Things I Can't

[cliffordscum]

me: *having an okay time*

brain: you're forgetting something

me: what?

brain: you should be Suffering

me: shit

[cliffordscum]

me @ my bad eyebrow: i'm sick of carrying your lazy ass... your sister works tirelessly to support this family and u think you can just keep cruising through life....get a real job....there is no 'I' in 'eyebrows'...except phonetically

[softjungkooks]

someone: i genuinely care about u and enjoy having u in my life

The Anxiety™:

[cliffordscum]

don't you just hate it when you're real fuckin mad at someone but you can't do anything about it because you care about them too much to hurt them

[hawlucha]

irl: obama tells kids that bees are good after one (1) bee flies near crowd

fox news: BEEROCK OBEEMA UNLEASHES BEE NUKES AT SCREAMING CHILDREN, NUCLEAR BEE ATTACK ENSUES

[fuckyeahsmilingdogs]

[hadaes-deactivated20170202]

this is the kind of space travel i want my taxes to fund

[cliffordscum]

what I say: I’m fine…

what I mean: why did mike wazowski say ‘you’ve been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal’ to sulley in monsters inc, but they actually met in college at monsters university, which was many years after he claimed it in the first film?

[fawnbabe-deactivated20190422]

well mannered boys who are into kinky shit behind closed doors

respectful boys who spank you til you’re bruised

calm boys who only lose it when someone else touches you

[standarddivyation]

list of heterosexual boys who have not disappointed me:

Ben Wyatt

[standarddivyation]

i forgot about ice town

[nishlo-deactivated20151015]

it’s crazy that people who meant the world to me a year ago are nothing but a passing thought to me now and some of the people who mean the most to me now didn’t even know I existed a year ago

[workoutalltheunknowns]

I THOUGHT HE HAD KILLED IT AND WAS JUST BRINGING IT TO ME

[butifloveisagame]

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN

[mielnoir6]

Oh snap I would have died on sight

[lucidnee]

Nooo

[threegoatsinatrenchcoat-deactiv]

my cat did this once but with a baby rabbit

[eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2]

holy shit

[muse]

[deadgiriwalking]

I laughed so hard I fell off my chair. (x)

[louils-deactivated20171021]

SAV E US !1!!1!1!!!!’

[rightontheborder-deactivated201]

[gxldpvck]

[eleftheriatic]

TODAY IT’S A GREAT DAY BECAUSE IT’S MARCH 15th THE DAY WHEN DENZEL CROCKER LOST HIS HAPPINESS AND IT’S ALSO ANNOY SQUIDWARD DAY

[gamerwithamasterplan-blog]

Well, Krabs, you know what today is? Sorry about this calender…

March 14?

WAIT! That’s not right!

It should say…

THE DAY THAT KRABS FRIES!