On the other hand, Ash probably thinks he lost Eiji for good after that fight like I explained in this meta. But it’s not like this was something he didn’t expect.
The look on Ash’s face here is just so raw… And this scene is proof enough that he didn’t believe Eiji when he said he would stay with him forever just the night before. For Ash, that was just an empty promise made on the spur of the moment by an innocent boy who didn’t belong in his world. But like everything else with Eiji, it was meant well.
Ash was ashamed of what he did and wanted to protect Eiji, so he didn’t tell him what he was up to, but of course he didn’t expect Eiji to remain clueless. That’s why I think it didn’t come as a surprise to Ash when Eiji wanted to confront him about the killings. But when Eiji outright tells him that his talents and gifts (which are nothing but a curse to Ash) make him exceptional, Ash is deeply hurt. Before, Ash always knew that Eiji was on his side even if he didn’t understand Ash’s feelings. Not this time. Ash realizes that Eiji’s not with him on this one and that realization makes him feel very lonely. That’s why he goes to the library. Ash turns to books when he has no one else. It’s as if the library is a reflection of his inner self.
The morning after the fight, Eiji asks Bones and Kong where Ash might be. They tell him, “The boss likes to come to the library when he wants to be alone.” Actually, it’s the other way around. Ash comes to the library because he feels alone. We know what went through Eiji’s mind when he found Ash reading on his own in the library because he tells Ibe-san at the end of the story. In that moment it’s like everything falls into place and Eiji makes up his mind.
Come to think of it, going to the library to find Ash is the best way Eiji shows Ash that he matters to Eiji as he is. That Eiji accepts him as he is. By doing that Eiji surprises Ash once again, because that means he’s still there for him and I think that’s when his promise of forever becomes meaningful.
So Eiji goes up to Ash and apologizes, putting his emotions into words as good as he can: “I said too much. I thought true friends should be able to say what they think even if it’s something bad. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Yeah, it sounds like he’s quoting a self-help book. Let me rephrase what I think Eiji’s actually trying to say here: “I didn’t say what I said to hurt you. It’s just that I thought you should know that you’re going farther and farther away from the people who care for you.”
Ash in turn says something to imply that he knows he’s over the line and doesn’t feel at ease with that fact: “You hit someone where it hurts and they tend to get sore about it.” And before Eiji can understand what he means by that Ash changes the subject. But Eiji already knows that Ash is deeply traumatized by killing people. Still, he can’t fully grasp the extent of it until the showdown between Ash and Arthur. But before going there I have a say a few things about the Snows of Kilimanjaro scene.
Why is Ash talking about death? Why does he say that he sees himself in that leopard? I think this is Ash’s way of explaining the things he said to Eiji with anger the night before. By drawing a parallel between himself and the leopard in the story, he’s basically saying that he had no choice in the events that brought him up to this point just like an animal without consciousness (“I never ever wanted to be exceptional in my whole life!”). Another way to interpret this is that Ash accepts the fact that he won’t be able to change his fate, his future. What it all boils down to is that Ash found himself on a path he can’t change and the only thing that lies ahead for him is death.
Seeing Eiji’s perfectly legitimate look of horror, Ash lightens the mood by saying, “I’ve never been afraid of death but I’ve also never wanted to die.” While it doesn’t sound like it, this line is actually consistent with the leopard analogy. Most animals can’t make a conscious decision to die. So again, it’s possible to interpret this statement to mean that Ash can’t/won’t fight against his fate. Eiji, on the other hand, tells him the exact opposite.
By the way, what Eiji literally says here is this: “Humans can change their fate. They possess wisdom that leopards don’t have. And you’re not a leopard, right?” Here’s what I think Eiji means by this in very simple terms: Anything is possible as long as you live.
Like Eiji says, Ash is indeed human, not an untamable beast. And we understand at the end of Banana Fish that what makes Ash different from that leopard in the Snows of Kilimanjaro is the fact that he has Eiji in his life who helped him preserve his humanity—the very same person who told him he was not a leopard in the first place.
Let’s move on…
On the night of Halloween, Ash and Eiji are talking good-naturedly about girls over a few drinks. But later, as I talked about here, the mood turns sour when Ash tells Eiji about a girl he used to like who was killed because she was mistaken to be Ash’s girlfriend. As Ash reminisces about the painful memory, he makes an offhand remark to Eiji that once again emphasizes how the two of them belong to different worlds.
And Eiji reacts the same way he did the first time Ash told him that: He thinks he’s a burden to Ash and blames himself. And that is the last thing Ash wants at that moment, because he’s sending Eiji off to Japan in a few hours and Eiji has no idea about it. So Ash feels guilty for going behind his back and hastily changes the subject, but not before assuring Eiji that he’s not a burden. Ash doesn’t want Eiji to think that when Eiji’s presence alone makes him so happy (I think Eiji can’t even imagine just how happy, nor can Ash put it in words). He just wants to spend the last couple of hours he has with his friend talking about normal, ordinary stuff (or perhaps the last couple of hours of his life as he’s going to have a showdown with Arthur soon).
But when Eiji wakes up to find Ash gone and Bones and Kong waiting to take him to the airport, he realizes that Ash was planning this all along. He thinks that Ash is sending him back to Japan to protect him from danger, so that Eiji doesn’t end up like that girl Ash told him about a couple hours ago. Naturally, Eiji is hurt that Ash planned all this without telling him anything and he obviously doesn’t want to leave Ash but he’s willing to go along with it because that’s what Ash wants—until he finds out the truth of the matter.
There is another reason why Ash wants to send Eiji back to Japan: to “protect” himself, not Eiji. Ash comparing himself to Hemingway’s leopard stands to reason how much he has surrendered to a fatalistic mindset. Ash must give up the emotional support Eiji’s ready to give him in order to keep walking in that set direction. In other words, to be able to fight Arthur and his gang the way he did, Ash felt like he had to disengage himself from any influence that would bring out his human side and make him weak against the enemy. That’s why he’s sending Eiji away.
When Bones and Kong spill the beans, Eiji realizes what Ash intended to do all this time.
Here we see Eiji finally understand how Ash was trying to deliberately desensitize himself all along. This was the reason why Ash snapped at him when they had a fight (“Logic’s got nothing to do with it! Strength is all that counts!”), why he had planned to send him away without telling him anything. But Eiji has seen how wounded Ash is under all that ice. He witnessed how Ash unconsciously sought help to be saved.
Eiji realizes then and there that the reason why Ash was knowingly and cruelly trying to drown his soul was because he couldn’t afford to salvage it. And now he’s off to a showdown where he might get killed. With these thoughts in mind, Eiji starts to run as fast as his legs will carry him.
Eiji makes it to the end of the fight between Ash and Arthur which is now finally one-to-one. He screams Ash’s name on top of his lungs to stop the fight. But to no avail. He watches with horror as Ash delivers the finishing blow on his opponent with one last swing of his knife.
Ash went to face Arthur expecting to die and survived despite all of Arthur’s dirty tricks. But he doesn’t look like he just won a deadly fight. He lifts up his knife to the air dolefully like he’s won a Pyrrhic victory. No doubt he’s feeling ashamed for having killed so many people. What’s more, he thought that Eiji would be safely away from all this shit by then but Eiji just saw his ‘monstrous’ side that Ash tried so hard to hide from him.
Then comes a very meaningful scene. Among the roar of the cheering crowd, Ash and Eiji are simply looking at each other without saying a word. Ash is on the top of the bridge and Eiji is down on the road. The chasm separating the different worlds they belong to couldn’t have been portrayed more accurately. Finally, Ash breaks his silence.
The nightmare Ash has later when he is being operated on paints a more clear picture of what he means by not wanting Eiji to see him like ‘that.’ Ash still can’t get over the fact that he killed Shorter. Coupled with what just happened with Arthur’s gang, he can’t think of himself as any anything other than a killing machine. He is touched to see that Eiji is refusing to go back to Japan to save him despite everything, which makes him feel even more worthless. So this scene tells us once again that Ash thinks he’s undeserving of Eiji’s concern and compassion.
If, like me, you see a pattern here, let me summarize it for you…
The first time round, Ash tries to send Eiji back to Japan for his own safety. The second time round, he tries to send him back because he doesn’t want him witnessing what he has to do.
The first time round, Eiji stays because he’s moved by Ash’s plight and wants to help him. The second time round, he stays because he thinks Ash needs him.
Originally posted on 7 August 2019 in Turkish here.
In Part 1 of this meta, I wrote about Eiji’s life before he met Ash and how helping Ash became a new purpose in life for him at a time when he felt lost. In this part, Eiji will get to know Ash better and discover his inner turmoil.
When Ash finds out in Los Angeles that the whole business with Banana Fish is basically a bottomless shithole, the first thing he does is to talk to Eiji to send him back to Japan where he will be safe. He doesn’t mince his words at all and flat-out tells Eiji “You’re a handicap to us.” But by then, having learned about the kind of childhood Ash had and seen the place he grew up in, Eiji has grown more attached to Ash. Also, Eiji saw more action in the last couple of months than he ever had in his 19 years—all when he was with Ash. So, naturally Eiji’s deeply hurt to hear Ash dismiss him so callously, but at the same time he knows that Ash is doing this for his own good. Eiji also can’t help but admit Ash is right, saying, “I can’t even protect myself. I will just mess things up… I know I’m useless.” But to Eiji’s surprise, Ash disagrees.
This is also the first time when Eiji gets a glimpse of what Ash thinks of him. Ash doesn’t go easy on him but makes sure that Eiji understands how unusual it is for Ash to see someone do something for him without expecting anything in return. As for Eiji, he did what he did because he wanted to and he thought it was something to be taken for granted. I had the impression that he was going to say “Anybody would have done the same thing” in the scene above before Ash interrupts him.
The sad thing is that the next time Ash and Eiji get together after this scene, they will have been cheated by Yut-lung, lost Shorter and barely escaped from Golzine’s clutches.
After Shorter’s death, Ash and Eiji grow more attached to one another. While the guilt of having killed his best friend gives Ash nightmares, Eiji becomes an anchor in his life, allowing Ash to mourn Shorter. As for Eiji, he holds himself responsible for what happened, believing that Ash killed Shorter to save him, and decides to stay with Ash no matter what.
Like I mentioned in the other meta, this scene tells us how traumatic killing is for Ash. By the way, Banana Fish Official Guidebook – Rebirth (Thank you @i-swim-best-free-for-the-team for the translation!) highlights an interesting point in this scene: The fact that Ash can bring himself to cry and ask himself “What have I become?” is all thanks to Eiji. The tears he sheds are a first step towards confronting his trauma. Ash “allowing” himself to confront his trauma means that he feels safe and it’s Eiji who gives him that sense of safety. If Ash didn’t have Eiji in his life—someone he can trust enough to be just himself—perhaps he wouldn’t have nightmares in the first place. The need to be always on guard compels Ash to push it all down and bury his feelings. So he can’t process how adversely he is being affected by everything that’s been happening to him.
Let’s not forget body language. Ash is ashamed that Eiji has to see him in that state, so he is looking down to hide his face. Eiji, on the contrary, wants to see Ash’s face to understand what he’s feeling. So he doesn’t sit next to him on the bed but crouches on the floor so he can make eye contact. It’s only when Ash breaks down crying that Eiji moves to sit next to him and puts his arm around him to let him know that he’s there for him. I was happy to see that the anime adaption paid attention to these details.
What’s really striking is to witness the depth of Ash’s trauma with killing people after he bought so many guns for himself and his gang only the day before. Ash knows that he will after to kill again after what happened in Golzine’s mansion. But he still tries to reign himself in.
And Eiji doesn’t miss that. This is also the first time Eiji sees Ash in his habitat when he’s surrounded by his gang members, and notices that the way Ash acts around them is different from how he acts when he’s with him. This realization leads Eiji to a very important conclusion.
Leaving all joking aside, this right here is exactly what Ash and Eiji’s relationship is built on. Ash thinks of himself as “bad news”—a street punk beyond redemption who will never escape the vicious cycle of crime and gang politics. He thinks he’ll never get rid of the smell of blood and gun smoke that permeates his entire being. Eiji, on the other hand, thinks of Ash as a friend—a teenager just like himself who happens to have an embarrassing fear of pumpkins. But in a way that fear represents Ash’s human side in Eiji’s eyes.
So why am I going on and on about this as if we didn’t know all about it already? Because this is the first scene that highlights the contrast between Ash’s perception of himself and Eiji’s perception of him. That must be why in the next scene Max and Ibe-san’s conversation steers towards this very subject.
By the way, I want to make one thing clear: The fact that Eiji thinks of Ash as a teenager like himself doesn’t mean he’s not affected by his charisma. Of course Eiji can see how striking Ash looks physically. He is well aware of how intelligent, strong, resilient and capable Ash is and goes “wow” at times, both to himself and out loud. Ash is so different from Eiji in every aspect, but at the end of the day Eiji feels like he’s with a friend when he’s around Ash.
But Eiji can tell that Ash is slowly going over to the dark side, as reflected in his thoughts in the scene above. All that killing and seeing his loved ones getting killed, not to mention the horrible revelations of the secret dealings between the state and the mafia, the relentless chasing and living every single day with death breathing down his neck… It all takes a toll on Ash’s human side, slowly turning him into the monster he thinks he already is. Having realized this insidious transformation, Eiji strives to prevent Ash from slipping through his fingers into a place where he can’t reach him anymore. And how does he do that? By staying with him.
What an uncanny coincidence that the scene above (where Ash wakes up from a nightmare and breaks down crying in front of Eiji) takes place on the same day when Eiji first realizes that he might be slowly losing the Ash he knows. It’s possible to interpret this as a cry for help. In a moment of vulnerability, Ash opens up to Eiji as if to find an answer to the question “What have I become?” I chose the word ‘vulnerability’ over ‘weakness’ because this scene shows us just how strong Ash still is. He knows very well what lies ahead for him and he’s trying to cling on to the child within himself, to Aslan, with all his might. That’s why he tells Eiji to “stay with him” because Eiji is not someone who was stripped of his innocence like Ash was.
Eiji hears Ash’s cry for help and promises him “forever” (I wish we could have heard that promise in the anime too). Sure, Eiji feels indebted towards Ash because of Shorter, but I think what triggered this promise is beyond that: Eiji realizes that Ash needs him to preserve his humanity.
But Eiji’s promise of forever will soon be put to a test.
Originally posted on 24 July 2019 in Turkish here.
Previously, I wrote about Ash’s perspective on how he and Eiji live in different worlds. Now it’s Eiji’s turn... The story of Banana Fish gives us a couple of hints about Eiji’s life before he came to New York. But our main source for the ‘different world’ that Eiji’s living in is the side story Fly boy, in the sky which was written before Banana Fish began serialization.
Fly boy, in the sky tells the story of how Ibe-san and Eiji met. Eiji is introduced as a high school student living with his parents and little sister in his hometown Izumo. He’s no different from the Eiji we know, except for the hair. An obedient, good-natured, baby-faced boy. He opens his already huge eyes to see better because he’s near-sighted and refuses to wear glasses for fear that the other kids will make fun of him in school. Yes, he’s a perfectly normal teenager.
Eiji is a member of the school’s athletics club and competes in pole-vaulting. He’s got a rival from another school and although the two boys have been competing against each other since middle school, his rival has grown a lot taller recently which puts Eiji at a considerable disadvantage. Now he keeps coming second in competitions (The second character in Eiji’s name “二” means “two”).
At home, things are not so easy for Eiji either. His father was hospitalized a year ago due to liver disorders, so Eiji has been living with his mother, sister and grandmother ever since. The family is not doing great financially. But above all, the 17-year-old Eiji is away from his father when he needs a male role model around the most. And he can’t bear to see his mother flirting with other men.
But Eiji really loves pole-vaulting even if he doesn’t realize it. When his body is suspended midair for two seconds, his mind becomes free of all thought and an expression of pure bliss appears on his face. So much so that Eiji can’t recognize himself when Ibe-san shows him the photos he took of Eiji when he was ‘flying’.
Eiji: Is this... me?
Ibe-san: Of course, it is!
Eiji: So this is how I look? Wow... I didn't know that...
Ibe-san: Right? You look so good.
Then we find out in Banana Fish that Eiji badly injured his foot and, although the injury eventually healed, he could no longer pole-vault. And later when he lost his sports scholarship, he became more and more withdrawn. Ibe-san tries very hard to lift him out of this depressive episode and finally decides to take Eiji to the US with him, thinking that some change of scenery might be good for him.
So the now 19-year-old Eiji finds himself in New York as Ibe-san’s assistant and meets Ash.
First, Eiji pictures Ash quite differently because of how the police describe him. But when he actually meets him, what Eiji sees is a teenager just like himself. And Eiji chooses to believe what he sees, conquering his nervousness. While Ibe-san stutters trying to speak with the notorious gang leader, Eiji even makes a curt retort at Ash when the latter remarks that he looks like a child. Then he notices Ash’s gun and we get this awesome scene with many layers of meaning.
This scene might be the one that best describes how Eiji sees Ash. I wish we could get into Eiji’s head and hear his thoughts. I bet he noticed how empty Ash’s eyes looked. It is also in this scene that Ash gets to experience for the first time what it feels like when someone weaker than him approaches him without fear. Naturally, Ash isn’t used to being seen as a normal teenager rather than a fearsome street punk.
Then all hell breaks loose with Arthur’s gang storming the underground bar. In the chaos that follows, Eiji’s reactions and behavior give away how he slowly becomes attached to Ash. Just think about it: Eiji is in a foreign country and suddenly he finds himself in the midst of a gang battle. He is kidnapped and held hostage. He thinks he’s going to die for sure, but manages to escape wounded. On his way to find help, he faints from heavy blood loss and when he comes to in the hospital, the first thing he says is “I wish I could go right back.” Later on, when he finds out that Ash’s going to jail he pleads Max to protect him and says “I almost wish I could join him.”
Why is that? It’s because Ash endangering himself to save Eiji—a complete stranger—leaves a deep impression on him and he returns the favor when he gets the chance. I’m talking about Eiji pole-vaulting over that wall in the warehouse using a rusty pipe to get help. And when things get even more complicated, suggesting just how much danger Ash is in, Eiji can’t bring himself to leave him behind like that. It breaks his heart to see Ash determined to crack down the mystery of Banana Fish, knowing that he’ll probably end up dead in the end. So Eiji wants to help Ash however he can, although he knows very well that he can’t do much.
Let’s not forget that Eiji met Ash at a time when he was depressed and thought he failed at life. Ash is around the same age as Eiji but had a much harder life and is still trying to cope with trouble that Eiji can’t even imagine. So, Eiji decides to help him out and that becomes his new purpose in life. At the end of the story, I think Eiji was alluding to this purpose In the letter he wrote to Ash: “I know you are much smarter than me, and bigger, and stronger—but even so—I always wanted to protect you.”
It’s easier to explain why Ash is so captivated by Eiji. But when I asked the same question to myself the other way around, I had to pause and think. A lot. And all that thinking lead me to write this meta.
Soru değil ama motivasyon gibi bir şey yazmak istedim hala burayı kullanıyor olmana çok sevindim 🥺 bir süredir kullanmıyordum gerek mental olarak olsun gerek başka şeyler olsun ama şimdi tekrar insanlarla iletişim kurmak istiyorum çok birikmişim 😂 çok seviniyorum hala böyle bir hesap açtığın için gerçekten yazıların çok muhteşem ve ben de senin düşündüklerinle paralel şeyler düşünüyorum hep ❤️
Tekrar merhaba! Çok teşekkür ederim ❤️ Seni de hala buralarda görmek güzel. Yazdıklarımı hala takip etmen beni çok mutlu etti. İstediğin zaman bana yazabilirsin. İnsanın başkalarının da kendisiyle aynı düşüncelere sahip olduğunu görmek ayrı bir tat veriyor. Meta okurken “Evet! EVET!!!” diye kendimden geçtiğimi çok bilirim. Yazanı alnından öpesim gelirdi.
banana fish'i birkaç gün önce bitirdim, o günden beri içim bir buruk. final sahnesine ait bir fotoğraf gördüğüm zaman bile yumruk yemişe dönüyorum. bugün de blogunuzu tesadüfen keşfettim. banana fish'le alakalı her türlü şey hakkında yazmanız hem de türkçe yazmanız! gerçekten çok sevindim. buralardan hiç gitmeyin!
Merhaba! Ben de yazdıklarımı beğenmenize çok sevindim, çok teşekkür ederim. Aramıza hoş geldiniz 😊Geçmiş olsun bu arada (spoiler: geçmiyor).
Valla daha buralardayım gibi. Banana Fish’le tanışalı 2 yıldan fazla oldu ve görünen o ki hala yazacak bir şeyler bulabiliyorum.
merhabaa, ben yolum düştükçe blogunuza uğrayıp saatlerimi harcayan ve ağlaya ağlaya uyumaya giden bahtsız bir yoldaşım... yazılarınızı hayranlıkla okuduğumu ve imrendiğimi söylemek isterim öncelikle. fikirleriniz sayesinde banana fish'i daha iyi anlayabiliyor ve kafamdaki soru işaretlerine cevap bulabiliyorum. bu yüzden çook teşekkür ederim size. merakıma yenik düşüp öğrenmek istediğim naçizane bir sorum olacak benim; nerede yaşadığınız ve kaç yaşında olduğunuz. yakınlarda iseniz sizi ziyaret edip sohbet etmeyi çok isterim... haddimi aştıysam özür dilerim. huzurlu geceler 🌠💛
Merhaba! Estağfurullah, güzel sözleriniz için çok teşekkür ederim 🤗
Ben de Banana Fish’i ilk kez okuyup izledikten sonra hayranların konuyla ilgili yazdıkları her şeyi okumaya koyulmuştum ve bu bana çok iyi gelmişti. Bu kadar etkileyici bir hikayenin ardından insan mutlaka düşündüklerini konuşup paylaşmak istiyor. Hatta bunu yapmadan duramıyor. Ben de içimdekileri dökmek için bu blogu başlattım. Ve ilginçtir, hayranlar arasındaki bu etkileşimle insanın bu hikayeye duyduğu sevgi daha da depreşiyor. En azından benim açımdan öyle olmuştu. Banana Fish üzerinde düşündükçe güzelleşen bir hikaye. Benim yazdıklarım bu hikayeyi daha iyi anlayıp daha çok sevmenize vesile olduysa ne mutlu bana.
Beni Max ve Ibe-san yaşlarında düşünebilirsiniz. Ankara’da oturuyorum. Size de iyi günler/geceler! 😊
🤔acb ashin asik oldugu 14 yasindaki olen kiz hakiinda baska 1 bilgi var mi🤨
O kız hakkında hikaye bize başka bir bilgi vermiyor. Benim bu konuda bir teorim var yalnız. O kızın ölmesinde Arthur’un parmağı olabilir. Angel Eyes adlı yan hikayede 15 yaşındaki Ash dört kişiyi öldürmekten ıslahevine giriyor ve orada Shorter’la tanışıyor. Hikayenin sonunda Shorter, Ash’e “Sen de mi Arthur yüzünden buradasın?” gibi bir soru soruyor. Buradan anlıyoruz ki Ash’in yakalanıp ıslahevinde girmesinin Arthur’la bir alakası var. Eğer o kızı Arthur’un çetesindekiler öldürdüyse Ash de onların peşine düşüp bir iki (dört) tanesini indirmiştir diye düşünüyorum.
ash'in ölümü hakkında ne düşünüyorsun? ben öldüğünü asla kabul edemiyorum, daha doğrusu etmek istemiyorum. serinin kendisi her ne kadar muhteşem olsa da, sonu bence olmamış. ash hayatta kalmayı hak ediyordu. böyle mutsuz bir sona hiç de gerek yoktu bana kalırsa...
Ash’in ölümü herkes gibi beni de mahvetti. Hikayeyi okurken “Acaba sonunda ölür mü ki?” diye düşündüğümü hayal meyal hatırlıyorum. Çünkü hep çok kötü şeyler oluyordu. Ama asla Ash’in o şekilde ölmesini beklemiyordum. Zaten herhalde Ash’in o şekilde ölmesine şaşırmayan tek kişi Ash’in kendisi. Bana öyle geliyor ki Ash tam olarak bu şekilde öleceğini düşünüyordu: çete çatışmaları yüzünden ve bir başka sokak serserisinin elinde.
Ve Ash’in bununla bir sıkıntısı yoktu. Hatta böyle ölmeyi hak ettiğini düşünüyordu. Hatırladığım kadarıyla bu konuda ash-in-the-rye ile uzun uzadıya konuşmuştuk ve ben resmen bir aydınlanma yaşamıştım. Ash, Arthur’la teke tek dövüşe de ölmeyi bekleyerek gitti. Çünkü onun dünyası bunu gerektiriyordu.
Ash’in bu şekilde ölmeyi kabullenmesi bize dolaylı olarak Ash’in ne kadar empati yeteneği yüksek biri olduğunu da gösteriyor. Abarttım mı? Yok, ciddiyim. Ash, sokaklardaki diğer çocukları kendi gibi bir şekilde oraya düşmüş çocuklar olarak görüyor. Her birinin başka bir derdi var ve ne yapıyorlarsa bununla başa çıkmak için yapıyorlar diye düşünüyor. Yani onları kendisiyle eşit görüyor. Yani onların Ash’le dövüşmek, Ash’i öldürmeye çalışmak için geçerli sebepleri olduğunu kabul ediyor.
Lao’nun kendine göre çok geçerli bir sebebi yok muydu şimdi? Sing, Ash’le teke tek dövüşürse ölecekti. Lao küçük kardeşini korumak istedi ve kendisi ölmeyi göze alarak Ash’in peşinden gitti. Zaten son nefesinde de Ash’e “Yanlış anlama. Sing’i öldürmene izin veremezdim,” diyor.
Ash’in hazmedemeyeceği ölüm onunla eşit koşullara sahip olmayan birinin elinde ölmek olurdu. Zaten onun için Golzine ve Foxx ile yılmadan ölümüne savaştı. Ben de tecavüzcülerinden birinin elinde ölmediği için memnunum. Düşünsenize en sondaki o kıran kırana dövüşte Foxx’un galip geldiğini? Ya da Ash’in Dino’nun malikanesinde hapis halde yeme bozukluğundan öldüğünü? Bunlar bence mevcut sondan daha da kötü sonlar olurdu.
Ash’in ölümüyle ilgili kendimi avutmak için söylediğim bir başka şey de onun mutlu öldüğü. Ama bu yalan ya da bir kandırmaca değil. Öldüğünde gerçekten mutluydu. Bir kere, Ash ölmeden Eiji’nin mektubunu sonuna kadar okuyabildi. Kendi kendine kalabildiği tek yer olan kütüphaneye kadar gidebildi. Eiji’nin onunla barışmak için kütüphaneye geldiği gün oturduğu koltuğa oturdu (Bu detayı yönetmen Hiroko Utsumi bir röportajda söylemişti). Eiji’nin yazdığı satırlardan gerçekten ruhunun daima onunla olduğunu hissetti. O kadar ki mutluluk gözyaşları döktü ve yüzünde bir gülümsemeyle son nefesini verdi.
…
Yazmak giderek zorlaşıyordu.
İşin en trajik kısmı Ash’in bıçaklanmadan hemen önce yerinden fırlayıp Eiji’yi son bir kez görmek için koşmaya başlaması. Ben o sahneyi çok sembolik buluyorum ve Ash’in bu hareketine çok anlam yüklüyorum. Ash, Eiji’yi bir daha görmemeye karar vererek aslında içten içe deli gibi özlemini duyduğu bir şeyden (sevilmekten) feragat ettiğini o an kavrıyor ve nihayet buna isyan ediyor. Eğer bunu yapmasaydı dikkati dağılmış olmayacaktı, Lao’nun geldiğini fark edecekti ve o an ölmeyecekti. Ama Eiji’nin sevgisinden feragat etmiş olacaktı. Yani artık bildiğimiz Ash olmayacaktı.
Bence Ash hikayenin sonunda sadece hayatta kalmayı değil, dünyaları hak ediyordu. Yaşasaydı kim bilir neler başarırdı. Bunları görmeyi herkes gibi ben de çok isterdim ama Banana Fish böyle bir hikaye değil maalesef (Onun için fanfiction diye bir şey var). Ash hiç hak etmediği bir yaşam sürdü ve hiç hak etmediği şekilde öldü. İnsan tabii ki de buna isyan ediyor. Ama bence yazar Yoshida Akimi’nin amacı da tam olarak buydu: Bizleri böyle isyan ettirmek, yüreğimizi parçalayıp salya sümük ağlatmak. Ben yazarın böyle bir son yazmakta bundan başka bir amacı olduğunu düşünmüyorum. Herhangi bir mesaj kaygısı olduğunu da düşünmüyorum. Okuduğum kadarıyla bazı hayranlar yazarın Ash’i öldürerek Ash ile aynı özelliklere sahip kişiler (cinsel istismar mağdurları, geyler/biseksüeller, vs.) için ölümün yaşamaya yeğ olduğu mesajını verdiğini düşünüyor. Ben buna kesinlikle katılmıyorum ancak bu konu bir yandan da bana sanatçının topluma karşı sorumluluğu nedir ve ne olmalıdır, diye düşündürtüyor. Ama bence Yoshida Akimi hikayeye trajik bir son yazmak istemiş ve yazmış. Hepsi bu.
Yazmış yazmasına da Ash’in onca ağır yaralanmayı atlattıktan sonra hayati organlarının hepsini ıskalayan bir bıçak yarasından ölmesi ne kadar gerçekçi, tartışılır. Bu yüzden hayranlar Ash’in kurtulabilecekken bilerek kendini ölüme bıraktığını düşünenler ve Ash’in yarası ölümcül olduğu için bedeninin yenik düştüğünü, yani ölmek ya da hayatta kalmak gibi bir seçeceği olmadığını düşünenler şeklinde ikiye ayrılmış durumda. Ben bunu hikayenin diğer abartılı taraflarından biri olarak kabul ediyor ve bu sefer yarasının gerçekten ölümcül olduğuna kendimi inandırıyorum. Dolayısıyla, şahsen ikinci kampa daha yakınım ama herkes hikayeyi istediği gibi yorumlamakta serbest tabii.
Sonuç olarak ben Banana Fish’i sonu böyleyken seviyorum. Sonunun hikayeye gölge düşürdüğünü düşünmüyorum. Ama Banana Fish farklı bitseydi ve Ash yaşasaydı, o zaman da hikayeyi aynı ölçüde severdim.
I want to talk a little bit about this visual here. This is the print on the Hagoromo Clear Clutch Bag which was released in February 2021. It shows a bird with a stem of rye in his beak, and a lynx holding a letter in his mouth.
We already know that Eiji is often depicted as a bird in the series and that Ash envies him because he can fly, he’s free. So the bird is definitely Eiji. The stem of rye in its beak must be a reference to The Catcher In The Rye, and this is one of the many references that Banana Fish makes to the famous literary title. The final episode of the anime is entitled The Catcher In The Rye. The second ending of the anime shows Ash and Eiji in a rye field at sunset. And there’s this beautiful cover of the TV Animation Official Guide “Moment.” I talked about how I thought the “catcher in the rye” in Banana Fish was Eiji in this meta here and this visual works perfectly with that interpretation.
Now for the lynx, it is obviously Ash, as he’s is known in the streets as “Ash Lynx.” By the way, I wonder how he got that nickname… And how did ‘Aslan’ become ‘Ash’ in the first place? Because his father calls him Ash too? Anyway, besides his nickname being “lynx,” Ash is likened to a variety of wild cat species throughout the story but always by his adversaries (Golzine, Yut-Lung, Foxx, etc.). This is important. I don’t remember any of his friends or allies ever making that allusion. Certainly not Eiji, who as we all know, thinks of Ash as a teenager like himself, which is kind of the whole point of the story. And finally, Ash himself draws a parallel between himself and the leopard in Hemingway’s “Snows of Kilimanjaro.”
As for the letter in the lynx’s mouth, it is clearly Eiji’s letter. I really like how the lynx is only slightly facing the bird like he’s trying to make up his mind about what he just read in the letter. And the bird looks like he just landed next to the lynx at the last minute before he has to take off again to offer him a stem of rye (the ticket to Japan maybe?), symbolizing a life where he can heal.
Anyway, there you have it. Banana Fish explained by a simple but very meaningful visual. Now I feel like everything I’ve written so far was redundant. I should have just posted the photo and the reference link because the image just speaks for itself.
I’m interested in how Aslan became Ash too! Her mother called him Aslan, Griffin called him Aslan, Jennifer though called him both Aslan and Ash and James called him Ash. What I think is that since Aslan was a name chosen by the woman who left him, James decided to call his boy in a different way. So Ash ended up with two names.
As for Lynx, Skipper says that it’s the perfect name for his boss because he’s a free spirit. Lynx is said オオヤマネコ aka the Great Mountain Cat in Japanese.
Be aware as well that mountain cats are associated in Japanese folklore with nekomata 猫また, evil spirits. The nekomata was described as a mountain beast: according to the Meigetsuki, “They have eyes like a cat, and have a large body like a dog.” The essay Tsurezuregusa from the late Kamakura period (circa 1331) asserts, “In the mountain recesses, there are those called nekomata, and people say that they eat humans…”
As for how Ash got that name, my headcanon is that it was a sort of stage name at Club Cod because “cathouse” is slang for “brothel”. Once he left the house he became a “wild cat”.
Also, there’s this Japanese proverb:
猫に木天蓼お女郎に小判
catnip for cats, gold coins for prostitutes
(everyone has their favorite, pick the right thing to please someone)
And in Japanese it’s called a thieving cat someone who “steals” a partner.
“Max Lobo’nun Anıları”yla ilgili diğer hayranların yazdıklarından öğrendiğim kadarını daha önce derlemiştim. Banana Fish’in mangası bittikten birkaç yıl sonra çıkan bu 4 kitaplık seri Akira Endou imzasını taşıyor. Yani bu kitapların yazarı Banana Fish’in yazarı değil. Bunu tekrar belirtmiş olayım. Dolayısıyla bu kitapların içeriğini canon (esas hikayenin bir parçası) kabul edip etmemek size kalmış.
Bu kitaplardan birinde Max’ın yıllar önce ölmüş olan Ash’e yazdığı bir mektup var anladığım kadarıyla. Twitter’dan @enta_jinnai ve @nakimooshi, sağ olsunlar bu mektubu İngilizce’ye çevirmişler. Ben de istek üzerine Türkçe’ye çevirdim.
Açıkçası bu yaptığım çeviriden pek memnun değilim. Çevirinin çevirisi olduğu için zaten biraz güvensizce çevirdim. Japonca metnin görüp çevirimi kontrol etmeyi çok isterdim. İlerde elime geçerse bunu yapıp gerekirse bu çeviriyi güncelleyeceğim. Ama gördüğüm kadarıyla daha önceden postaladığım özetteki ana fikirlerle çelişen bir şey yok.
Buyrun…
Ash, huzur içinde bu dünyadan göçüp gittin. Kimse fark etmeden aramızdan ayrıldın. Şimdi Boston dolaylarında bir mezarlıkta annenin yanı başında yatıyorsun. Griffin, Banana Fish’in etkisiyle o hale¹ geldikten sonra onu bulup geri getiren sen olduğun için annenle ilgili meseleyi muhtemelen biliyordun².
Annen seni doğurduğunda hem zihnen hem de bedenen çok yıpranmıştı. Uyuşturucu, cinsel özgürlük hareketi ve topluluk halinde göçebe bir hayat sürmek onu tüketmişti. En sonunda annenin Boston’da yaşayan anne babası onu yanlarına aldılar³, ancak bundan kısa bir süre sonra annen hayata veda etti. Öldüğünde daha reşit bile değilmiş. O zamanlar onun gibi çok insan vardı⁴, diyecek olursan… Ne diyeyim, haklı olursun.
Bence bu kadar uzun süre insanlık dışı koşullarda yaşayabilmen adeta vahşi bir hayvanın doğasına sahip olman sayesinde mümkün oldu. Ama sen vahşi bir hayvandan ibaretsin, demek istemiyorum. Gözlerimin önünde endamının vahşi bir güzelliğin vücut bulmuş halinden nasıl korkutucu bir hale büründüğünü hatırlıyorum.
Aslına bakarsan etrafındaki herkesin seninle ilgili düşünceleri birbirinin aynı hale geldi. Hepimizin ayrı ayrı güçlü kişilikleri olmasına rağmen sizlerin gözünde Ibe, Charlie ve ben birer “moruk”tuk⁵. Sen aramızdan ayrılalı on yıldan fazla olmasına rağmen benim gördüğüm kadarıyla arkadaş çevrenin sana duyduğu güven ve takdir duygusu yayılmaya devam etti. Oğlum Michael da bu yeni nesle dahil oldu. Onunla görüştüğümde sahip olduğu yeteneklerin kendini göstermeye başladığını, onun da bu yeteneklerini yaratıcılıkla kullandığını görüyorum.
Sing Soo-Ling’e seninle ilgili anıların tümünü bir yerde toplamak istediğimden bahsetmiştim. Bunun üzerine bu fikri destekleyen birçok mesaj aldım. İnsanlar bana yanlarında olmadığım bu süre zarfında olanları anlatmaya başladı. Bu anı defterini onlar sayesinde tamamlayabildim. Kalem tutmayalı uzun zaman olmuştu.
Arkadaşların senin izinden giderek kütüphaneyi kullanmaya başladılar. Bilgisayar kullanmayı da zaten senden öğrenmişlerdi. Böylece şu an hepsi bu çağın bayrak taşıyanları oldular. Cain büyük emek sarf edip avukat oldu. O bücür Sing şu an 1.90 boyunda bir dev. Bir yandan üniversiteye devam ediyor, diğer yandan da Chinatown’da kendi işi var; bir ticaret şirketi işletiyor. Yut-Lung, Hong Kong’da birçok şirketin başında ve işleri giderek büyüyor. Onun bilmece gibi karakteriyle ilgili anlamadığım çok şey var ama ilginç bir kişilik olsa gerek.
Eiji… Onun o çocuksu hali tamamen kayboldu. Hüzünle doldu taştı, adeta inzivaya çekilmişçesine durgun ve sessiz bir insan olup çıktı. İki yıl hiç antrenman yapmadığı için sırıkla atlamaya tekrar başlayamadı. Ama sonra greencard aldı ve şimdi New York’ta yaşıyor. Şu an çok saygın bir fotoğrafçı. Bu kitaptaki fotoğrafların hepsi onun. “Eiji Okumura” imzasını taşıyan fotoğrafların hüzünlü, nostaljik ve kendine has bir duygu barındırdığı söylenir. Ama ben o duygunun ne olduğunu biliyorum. O duygunun kaynağında sen varsın, Ash. Eiji hala senin bir gün çıkagelmeni bekliyor. Gözleri sonsuza dek seni arıyor olacak.
Ekipten bazıları sivil toplumda çalışıyor, bazıları dünyanın dört bir yanında bağlantılarını güçlendiriyor, bazıları ise uzay araştırmaları yapıyor. Çoğu hala yakın arkadaş. Hatta adeta bir aile gibiler. Gelecekte ne yapacaklarını görmeyi iple çekiyorum ve hepsinin uzun bir hayat yaşamasını diliyorum⁶. Onlar için hayatın merkezinde hala Ash Lynx var. Hala sen varsın.
Ha, beni mi soruyorsun?
Oğlum Michael’dan ayrı kaldığım zamanı telafi etmek için zamanımı onu yetiştirmeye adadım. Jessica’nın çalıştığı zamanlarda da onun yerine Michael’a ben baktım. Okul Aile Birliği başkanı bile oldum. Şimdi Michael liseye gidiyor. Artık benimle takılmaktansa Eiji’nin sergi hazırlıklarında görev almak daha çok ilgisini çekiyor. Onun için ben de yeni bir şeylere başlamayı düşünüyorum. Aslında bir süredir çevremdeki insanlar yaptığım gönüllü işlerden dolayı bir sonraki seçimlerde belediye başkan adayı olmamı söylüyor. Sanki siyasetçilerden nefret etmezmişim gibi! Ama sorunları olan bir toplumun üyesiysen, çözebileceğin sorunları görmezden gelemezsin. Toplumun sana ihtiyacı varsa, senin de gereğini yapman gerekmez mi? Sence?
Neyse, tekrar genç olamayacak bir “moruk” olarak herkesin senin benliğini yaşattığını izlemeye devam etmek istiyorum. Sen hep bana yaşlı bir adammışım gibi davranırdın. Onun için baba oğul gibi olmamız kaçınılmazdı herhalde. Halbuki ben daha gençtim. Dışardan bu kadar ukala bir oğlumun olması zoruma gidiyormuş gibi yapsam da aslında içten içe hoşuma gidiyordu ve seninle gurur duyuyordum.
Doğru duydun. Hep seninle övünmek istedim.
Notlar:
¹ “Sakat” demek istemedim. “Engelli” de kulağıma hoş geldi. Max, Griffin’in Banana Fish’in etkisiyle ne hale geldiğini gören ilk kişi neticede.
² Burada ne kastediliyor, asla anlamış değilim. Annen de madde kullanımının etkisiyle en az Griffin kadar kötü durumdaydı mı demek istiyor acaba?
³ Kendi çocukları olduğu için velayeti zaten onlardadır diye varsaydım. Burada “custody” daha mecazi anlamda kullanılmış sanki. Kol kanat germek gibi.
⁴ Banana Fish’in mangası 1985-87 yılları arasında geçiyor. 1985 yılında 17 yaşında olan Ash, 12 Ağustos 1968 doğumlu. Yani burada bahsedilen “o zamanlar” hippi hareketinin yaygın olduğu yıllar.
⁵ “Old man” için Japonca’da “ossan” dendiğini düşünüyorum. Türkçe’de günlük hayatta ‘moruk’ kelimesini kullanan var mı? Sadece tercümelerde kullanıldığını düşündüğüm bir kelime bu.
⁶ Max burada henüz kendinden bahsetmeye başlamadı. Japonca’da özneler birbirine karışabiliyor, onun burada Max’ın hala Ash’in çetesindekileri kastettiğini düşünüyorum ama emin değilim tabii. Bu şekilde çevirmek bana daha mantıklı geldi sadece.
yıl oldu 2021 ve ben hala çaresizce bekliyorum hiç mi gelemez bi film yada OVA :,((
Ben de çaresizce bekliyorum T_T Geleceğini sanmıyorum bu arada. Manganın yan hikayelerini OVA yapabilirler gerçi. Yapsalar çok da güzel olur ama pek ihtimal vermiyorum. N’olur yanılıyor olayım.
OVA olma ihtimali en yüksek yan hikaye ANGEL EYES’tı ama onun da dramasını DVD’ye eklediler. Onun için yapmazlar gibime geliyor. Gönül ister ki Garden of Light’ı yapsınlar ama onun içinde Ash yok bir kere. PRIVATE OPINION pek bir yere bağlanmıyor. Onun için onun da üstünü çizdik. Fly boy, in the sky ise Banana Fish portakalda vitaminken yazılmış bambaşka bir hikaye zaten ve dünya Eiji’nin oradaki saçını anime olarak görmeye hazır mı emin değilim. Geriye tek seçenek kalıyor, o da Ura Banana. Destekliyorum 👍🏻
Dinonun ashe istemedigi her syei yapmasi😤ama sonunda🤔ashin olmemesi icin kendini oldurmesi cok sacma dgl mi🤔😒madem ashi cok seviordun ndn onun hayatini caldin😤😤KEL!
Ahaha! İsyanlardayız 😄
Dino hakkında açıkçası derinlemesine düşünmeye pek yanaşmıyorum. Orası tehlikeli bir alan. İnsan onun kötülüğünün vardığı boyutları düşüne düşüne kahrından delirir. Daha önce Dino’nun çocuklara yaptığı şeylere biraz kafa yormuşluğum var. O günü çok üzgün ve sinirli geçirmiştim.
Banana Fish’te olan olaylar kimi zaman fazla abartılı ve gerçek dışı gelebilir. Ne bileyim, yok işte insanları zombiye çeviren bir madde varmış, 17 yaşındaki Ash aşırı zeki, karizmatik ve becerikliymiş, Orta Doğu’yu/Latin Amerika’yı kaosa sürükleyecek politikaların mimarıymış, bir avuç çocuk onun taktiksel zekası sayesinde komandolara karşı gerilla savaşı veriyormuş, 16 yaşındaki Yut-Lung mafyayla işbirliği yapıp ailesindeki herkesi tek tek temizliyormuş falan. Bunlar insana “Yok artık!” dedirtiyor tabii. Ama bu kurgu hikayenin belki de en gerçekçi boyutu ne yazık ki çocuk istismarı.
Dino’nun sevginin ne olduğunu bildiğini ya da başka bir canlıyı sevebildiğini düşünmüyorum. Bir insanın onun yaptıklarını yapabilmesi için tüm insani duygulardan arınması lazım. Onun için Ash’le ilgili takıntısını sevgi olarak görmüyorum. Ash, Dino’nun gözünde sahip olunacak nadide bir parça, işlenecek değerli bir maden ve varisi olarak arkada bırakacağı en büyük miras.
‘Hayatını çalmak’ çok doğru bir tabir. Dino gerçekten de Ash’in hayatını çaldı ama onun içindeki insanlığı öldüremedi. O kadar iğrenç bir yaratık ki Ash’in ona karşı gelmesi adeta hoşuna gitti, bunu bir challenge olarak görüp Ash’i zapt etmek için daha da şevklendi. Ama sonuç olarak Dino, Ash’in karakterini istediği gibi şekillendiremedi, onu kendisi gibi yapamadı. Bu da Dino için hayattaki en büyük yenilgi.
Şimdi bahsettiğin o son sahneye gelirsek… Bir kere Dino ölümcül bir yara almış. Yani gidici olduğunu biliyor. Foxx ona ihanet edip Ash’le işbirliği yapmaya çalışmış. Dino o sırada bunu öngöremenin ve Foxx’un elinde can verecek olmanın hazımsızlığını çekiyor olsa gerek. Ve o sırada Ash’in Foxx’la ölümüne dövüştüğünü görüyor. Bu durumda Dino tabii ki Ash’in Foxx’u yenmesini isteyecek. Ash’i kendi malı gibi gördüğü için Ash eğer ölecekse onu öldüren kendisi olmalı, başkası değil. Onun için Foxx, Ash’in başına silah dayadığında Dino son kalan gücüyle onu vuruyor. Ama daha sonra Ash’i öldürmemeyi seçiyor ve kendini binadan aşağı alevlere atıyor.
19. bölümde Ash yeme bozukluğundan eriyip giderken Dino, Blanca’ya “Ölmesine izin vermeyeceğim. Şu an en iyi şekilde tedavi görüyor. Yine de yola gelmezse onu kendi ellerimle mezara yollayacağım,” demişti. Yukarıdaki sahneye geri dönelim… Ash yola gelmedi ve Dino her şeyini kaybetti. Bu durumda Ash’i kendi elleriyle mezara yollamak için fırsatı varken neden onu öldürmüyor, bunun sebebini gerçekten bilmiyorum. Çok da ilgilenmiyorum. Diğer metalarda yaptığımın aksine Dino’nun aklına girip o an ne düşündüğü hakkında kafa yormayı pek istemiyorum, çünkü bunun bana iyi geleceğini düşünmüyorum.
merhaba, banana fish in mangasını turkce olarak nereden okuyabilirim
Merhaba! Banana Fish’in mangasını sağ olsun Fratello Fansubs’daki arkadaşlar Türkçe’ye çevirdi. Mangadex’e de yüklediler ama oraya şu an ulaşılamıyor gibi. Onun için kendi sayfalarından indirerek okuyabilirsin.
Hi! I just wanted to ask if you knew where I could find the interview where Akimi Yoshida says that Ash and Eiji would have eventually had a sexual relationship if he had lived. I’ve been asking around and cant seem to find it 😅
Hello! Thanks for submitting this ask. I think you’re referring to the Fujimoto Yukari interview published in The Soul of Shoujo Manga (少女まんが魂) in 2000. I just wrote a post about this interview here.
