Oh no you're so right for this tbh
I know I was literally making a joke about it, but the whole thing about Grace meeting the lords in black and therefore contradicting her religious, spiritual, and moral beliefs, which motivated her every action and led her to this point where shes on the run from the police, all for a God that probably isn't real was definitely traumatizing for her, she simply did not have time to process it or anything, so she pushes it down (which, Grace isnt exactly new to repression, is she?)
And the fact that her chasity was her most valued thing. Not her parents, not her God-- because they had all abandoned her, they left her in this predicament where she had to fend for herself because actions she thought were righteous led to her persecution with no support from those who taught her those beliefs-- but her chasity. It was a defining characteristic of who she was, the last thing she had for herself. Maybe she wasnt the perfect christian, maybe she had no friends, but she was pure, virgin, and that hadn't changed. Until she had to give that up to serve the Lords in black, putting her between a rock and a hard place because it was either fucking a ghost, a sin, or letting multiple people die, also a sin. Essentially, she was traumatized and blackmailed into doing it and losing one of the last standing pillars of her identity.
This also isn't mentioning the fact that the guy (fuck i forgot his name😭) was literally an abusive POS (because bullying is a form of abuse) who sexually harassed this girl knowing that she wasnt and would never be interested, and murdered everyone he did because of Grace Chasity's actions. So even though I don't believe she voiced it, I'm sure that she viewed a huge chunk of it as her fault-- after all, she wouldnt recognize the harassment as such, especially since she was turned on by it due to her repression, she would view it as God sending her a test and she failed terribly.
