I don't want to be an island

Claudius Provos of House Provos / 20 / Telky "I have done bad things. I can’t take them back, and they are part of who I am. Most of the time, they seem like the only thing I am."

[wearerelative]

You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, just that fast.

Cathrynne M. Valente, Deathless (via wearerelative)

[helenecalore-blog]

For all that the man beside her held just as much power — if not more — in his mind than most strongarms possessed in their entire bodies, she’d never seen him use his ability maliciously. Almost all of them had used their ability for less than wholesome reasons at least once (she’d made it one notch below a habit in recent years), but the telky was among the few exceptions; Sabina Welle had only ever used hers for good when they were children, and Lucretia had always been too petrified to do anything but retreat when confronted with more water than what was necessary to fill a glass — or perhaps a fountain, if she was feeling a bit courageous.

But while Claudius Provos was certainly tamer than others his age (a certain oblivion came to mind), Helene knew better than to assume it was because he was WEAK or afraid. Soft, perhaps — before he’d left for the Choke, if at all — but powerful nonetheless. When compared with the likes of those who caused destruction in a show of near-terrifying beauty, his ability was subtle almost to the point of being boring.

But Claudius Provos was far from weak (after catching a glimpse of his potential in the training room, she’d only ever doubted it for the sake of her own vanity), and surprisingly enough, he’d never bored her — not quite.

His laugh reached her through her ears and the tips of her fingers, which moved slightly about his arm when his chuckle shook it. He promised to try his hardest not to soil her dress and she shook her head, her mouth struggling vainly against her hold on it.

He’d known since they were children that she didn’t fancy small talk, so the majority of their walk was spent in silence, and she appreciated the gesture or lack thereof. The weather was hardly of any importance to the princess, and she refused to pretend for the sake of anyone’s comfort that it was.

The telky had just slipped into line slightly behind her when the couple ahead of them took notice of her presence, followed by a slew of other Reds and lower House Silvers. Within only a moment, those in line had cleared a path for the royal and one of the heir’s guards; it was the closest she would come to parting the Red Sea in months — maybe even years, she knew — but it was satisfying all the same.

The slightly older man’s voice tickled her ear, and when she turned to glance up at him, he was already grinning, dimples she’d forgotten he had making an appearance. Archeon’s hero, as he’d jokingly referred to himself, made quick work of paying for their ride, and if she’d been in a worse mood, she might’ve scolded him for it; instead, she gathered the silky black fabric of her dress into a fist and stepped into the cabin first.

A smirk had seized her pink lips by the time Claudius had settled in beside her, his knee bumping into hers and his fingers restless. To save him possible embarrassment and to save herself from having to ask, she pretended not to notice.

“I dare you to steal that man’s hat once we get to the top,” she jutted her chin at a Silver man from a lower House, his hands neatly tucked into his pockets as he waited his turn. The wheel creaked forward and the cabin swayed into motion, but for the time being — before the view became worthwhile — her eyes were on Claudius, a dare thinly veiled behind shades of blue.

[claudprovos]

Before the Choke, Claudius didn’t use to be afraid of anything. He was fearless and somewhat naive about the world, but like all things, war took his fearlessness from him as well. He became much more cautious and the trauma he had experienced during war followed him wherever he went. Every day was a battle in itself and it took incredible strength to keep moving, to convince his mind that he was not at war. Among his newly acquired fears was his fear of heights, and he could easily recall the way his insides would twist when he and Dom had been on the airship on their way home. Perhaps Claudius’ mind was connecting that with everything that had happened to him at the Choke and all the decisions he had to make, but whatever the reason, it made him feel like he was somehow damaged. 

He didn’t doubt that Helene had noticed his restlessness as soon as he settled inside the cabin, and he was glad that she didn’t comment on it. He wouldn’t mind explaining his fear to her, but Claud didn’t want to put a damper on the mood between them. For once, Claudius wanted to feel as if he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world, and despite his fear of heights, being on the ferris wheel with Helene offered him exactly that. Her words interrupted his train of thought, and Claudius turned to look at her before glancing towards the direction of the man in question. For a moment, he was confused, but the glint in Helene’s eyes said enough. She wanted him to do something that was completely out of character for someone like Claud, and whether she said it with the intention to get his mind off of his anxiety or because she was simply craving some fun, Claudius would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted. When was the last time he had had some harmless fun? He genuinely could not remember. 

As the wheel started moving, Claudius turned his gaze back on Helene and smiled ever so slightly, crossing his arms nonchalantly. “I’ll see what I can do.” was all he said, pretending to get more comfortable in his seat as they started to go up. They were safe, he reminded himself. There was no way he could fall off from this thing, and even if he did, Claudius was fairly certain that his ability would come in handy right then. He was safe. The higher their cabin escalated, the more nervous Claudius became--noticeable only by the way he fidgeted with his feet--which is why he tried to focus on the task Helene had presented him with. Luckily for them, the silver man who’d be the victim of their harmless prank was sitting in the cabin before them, and Claudius had clear view of him. Because of his nerves, it took him a few moments longer to properly focus his mind, but once he did, his ability came flowing through and the man’s hat was suddenly off, as if blown away by the wind. The man instantly started to complain about it, turning behind him and trying to reach it with his hands, but it was too late. The only sign that Claud was the one to blame was the way his eyes were fixed on the object, which was slowly moving towards him, and when it was within reaching distance, the telky grabbed it and when he met the man’s gaze, he grinned at him wickedly, putting the hat onto his own head. He probably looked ridiculous, but Claudius didn’t care. It was all in the name of good fun, and he would return the hat to its owner once they were back on the ground. 

As the wheel continued to move, their cabin now descending, Claudius realized his anxiety had subsided greatly. He was no longer nervous; instead he felt peaceful. “Are you happy now?” he turned to Helene, his smile still present on his face. He certainly was, even if it was just for a moment. “You are a terrible influence on me, Helene Calore.” But he didn’t really mind it. 

[swelle]

“Ah, me either,” she admitted. She was not the slightest bit curious, but certainly did not envy the prince. Sharing that piece of information was safer than letting all, or any, of her apprehensions surrounding the ambiguous future slip. There was no need to put a damper on such a beautiful day.

Sabina shared a chuckle – it seemed that they had both indulged in carnival treats in very similar ways. It wasn’t every day that the food offerings were so exquisite. “Nor I,” she agreed, shaking her head and taking his arm, then guiding their path. “The ladies you spoke of,” she interjected casually, eyes glancing over the colorful booths that they passed on their way. “Any who have caught your eye particularly? The Gliacon girl, she seems quite fond of you.” And Domitus, but that hardly set her apart from the other girls at court.

[claudprovos]

“Laelia?” Claud raised his brows before shaking his head quickly. “We are only friends. She was in a great need of help when we first met, so we became close on the trip home, but it’s not what you think.” he explained. “I’d never...I mean, I’m not interested in her like that.” Gods, did other people think something was possibly going on between them, too? Or even worse, did they think Laelia was playing both the prince and his guard? He wanted to clarify that Dom was the only one with strong feelings for Laelia, but it wasn’t his place to do it. “As for anyone else...” he trailed off, letting a quiet sigh. There was no one else for him. Not anymore. “You should probably ask my mother about that.” he dared to joke, smiling at Sabina. “She’ll be the one arranging all that when the time comes.”

Sabina was right about the stand with sweet treats--among which were the famous fruit tarts--not being far away, because by the time Claudius had finished explaining himself, they arrived at the spot. Everything that was displayed looked absolutely heavenly, and it took Claud a few moments of contemplating before he decided on a fruit tart with various berries on top. Once Sabina had made her choice as well, he paid for both their treats, and didn’t waste any time into trying his as soon as it was in his hands. “Gods, this is amazing.” he nodded, talking with his mouth full. “How about you, though,” Claud returned to their previous topic, nudging Sabina gently. “Is there anyone you’ve grown close to?”

[helenecalore-blog]

The man repeated her affirmation, his voice lifting in a question at the end of the word, but he must’ve been talking more to himself than to her, because by the time her lips had begun to part to respond, he’d said it again, this time a bit more sure of himself. He dipped his head and stepped away from the door and she took a moment to make sure nothing else was amiss with her dress before she slipped into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind her with a soft click.

He wasn’t in the crimson uniform she’d come to expect him in. The medal he’d worn to the festivities honoring her brother’s return was nowhere to be seen, but the gleam it had added to his clothes was hardly missed; gold buttons glinted up at her, complementing his black shirt (and his blue-green eyes, she noticed) exceptionally well. The telky had chosen to don his House colors on what she could only assume was his day off (perhaps he was allowed to have a life outside of her brother after all), and the princess couldn’t quite brush away the thought that he looked good — handsome. He’d grown into himself in the years he’d been away — something she hadn’t really anticipated happening — and it was hard not to take note of the change.

Claudius Provos, it seemed, was full of surprises.

Her dainty hand settled neatly in the crook of his arm after he offered it, firm muscle beneath warm fingertips. The willowy woman matched him stride for stride as they walked, memories of countless races she’d won humming in the back of her mind. She’d been faster then, with longer legs and strides than him, but the Provos boy she’d outrun too many times to count (she’d kept track back then, much to his discontent, but the numbers were long forgotten) had come back from the Choke taller, stronger, and probably faster.

“I haven’t,” Her brows furrowed in slight confusion, but she didn’t have to wait long to know what correlation breakfast and the ferris wheel had in the telky’s mind. He’d never been bothered by heights before he left — and if he had, he hadn’t told her — but eager to avoid delving into the topic of fears, she chose not to question him (more for her sake than his). Even she couldn’t deny that the view from the top of the ferris wheel would be a sight to see, but the idea of getting on the ride hadn’t really crossed her mind until then.

But there were far worse people to be suspended hundreds of feet above the carnival with than her childhood friend, namely the majority of the Elite and her own family.

“Fair enough, but gods, Provos, if your dinner makes an appearance…” She trailed off, a teasing smirk toying with her mouth.

[claudprovos]

Even through the material of his shirt, Claudius could feel the warmth of Helene’s touch, reminding him of the power inside her. On first look, she seemed absolutely harmless, but her fire was always there, waiting to be used if needed. Helene didn’t have to look intimidating for people to fear her, and that in itself was power like nothing else. Unlike her, people often underestimated Claud, mostly due to the fact that he was quiet and his ability wasn’t as flashy as some. But sometimes, being underestimated could be a good thing. 

A laugh escaped his lips as she teased him about getting sick on the wheel, and Claud simply shrugged, as if it was out of his control. “I will try my best not to ruin your dress.” he told her, appreciating the fact that the princess was in a good mood today. He had expected her to be cold towards him, but instead Claudius was greeted with a glimpse of the old Helene, the one he had left behind when he was sent to the Choke. 

As they walked together, it truly did feel like old times, and that was one of the reasons Claud enjoyed spending time with Helene. He wasn’t reminded of the awful things he had done when he was away, and despite everyone’s opinion of Helene, he still believed the youngest Calore to have a good heart. Just like his sister, Claudius always tried to see whatever goodness was left in people. For a while, he had lost that ability at the Choke; the gray, exhausting days and the heartbreaking loneliness had almost stolen one of his finest traits along with his innocence. 

The walk to the carnival didn’t feel as long as it had been yesterday, and Claudius’ feet felt less heavy now. He actually wanted to be here, and now that he wasn’t on duty, he didn’t have to constantly be on edge and see everyone around him as potential danger (even if that had become his default behavior after the Choke). Arriving at the ferris wheel, Claudius let out a nervous breath when he saw just how high into the air it was, but he refused to take his word back. Instead, he pulled Helene into the line, waiting for their turn to get on the ride, but instead, people made way for them as soon as they saw the princess. She was, after all, the very reason this entire carnival had been put together for. 

“This is what happens when you walk beside Archeon’s hero,” he leaned in to whisper to her, a dimpled grin taking form on his lips. Claud reached into his pocket and gave the man standing to the side a tetrarch, paying for their ride and hoping he was not going to regret this. “After you, lady Calore,” Claudius said, and unlike other times, the formality in his words was anything but serious and accompanied with a smile. Once Helene was seated inside the cabin, Claudius joined her, clasping the belt firmly against his chest and anxiously waiting for the wheel to start moving.

[jamekirks]

[swelle]

One of the few people to believe it? That was something she didn’t quite believe herself, but merely rolled her eyes with a half-smile in response. It was a silly thing to be at an impasse about, and she’d let it go, reluctantly, for now. 

But they had seemed to start a trend of him not believing her, no matter how emphatically she insisted her truths. “You know the rules as well as I do,” she said simply, her last effort to persuade him to her side. Maybe Claud didn’t use Queenstrial as an excuse, but Sabina certainly used it as a shield. As long as Dom was unmarried, so she would be too – thank all the gods. The idea of one caging relationship, one she may not even be able to choose, was a suffocating thought and one she’d avoid as long as she could. Once or twice she had thought herself less enthusiastic for that whole ceremony than the crown prince himself.

Steady again on her feet, she was prepared to thank him for the dance, offer a curtsy, and skip off to the next attraction on her own, but the offer changed those plans immediately in the best way. “I think that’s another brilliant idea,” she beamed. “I wouldn’t mind one of the fruit tarts myself. They’re not terribly far, if I remember.”

[claudprovos]

“I do, and I have to admit I am curious about how all of it will turn out. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in Dom’s shoes.” While many of his friends were either competing at Queenstrial or dreaded its arrival for personal reasons, Claudius only worried about Dom and the end to whatever freedom he had left. When it came to himself, Claud didn’t care about having to marry any form an alliance. He was going to do his duty and do as his parents wanted, because the only person he loved and could see himself growing old with was gone from this world. 

At the mention of food, Claudius perked up. “I haven’t tried those yet, so far I’ve had pie, cinnamon rolls and some cotton candy, but no fruit tarts.” he listed off all the things he had eaten. “I don’t have it in me to feel guilty about it today.” Claud laughed and patted his stomach. “Lead the way, then.”

[helenecalore-blog]

Truth be told, she’d all but forgotten the Provos man’s promise to “make it up to her” after he’d sauntered off to ensure that her brother didn’t get a knife in the back for her birthday, partly because she wasn’t keen on letting Domitius indirectly sour her mood further and partly because she wasn’t sure if, after all these years, the telky would make good on his word. She hadn’t given the question of whether she even wanted him to much thought, but little did she know, she probably should’ve.

The lithe blonde glanced over her shoulder, watching her fingers fasten the clasp of the black dress she’d pulled from her closet after her ladies had dispersed at her request in the mirror. They’d helped her into a red number with a full skirt, but not in the mood to endure Minerva’s all-too-careful and entirely too slow fingers undoing her handiwork and beginning again with a different canvas, she’d dismissed them and decided to do it herself.

A knock at the door stole her attention, and although she was finished, a wave of annoyance swelled in her chest; the knock didn’t sound quite as soft as Eveline’s usually did, but considering she’d left (reluctantly) a few minutes prior, the burner was apt to assume she’d returned. She stepped into a pair of flats and padded to the door, a chastisement lingering on the tip of her tongue.

“I told you to go without me —” The woman’s remark was abruptly cut off when she found none other than Claudius Provos on the other side of the door. “You’re not my sister.”

“I hope this is not a bad time.” Her pink lips pursed, and strangely self-conscious, she pulled the strap of her dress back onto her shoulder; the necklace he’d given her the evening before still hung from her neck, her desire to take it off forgotten when she’d fallen into bed, exhausted. It wasn’t a good time, but those were considerably hard to come by.

The last time he’d come to her apartments, he’d been fourteen and a few days from war, a well-loved copy of The Illiad tucked under his arm and the faintest hint of mischief in his eyes. Now, he was empty-handed, dark circles rimming his light eyes, but just like she hadn’t years ago, she didn’t shut the door in his face.

Old habits died HARD.

Wisely, he hadn’t asked her; he’d told her, and though the princess was still perfectly capable of turning him down — the thought was tempting — she didn’t. Instead, Helene nodded slowly, her lips curling nearly imperceptibly at the edges.

“Okay.”

[claudprovos]

Claudius didn’t even know why he felt so nervous about doing this. Was it the fear of rejection, of Helene glaring at him and telling him to not come back that scared him, or was it the prospect of her accepting, and giving him a chance to make it up to her and not screw up this time? He was somewhat grateful that he didn’t have any more time to be tortured by his thoughts when the door before him opened and Helene appeared, standing in front of him in a red dress, still wearing the diamond necklace he had won the day before. All train of thought was lost then, and Claudius was surprised by his ability to even form coherent sentences and tell her--not ask--to come with him. His eyes immediately traveled down to Helene’s shoulder as she fixed the strap of her dress, before refocusing his gaze on her eyes and not even and inch below. There was no need to beat around the bush; the princess looked absolutely beautiful, and he would’ve told her that, if he wasn’t afraid of stuttering at the moment.

Waiting for Helene’s response felt like ages, and Claud was already bracing himself for a negative response, especially upon finding out that she had asked her sister to go without her. Claud assumed she had no intention on going to the carnival today, and if that was the case, then he would respect that, no matter how disappointing it would be. It reminded him vaguely of the last time he had stood in this very spot, fourteen and so naive and hopeful, untainted by war. In reality, barely a few moments had passed between Claud’s invitation and Helene’s nod of her head, accompanied by a simple ‘okay.’ 

“Okay?” he repeated, his eyebrows raised at her. So, she didn’t hate him yet, that was a good sign. “Okay,” Claud nodded to himself, taking a small step back from the door, looking a little clueless. He hadn’t thought things any further than this, mostly because he didn’t even think Helene was going to agree. But the carnival was still going strong and there was one thing in particular he wanted to try before it ended, so without wasting any more time, he offered his arm for Helene to take, eager to get out of the palace. “I hope you haven’t had your breakfast yet, because I’m taking you to the ferris wheel.” Claud grinned. “I have yet to try it, and even though I am not the biggest fan of heights, I can’t wait to see the view from there.”

[leonoverton-blog]

“I don’t know about contagious, but I guess there’s a point in there somewhere,” he said, still smiling. Fuck his cheeks were gonna hurt after today. And positive energy was sure as hell not contagious. He knew enough people capable of giving cavities that he was proof of that.

Duties. Simple habits. Like there was anything simple about it. For this kid, it was just another day of lavish parties. Despite the service, despite the weary posture he wore, the tiny hero still got to come home to a hot meal and shower. This party could equally be a nuisance to Claudius for all the same reasons it was to Leon, but irritation briefly flared in him at the comment. He knew, deep down, there was no snobbery behind the words, not with the way he spoke. But that didn’t stop the thought from crossing Leon’s mind. He kept the anger corked up tight though. Had to keep things light. “Trying not to get used to it,” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t wanna spoil myself too much.”

He turned to gaze at the crowd, then back at Claudius. “What would you rather be doing?”

[claudprovos]

If things had been different, Claudius thought that the two men could even be friends, but not in this world. He had long ago stopped seeing the difference in blood, nor did he feel any superior over those who bled red, but they were separated by far more than blood. Law, rules, tradition, pride, even fear...these were all things that divided them, not just these two soldiers, but every person out there. Claudius still had hope that he’d live to see a different kind of world one day. Even if it was a foolish way to think, it was the one thing that kept him going. 

For a moment, he thought he sensed something in the older man’s voice. Perhaps a hint of bitterness, or anger. It wasn’t the first time today that Claud had encountered a Red with hatred that wasn’t personally directed at him but at his people in general. Still, he couldn’t really blame any of them. How many times had Reds suffered at the hands of Silvers, especially at the Choke while they were fighting for their King? He couldn’t even recall all the times he had witnessed a Silver soldier assault a Red one. “That’s the King’s desired goal,” Claudius said, deliberately trying to find some sort of a common ground; to distance himself from his cruel world that always made him into something worse than he was. “To make us all forget about the real issues happening.” his tone remained light, as if they were talking about the weather, but his gaze made up for it in strength.

“What would I be doing?” he shrugged, taking a moment to think. “Stay inside my room and read, or go to the stables...anywhere but here, really.”

[kristinehyland-blog]

What the fuck? What was this supposed to mean? Nobody had ever given her such an expensive gift before - her friends in the Guard had given her gifts with more worth, but never one that cost as much as this.

So who was this man, with his crinkly smile and his bright eyes, to put so much in her hands? It was difficult to go back on a lifetime of conditioning; when you knew all Silvers to be backstabbing and untrustworthy, everything they do seems like a trap or a trick. It was nothing personal; but Claud’s approachable sweetness made her trust him less; as though perhaps he’d been selected for the task because they knew he didn’t look suspicious.

“Is this a trap?” Kris said, squinting up at him. “You ain’t gonna, like, let me walk away for five minutes then tell your guards I stole a bunch of shit?”

The polite thing would have been to thank him; but she didn’t know that there was anything to thank him for just yet; particularly not as he’d called her strength into question. She could hit him in the face with one and break his pretty nose, see if he thought she needed someone strong to carry her things for her then. He could lift things with his mind, so it didn’t matter if his bones were fragile as glass. Kris didn’t have that luxury; beneath her ill fitting shirt, her arms rippled with slender, well-formed muscles, and she didn’t doubt that she could pick HIM up if she had a mind to.

[claudprovos]

Claudius frowned in confusion at the girl’s words. Gods, she was by far the most distrusting person he had ever met. He attempted to see things from her perspective, however: what would he think if a stranger--a Silver one--was willing to buy him something, simply out of the goodness of their heart? Perhaps he wouldn’t think it was some sort of a trap, like she thought, but he’d certainly reconsider. Letting go of the books with his mind, they all dropped on the ground with a loud thud, and Claudius rose his hands in the air, as if he was standing before a wild animal. 

“No, no, I swear to you,” he said, “This isn’t a trap, I wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t try to hurt you.” he tried to reassure her, but at the end of the day, what did his word mean? To her, Claud was just another Silver and therefore, potential danger. “I’m not--” he cut himself off instantly, looking at her. What was he going to say? That he wasn’t like the rest? Was he going to admit that most of his people were cruel and terrible and deserved to be punished by the Gods? Claudius remembered that he wasn’t truly good himself, not anymore. Silvers protected their own, the people they loved and cared about, but he? He let them die, crushed under walls and lying in their own pool of red blood. 

“Look, you don’t have to take them if you don’t want to.” he said. “I had no ill intentions, I merely wanted to give you the opportunity to enjoy those books. I apologize if I crossed a line.”

[sunflcwergirl-blog]

[lifeinpoetry]

i did not suffer from love, i suffered with it. we wore the same uniform. we were both in the same barracks, we fought beside each other on the front line. your name was our war cry.

Salma Deera, “it was you,” Letters From Medea (via lifeinpoetry)

[sunflcwergirl-blog]

He had to chuckle at that, but he made every effort to keep still. “A little bit,” he admitted, peeking an eye open when she pulled the brush away and swapped it for some other tool. He closed it before she turned back around. He sat, the patient customer as she finished her work. She was a perfectionist, that much he could tell by the time she was taking with her work. It was admirable, surely. Finding someone dedicated to their craft for more than just the coin it brought the was an odd sort of occurrence, especially among the Reds. “You could say that,” he managed, a mischievous GRIN on his lips as she finished up and he heard Claud’s voice ring beside him. 

He opened his eyes eagerly to examine what hell Rom had wrought upon him, and he didn’t find himself disappointed. “I don’t believe you need a disguise with THAT outfit,” he replied cheekily, busying himself with digging into his pockets to fish out a tip for the artist. Dom failed to notice his friends words cut off, just as he’d failed to hear that Claud’s WORLD was crashing down around him, and similarly to how he’d failed to recognize the bright girl with whom he’d spent months in the Choke with. 

“THERE it is,” he grinned, finally latching onto the tetrarch he was searching for. He looked up, finally, holding the coin out in front of him, clearly pleased and still very oblivious. He paused, looking back and forth between the two frozen statues in front of him. His eyebrows laced together in confusion.

thinking…

                   thinking…

                                          thinking…..

                                                      D I N G.

                “ OH, S H I T  !! ”

Dom jumped up from the chair, knocking it backwards in his excitement. “DUDE,” he all but cawed, abandoning formalities and clearly not bothering to take note of the tension and heartbreak that was thick in the air. He was all but jumping around, unable to contain his excitement. 

     “IT’S HER.”            & @sunflcwergirl

Rachel felt him rather than saw him, a familiar presence, familiar warmth, and she knew he was there before even looking up. For a moment, she didn’t want to look up, and though this was a moment she’d been dreading, she felt her heart flutter at the mere sound of his voice—she cursed herself for that. She willed herself not to look at him, to keep her eyes downcast, hating herself for the fondness that filled her at just being near him and not wanting to let that feeling go. All it took was their eyes to meet for her heart to break all over again.

For possibly the first time in her life, Rachel found herself SPEECHLESS. Lips parted as if to speak, but she could not form the words, could not even think them. Her heart beat out a staccato rhythm that seemed to taunt her with all the words she couldn’t bring herself to say, not here, not now. She was like a deer trapped in the cold wash of headlights, copper eyes staring into green and unable to look away; there was a brief moment in which she could have sworn she were falling, stomach flipping, heart in her throat, but the illusion was shattered—as was the hold Claud’s shocked stare seemed to have over her—at Dom’s exclamation.

Startled, she jerked and tore her gaze away, snapping her mouth shut as she avoided looking at either of them, face BURNING. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP, she wished in that moment to be anywhere but HERE. This wasn’t how she pictured today going.

[claudprovos]

Everything about the situation at hand felt absolutely unreal. Claudius wouldn’t have even dreamed of this; of the love of his life being alive, not when he had seen her body go still under that wall, blood spilling out of her lips. He had to remind himself that this was reality and it was happening right now, at the carnival, in Archeon, with Silvers all around them. How was he supposed to act normal and as if he didn’t know the girl before him when every single cell in his body wanted to close the distance between them so he could touch her, feel her, make sure she was real and not some sort of a mirage? 

Rachel seemed to be as shocked as he was, staring at him right back and looking completely speechless. She did not want to be found by him, he realized. She had to have known that he would be here, and she still made no efforts to seek him out, to let him know that Rachel, his  Rachel, was still alive. He couldn’t really blame her for not wanting to see the person that had left her for dead. Claudius had so many things to say to her, but before he could even form any coherent thoughts, Dom, who was apparently even more oblivious than Claud had initially thought, finally put two and two together and was now acting likes anything but royalty. 

Claudius stared at him, his brows knitted and an expression that said ‘What the hell are you doing?’  Any other time, he would’ve laughed at his friend’s reaction, but right now, none of this was funny to him. “Dom,” Claud warned, but his voice was soft, almost pleading him to stop. Running a hand through his hair--a gesture that always gave away he was nervous or stressed out--and taking a few deep breaths, Claud shook his head, as if he was still having a hard time taking all of this in. Claudius couldn’t help but search for any visible injuries on Rachel’s body, but from this angle he couldn’t really see much. She looked well, healthy, even, and he felt as if a huge stone had lifted off his chest. Gods, how did she even manage to survive? One change he noticed about her, however, was that her once long, voluminous hair, was now cut short, just above her shoulders. 

“You, uh,” Claud stuttered, “You cut your hair.” he felt like an absolute idiot as soon as the words came out of his mouth, but it had a lot more meaning to him than a simple observation. Rachel’s hair had always been one of his favorite things about her, and there were times when he could still feel the silky texture of it under his fingertips. Would he ever get to touch her like that again?

& ; @flamesofnorta

[swelle]

With all that had happened since their first lessons in Protocol up until this silly little dance, it was impossible to ignore that things, terrible things like bombings and wars, hadn’t happened. But good things had happened as well, and Claud was proof. From a quiet boy to a proper gentleman, spinning Sabina across the floor as readily as he spun compliments, he had grown up and grown up well, even if he had done so on the front lines rather than his proper home like she had. 

“Oh, that’s not how honors work,” she disagreed, shaking her head with a smile. “No matter what other valiant and noble feats the others achieve, you’ll always be a hero  – medal or not.” He seemed to agree with her, if not a bit tongue-in-cheek and outright cheeky about it, which only caused her to grin a bit wider in response. The sudden dip surprised her, though, and she let out a gasp in the half-second of uncertainty before erupting in laughter. “Claudius,” she managed to force out once she’d caught her breath again, “if it weren’t all but illegal to pursue you before Queenstrial, I assure you,” emphasizing with a gentle fist to his chest, “you would not be wanting for ‘ladies,’ as you say. Your day will come, I know it.”

[claudprovos]

His smile disappeared momentarily at her words about him being a hero, and Claudius wanted to shake his head and disagree, tell her how wrong she and everyone were, but what good would that do? It would only ruin this wonderful moment they were sharing, and Claud was honestly exhausted from taking happiness away from other people. He wished he could be like Sabina and spread positivity, make even the hardest of hearts soften, but instead he was filled with so much sorrow that it seemed to spill out of him even when he didn’t mean to. “Thank you, Sabina,” he tried, smiling at her. “you’re one of the few who believe that genuinely, I appreciate it.”

Bringing her back up with ease so they were face to face once again, Claudius couldn’t help but laugh at her words. “That is a very good point,” he said, “I should use Queenstrial as an excuse for the lack of love in my life more often.” Claud joked, ignoring the bitter taste in his mouth. The only one to blame for that was himself. As the song came to an end moment later, Claud sighed, looking around him as couples moved away from the dancing are and others took their place. “I believe we should get some refreshments after this dancing session, what do you think?” 

[claudprovos]

Leaving Helene at the carnival to return back to his work weighed on Claudius throughout the day, because he knew it meant a lot more than just having to put an end to their time together. Helene must’ve felt like yet another person was choosing her brother over her, and Claudius didn’t want all his attempts at rebuilding a friendship with her to go to waste because of it. He had promise her to make it up to her, and that’s exactly what Claud was going to do. The following day was his day off, and despite the circles around his eyes from exhaustion--he had no sleep the night before--Claudius was determined to take Helene out so they could do something together. Something that she’d actually like, without following any orders from her father.

He thought about asking one of her ladies to tell Helene that he’d be waiting for her at the same spot where he had won the diamond necklace the day before, but decided against it. It was better to show up in front of her apartments and ask her himself, that way she’d have a harder time declining. Not that one could force Helene Calore to do anything. Dressed in a black shirt with gilded buttons and dark pants, Claudius was standing before the princess’ apartments, preparing to knock. He was almost positive she’d say no and slam the door into his face, but he had to try and make it up to her. Finally, he knocked, and when the doors opened a few moments later, Claud’s lips turned upwards into a hopeful smile.

“I hope this is not a bad time.” he said. “Because I’ve come to take you outside.”

& ; @helenecalore

[edhelernil-a-deactivated2018020]

15 Associations.

[leonoverton-blog]

edhelhernil:

Reblog and fill in the answers you most associate your character to with each question.

1. Animal? Dpg (...need i say more?) 2. Colour? Gold (1/2 of his house colors and it represents courage, passion and illumination) 3. Month? September (represents change, same as autumn)  4. Song? Thought of You by Ryan Woodward (Rachel, duh) 5. Number? 2 (because he is almost always with Dom) 6. Day or Night? Day (he feels stronger during the day) 7. Plant? Birch or Willow tree (birch trees are very strong even though they appear fragile, willow trees represent sadness and mourning) 8. Smell? Smoke and chamomile soap (the permanent smell of smoke from the Choke and the soap he most often uses which is very relaxing and smells nice) 9. Season? Autumn (it represents change) 10. Place? The Choke (it’s where he thinks he will always belong) 11. Food? Pie (apple or blueberry, because it’s his favorite dessert) 12. Astrological Sign? Virgo (virgo af) 13. Element(s)? Earth (represents both life and death, balance and heaviness) 14. Drink? Water (because people take it for granted/underestimate its power)

[claudprovos]

Dom: Apparently orgasm is the only point where your mind becomes completely empty- you think of nothing for that second. That’s why it’s so compelling- it’s a tiny taste of death. Your mind is void- you have nothing in your head save white light.

Claud: I just wanted advice on how to ask out Rachel but okay then

[kittyflanders]

(x)