v.

ind. semi-canon ahs oc.

[weakwas-a-blog]

              i appreciate that you’re trying. - - I’M TRYING TOO.

[cleanthem-blog]

.

[the-book-diaries]

“How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?”

— Don DeLillo, White Noise

[cleanthem-blog]

pinterest drop ! if anyone is interested.

[spctlessminds]

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’ ‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’ ‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’ ‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’ ‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’ ‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’ ‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’ ‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’ ‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’ ‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’ ‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’ ‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’ ‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’ ‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’ ‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’ ‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’ ‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’ ‘  i am fucking divine.  ’ ‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’ ‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’ ‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’ ‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’ ‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’ ‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’ ‘  i bow to no man.  ’ ‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’ ‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’ ‘  i cannot be saved.  ’ ‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’ ‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’ ‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’ ‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’ ‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’ ‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’ ‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’ ‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’ ‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’ ‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’ ‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’ ‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’ ‘  i have no home anymore.  ’ ‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’ ‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’ ‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’ ‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’ ‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’ ‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’ ‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’ ‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’ ‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’ ‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’ ‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’ ‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’ ‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’ ‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’ ‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’ ‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’ ‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’ ‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’ ‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’ ‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’ ‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’ ‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’ ‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’ ‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’ ‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’ ‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’ ‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’ ‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’ ‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’ ‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’ ‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’ ‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’ ‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’ ‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’ ‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’ ‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’ ‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’ ‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’ ‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’ ‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’ ‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’ ‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’ ‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’ ‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’ ‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’ ‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’ ‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’ ‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’ ‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’ ‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’ ‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’ ‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’ ‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

[memitims]

“Why are we talking about noodles?”

[coconutscentedshawty]

Parents can break your heart too…. and hard.

[cleanthem-blog]

ooc. if someone could ask me some questions about V, I would appreciate it !

[cleanthem-blog]

pinterest drop ! if anyone is interested.

[cleanthem-blog]

DOLORES !

❝   you know, when i was first shown the house, the FIRST thing i fell in love with was that beautiful staircase,   ❞ it’s a story she’s told before, to SOME one or other in the house, but dolores does hold a habit of repeating herself. ❝   it WON my heart immediately. but i thought about it, once we bought the home. how dangerous it would BE for our children one day, that balcony.   ❞

@cleanthem​   /   liked for a starter !

                       SHE ALWAYS LOVED THE STAIRCASE. The polished wood, the window letting in soft sunlight. It gave the house a certain feeling... A homey, innocent, warm feeling, like the feeling of family pressed between her ribs. “I worry more for the ADULTS.” Eyes move across the stairs, she thinks of Ben’s feet, how they would be dangling directly above their heads. V wrinkles her nose at the thought. She never particularly liked Ben. She’d seen what he’d done, found herself shaking, bile rising like acid in her throat. She tries to shake the feeling away. Turning to look at the other woman.  “Children know to be afraid of falling.” 

[cleanthem-blog]

[character development asks] 7, 20, 33

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT // ACCEPTING !

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

                        V has nightmares almost anytime she can sleep, usually her dreams involve her unable to control her body, and killing her family, blood like ink staining her hands with filth. Her husband’s death is something she learned to ‘live’ with as something that couldn’t be avoided. The dreams of her children are what haunt her.

 20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

                      She compares herself to others, she knows she isn’t like the majority of other people and it does bother her, though she tries not to let it show most of the time. It’s a constant in her life, and even after her death she continues to do so.

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?  

                      V is probably a mix of being self-deprecating and defensive, if only because she is trying to be better, and she believes that she NEEDS to be better and there are times she doesn’t think she can get better.

[cleanthem-blog]

KENNY !

carefully, he takes in her words, the mention of death unable to escape him, far too close to home now. he decides not to question it, elaborate on it, content today to try and shove it away and keep in the present. easier said than done - at times.

“i’m kenny,” his voice is calm, a pleasant surprise. he watches her, thinks about taking a step closer, but ultimately decides to go against it. instead, he settles for more words. “did i… scare you? i’m sorry. what’s your name?”

                        WHAT DO THE DEAD FEAR?  “No... I was more surprised than anything.” Not a lie, but not a complete truth. She has quite a few fears, things that followed her after death, became a part of her. In the right light, he might see a glimmer of blood across her fingers, littered among the small chemical burns. “They uh, they call me V, nice to meet you. Kenny.”

[mgicks-blog1]

                           THE WITCH   &   THE LIAR !

ind. Cordelia Foxx Goode & Hank Foxx. of American Horror Story : Coven. as penned by xR !

( template // psd ! )

[cleanthem-blog]

Anna Chlumsky Edits ( 1/??? )

[cleanthem-blog]

❜ the one thing about the dead is they’ve got nothing left to lose. ❜ ( miss evers)

AHS : MURDER HOUSE PROMPTS // ACCEPTING !

                        NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE. V knows this to be a lie. She knows of the sorrow of the dead, stuck in a place like this with nothing to lose but nothing to gain. It is life without the important parts. A never ending cycle of trying to find something to break, to gain or to lose. “Only those who are truly dead know that peace.”

[phantomemes]

credit  /  feel free to change pronouns !

‘ tell me about the dream where we the pull bodies out of the lake ’ ‘ it’s more like a song on a policeman’s radio ’ ‘ tell me how all this , and love too , will ruin us ’ ‘ we’ll never get used to it ’ ‘ there are so many things i’m not allowed to tell you ’ ‘ we know where the sound is coming from ’ ‘ the world is no longer mysterious ’ ‘ it’s thinking of stabbing us to death and leaving our bodies in a dumpster ’ ‘ i like him and i want to be like him ’ ‘ someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure ’ ‘ history repeats itself ’ ‘ i wanted to be wanted ’ ‘ frequently i was finding myself sleepless ’ ‘ i’d like my money’s worth ’ ‘ we can’t punch ourselves awake ’ ‘ sorry about the blood in your mouth ’ ‘ you wanted happiness , i can’t blame you for that ’ ‘ a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy ’ ‘ tell me you’re not miserable ’ ‘ imagine being useless ’ ‘ there is no way to make this story interesting ’ ‘ i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything ’ ‘ he told me it wasn’t going to be okay ’ ‘ the minutes don’t stop ’ ‘ every morning another chapter ’ ‘ i wanted to give you something more ’ ‘ i’m sorry i came to your party and seduced you ’ ‘ you want a better story ’ ‘ i can already tell you think i’m the dragon ’ ‘ you still get to be the hero ’ ‘ i take the parts that i remember and stitch them back together ’ ‘ here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all forgiven ’ ‘ the entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell ’ ‘ unfortunately we don’t have that kind of time ’ ‘ it isn’t over yet , it’s just begun ’ ‘ things happen every minute that have nothing to do with us ’ ‘ i wanted to fall down right there but i knew you wouldn’t catch me ’ ‘ you are a fever i am learning to live with ’ ‘ everything is happening at the wrong end of a very long tunnel ’ ‘ i just don’t want to die anymore ’ ‘ you want to die for love , you always have ’ ‘ let’s not talk about it , let’s just not talk ’ ‘ you say  ‘ i’ll give you anything ’  but you never come through ’ ‘ i’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own ’ ‘ anything past the horizon is invisible , it can only be imagined ’ ‘ you keep singing along to that song i hate ’ ‘ this is the place where everything starts to begin ’ ‘ monsters are always hungry ’ ‘ none of us are going back ’ 

[cleanthem-blog]

did v enjoy music? if so, what was her favourite genre and / or song?

ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT V // PLEASE !

                        V loves music, though most of the time she listens to more classical music, softer notes and songs without lyrics. She likes to listen, to lose herself in the notes and not have to think about a meaning.                         V doesn’t have a specific song she would label as her favorite, but growing up she learned to play the piano, and she was actually pretty good, it’s given her a slight bias, if only for the nostalgia. The piano is one of the things she had to give up when moving in with her husband, and one of the many things she misses about life.