let it always be known that i was who i am

claire. 15. ravenclaw. no social life to speak of but red lipstick. and books.

[clairehollands]

and is it worth the way, all this killing time / regulus&claire / october 29th

[secondsonofblack]

Regulus didn’t know whether to weep or cheer when she responded with a Hi herself.  Her voice was cool, soft, gentle. Just as he remembered it. And he wanted, wanted so strongly to leave and never think about her again, but he was fixed to the spot. He couldn’t lift a limb. They were heavy and immovable, arrested by her innocent and placid blue eyes.

“I’m… fine,” he said when she asked him how he was, and he laughed shakily. Fucking hell, Regulus. Get a grip on yourself. He’d talked to girls before. Exchanged pleasantries with them, flirted with them, dodged their attempts to flirt with him. (As a son of Black, there were plenty.) He’d just never… never met a girl who had such an effect on him. 

She began to speak. Her voice was slow, her inflection a little uneven, and Regulus didn’t think he’d ever listened to a person so intently before. He heard her as if in a dream. Her words were a blur that knocked his heartbeat up a few notches. They were a frank address of everything that they’d  been thinking, a materialization of the words left unsaid between them.

I can’t be friends with you, he wanted to say. But he couldn’t get the words out. 

I’m not just the Black heir, he wanted to scream. I’m not just that. I’m not just that. I wasn’t born to be that, it was Sirius’s job, fuck—

“Sure,” the words left his mouth unbidden. “I’ll… I’ll be friends with you.” He swallowed nervously. “I just… I just… I don’t think I’m supposed to be friends with you.”

What then? What would she say to that? What could she say to that? 

The avoidance and suppression of the past few weeks broke through, the dam he’d built inside himself since Sirius had left and he’d become his family’s heir finally collapsed, and he said with a fervency that surprised even himself, “But I want to. I want… to be your friend.”

[clairehollands]

About two seconds after she had shut up it hit her what she had just said. Offered him friendship. As if that wasn't totally transparent. As if there were grounds for that. They'd talked like - what? - one, two times. Looking at each other didn't count.

But then he said the words, he said yes, and for a moment her heart fluttered so severely she thought it might break through her chest and fly to the ceiling. Stop it, stop it, stop it. You're getting irrational. And of course that was not all there was to it. He just said something that was undoubtedly referring to her blood status. Now her heart felt like a piercing stone. She tried to keep her face composed, calm, but she knew that her expression was slipping.

What could she say now? I understand wouldn't really hit it even though she did, in a way, but it would just be like admitting that she wasn't good enough. And she was, but that wasn't the problem. Suddenly she felt even worse.

“But I want to. I want… to be your friend.” Claire's head snapped up with such force she thought her neck would break. For a moment, she could only stare at him, because in all the scenarios she'd run through, ever, this was not on the list of possibilities. Don't look at him like he just killed your parents, the voice reminded her. She blinked and suddenly couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"I-" she began before realizing she had no idea how to finish that sentence. "Great. I want to be your friend, too." And out of sheer silliness, probably, she took a step towards him - and to be fair, it was a small step, and she flinched back immediately, but there was no way he couldn't have noticed. Damn. She didn't even know what her goal would have been - just to be closer, probably, as stupid it sounded in her head now. So with that dumb smile on her face, she went back to awkwardly staring at the ground.

[clairehollands]

september 8th | pressed the shells into our bones | claire & regulus

[secondsonofblack]

Claire blushes in response to his question. For a moment he’s captivated by the flush in her cheeks, pink and contrasting softly with her fair pallor. If that was bad, her smile is worst—worst in that it’s beautiful and for a moment Regulus has forgotten to breathe.

He finally acquires his senses. “Right,” he says, and miraculously his voice is composed, friendly, not betraying the nerves he felt but a second before. Get a fucking grip on yourself. “I’m glad.”

As they continue working on their potion, he wonders about this girl. Holland. That’s not a name he’s familiar with. It does not hold the fame and prestige of antiquated bloodlines. His parents wouldn’t approve. But what does that matter? says a voice inside him, one that hasn’t spoken since Sirius left and the boy he used to be died. She’s pretty, she’s smart, she’s nice, you like her…

It’s been so long since he’s felt like this, and so (like the idiot he is), he continues working in a haze of pleasure, content to simply have this girl beside him. They finish their potion in the nick of time. She turns to him, smiles. “I think we’re done. Just in Time.”

And he (in spite of himself) smiles back, friendly, open, and honest.

It’s only when she’s left that he realizes what a terrible mistake he’s made. 

[clairehollands]

She had meant to just casually say something, anything, really, and smile just a bit, but he was actually smiling back. Not some fake, cold smile she had seen on other people hundreds of times - it was so deeply honest that it made her want to smile and cry at the same time. She was not sure when she had last seen a genuine smile.

She nodded - in the most awkward way possibly, what did she expect - and when Slughorn had taken a sample from the potion she began putting her things in her bag and turned to leave. No, she wouldn't look at him again. Surely that smile had to be gone by now just like she was gone from his memory already. She didn't know Regulus Black, she had to remember that. She didn't know whether he was a person who smiled often. (He certainly didn't seem like one, but who was she to judge, really?) But she liked his smile, liked it a lot, and even if she was scared to admit it, something in her really liked him as well.

When she was almost at the door, she turned around, and he still stood in the same spot, a look of something awfully similar to horror on his face. Suddenly she felt really cold. Maybe she didn't have to worry so much about herself, after all. He definitely looked as if he had just seen death brushing by.

[archive-reivonreyes-blog]

[theshushersrevenge]

claire/regulus of wdss minus angst and magic for iman {for suddenly erupting nostalgia reasons}

[clairehollands]

and is it worth the way, all this killing time / regulus&claire / october 29th

[secondsonofblack]

Regulus loitered in the Potions classroom. There was no reason for him to still be here. He’d spoken to Slughorn already about his deteriorating grades, he’d collected his notes and made fucking sure he knew the properties of the potion they’d brewed today. (Not that it would stay in his mind, but he was trying.) His housemates were gone. His next period was pressing; he couldn’t stay here any longer. There was no reason for him to still be here. 

Only that there was.

She stood outside the classroom, why he couldn’t possibly know, but she was there and he couldn’t step outside without noticing her, and if he noticed her—

Truth was, he noticed her everyday. It was a malignant affliction that he’d tried to rid himself of, but it was nigh impossible. He avoided her at most costs now, and yet he still glanced at her on occasion, saw and admired her beauty from the periphery of his vision, listened more intently every time she spoke in class. She had an effect on him. One that he couldn’t quite resist or control. 

He’d asked around, blasé and insensitive, the prince of Black who couldn’t be fucked to know a Mudblood’s name, only that he was just a tad curious because she’d worked with him in Potions. “A loser, some worthless Ravenclaw Mudblood,” Avery and the other boys responded. ”I hexed her once,” one of them chortled.  

His heart had fallen when he’d learned the fact. And yet, he could not, much as he tried, view her as an animal, a slut, a creature naturally and intrinsically inferior to him. How else was she better at him in potions? How else could she smile and take his breath away? 

This was getting ludicrous. He had to leave soon enough. Funny, Reg. The older Slytherin boys don’t scare you, the Marauders don’t scare you, and yet you can’t even look straight at a harmless and nervous Mudblood girl?

He walked outside the classroom. She was there inevitably enough. Whatever precaution tactics he’d been planning to use flooded out of his mind, and he stilled beside her. He looked at her. Her eye’s were wide, blue and pure. Vulnerable. Just like him. ”Hi,” he breathed against his will. 

[clairehollands]

She was just about to give up, throw in the towel, walk away and forget about him for good when he actually came out of the door. She realized she stood directly in his way now. There was no way to back down now, pretend this was just some weird coincidence.

And he was looking at her for what she could swear was the first time in weeks. Everything she'd thought about and carefully laid out for her to say to him, to tell him like a presentation was gone. Her mind was a blank page. His eyes were incredible, both careful and wide. He had this really tense expression on his face, almost afraid. Just like her.

"Hi", she replied and willed herself to think of something to say that would explain her presence here at all. She failed. Should she just go with the truth? Stupid plan. She didn't even know what the truth was. "How are things going?" What a stupid question considering they weren't friends. They weren't anything. But she left the question standing. Nothing to be done about it now.

Except... She cleared her throat. "I was wondering", she said slowly, "if you wanted to be friends. Nothing - I mean - friends. I know you're Slytherin... and pureblood... and the Black heir... but I thought" - she hadn't been thinking - "we could be friends anyway. If it's just me, or a stupid idea, I'm sorry-" Time to shut herself up. She pressed her lips together and looked at her feet.

[marymacd0nald-deactivated201312]

death is knocking at my door -1/11- mary+claire

[marymacd0nald-deactivated201312]

Claire reconfirmed that she was a Ravenclaw (what a stupid thing to ask, anyway) and said she liked Potions. Mary nodded, only half listening. Potions weren’t her best subject. Nothing was really her best subject, though. The next thing Claire said, however, was more interesting. She said that Mary was a Gryffindor,of course, because she was sobrave.

She almost wanted to laugh at the comment but found that the nervous energy inside of her rendered her unable. She settled for a smile.

“Calm? Brave? Oh no, Claire, I’m not either. I’m really, really fucking frightened here. Do you see how much my hands are shaking?” She paused, leaving time for the other girl to find her observation correct. “You know, I don’t reckon Gryffindor’s really about bravery at all, to be quite honest with you. I’m a coward and fucking selfish, and I’d say that applies to the majority of us. It’s more about… I don’t know… Lacking self preservation. And getting really angry at all the wrong times. Being indginant and thinking that you’re always right. It’s not a Ravenclaw thing, that’s where you all know you’re right based on facts. Gryffindors, we’re right because weare.We’re just so bloody precious. We all think we’re the greatest fucking beings to walk the planet.”

“We put on a good show, sure. We say that we’re the best house, that we’re noble and all that bullshit. But really, we’re just egotistial and self righteous and full of shit. That’s the secret of my house, Claire.” She leaned towards the other girl, as if imparting a secret, and smiled the best she could. “Shhh… don’t tell.”

[clairehollands]

Claire didn't want to argue with Mary about who was right, no matter how much she admired her for being able to talk and think like that after what had happened to her, so she just nodded. "I still think you're brave.", she said. They were close to the center of the village now, but whatever was happening there didn't seem very reassuring.

They couldn't see anything yet, but there were shouts and explosions and the sound of people running about. Like a fight. A big fight. Claire stopped walking. "Maybe we were right about staying out of the village after all", she said, unsure what to do next. She didn't want to upset Mary any more, but there was smoke over most buildings, and the screams only grew louder.

"We really shouldn't go any further", Claire heard herself say, but she didn't back away. "This doesn't-"

She was cut off by a noise behind them. Two cloaked figures running towards them, wands in hand. Claire reacted without thinking about it; she sent a Disarming Spell in their general direction, grabbed Mary by the hand and began running, straight into the chaos.

[clairehollands]

you can't stop the rain / claire&narcissa / november 6th

[narcissablackss]

The girl looks at Narcissa and there's something in her eyes: anger, defiance, maybe a little fear, but no regret. This is not just about a random collision in the hallway, is it? It's personal. For whatever reason, she's making it personal. Well, if she insists on playing it like that... 

“I'm not blowing anything out of proportion. You walked into me. You made me drop my books. So pick up my books.”

The moment the words leave her mouth she knows how much easier it would have been to let it go, pick up the books herself and just walk away, run herself that bath, empty her mind for a little while – but it's too late now, she's said it, and she can't take it back. She won't take it back.

So she straightens her back and repeats, with as much cold authority as she can muster: “Pick up my books.”

Please, she thinks. Just do this. Pick up the damn books. I don't care enough for you to fight you, and I'm so tired. Make this easy on both of us.  

[clairehollands]

It takes Claire a moment to process the other girl's words, and then not to fall back into the old habit of giving in. She's had plenty of that, and the bottle is full. "No", she finds herself saying, two letters, one syllable, just as easy as saying 'yes'. Except it isn't.

"No.", she says again, and then it all comes back. Narcissa Black doesn't know who she is. At all, probably. She thinks she's just another piece of filth she can give commands to and shame for her blood. But no. No. There's this look in her eyes that says she's tired and sick of it, and it's so like how Claire feels. To just make this go away, make it easy.

But this is not easy, it never has been. Not for her, at least. "I won't pick up your books." She forces it out, and it hurts like hell if she is honest, like the words are too big for her throat, like they are suffocating her. I'm sorry, I won't. Except she's not sorry. "I'm not something for you to screw with." She crosses her elbows before her chest and it feels like giving in a little, but it's enough. She closes her eyes. And now you, drop it.

[clairehollands]

like the ghost you don't believe in / 8/11 / remus & claire

[monsterbymoonlight]

“None of us are used to being afraid, not truly,” Remus agreed quietly, resigned. No one else was used to being terrified of what they were, what they could become, except for him. He was all to aware of the possibilities, all the ways he could hurt a human if he became enraged enough, and how that anger, that deep seeded anger burned just beneath his skin, now more than ever.

“They don’t. No one can ever truly know a person, can they?” Remus cleared his throat. “Not without exploring their mind fully, and that’s not something I’d ever be comfortable with anyone doing, brothers or not.”

[clairehollands]

He was right, of course. Nobody could ever know everything about another person. Most of the time that was something she wouldn't even consider. People were only facades to one another, and what they showed each other were just fragmental pieces of them. Not even meaningful pieces.

A bell rang, somewhere distant, reminding Claire that there was life outside of this library, this little island of comfort. Because whatever he might be thinking about himself, for the first time in a week, Claire had felt anything close to comfort. "I have to go...", she said, shutting her books and slowly piling them up.

"It's" - but now that she was about to move, about to say something meaningful, maybe, the awkwardness was kicking back in - "thank you, Remus... I guess? I - thanks for listening. I didn't mean to unload that on you, really... I just don't really talk to anyone. Maybe you've noticed." She sighed and stood up, hinting at a smile. "I'll see you around? Hopefully?"

[clairehollands]

and is it worth the way, all this killing time / regulus&claire / october 29th

Potions had been over now for a few minutes and most students had fled the dungeons, but Claire was still standing outside the classroom, waiting for Regulus, who was the only student who was still in the room (she had counted). She didn't really know why - she only knew it was a very bad idea. Therefore, she had to do it.

It was cold down here, even colder than the last October days outside had been, storms of red and yellow leaves blowing over the grounds, and sudden floods of rain that had made the lessons outside very hard to endure. Claire couldn't imagine why the Slytherins liked living down here - it was like living in a dark, cold cave, never seeing the light of day. Then again, she probably didn't understand the Slytherins very well.

Case in point, the Slytherin she was waiting for right now. He had been almost too nice, too friendly, the last times they'd spoken - and then he'd just stopped perceiving her at all, it seemed. He hadn't looked at her, much less talked to her, for weeks, at least. And now he was probably lingering inside the classroom to avoid talking to her.

How that had led to her waiting for him, her mind set on getting at least a few answers out of him - am I just imagining this? - she had no idea. It would probably just end in tears, but maybe that was a good thing in the end?

[clairehollands]

you can't stop the rain / claire&narcissa / november 6th

[narcissablackss]

Cissa yawned behind her hand as she ascended the stairs, clutching her books under one arm. She felt exhausted, having spent most of the previous night working on an essay for her transfiguration class; all she wanted now was a hot bath and something none-educational to read. And maybe she could compel some first-year kid to go down to the kitchens and make the house-elves prepare her a big cup of hot chocolate...

She closed her eyes for a moment, assuming that people would make sure to stay out of her way. They always did.

Not this time.

“Fuck!” she could only just manage to avoid the girl in front of her, jumping aside and dropping her books in the process. The girl had pressed herself against the wall like a scared insect. It took Cissa a few seconds to adapt to the dimness of the mostly abandonned corridor before she recognized her as that doe-eyed Hufflepuff Regulus had been cosying up to lately. She felt her annoyance rise to its peak.

“What is your problem?” she asked through clenched teeth. “You've got eyes in your head, don't you?”

[clairehollands]

There was something in her ears that filled them with horrible, loud noises. Claire could feel her fingernails scratch along the wall, and it almost felt as if that was the sound. She was disoriented for a moment - was that the shadow in front of her, finally in front of her and not always hiding? - but then everything was sharp again.

Directly in front of her stood Narcissa Black, all flawless and blonde and icy. That was perhaps what had always unsettled her about looking at the youngest Black: her whole image and appearance was effortless coldness, as if she was born with it. She looked like a sculpture made entirely out of ice.

"I-" - she interrupted herself because just as apologies had started flying at her from every corner of her mind, her mind also told her it was very very wrong and bad to always back off. "It was my fault", she said, "because I didn't pay attention. Sorry. Now, can you not blow this out of proportion? Nobody got hurt, right?" She was surprised about her own words. Somehow somebody had turned the fear-switch off and the words-switch on in her mind, just about a few days ago. Then again, she felt like she couldn't probably top her own fear anymore.

But the way that Black girl looked at her, not just as if she were some dumb mudblood who needed to be taught a lesson because of her inferiority - it was this condescending look that every Pureblood she'd ever talked to, including Regulus, had given her at some point. It was stupid, stupid, stupid, anyway, what she'd said. Claire felt herself stiffen, preparing for whatever was going to hit her now.

[clairehollands]

you can't stop the rain / claire&narcissa / november 6th

Claire walked the grounds like a ghost. At least it felt like that - she felt nothing at all. She could barely her the chatter all around her. The wind outside seemed to blow right through her. Then again, she couldn't really feel the coldness, nor the rain that was pouring down mercilessly over Hogwarts.

It had been like this ever since things had returned to "normal". The only thing she could acknowledge as "feeling" was fear. Or paranoia. Or whatever. Everywhere she looked, she saw the cloaked figure. Sometimes among the other students, sometimes in the corner of her eye, but always, always there.

She came from outside and marched right into the Entrance Hall, hoping to avoid anyone who knew her. Not that many people knew her, but talking to people had become painful from fifty to a hundred in six days. Anyway, she wanted to leave the crowds behind her as fast as possible. She clutched her books tighter and passed a group of Ravenclaws from her year that were openly staring at her. Well, then.

Finally, she reached the less populated corridors. She looked back to make sure nobody was following her and thus neglected to look ahead. Of course, she ran right into somebody, or would have, if she hadn't made a leap backwards, pressing her back against the wall behind her. But it wasn't who she had thought it would be.

[clairehollands]

run deep, run wild | claire & dorcas {september 21th}

[dorcassmeadowes-deactivated2013]

Claire, yes, the name suited the girl that’s for sure, and Dorcas smiled at her. She didn’t know what to say to her, and she had a feeling neither did Claire. Dorcas has used up her outspoken points for today so when Claire thanks her, she just smiled and shrugged as if it were no big deal. Which it wasn’t, at least to Dorcas it wasn’t.

“Yeah I never really know what to say either,” she replied. “But I know that I want to say something so I go up and words just sort-of come out.”

She chuckled and cleared her throat. Her fingers danced across the table and she bite her lip.

“So what’re you working on?” she asked. Homework, yes, always a safe topic really. She should get back to her own work but she wanted to help Claire. The poor girl looked so shaken up. Her face managed to be pale but blush at the same time. Dorcas wasn’t too sure that was healthy.

[clairehollands]

Claire found herself smiling back at the other girl, slightly more comfortable than before. Dorcas seemed not so different from herself, after all. Just more mature, and more brave. "I wish it would work like that with me", she heard herself say, "but whenever I really want to do something about it, I just freeze up and get no word out..."

Even more than before when she defended her, Claire was surprised when Dorcas didn't immediately leave her table and to her own thoughts. Instead, she obviously tried to make conversation with her. Weird. Claire was too happy, though, about actually talking to someone, that she question it. "That?" - she followed Dorcas' glance at her books - "It's just... defense spells and all that. I want to be..." - she struggled for words - "well-equipped in case something happens."

She didn't know how to call 'it', that thing she was feeling. It was coming, and what had just happened was only the beginning - insults and disdain, but Claire knew that at one point, that would not be enough for them. They would come for more. For blood, but she didn't want to think about that. It was about blood and it would end in blood. It was just a matter of time.

She lit up her voice so Dorcas would not guess her thoughts. "It's really basic, actually - just elemental spells and a few curses... but I hope it would be... enough." She motioned towards her book, then back to Dorcas. "What about you?"

[fuckyeahborgia]

[clairehollands]

september 8th | pressed the shells into our bones | claire & regulus

[secondsonofblack]

Regulus awaits her reply to his question, and that nervousness blooms anew, gets an uncertain, “Well,” out of her. She moves to the table and looks over the book, Regulus slightly turning so that he can see it as well and at least seem focused even if he isn’t really. It’s an enormous pity that Claire is stuck with him for the day—she’ll be doing most of the work and thinking.

He finds himself getting more and more comfortable with Claire, and it’s because she herself is coming into her element. She instructs him and he takes the pomegranate from her without a question. A brief silence falls as the cauldron heats. Regulus squeezes the pomegranate and once he’s sure it’s almost finished, he asks her, “I hope I’ve done this right?” An uncharacteristic, nervous chuckle accompanies his words.

As soon as it’s out of his mouth, he stops short. What the fuck was that about? Since when did I care what this nobody thought of me… But still, he looks expectantly at Claire, and the action is almost involuntary. 

[clairehollands]

How weird that he should ask her for an opinion. Claire blushed, of course, then catches herself and takes a look at his work. "It's good", she says for lack of better words, then looks at him and flashes him a smile that was meant to be reassuring but turns out to be wide and too friendly. Get yourself together.

Time passes quickly after that. They continue to work on the potion, exchanging occasional words about the instructions and the ingredients. It gets more comfortable, working with him, to the point where she forgets who he is, and also, who or what she must be to him. She's heard all the inferiority talk before, the insults about her blood, her heritage. But he seems genuinely friendly right now, and she forces herself to keep those thoughts out of her mind.

When the hour bell rings, the potion is finished. Claire follows the last instruction and stirs it a few times, checking temperature and colour, then nods and turns to him. "I think we're done." Another smile escapes her when she looks at his face. "Just in time."

[marymacd0nald-deactivated201312]

death is knocking at my door -1/11- mary+claire

[marymacd0nald-deactivated201312]

Mary decided Claire was right. She seemed smart anyway. In the main square, with other people around, no one would be attacking at random. Right?

She shook the bad thoughts from her head, concentrating on taking one step after another back towards the center of the town. Her legs felt numb, and her arms felt like someone had stretched them until they’d discolated, without the pain. It was an odd sensation. She shivered, remembering the intense pain of the spell. It won’t happen again. Not with Claire here. Then again, they didn’t exactly look intimidating as a pair. And if she could get attacked, so could Claire.

She tried to distract herself with conversation. “Do you think… do you think there are more of them around?” She shook her head. “Nevermind, don’t answer that. Er… so your a Ravenclaw, right? Smart, and all that? What’s your favorite class then?”

[clairehollands]

As they were walking back to the main square - slowly, should be added - Claire couldn't help but look everywhere for possible attackers. Every shadow seemed suspicious. It was just a few minutes to walk, but they seemed painfully long.

She could tell Mary was still not feeling well - and why should she, just having been tortured - but at least she could walk and acted fairly normal. Which Claire couldn't really say for herself. She had a really bad feeling about all of this. That somebody would attack a student just outside of the village center - she would have thought it unthinkable before. Now, she expected attacks from everywhere.

Her grip on her wand was so tight that she thought it might break, and while they didn't speak, she tried to recall all the defense spells and curses they had studied in class. They seemed awfully few right now... and yet she'd always felt so well equipped before, as if nothing could hurt her. She swallowed. Luckily, Mary started a new conversation. It seemed... almost friendly. Some kind of mask seemed to have fallen off, and for a moment it felt as if they'd known each other for a long time. Then again, an experience like what had happened a few minutes ago did that to people.

Mary asked the question she had been asking herself all along and to which she still had no answer (we'll find out hardly seemed like the right thing to say), but she withdrew it. "Yes, um, Ravenclaw", Claire said. "Potions, I guess? I - I like to experiment... What about you - Gryffindor, right? Of course, the way you're all brave and calm, after what's happened to you..."

[marymacd0nald-deactivated201312]

death is knocking at my door -1/11- mary+claire

[marymacd0nald-deactivated201312]

Claire… Claire… She ran the name over in her mind. She could barely remember who she herself was, let alone who anyone else was.

The girl from the hallway. The one who’d stood up for herself. Who she’d apologized to. Sort of. And she was offering to help her. Things were certainly getting strange around Hogwarts. Muggleborns helping purebloods. Attacks in Hosmeade. What on earth was going on? Was it that war that Evans was always going on about? Was it happening now, so close to Hogwarts?

It simply wasn’t possible. Mary had been raised going to the pureblood events, talking to the oldest families, befriending their children, and not once had there been any talk of war. Oh how things had changed. She had always known, somewhere in the back of her mind, that one day she would have to choose a world. Return to her father, the only way she would ever be exepted by those families again, or become exactly what she had just been attacked for, a blood-traitor. She shivered involuntarily. No one had ever prepared her for adult choices, she had just started making them. But this was different. This was life or death.

She tried to smile at Claire, although it probably looked more like a grimace. “I’m… I’ll be alright. I can get up.” And she could. She felt power that she had never had before surging through her. The final act of rebellion.

Claire was asking her something else, and she was only half listening. “No,” she found herself saying, “I didn’t see someone I knew. And I know all the faces.” She knew she sounded too calm for the situation. She pretended that she had some idea what she was doing, but she had none. She had chosen a side years ago, but she wasn’t ready to live with the consequences.

“What next?” she asked herself as much as the other girl. “What happens now?”

[clairehollands]

Thank God she seemed okay, at least physically. She seemed to recognize her, at least, and spoke in coherent sentences. Claire noted the distant and weirdly calm manner in which Mary carried herself right now. She had no idea how she would behave in a situation like that. Scream and cry, probably. Mostly cry. Beg. She didn't want to know.

They got up from the ground and stood in the alley, looking around, undecided what to do. And scared. A lot. "I have no idea", Claire heard herself say. What if there were more attacks in Hogsmeade? To get out of here seemed like a valid choice. Then again, this had occurred slightly outside of the main streets, and they were probably safer among other people. On the other hand, if there were more attacks, it would be much more difficult to get out of Hogsmeade and escape them-

"We could head back to the village", she suggested, her voice insecure, "it might be less dangerous when there are others around." It was not a suggestion, actually, more of a question.

[clairehollands]

like the ghost you don't believe in / 8/11 / remus & claire

[monsterbymoonlight]

“No. Not here,” Remus refused to believe it. That something like that could happen inside these walls. “Never here.”

“No, it’s alright. It’s not whining,” he told her softly, at last releasing her hand and folding down his sleeve again. “I find it helps to put things in a bit of perspective, on occasion.”

“Before those three, I couldn’t either,” he admitted, smiling softly to himself. “It was difficult, learning to adjust to dealing with people, with them, but I did, eventually.” The smile slid off his face. “You don’t know me very well, then. If you did, you’d know I’m far from nice.”

[clairehollands]

Claire swallowed again. "I hope you're right", she said, then sighed. "I'm sorry. It's no use being afraid." It felt wrong to say it, quite the opposite of how she felt - looking for Death Eaters everywhere in the castle, she hadn't slept well ever since the attack, always afraid, always paranoid - but still, it was no use, especially because there was nothing she could prove.

She put both her hands back under the table, on her knees. He shouldn't see them tremble (even though he'd probably noticed anyway).

Look at yourself. A few weeks ago you couldn't even talk to people without blushing or getting nervous or saying too much or nothing at all. She put the smile back on her face. "But they must know you for who you really are, and they don't seem to mind, do they? Maybe you're just too hard on yourself."