𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚃 𝙴𝚂𝙲𝙰𝙿𝙴 .

i have found beauty in the dark [ . . . ] as i have found a lot of horrors in the light .

[clayolivers]

kamidesai​:

Kam liked to think he could be a pretty calm person, but that was just an outright LIE. he was very nervous by nature, partly because he was simply paranoid at the root of it all, and he was also a pothead, which probably didn’t help either. Still, this hot guy walking in with tattoos head to his toe, a guy he’d definitely tatted before, Kam was finding it extremely difficult to act like he was unaffected. “You…want me just to give you a random tattoo without even approving it?” He asked curiously, already washing up his tools as his brain tried to wrack and find what he could do to this masterful body without messing it up. Experimenting, ha, as if Kam could ever just be spontaneous like that. The only time he ever did anything just willy nilly was when he was way too high to make masterful decisions. Not that that ever happened either… “Are you sure? Do you want just regular ink, or UV?”

it seemed like the prospect of getting a random tattoo was foreign to the other, which was amusing in itself.  they knew each other but not well. if he did, this guy would know that doing stupid reckless shit was just a pivotal part of clay’s personality.  “yeah, why not? you look like you have good taste and i know you’re talented as hell. remember the batman one you gave me. it’s one of my favorite’s, man.” his leather jacket is shrugged all the way off so that he can point to the batman tattoo on his forearm. it’s one that he’s gotten a lot of compliments on from fans especially. “i’m positive. anything you want. if it helps to take off the pressure, you could give me a few options and i’ll choose the final one. let’s go with regular ink.” 

[clayolivers]

dammitdorian​:

through his line of work, dorian is constantly meeting other musicians but they were few that he got along with as easily he did with clay. the two have a ton of things in common outside of just music and they just click. it also doesn’t hurt that clay is gorgeous. knowing this, dorian is excited to take up clay’s invitation to hang out. when he arrives and the door swings open for him, he grins at his friend and steps inside, thrilled to hear that clay has provided pizza and drinks. he laughs when he tells him that they’re non-alcoholic, shrugging his shoulders. “all good, not really looking to get buzzed at the moment anyway.” he takes a seat on the couch and nods. “of course, man. you know i got you. how have you been doing, by the way?”

it’s true that clay knows dorian has his back and not just in a musical sense. this city wasn’t exactly filled with loyal people, but luckily he found a diamond in the rough. the question about his well being doesn’t throw him off as much as it used to in the past. it has made a home in his life. friends, family, and sometimes even strangers on the internet ask it almost daily. only a few of them actually care. clay could tell that dorian was one of those few. “the day’s aren’t so bad. i keep myself busy with writing. it’s the nights that are the worst.” a hand curls around his guitar so that he can pull it in his lap. it felt better to have something to focus on other than the words coming out of his mouth. “it’s lonely as hell and i just... filling the space by screwing stranger’s isn’t exactly doing what i hoped it would. you know? i don’t what to do, man.” 

[clayolivers]

jude-oliver​:

a part of him felt like he’d never be able to move on from his ex. wondering if the love would ever disappear or lessen because even as he looked at clay right now, he was very aware that he was still just as much as in love with him as he was from the day they got married. from the day they first met. but love wasn’t enough. it wasn’t a magic cure. and they just…they no longer worked together. they were bad for each other. but still love wasn’t rational and clay was his greatest addiction. he gives a roll of his eyes at the comment, “fuck you. you look like less of an idiot if you’re not down here alone. that’s what friends do, right?” he hated that word when it came to clay. friends. but that’s what they were right? or what they’d have to learn how to be. maybe if he said the word enough times, clay would eventually start to feel like just that. like a friend. rather than a physical personification of the very heart that beat behind his rib cage. a gust of cold rushed through them and jude took advantage of the opportunity to innocently shuffle closer to clay. arm against arm. shoulder against shoulder. it wasn’t enough. but it was something. he craved clay’s touch. so this would have to do and the other’s heat was so welcomed, a warmth settled across his entire being. he turns his head and it was a bad move because clay is looking at him with those piercing fucking eyes but jude keeps his cool, swallowing thickly, “yeah? wanna talk about it? i mean the gravel in your leather jacket really makes for a revolutionary look. can just see the tabloids gushing about your latest fashion statement.” why was this so hard? small talk? it felt forced. maybe that’s because it was. cheeks heat up at the question, gaze guilty as it flickers away from clay’s eyes and up to the sky and he moves to nonchalantly cover the hickey on his neck with his scarf. it wasn’t a big deal. some dumb hook up that honestly jude didn’t even enjoy. the first man he’d been with since clay and the whole thing felt wrong. it felt wrong to have another man’s markings on his neck. but this was what you did when you tried to move on, right? “nothing exciting. was just out with friends.” he swallowed thickly and turned his head once again to face his ex-husband. i miss you. was what he desperately wanted to say. instead he reached out his hand for the vodka, “at least share.” if they weren’t together anymore, maybe jude could worry less. maybe they could just fucking drink together and it wouldn’t get weird. 

there’s that damn dreaded word:  friends.  the more he hears it coming from those beautiful lips, the more that he hates it. though if this is how it would be for now then so fucking be it. clay always dreaded the day that he would see jude approaching him holding divorce papers. shockingly, it hasn’t happened yet. it would probably be the healthy thing to do.. give them some closure or some shit. if someone was going to claim their maturity and take that leap though, it would have to be jude. clay was good at fucking things up, not making them right. “yeah, that’s what friends do.”  the words almost stick to his throat and it takes more effort to push them through. when a cold breeze comes through, clay is almost tempted to offer his leather jacket for the other male. it was something he would have done back before everything fell apart. before he can open his mouth and make a fool of himself, jude is moving closer and clay is suddenly hyper aware of the pressure against his shoulder and arm. fingertips cautiously search for the other’s, brushing lightly against jude’s. if he was called out about it, he’d come up with some stupid excuse like a reflex or something. the moment that he can feel jude’s bare skin, though, it causes a warmth to build in the pit of his stomach. this was getting more and more dangerous by the minute. clay’s jaw tightens once jude glances over at him, but he can’t look away.  talk about it? about how much he ached and missed him every damn night? hell no.  “if i wanted to talk shit through, i’d tell my therapist.”  he pauses.  the fact that jude even asked, meant that he still cared. “... thanks though. oh yeah? i hear guys really dig the hot mess look.”  this felt weird. talking about being with other people with the love of his life. it makes clay remember all those nights he’s found comfort in another person’s bed just to fill the void in his heart. did jude do that too? he couldn’t fucking blame him if he did. something is off in the other’s answer but it isn’t his right to push for information. no matter how much he wanted to ask about what he was doing with these friends, clay doesn’t. instead he takes a moment to turn back to the sky and take one last smoke before putting out the cigarette in the sidewalk beside him. upon turning back, he’s kind of shocked to find that jude is wanting to indulge. “shit, yeah. where are my manners?” the bottle is offered to the other. “so... got anything planned for the jolly christmas season?”

[clayolivers]

judetaylorhq​:

jude had been wandering around for a while, mostly avoiding going home, avoiding his phone, avoiding some of the most important people in his life because he’d caused a bit of a mess and gotten himself into a situation that he didn’t know how to fix. cillian, claudia. they were both important to him, he knew he felt a little something for each other them in completely different ways, and now they were fighting, and he was pretty sure he was fighting with them too, and emotions, feelings, complex analysis of those things - they’d never been something jude felt comfortable with. he was self-aware, sure. but he wasn’t in touch with that side of himself. avoiding seemed better. so here he was, aimlessly walking around familiar streets until he came across a rather unfamiliar sight, and without a second thought he shrugged, laying down next to the stranger and letting out a sigh, “you were right, this is comfortable.” he looked to the other and grinned, “so are you down and out, or just a regular, run of the mill weirdo on all occasions?” he asked, he was good with either, but it was always good to know in advance what he’d be dealing with.

the expected reaction had been for the stranger to tell him to piss off and they go about their merry way, but clay is pleasantly surprised as the other settles down next to him. loneliness was a killer and at least this meant he would be a little less alone. a laugh falls as he takes another drag and blows the smoke up towards the night sky.  “man, probably a little bit of both. but who isn’t fucking weird? i mean you agreed to lay on a sidewalk with a complete stranger.”  if the roles were reversed, clay would have totally done the same. he most definitely looks like a total mess with smudged eyeliner that was messed up from silent tears that fell earlier before the other joined him.  “i’m clay, by the way.” fingers curl around the bottle of vodka next to him and offers it towards the stranger. “feel free to help yourself. mind if i turn on some music?” reaching into the pocket of his jeans, clay pulls out his phone and turns on the arctic monkeys for some background noise. music always helped him think better and feel more at ease. “it was getting depressing down here before you joined me.” 

[homoeroticism]

#mood

[clayolivers]

booknerdaurora​:

Aurora loved many things, including reading and a nice cup of coffee. If she could ever befriend people and try to get them into any of the books she was currently reading, that was also another strong love of hers. She knew that she had an interesting taste in books, not everybody totally enjoying the recommendations she gave them. “You really didn’t like it? Dang, I thought you would. Maybe you just need to try something else by the same author? The classics are always great but switching it up and trying new genre’s isn’t so bad either. Thanks for grabbing my coffee though,” she spoke, reaching to sip it. Ugh, she loved when it got to that time of year where she could enjoy her peppermint mocha flavored drinks. 

“i mean maybe if you have something more dark and twisted in mind. i’m pretty much a sucker for that type of shit. to be honest, reading isn’t really my thing but i’m trying out new things.”  more specifically, new distractions.  the emptiness in his apartment becoming more prominent with the holidays fast approaching.  “it’s no problem. you put up with my company, so the least i can do is be a gentleman and grab your drink.” it’s a wonder that someone as sweet as her hasn’t kicked him to the curb yet. she’s just probably trying to be polite, but whatever the case, he was thankful. “you even inspired me to try out this gingerbread mocha. i don’t really have a sweet tooth, but here goes...”  he takes a big sip, never doing anything half assed. “wow... not what i was expecting.” 

[clayolivers]

daisy-lexington​:

Having a late night in the office, Daisy had been walking by and she noticed there was a man sitting down on the sidewalk with a bottle of liquor and then he lit a cigarette. She sighed softly and wanted to make sure that she was alright, so she approached him but then he made the comment about blocking the light and she nodded, “Sure. I can do that. But I won’t take part in what you are doing unfortunately.” Daisy replied as she moved to sit down next to him. “You seem to be a bit down. Anything you want to talk about?” She asked him curiously as she moved some hair behind her ear. She wasn’t a therapist, but she wanted people to know that she always had an open ear to listen if someone wanted to talk because she knew what it was like to not have anyone in a time of need.

another drag is taken, the smoke blown in the opposite direction of where she sits down. he decides to sit up next to her and offer a slight smile. “not how you get your rush? i can respect that.” the last thing thing he was going to do was judge her for her choices when it came to the consumption of alcohol or nicotine. peer pressure was bullshit and maybe if he didn’t give into it in high school, these bad habits wouldn’t exist.  a bitter laugh falls from chapped lips at her question. “i don’t think you want to open that dam, sweetheart. if i start sharing my shit, i might not stop.” actually talking about what goes on in his life wasn’t a strong suit, but it was a good offer. maybe he wouldn’t feel so fragile if he got things off his chest. “you know what...fuck it.” the cigarette is ground against the concrete and put out. “i can’t get my mind off of my ex husband.. technically still my husband, i guess. things between us fell apart and i have been doing everything in my power to just forget him. smoking and screwing other people. it’s all useless though.” 

[clayolivers]

jude-oliver​:

his heart practically stops dead in its track when he witnesses his ex-husband on the sidewalk, lying there like pure fucking poetry in human form and it takes jude a second to make sure that clay is actually fucking there and he’s not just imagining it. honestly fuck him. fuck him for still possessing the ability to have such an effect on him. lying there and smoking, always looking hot as fuck. and it took all of his willpower to not give into the urge to just roll on top of him and steal the cigarette from his lips. another time, another world, that’s exactly what jude would have done. instead he remains standing, fists shoved uncomfortably into his pockets, as if he had to physically restrain them from reaching out to touch. they needed to figure out how to co-exist though and maybe it was just going to take practice. jude just hoped it’d get easier. “i fucking doubt that. looks uncomfortable as shit.” but it doesn’t stop him from settling down beside his ex, stretching back, bright orbs fixated on the flickering street lamp ahead, hands resting against his stomach. it only takes a few moments until he’s looking at clay. his heart drops because the familiar scent of alcohol fills his nostrils and he’s reminded. he wants to scream at him for drinking, he also wants to say fuck it all and wants to just kiss clay until neither of them can fucking breathe. instead he does neither, swallowing thickly as he allows his eyes to flicker shut, “what’s up?” he asks. calm, cool, collected, the exact opposite of what’s going on internally.

someone up in heaven really had it fucking out for him.  as if the thought of jude wasn’t enough to create confusion and an aching in his entire body that just wouldn’t go away,  the real deal had to show up.  what frustrated him even further is that he still looked like a damn greek statue carved to perfection.  how the hell was he supposed to keep it together? to not picture simply having his way with him right here on the cold pavement? fuck.  just don’t look at him, clay. no matter how much you want to sit here and memorize every miniscule detail. eyes cast to the sky once again, taking another drag. bad habits die hard. a crooked smile forms along his lips at the other’s comment and how it contradicted with his actions. “knew you couldn’t resist.” the flirty edge that had been there during their relationship peeks through the cracks. when they had agreed to be platonic, he had tried to convince himself that it wouldn’t be so damn hard. as jude settles down next to him completely, the warmth from the other radiates off of his body. it was far too tempting to inch towards it, but he stays put. clay then suddenly remembers the bottle of vodka that he had carted down here, and feels a mix of guilt and regret bubble in his chest immediately. reasons that sound a lot like excuses are hot on his tongue but it’s fucking useless to explain. they weren’t together so it didn’t matter, right? his head turns so that he can observe jude, heart skipping a beat. “nothing.  just a rough night and i happen to like laying on sidewalks. the gravel digging into my back really soothes the soul.”  it’s easy to go back to before they were ever married.  to be closed off and wary of vulnerability. all progress made during their relationship erased, because he truly didn’t know how to do this. how to not love him. “why the hell are you out here so late?” 

[clayolivers]

xo-chasity​:

“It would be like the acting role of a lifetime. Training yourself to be all that prim and proper when you k now who you are deep down,” The young actress said. “Oh, whatever I do? I do a whole lot. Trust me, I dress up in a fancy dress now. The joys of being an actress is that I am never stuck to being just one person.” Chasity said. She was an actress on the stage, but also behind her YouTube cameras. She had plenty to say on the internet. “But I sure do get some strange looks when I go to the park in a full on princess gown.”

acting, along with writing, was a profession that he had thought about getting into if the music industry didn’t cut it. so far the band has been blessed with good fortune. “an actress, right. thought i recognized you from somewhere.” he shrugs, not disagreeing with her point of view. “a lot of people would love to be someone else. just make sure you’re not losing yourself in the process.” there comes that big brotherly advice peeking through. in a lot of ways, the other did remind him of cheryl. his sister always had dreams about making it big and loved playing princess. “eh screw those people who look at you like that. they’re just jealous they can’t pull it off and secretly wish they could. if you ever find one in black, i’ll wear it with you. we’ll be the belle’s of the ball.” 

[clayolivers]

chloewbstr​:

It worked? Chloe honestly thought the other would just pretend not to hear her, being ignored was nothing knew to Chloe. “You know- I’m not really sure, if I were to guess though it’s probably because a coconut falling from the top of a tree would pick up pretty great velocity and therefore hitting someone in the head could be fatal” it was Chloe’s best guess as to why coconuts killed more humans than sharks. “As for the cows, I’m not entirely certain, but I did hear something about them falling over on people.” Even better then showing interest the person beside her even given her a new fact, “really” her eyebrow raised in interest, “I know animals have a heightened sense when it comes to storms, like tsunamis for example, many animals have signaled them due to them disappearing from lower land. Snakes and earthquakes though, that’s a new one, do you know what they do to signal an earthquake?”

this conversation was starting to sound way smarter than he actually was. how can anyone just pull this type of information from the top of their head and sound so confident about it too?  he’s looking at her in awe, listening intently until the image of a cow falling on top of someone flashes in his mind. despite the morbid situation, a laugh falls at that. “imagine that being carved onto your headstone: death by falling cow. what a way to kick the bucket!” a hand runs through his hair to pull the strands back from dropping in his eyes. honestly, he hadn’t expected her to want him to explain. “i could lie to you and make something up but i like this relationship we’re building here. so i’m going to be honest, i stopped listening to that lecture right about when my teacher started explaining this shit. we could ask my trusty friend google if you’re really curious.” he shrugs and leans back against the bench. “i’m more interested in getting to know you and how the hell you know all this stuff. did you study a fact book or something whenever you were younger?”

[clayolivers]

it’s been one of those nights where the image of his ex-husband keeps replaying like a bad song stuck in his head. somewhere in west kingsboro, clay decides to lay down on the sidewalk with a full bottle of alcohol sitting beside him and cigarette lit between his lips. the night sky is so different here than from back home. not as many stars in the big city and the sounds of crickets aren’t here to soothe. most people who come across him seem to go around without comment, until the light illuminating him from a nearby street lamp is blocked. head tilts in order to get a good look at the one person who decided to stop. maybe they actually give a damn or maybe they’re thinking about calling someone to have him removed. in this city, it’s more likely that it’s the latter.  “you going to stand there looking like a fish on a hook or come and join me? it’s more comfortable down here than it looks.”  

[clayolivers]

@kamidesai​ .

“i’ve got some free skin somewhere that needs to be touched your amazing hands ...  and that tattoo needle of yours.”   there’s an inviting grin resting on his lips as he settles down onto one of the chairs in the ink & silver.  nimble fingers work to open the black button down covering his abdomen,  then they pull down on the loop of his jeans to reveal a patch of skin uncovered by ink.  “i’m thinking right here’s good. don’t you?”  he glances up towards kami with a playful glint in his eyes. it was his goal to practically be covered in tatts from the neck down. it was just an added bonus that the local tattoo artist was so hot.  “what do you think i should get? i’ll let you experiment on me.”  the words holding a very obvious innuendo as he continues.  “artist’s choice.” 

[darlingbeeautiful-deactivated20]

[clayolivers]

never have I ever stalked an ex on social media

“yeah, we all know that’s a damn lie. wasn’t social media invented for shit like that?”  the cigarette pack from his pocket is pulled out and a single cigarette picked from it. “see stalking him would mean i’m not over him so..”  he winks and places the cigarette between his lips, lighting it. 

[clayolivers]

@dammitdorian​ .

the fastest way to a musician’s heart was quite obviously through music, which is why it felt so easy getting along with a fellow musician.  he felt like he could go on for hours and hours about his own music and just the topic in general without being boring or having the other looking on with confusion.  sure, he had his bandmates, but getting a fresh outside perspective was rad as hell too.  the time that dorian was supposed to come over to clay’s apartment was fast approaching, when suddenly there’s a knock.  he strides over, narrowly missing floki, where he was resting on the floor, and swings open the door.  “hey man! come in and make yourself at home.”  once dorian is inside, clay shuts the door.  “i got pizza and drinks are in the fridge.  nothing that’ll give you a buzz, but you can close your eyes and pretend.”  he chuckles before giving the other male a pat on his back, moving towards the couch where his acoustic guitar was propped up. “thanks for coming over and agreeing to listen to my new shit. the guys say it’s all good but sometimes i think they worry about damaging my ego. i need honesty, so be brutal.” 

[clayolivers]

@booknerdaurora​ .

both of their coffee orders were easy to remember,   especially with his usually just being black.  though he’s tried to switch it up here and there after a few of these meet ups with her.  she might be a good influence on him.  the jury is still out on whether or not he is one on her.  “here you go, love.”  the cup is placed directly in front of her before he takes the seat straight across the small café table. “a drink just as sweet as you.”  there’s a playful and flirtatious wink sent her way over the rim of his own cup. eyes staying on her to gauge her reaction. that was the only reason he continued his harmless little teases.  if her reaction wasn’t amusing, then there would be no point.  “what are you reading today? i tried getting into that other book you were reading the other day. couldn’t get past the first chapter, so i think i’ll stick to my classics, like frankenstein and the twilight saga.”

[clayolivers]

xo-chasity​:

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be royalty?” Chasity asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do you think it would be similar to being famous? I know that being royal means you are famous, but I’m sure they’re different in a lot of aspects too, right?” Chasity knew what it was like to be famous. She had been pretty popular on YouTube for years now, but she also watched her brother sky rocket to fame and only hoped that she could one day reach the same levels her brother had. “I think it’d be fun. But mostly to dress up in the fancy dresses and the crowns.”

“nah,  there are way too many damn rules to follow when you’re royalty. having to act all proper and shit?”  his expression contorts in order to show off his utter disgust at the thought.  pretty sure royalty couldn’t be covered head to toe in tatts and spend all hours of the night doing whatever mischief they can get into.  “that would get lame real quick, sweetheart. you’re better sticking to doing whatever it is you do.”  he picks up the coffee mug in front of him and takes a swig of the contents.  there’s no doubt about it ,   his body is 99% coffee and 1% everything else.  “just dress up in a fancy dress now. why not? you can do other fancy rich people shit too, like getting a pet flamingo.”