here's the thing. "ace people can still have sex" and "aro people can still be in relationships" are objectively true statements. this is because people can do whatever the fuck they want forever regardless of their label/orientation. however some of you have GOT to get your shit together and stop using those statements to undermine larger conversations about aspec identity. following up "ace people don't owe you sex in a relationship" with "ace people can still have sex in a relationship though!" is not fucking helpful! yes it's true. yes it's a reality for many people. however if we used our fucking brains for a second and thought about how following up "people don't have to conform to societal expectation" with "but people can still conform!! don't worry they can still conform!!!!" is counterproductive and very frustrating for a lot of people then we could get back to the actual point which is not "aspec people can still have sex/be in relationships" but "aspec people can do whatever they want with their relationships and their bodies". which they can, by the way. they can do whatever they want forever. and you should give them 200 dollars every time you see them for dealing with this shit
Hope yall don't mind me putting this here because these tags put things super succinctly:
Tags from @faebriel and @relentlessenthusiasmforthebard (if you want me to remove the screenshots, I will)
Speaking as a romance-indifferent aro who is in a romantic relationship: I am so, so tired of people using "aros can still date" as a way of 'reassuring' people, or as an excuse to erase or invalidate aromantic people.
No! Plenty of aros cannot comfortably date! The respect shown towards aro people should not hinge upon our attitudes towards romance. Value and validity is not defined by a person's participation in romance, nor any desire to do so.
And I'm mainly focusing on aros here because I'm not ace, but this applies to aces too in regards to sex. So many sex-repulsed/averse aces experience their boundaries being disregarded, or their identity being disrespected, because "aces can have sex though?"
The focus of a-spec activism should involve being pro-consent, being pro-autonomy, being respectful of boundaries, and dismantling amatonormative/bigoted/exclusionary systems and ideas. But it feels like the only "activism" some people care about is assuring the majority that we can conform.
