a spaghetti machine

im a certified dumbass™️

[clarinet-hunter]

Pornhub video title that reads: edgy teen gets fucked hard by one hour of sleep

[thehobbutts]

im a hoe for art restoration

[thehobbutts]

me, pretending I’m an intellectual while watching someone remove yellowed varnish from a 16th century painting on YouTube for three hours straight

[perezhilton]

[stupendousmelody]

When you are one with the music

[thirstym8nd]

Luvs it

[rae-redacted]

WHO IS SHE

[guyofyear]

ALONDRA DE LA PARRA

[theunimpairedcondition]

[counterpunches]

#a warning to anyone out there attracted to women#she looks great in a tux

[missmarionmac]

Have some more photos of her in action, because I love her:

And my all-time favorite:

[dungeonmastersconsortium]

Her and Gustavo Dudamel are my two faves

[vero-chan]

Oh my stars she’s so cute

[mathprofessorquotes]

“The duration of a yeet can be shown on a graph using parabolas.”

— Linear algebra professor

[anarchetypalarchive]

i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

[satan-graffitied-my-soul]

The “I won’t hesitate, bitch” vine but @ friends who don’t love themselves

[ahsteria]

“i vaguely remember spending a significant amount of my childhood trying to gain a form of satisfaction from online server games” gen z alignment chart

[blackmagickboi]

where the fuck is toontown

[featheredcritter]

when the humans actually think that you’re a normal dog and let you in the outpost without suspecting a thing

[sigi0]

[ooceanbreeze-deactivated2014030]

it may take time but there is someone waiting to hold your hand

My tears

AWW

[nerdyas-hell-deactivated2018080]

SO FREAKING CUTE!!

[skeithcore-blog]

[feministism]

[boogedyboogedyboo]

[breath-goes-in]

“hellroo” ???

[witch-niko]

This is so cute that my friend cried when I showed it to her

[yars]

[supersexyawesomeness]

[sprachtraeume]

meeting a new group of people

me: hi! so where are you guys from :D

normal people: I am from Russia/Brazil/Italy/Australia/etc :)

Americans, assuming studying the specific geography of their country was ever relevant to me: Oh I was born in iower but went to school in Oregano (My parents come from East Carolina though):~)

[polyglottraveler]

Someone finally said it it’s so annoying!

One day I was eating at a restaurant in Peru with the 3 guys who were volunteering with me and someone asked us where we came from. So I said France, the German guy said Germany, the Maltese guy had to say Italy because almost no-one in Peru knows where Malta is, and then the American guy said Portland, like he didn’t even specify the state he just thought everyone knew where Portland is 😤

[you-had-me-at-e-flat-major]

i can’t tell whether this is better or worse than

european: where are you from

american: i’m italian

european: omg same! da dove vieni?

american: wait what lol i don’t speak mexican i only speak english

and

european: where are you from?

american: (monolingual english speaker, white, never left Marietta, GA in 23 years of life) well i’m 1/5th irish, 1/7th german, 32% greek, 4/9ths native american, 1/12th swedish, a little bit filipino, my mother was a hamster and my father smelt of elderberries, but i just call myself african :)

[viendiletto]

The American comments on this post are so irritating. I think that some of them don’t realise that the USA is just a country while Europe is a continent made up of different countries where you can find different religions, different autochthonous ethnicities, different languages etc; You can’t compare a single country’s diversity to the diversity of an entire continent.

“But Texas is so different from Oregon! People need to know which state I’m from because they’re all so different!” We don’t care. We are going to see you as an American, not as a Texan or a Californian or whatever, just like you’re going to see someone from Bavaria as a German, someone from Normandy as a Frenchman or someone from Piedmont as an Italian, not as a Bavarian, a Norman and a Piedmontese. European countries have regional differences too, even more than US states yet we don’t feel the need to specify that to foreigners when they ask us where we’re from unless they ask us to elaborate.

“But the US is so big! Some of our states are even bigger than your countries!”

Russia is the largest country in the world and undoubtedly more diverse than the US. If you were to ask a Russian where they’re from they would say that they’re from Russia, not Komi or Tuva unless they’re speaking to another Russian or someone they know to be familiar with Russian geography.

You’re not special nor does the world revolve around you, just accept that and move on.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[hotvampireadjacent]

age: 17

[curls-and-courage]

My favorite is people who send me unsolicited dick pics and then they’re like, “uh, hi? Are you ignoring me?”

It’s just so funny to me. Like one minute I’m designing bioreactors and getting published for heat dissipation in polymers and then I open this godforsaken app to dudes hanging brain who can’t even pronounce “saponification” calling me a slut because I won’t give attention to their limp excuses for existence.

3 billion years of evolution and the greatest form of communication you can conjure up in your fermented omelet of a conscience is submitting your wrinkly ball sac to a stranger on the Internet to substitute the attention your parents never gave their mistake of an offspring.

[barbex]

This is poetry.

[chekhov]

[wildeismsremade-deactivated2019]

[broitsablog]

@indigopersei is the french language just always on the verge of getting someone accused of assault or..?

[dammitperseus]

my friend, if only you knew

[randomfandomteacher]

It’s a very dangerous language to learn

[party-bees-deactivated20181211]

Here’s an interesting thing about French! Everything needs to have an article in front of it. That’s why it’s “la chat” as opposed to just “chat”. So, for instance, you could say la fille for the girl, or jeune fille for young girl, but you can’t just say fille, because that means you are calling her a sex worker in a derogatory way.

The moral of the story is, if you want to make something rude in French, just take out the article in front of it. Yes, this works for nearly. every. word.

[wine-dark-sea]

#now I’m wondering how often my high school french teacher was silently screaming because of this little fact

Every year. Every year there’s that kid who forgets that you can’t translate “I am excited” to “Je suis excitée”. And every year Monsieur Jordan has to slam the brakes before that kid can finish his sentence and then tactfully ask him not to announce to the class that he is horny.

[shamwowxl]

“is the french language always on the verge” oh buddy, oh pal, i am so happy to break this news to you: 

[super-metroid]

truly the language of love

[tastefullyoffensive]

This finally clears things up.