faye ! @cliveloveruhhh - Tumblr Blog

Aug 10

I am You. I Am bleeding. 19k words , Clive Rosfield x Reader. chapter 1 , chapter 2

[ content included ; hints of murder mystery (who killed Joshua Rosfield?!?!) , Horror/Eldritch Horror, Alternate Universe , Angst , Reader is Disabled - uses a cane , Depressed Reader , Traumatized Reader and Clive Rosfield , fluff , not beta read bc none of my fics are , eventual romance ]

[ characters included in this chapter ; Clive Rosfield , Reader (you) , Joshua Rosfield is mentioned , Ultima ]

you can read this on ao3 here if you have trouble reading small text!

" You have to confess. There’s no way out other than this.”

Your brows furrowed, mouth hanging open.

What should you even say? Would it even make any sense, even in a world where the most bizarre things could happen? "

Saveme.

The mystery of Joshua Rosfield’s death had gone around for years. Many speculations and theories, thousands of suspects and accusations. Though not a soul could narrow it down to just one person, there were too many flaws in the way it happened.

Eventually, the whole situation was left unfinished and unresolved after enough years. His brother, Clive Rosfield, served time in the Imperial Front Lines as punishment for violating his solemn and political vow to protect his younger brother and Rosarian Prince, Joshua Rosfield, from any harm that comes his way. Even with the cost of his own life, should it come to that.

Upon finding Clive Rosfield alive, and not dead in his brother's place, it left him a reputation that led him to be outcast and eventually forgotten by the world as he aged, and known as a boy who was once cherished by many hearts—and in the end, hated by the same.

Upon being brought to confinement on the fateful day that the once-before-prince was found alive, he was unbloodied and uninjured, by a mystery no one could solve. A blessing from his little brother's own power could not protect him this much, and with suspicion, tests had ensued.

In the end, they could not come to the conclusion that he was a bearer or dominant, even after tormenting the boy. They branded him anyway, making him property of the Capital and the Imperial Council. He had become untrusted and broken down in the matter of eight mere hours, and molded into someone different in just thirteen years. Who had then reforged himself once more in five, learning to live among people again in an entirely new world than he remembered.

Only, Clive did not expect to be sitting in the exact same confinement room, with many things changed and placed in said room over the course. He had not expected his hands to be covered in blood by the time that the night had become late, and for someone to be sitting across from him; covered in more blood than he was.

He did not miss the restricting feeling of the ice cold binding fetters around his hands, a shiver escaping his parted lips ever so often.

You, yes, you.. sat in the chair across from him, separated by glass and a wall. Your hands were bound too, but only by simple restraining magick and not the cruel fetters. You were crying, struggling to find words to say as you also struggled to recall the events that had led to the two of you in this room.

“They’ll punish you as well, if you don’t say anything.” You could barely hear his voice as he gave you a helpful nudge. He had always been a more “hardened” person than you were, it was no wonder he wasn’t a trembling and speechless mess before you like you were right now. “You have to confess. There’s no way out other than this.”

Your brows furrowed, mouth hanging open.

What should you even say? Would it even make any sense, even in a world where the most bizarre things could happen?

That was the look you gave him. At least.. That’s what your ‘look’ conveyed. “No matter how ridiculous, you have to say something..” He recited the words the Imperial guard gave the both of you before leaving the room. It was no doubt they were listening to the both of you right now. “They can hear us, can’t they?” He asked you, knowing you would know. He said your name, trying to scoot closer towards the glass. “..Start from the beginning.”

You blinked and swallowed your spit, the aftertaste of blood lingered on your tastebuds. You nodded, fingers intertwining.

You didn’t serve the Imperial Guard, but in your line of life and the way you were raised—as well as your “class”, you didn’t have many occupation options. You could either become a slave to the gardeners that lived hours away from you and didn’t even pay minimum wage, or you could employ yourself in a line very distant to any Imperial work. It was the best option you had, and you didn’t even have to learn how to fight.

You’d be an investigator, someone who delivers information to another line of work more closer towards the Imperial Line and did more of the hard work you were already doing, for you. It pained you to serve in this line of work, even if you didn’t directly interact with the bastards that were making everyone else's lives harder. But it was either this, or you injure yourself walking all the way to where you would slave yourself away for the gardeners that would barely pay enough.

Living the life you did, you chose the “easier” option. You only worked when you were told to, which wasn’t much. Your constant mention of your problems with excessive movement for more than thirty minutes had done you good with your application. They didn’t bother you unless they had to and they still paid you more than enough.

“Seriously, it's like you have it easy. You’re like the last resort, and when you’re working, that’s the best option!” Your neighboring worker complained to you. Her ignorant comments didn’t get to you, just anyone would “wish” to be stunted by a disability if it “benefited” the oh-so hard life they apparently had. You’d trade away this disability in a heartbeat if you could.

“I suppose it is nice.” You had been attacked when you were younger, by a man who shouldn’t have had the opportunity of being a bearer. It was a terrible incident that you happened to be involved in, and the injury ruined your life. You couldn’t even run like you used to, not for very long.

It wasn’t as if you were immune from the curse of magick yourself, but you believed that some people didn’t deserve it. But you did believe that everyone deserved to see the magic behind… magick. When it was in the right hands, it could even be considered a gift.

“It is a pain, though. I wish I could work more, despite that sounding insane…”

The woman’s jaw dropped at your confession, setting down the stack of missives she had been carrying on her wooden desk. You quietly giggled at her dramatic shock. “I just mean..! I wish I had more to do sometimes, all I really do is come here when I’m told to, then I waste as much time as I can, until I get tired and want to go home.” You had brought your cane with you today, your legs had been especially weak today for some reason. If you could get the herbs you were meant to for the past two days without getting to your assigned physicker—before she retired to her bed for the day—you’d be very happy.

“But I should get going, I always end up staying too long by mistake..” You reached for your cane, using it to help you stand from the seat you borrowed from a desk that wasn’t yours.

“You really should be careful out there.” Her warning was a bit vague. You had gotten wind of a few things here and there, bandits and what not. As well as beasts managing to slip into places they normally weren’t able to get into, but that wasn’t your concern. You didn’t live anywhere close to danger. “How come?”

She groaned before she answered, “Word is Kupka is sending his men around again, and you know how they get. The Council obeys him, they don’t care who he gets killed as long as they find what they’re looking for.” Kupka had been at the top for as long as you could recall ever knowing about the man. You hadn’t personally seen him yourself, but you knew of his actions. For five or so years, he had been on a crusade of revenge, or so you were told.

The lives of many and the famous outlaw by the name of Cid had been lost to his Eikon years ago, and for a while now, someone else had taken up that title as the “new Cid the Outlaw”.

Even so, you doubted something as drastic as what had happened five years ago could happen again. There was a strict watchful eye of bearers employed by the Imperial Council to keep watch for anything like Dominants or the Eikons they wielded. It was strange to you. They hated Bearers and Dominants so much and yet they used them as their slaves, making them use their gift. They wanted the gift, but they didn't want to be the one who wielded it. All too strange.. If you thought about it too much it gave you a headache.

You were lucky they employed you in your line of work, even being a bearer of magick yourself. It wasn’t like they were going out doing tests to everyone that applied for this sort of thing anyway. “How come?” You ask, simply because Kupka had been a nuisance for the past few years, but if it was bad enough that you were being warned about it then perhaps his endeavors were becoming more dangerous. “He’s pulling out all the tricks inside of his hat. He’s using his branded as bait to lure that ‘Cid’ into his trap. A lot of people are getting roped into it, captured and whatnot just to be used as the bait. I don’t know.. It’s a whole big mess.”

You raised a brow at her explanation, but you asked no further. “Alright… well, I’ll be careful.” You waved goodbye to your neighboring worker and stepped over towards the exit.

The little joys in your life were the only things that could bring excitement now. You lived on your own after losing your mother at a young age, which had also been the catalyst of your disability. A whole bundle of issues, you were. “Thank you very much.” You did manage to make it on time, getting your herbs and your usual medicine. You apologized for your lateness before, coming two days late was out of character for you. You always had free time, you’d usually be able to time things better.

You stepped back outside, planting your shoes against the gravel pathway. Before leaving, your physicker had offered you some herbs to take before you walked home. “To help you get home easier” she had said, which you couldn’t say no to. Using the cane was bothersome, even if it did help you.

On your slow walk home, the empty road ahead sent a chill down your spine. It was always so quiet when you walked this path. It wasn’t as late this time, though. It weirded you out to say the least. “Quiet..” You muttered to yourself, brows furrowing as you looked around. But just as you did, the frightening sound of something being crashed into had gotten you to stumble back with a yelp.

You weren’t easily frightened, but the suspense had gotten you. “Good Greagor..” It sounded like a bunch of metal, someone falling into a few trash cans, mayhaps? “Um..” You taught yourself that you didn’t always have to investigate everything, even if it was technically your job to do so. But with the news about Kupka that you were told before leaving your workspace, you had the sudden urge to do so. “Forgive me..” You whispered to whatever god was watching you, having a feeling this would probably get you killed.

You’re able to trace where the ruckus came from, eventually hearing a low groaning as you neared the location. You said nothing, knowing you could probably run if you were fast enough. You knew this area like the back of your hand, you could hide if you needed to.

But luckily, all you found was a man lying on the ground. Not really lucky for him, though. “Are you alright..?” he was a bleeding mess, groaning quietly. You set your cane down on the ground, carefully rolling him onto his side. He seemed to be in more pain as you did that, “Sorry…” You hurried the apology out, swallowing. You got a look at his face, blood streamed from the side of his head. How badly was he beaten?

“There he is!”

Your head shot up at the near voices of men. You recognized their armor, their attire. Kupka’s men, sent after—what you believed to be—an innocent man. “Shit..”

Your hands left the man's body, slightly drawn close to your chest as aether was summoned to you. Magick manifested, a pretty green which burned brightly. The force of it which had manifested from your hands had been thrown at the men, flinging each of them back a great distance. “Alright…” You took a deep breath and reached for the man's wrist to try and pull him up, “If you can use your legs at all you best use them now!” You yelled at him, just loud enough to reach him. He groaned, but he seemed to listen to you.

Your free hand had scrambled for your cane as you grabbed him at some point, before running off as quickly as you could. It wasn’t extremely fast, but you were surprised at the speed you managed to do with your weak legs. Perhaps he was helping you and you didn’t know it. “You better not be a terrible person… this definitely won't look good for me If I get caught doing this..”

It was a bit of trouble getting home, it would have been much harder if you had nothing to rely on but your cane for your precious movement. You’d have to thank your physicker when you got the time.

Having an injured man on your couch definitely wasn’t something you did everyday. But you were always open for new experiences… “Hm..” He barely seemed conscious. You went out of your way to clean the blood off of his face, but you had no idea how to get his clothing off of him. It looked like armor of some sort. “Fine..” If you couldn’t get any sort of response from him besides grunting, you’d ask him in the morning. “...Rest well.”

When he woke, on your coffee table was a note and a cup of tea. “Herbs for the pain inside the tea, feel free to wash up” was written on it, you left it there before stepping out to take care of a few things. Confusion was what he first felt besides the pain, not recognizing where he woke up despite helping you bring him here. “Nothing else..?” He turned the note around, nothing written on the other side.

He would look around, but it didn’t seem polite to snoop around in someone’s home when they so kindly offered him shelter. Even if he scarcely remembered. “Hm…” He was offered a chance to wash up though, so he would certainly take the opportunity to get the blood that was still on him, off.

When you arrived home, the man on the couch.. was no longer on the couch. Instead he was standing, most likely going to sit back down until you walked back inside. “Oh.” You both said, slightly delayed from one another. “...You brought me here?” He asked, looking around your home. It wasn’t some secret lair or anything, it was just your house. Fit for one person, but a bit spacious. You would have put everything closer together but you enjoyed exercise when you could manage it. “I did. You were terribly injured and I saved your life, if you recall.”

He looked back at you, eyes drifting downwards in thought. Then his brows raised, “I remember a bright light, that’s all I can remember. Clearly, at least.”

It looked like he finished the cup of tea you made him, glancing at the coffee table to see the empty cup.

“Something… green?”

You nodded, pressing your lips together. “Yes. I shooed away the men pursuing you and dragged you here, and offered you my couch. Unasked for.” Your cane tapped on the hardwood floor as you stepped toward your kitchen, grabbing an apple from your fruit basket. “I’m sorry..” He apologized, avoiding your gaze when you looked at him once more. “I was outsmarted, I think. I don’t even remember how it happened, I should have been able to handle it.”

“Even the ‘strongest’ people lose sometimes.” You threw the apple at him with the assumption he would catch it, teeth gritting in embarrassment when it just hit him instead. “..Sorry. It’s yours, eat.” After all that rest he was probably hungry anyway. He didn’t look all bloody either.

“You are not angry?” Being angry at someone, especially the life you just saved for stealing your couch—when you hardly sat or slept on it to begin with—would be rather foolish of you. “Why would I be?” He couldn’t really give an answer to that. It’s exactly as you said, why would you be angry about this? “Don’t you want different clothing? If you’re being hunted like you were before, it’ll be easy to spot you.” It wasn’t like his clothing was dystopian or anything, you saw all different kinds of armor all the time. Now that the world was more than just the Twins to you, you also saw all kinds of people. But Dominants and Bearers were still the biggest deal, which didn’t make much sense to you.

“No.” He said it plain and simple, “I much prefer what I wear..”

“Oh, I wasn’t telling you to. I’m just saying you might stick out a little if you wander around wearing something a bit uncommon around here. But you look nice, so.. It isn’t that bad.” You took another apple from your fruit basket and stepped over towards the couch. “..Thank you?” He raised a brow at your compliment, if you were even trying to compliment.

“Now. Since you’re in the comfort of my home, I have some questions to ask you.” You gestured to your couch, then resting your hand on your hip. “Sit. Sit.”

The man stepped back over to your couch and sat down without a fuss, you slightly smile, but you’re quick to stop. “Alright, first.. What is your name?” You expected something brooding or totally unexpected. He has a handsome face, but he does look a bit scary to you. You were just slightly surprised that he was quite compliant with you, so far at least. “..Clive Rosfield.”

You raised a brow, the name brought slight familiarity but you couldn’t figure out from what. “Okay, Clive… Do you know why Kupka’s men were pursuing you that far into the city?”

“..I remember that they were trying to… take people. To make into bait, have you heard of that?” Luckily, you were just told about it yesterday. “I’ve heard. For Cid the Outlaw, yes?” You noticed how he swallowed at the mention of Cid, noting it down in your imaginary notebook of memory. “..Yes. I had been following after them and managed to catch them in the act, but…”

“—But then they caught you and decided to make you bait as well?”

He paused for a moment. Long enough for you to wonder what he was hesitating for, “I.. yes.”

“If you hesitate like that I can’t help but think that you’re lying, you know.” You contemplated telling him about your occupation, but before you could stress yourself about it, you up and spoke anyway. “I want you to know, that before I question you any further—”

“You’re…” He interrupted you. “You’re an.. investigator, is that it?” He was staring at the sewn emblem on your sweater sleeve. The sweater had been given to you as a welcoming gift into your line of work, it was winter at the time when you had joined. “..Yes. That’s what I was going to say.”

“The way you ask your questions kind of gave it away.”

“What’s wrong with the way I ask questions?” You looked at your shirt sleeve and stared at the emblem. It was rather tiny, you forgot it was there a lot of the time. It became a habit of you to wear the comfortable thing, you didn’t have many warm things yourself. You and your other habit of saving money unless absolutely necessary being the cause of this. “Nevermind that…” You set down the apple that had been sitting in your hand since you walked over towards the couch.

“Do you plan on taking me to the council?” His question was serious, and a very reasonable one. Your answer would probably depend on what he would answer with for the questions you would ask after this. “..No. Why?” You had no plausible cause to take him to the council. “Your line of work is associated with it, no?”

“Yes, but… hardly. If I truly cared about the scums up high, I’d be working directly for the council and not in the line of work that does the least amount for the council.” It wouldn’t make much sense unless he was in your shoes, probably. But you really didn’t seem keen on explaining everything if he wasn’t that much of a concern for you. “Then…” He stood from where he sat, “Then, I shouldn’t have any trouble telling you.” You would have told him to sit back down if his answer didn’t intrigue you, tilting your head in confusion like a dog.

Clive crossed his arms, thinking for a bit before asking. “You’re a bearer, aren’t you?”

“I am…” You walked around him, taking a seat on your couch to rest your legs. “How come you’re an Investigator? Does the council not ensure they are not making the ‘wrong’ people work for them?” A reasonable question that everyone would have, you had the same question yourself for the bearers they themselves employed for their own work. “I don’t use my power unless I have to, a very necessary ‘have to’ moment. Which is why the curse has left me unaffected, I’m smart about it.”

“I heard.. tests were used in the past, but.. the past was a while ago.”

“They did before, but ever since they made those bearers work for them and had them scour the lands and such for Dominants and Bearers, they stopped finding the means to search on purpose.” You crossed one leg atop the other, resting your hands atop your knee and lower leg. “...The past?” You inquired. He said the words like he was a thousand years old.

“..What I intended to say…” He hesitated again, giving you a rather serious look. You quietly cleared your throat and shook your head, “Whatever… secret you wish to tell me, It’ll be safe with me. I’d hardly have a soul to tell anyway.” Your only friend was your physicker and the woman from your workplace, but you hardly considered her a friend. “Even though you did just meet me… I’m someone you can trust.” He did know a few of your secrets already, didn’t he?

“Right..” There was no need to be hostile. If you really were that much of a threat, then… “The reason why Kupka’s men were after me, is because I’m exactly who they’re searching for.”

Your brows raised. It took just ten seconds for you to connect the dots, you weren’t exactly involved with the political or emotional business of Kupka. Especially Kupka, of all people. “Wait… you’re Cid?” One brow raised higher than the other, staring at him in bewilderment. You definitely didn’t expect to be saving Cid the Outlaw’s life last night, and you definitely didn’t expect him to be inside of your house. “If you’re Cid..”

You could very well lecture him on how foolish he’s being on not going to defeat Kupka right away, but you knew well enough that Kupka was a dominant as well. He could summon Titan in the blink of an eye and destroy everything in his path. You could also lecture him about going in Kupka’s traps, knowing that it’s a trap yet still going anyway. “I will say, you’re being a terrible outlaw right now.”

“I beg your pardon?” Clive—or Cid. Whatever you wanted to call him—crossed his arms. You stood up, using your cane to help. You really should exercise more. “You got outsmarted in one of Kupka’s traps and I had to save your life, and you keep going into his traps! Or so I’ve heard, from everyone I’ve come across.” You set your cane back down behind you on the couch, lying it horizontally. “Forgive me for prying, or whatever, but it’s been five years and you haven’t been able to outsmart him yet?” Or maybe it wasn’t that easy. Who knows, you weren’t a Dominant, just a Bearer.

“If it was that easy, I would have done so already..”

“..Right.” You turned around and stepped back over towards your kitchen, grabbing a cup and your pitcher full of water. “Sorry. I’ve had my thoughts about this mysterious ‘Cid the Outlaw’, and now that he’s in front of me, I want to say everything.” You took the cup with you as you took some slow steps over, “But.. just because you have a title, doesn’t mean you’re some sort of godly being. I knew that already, but seeing you in person reminded me of that.”

“And.. what is that supposed to mean?”

You had a way with words. No one could tell if they were supposed to laugh or take offense to what you were saying. “I’m saying… that everyone has their ups and downs, even Dominants.” You took just two sips of your drink, “Or, just people who have power in general. I have many ups and downs.” You noticed Clive eyeing your cane. It was a pretty thing, you had it handmade just for you. It wasn’t anything very special, but when it's someone like you… “I wasn’t always like that. Having to use this… cane.” You reached over the couch and took your cane.

“When I was younger, a man—who happened to be a bearer, ambushed my village. There were two others, but I remember him the most. He exhausted his body to the point where he was crumbling from the curse simply because he wanted to torment and take the lives of innocent people.

My mother died trying to protect me… I happened to get injured in the process, badly. I fractured one leg pretty badly and broke the other, not to mention countless wounds inflicted upon me. There was no real explanation for how it happened from start to finish, but I came to the conclusion that the magick he… withheld, had permanently affected me.” You tapped your cane against the floor just twice, faintly smiling. “Now I get pains and I can’t run for more than thirty minutes, and using my own magick exhausts me. It’s terribly unfair, isn’t it?”

You didn’t expect such a reaction from the outlaw. He looked genuinely sad for you, as if it had affected him directly. “I’m sorry. It must have been terrible, what happened to you.” Your smile diminished, not expecting him to really care as much as he was. “Well… it did, but.. I suppose I can use it as a reminder to keep going. The more I strengthen my body, the better it gets.”

“A lot of people don’t come back from something like that. I’m glad you kept going… I can’t Imagine—”

“It’s fine, really. You don’t need to feel so sorry for me..!” You couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t often you came across empathetic people, but it did always baffle you how they reacted when it came to sob-stories like yours. “...I probably should ask. Where do you plan on going? Kupka’s men are becoming a problem around these parts, at least that’s what I’ve gathered.”

“If you have nowhere to go, I’d be fine with lending you this place for a few days. If you really need it.” You were hardly home anyways, always going from place to place because you simply hated to linger in your lonely home. But if someone was there with you, then maybe it wouldn’t feel so suffocating to sit with yourself and your faulty body. “You would do that? Even though you just met me?”

You’ve heard of Cid the Outlaw for ages, but now you were actually meeting him. Even so, it didn’t feel as strange as it should actually seem to you, just letting a stranger stay in your house. “..I’m hardly home anyways. I go from place to place all of the time, so…”

“It is your home, though..” He carefully reminded you. Which, of course, you knew this was your home. But.. “I have no reason to speculate you’ll take my life. Or that you’ll do anything cruel, because I saved your life after all.” It was a silly reason, but for some people, it could be just enough. “Well… thank you. I’ll only stay for as long as I need to, no longer.”

A roommate was a concept you often thought about in your life as you grew up. You would have much enjoyed a friendly companion when you were younger, on your own with hardly any help. Times were a million times tougher when you were a child, without your mother to aid you and hold you when you cried.

You learned to rely on yourself and only yourself when you became an adult. No one came to save you, so you settled for saving yourself.

You didn’t save other people very often, what with your own predicament. Saving the life of Cid the Outlaw definitely wasn’t in your bucket list, neither was allowing him to stay at your place or becoming a friend of his. With how people spoke of him, you assumed he would be someone scary, someone who didn’t bother to listen to anyone except himself. You almost wondered if the title was given to him by mere chance, you almost wondered if he was unworthy. Selfishly so.

“There’s a village not too far from here. Do you think you could find the Chocobo Keeper?”

You rode a carriage out of the city, needing to leave specifically to fetch something you needed—which was outside of the city. “Um.. perhaps, yes.” The carriage fell over, which had bruised your side from the nasty fall from inside. The not-too-far village wasn’t anywhere inside from where you stood, and you had neglected your cane with the assumption that everything would go smoothly. “I can try..” The hour was growing late, you hadn’t gone home since you stepped out today. You recalled Clive saying he would step out sometime as well, you didn’t think to ask when he would be back. If you sent a stolas, perhaps it would go unreceived.

“You best not try, you must do it!” The man who had been giving you a ride started yelling at you, “Or we’ll both be stranded here! There’s beasts around these parts, don’t you know?” He couldn’t go himself, the fall had gotten one of the chocobo’s to step on and break his leg before scurrying off.

“..Yes.” You said no more, cursing yourself for forgetting your medicine as well. You’d be fine, you told yourself. If you took enough breaks, you’d manage just fine and get to the village.

Or so you believed.

Not even a million breaks here and there could mend your body’s exhaustion. “Ah…” You had walked at a slow enough pace for thirty minutes and the village still wasn’t in sight, just how far was it? Did he mistake walking distance for chocobo distance?

The sun was nearly set by now. “Just need a moment..” You told yourself. Your legs trembled and then gave out completely as you tried to kneel down. You wish you had asked your mother to educate you on the magicks of healing, she had the gift for it herself. Just like your mother, you concealed the fact of you being a bearer exceptionally well.

You massaged your legs in hopes that it would help them recover quickly, something you did to fool your brain. Sometimes it worked, other times you fell back on your ass like an idiot for being impatient.

The rustling of bushes not far from you didn’t frighten you at first, but the steps heavy enough to shake the ground just a little had done enough. Your body twisted enough so that you could look behind you, shoulders tensing at the sudden sight of beasts hurrying in your direction. “Seriously…?!” Your hands pressed firm against the ground. You mustered whatever strength you could to stand back up, focusing entirely on your strength and your legs with every step you took.

Running was ill advised for you in this state. Enough of straining your body to the point of temporary failure, and you’d be bedridden for at least a day or two.

Not even a minute before your body crumbled before you, falling face first onto the hard ground. You nearly lost consciousness then and there, “Oh.. no..” You had no strength to roll over, at least to see the beast before it killed you. You wished to be a little more brave in your last moments, like your mother had been for you. She always came to mind even when you didn’t want her to.

The warm, swift crackles of fire reached your attention first. Upon raising your head, the sight of it was presented. With a quick few strikes and blows, every beast before you had been vanquished.

He sheathed his sword as he hurried over, frowning at the state of you. “Are you injured?” He reached to help you sit up.

“…Maybe..” The moment you were upright, your body began to react as it was supposed to. Blood trickled from your head, an obvious result of your fall. “Ah..” The same blood began to cloud the vision of your left eye, leaving you frightened once again. “I’m bleeding…” Your hand pressed against your forehead, trying to stem the blood. You didn’t want to look weaker than you already appeared, but when you began crying you just couldn’t stop. “I tried to run, but my legs gave out… The carriage tumbled over, and he made me look for the village, to find the Chocobo Keeper!”

You sniffled and wiped your tears, blood smearing on your face in the process. “I walked for thirty minutes, and I still haven’t found it!”

“You do not have your cane with you?” You went everywhere without it, and today just had to be the day you didn’t have what you desperately needed. “I thought I wouldn’t need it…” You wouldn’t have, if things went smoothly. “I cannot walk.”

“You can get on my back. I’ll carry you back.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

He turned the other way to allow you to climb onto his back, which felt a bit awkward at first. You despised how your legs had come to work ever since they were ruined by that evil man. They were supposed to act this way when you were old and could barely stand, not when you were still an adult and living your life. It didn’t seem fair. “Did my head split open..? Did you see anything like that?”

Clive looked over his shoulder, “You are bleeding a lot, but I didn’t see any open wounds when I first looked..” A split open head could be cause enough for death if left untreated long enough. You fell pretty hard, even if you were able to walk you doubted you would have been able to walk straight. “I feel terrible…” You squeezed your eyes shut, unable to bear the pounding in your head. Clive slowed to a stop, “Is there somewhere I can take you? Someplace I can find a healer?”

At this hour, your physicker would be in bed by now. “No.. just home, please.”

“I’ll try to hurry.” He picked up the pace. Every step he took seemed to make the pain just a little bit worse, but you made no effort to complain.

It was easy to drift to sleep. Your body was often exhausted by the end of the day, it never failed to be. You don’t know how many stars you had wished on for the sake of getting your normal body back. You had lost count of the amount of times you had dreamed of running for as long as you wanted. A foolish little dream of yours, that’s all it would be.

“Mm..” An ember, orange-like glow burned through your eyelids. You recognized the feel of your couch beneath you. “Clive..?” You turned in the direction where the light was coming from, a bit blinded with it so close to your eyes.

“Try not to move too much.”

Your head felt a bit weird. Pain lingered, though not as much as before. It was like you could feel your flesh… moving, being pulled around. “What are you doing..?” Your brows furrowed at the warm, yet uncomfortable feeling. “Healing your wounds.” When he explained, that made you even more confused. Wasn’t healing supposed to feel… nice? “It feels weird, doesn’t it?”

“Mhm..” You hummed, eyes fluttering shut. “Don’t fall asleep. You hit your head pretty hard, didn’t you?”

“I was just asleep, wasn’t I..?” You muttered, opening your eyes back up to glare at him. “I’m just being cautious.” He argued back, finally pulling his hand away. “How does it feel? Better?”

You pressed your fingertips against where the wound once was, around the area as well. “The headache’s still here, but… it’s much better.” You pressed your hand against the couch to help yourself sit up, “It’s like you made my body go… back in time, like the wound wasn’t even there.” Your headache began to lessen now that the wound was no longer there, it was absolutely magical how magick seemed to work. It almost wasn’t fair.

“I’m not entirely sure how it works either, but as long as it works…”

You rubbed at your legs, you’d probably be stuck on this couch. Unless you asked him to carry you to bed, you’d still be stuck regardless. “Does it work on… existing wounds?” Your question didn’t make much sense, if you had any other wounds he would have healed it as well. “What do you mean?”

You had almost expected him to understand what you meant. “..Could you… do that for my legs? Make them better?”

Many would say that the impossible could be impossible if you set your mind to it. But most of the time, the impossible was just what it was. Impossible. “I don’t…” Clive saw the look on your face. He imagined you might have tried anything to fix what was wrong with you, but of course, not a thing had worked. “I don’t think it works like that.”

You deeply frowned, reaching out to drag your legs close, knees drawn to your chest. “I see.”

“Had I been there when it happened, somehow… I would have been able to.” He sat down on the couch next to you, “But..”

“If only.” You looked at him, “I’ve tried nearly everything. The medicine and herbs I get every so often.. they don’t really work.” You thought of developing your skills enough, perhaps to make yourself an aid to better your mobility. “If everything worked as easily as that, then I probably wouldn’t be in this predicament at all.” You took a deep breath, silence settled between the two of you for a while. There weren’t any candles lit, it was a bit hard to see him when he wasn’t standing near the window.

“Even with my cane, I still get exhausted.” Sometimes you wished you could fly, not a single need to use your legs if you could fly everywhere. “Maybe if I was a Dominant, like you..”

“Being a Dominant isn’t the best thing in the world, you know.”

“But the lot of you are practically invincible, unless you’re going against another one of you. But still..” You could hardly move your legs on your own, the struggle made you frown. “There’s ups and downs for everything. If I could have something, anything to fix this… I’d take the chance in a heartbeat.” With a grunt, you managed to finally move your legs off the edge of the couch, turning the rest of your body in the same direction. “Truly, I’ve come across a lot of misfortune with this power of mine than I would have ever liked.”

Clive stared at his hand, summoning a flame into his hand with such ease. “Perhaps I’d contemplate it for a while… but I think, if I had the chance, I’d give this power to someone else.”

You watched the flame wave about, tiny embers drifting up as it remained. “Do you not worry? Using your magick for something so.. Small? Instead of in a situation where it’s desperately needed?” Bearers and Dominants had much in common, but the endurance they carried was vastly different. “It crosses my mind often. But I try not to think about it too much.” That got a raised brow out of you, leaning just a bit closer towards the floating flame in his hand.

“Dominants have more tolerance than bearers do, don’t they? Tenfold?” You asked simply for clarification on your knowledge.

“More or less… I believe.” No one knew the exact percentage, but summoning the Eikon of which a Dominant would harbor is estimated to be a little more than half of the aether conjured that a bearer would, their whole life. From the start of the curse to the finish.

“That answers my question, then..” You moved back, sitting back upright. “...You remembered seeing my magick right? When I saved you before?”

“A little. Just the… color.” Your magick did tend to burn bright, it even blinded you sometimes. “My mother was a bearer, and she had me.. who turned out to be one as well. She taught me how to conceal that part of me, and how to use it.” You carefully pushed yourself off of the couch, pushing the coffee table out of the way. You beckoned for him to sit on the floor with you. “My mother’s magick was nearly identical to mine, but she had the ability to mend wounds. Only… less powerful than yours.”

You held your hands out, cupped together as if holding something. “Do you want to see?”

Clive had sat down just across from you. The suggestion of you using your power just for something like this worried him, remembering what you had said before about using it. “Are you sure? What you said before…”

“I know. But…” A gentle emerald glow had manifested in your palms, burning bright. “No matter how I live, It’s going to be painful.” Whether or not the curse came to you, your life was plagued with pain since you were young. It would hardly make much of a difference to you. Your hands slowly raised further upwards, casting a specific little spell of yours.

A beautiful barrier of magick began to spread and surround the both of you. “It’s always different every time I do it..” You could see little green stars this time, feeling a gentle wind on your skin. “My mother taught me how to do it, she did it whenever I had nightmares and couldn’t sleep. Her very own night light.” Your hands slowly sunk back down and into your lap. “She taught me a lot of other tricks, but..”

You grunted, the barrier began to flicker right after. “Please, you shouldn’t exhaust yourself.” Clive wished to remind you of what you had said before once again, but he held his tongue. “It’s very beautiful, but… at the cost of your health..”

His hand pressed firm against your shoulder. The barrier faded not long after, “..Sorry.” You cleared your throat and looked down, resting one hand over the other. “If I miss her enough, I do that. It still helps to lull me to sleep, after all these years..” You shook your head, not allowing yourself to wallow in your sadness while someone was watching. “..Those other tricks she taught me, I managed to branch off of them just a little.” You reached for your legs, one hand hovering over your foot. “With this..”

You conjured up another little spell of yours, the same emerald green now surrounding your lower legs. You waited a second before attempting to stand. “It helps if I have enough energy to even do so, but.. It helps me, if I really need it.”

“That’s… wonderful.” Clive could hardly hide his amazement at your useful trick. “If you could find a way, somehow.. to keep your magick from being so reliant on your body, it could really work. I mean, better than it already is.”

“You mean, reducing the use of aether?”

“Something like that..” All he was doing right now was just speculating, but he did have good ideas.

“Mm..” You stumbled a bit. Your body was already so spent, you probably shouldn’t have done this just yet. “It burns away at me so fast… I probably should have waited.. to…” Your legs gave out, eyes squeezing shut. The fatigue that overwhelmed you was nauseating. Clive had caught you before you could reach the ground, he certainly was strong. You couldn’t lift up your legs one bit and here he was just holding you up with ease. “..Thank you.”

“You must rest, please.” He had a pretty strong enough hold on your arms to keep you upright. “I could carry you.”

You didn’t say anything, only uttering groans. Your body leaned back and forth, struggling to stand up straight. You managed to nod at his suggestion. Not long after, you were swiftly swept up into his arms. “Thhhank you..” The words slurred out of your lips. You had exhausted yourself so much to the point you felt like mush, it was terribly embarrassing.

He easily found your bedroom, you assumed he had found the time to familiarize himself around your home at some point. “Try to rest, if it’s bearable..” You hated lying in bed, even with how comfortable it was, you had grown to hate just lying in the thing for hours at a time because your body wouldn’t function the way it was supposed to. The irritation didn’t reach you as much as it usually did when you were carefully laid in your bed, perhaps too out of it to feel angry.

He pulled the covers over your body, up to your stomach. “Do you need anything?”

Your head slowly shook, over and over. “...Terrible.” Your brows knit close together and your eyes peeked open, staring at your ceiling in the dim moonlight. “Mmh..” You couldn’t say anything correctly when you were this uncomfortable. “You feel terrible..?” He tried to help, looking around for anything that could help. “Do you need your medicine? Where can I find it?”

“Mm-mm.” You shook your head again, “Need company..” You shifted underneath the covers, hands tugging at the blanket. “..Unbearable.”

“You want me to stay here?”

“Mm..” You attempted to turn on your side, cursing yourself for tucking in the covers. It was terribly hard to move underneath the thing. You reached out for his hand, a selfish act of you. You imagined this would help ground you, make you feel less shitty.

He didn’t say anything, he just took your hand the moment you offered your own. Your eyes squeezed shut for a second time, and you tried your best to let yourself drift off to sleep.

Three days later, just three days later, you were back to your normal self again. You always had your ups and downs, but your downs were always so terrible. You wished things could be easier, you hardly asked for much. But maybe what you asked for, was entirely too much for the gods above to grant you.

“Thank you, you really shouldn’t have.” Ever since what had happened, you swore to yourself to never leave your cane at home, even if you thought you wouldn’t need it. Things could be going smoothly for you today, but you didn’t know what the rest of the day held for you. Right now, anyway, you were leaving your work place. The woman you hardly considered your friend—whose name you had forgotten—had been helping you.

“You didn’t come into work the other day like you said, and I got so worried!” She held a box of things that you were meant to deliver, just for work, you didn’t remember what was inside but you knew it was important. “It’s only right that I help.” She smiled wide as if helping you carry a heavy box was something worthy of a medal. But you didn’t say that part out loud. “Well… thank you, again. If you need me for anything, don't be afraid to send a stolas.” Even when messengers existed in this day and age, you much preferred to send a stolas than trust anyone with a letter of yours. Even if it was a bit selfish of you.

You waved goodbye, turning on your heel. You didn’t go home straight away, why would you? You had all kinds of places to visit, going straight home would be a waste of your day. “Hm..” You looked over your shoulder and back, contemplating where you wished to go first. You tapped your cane on the ground and switched it between hands over and over, figuring you should probably visit the local library. You hadn’t read anything in a while, it would be nice to pick up something..

Your shoes pressed firm against the pathway, keeping a good posture as you walked.

“Hm?” You swore you heard something, dragging your feet as you slowed to a stop. Just across from you, you saw Clive emerging from an ‘alleyway’. First, you stared at him in bewilderment, then you hurried over. “What…” You understood that he had to be wary of his surroundings, but seeing him hiding like this was a bit funny. “What are you.. doing?” You pushed him a little further in, just in case the wrong person saw him.

“Kupka’s Private Guard.” He simply said, as if that was a good enough explanation. Looking at him again, you noticed little specks of blood on his cheek. The shade covered him so well, you hardly noticed the rest of the blood on his hair. “Good grief… are you alright?” Carelessly, you reached for his hood. You roughly tugged it over his head, “If you want to hide, at least do it a bit better…”

“..Sorry.” He avoided looking you in the eye as you took a slight step back, “Did you see any more? Anyone that looked… strange?”

You shook your head with a slight frown. “No. I’ve been very busy today.” You looked over your shoulder, then onto your tip-toes to look over his. “You could come with me, I have quite the schedule.” You weren’t very worried, at least you didn’t appear that way, which was fine. He just didn’t expect you to invite you on your errands. “Are you… sure?”

You reached inside your satchel, which you always took with you no matter what. You smiled at the sight of your handkerchief when you took it out. “Here. As long as no one is very nosy… you should be fine.” A loose promise, but it would work. You reached out to help wipe the blood from his face. That was all he’d need for now, he could clean the rest later. He was more than capable of defending himself from any danger anyway, most times. “Unless you really wish to go straight home.”

You stuffed the bloody piece of cloth back into your bag. Clive didn’t answer yet, clearly deep in thought about his choices.

“No…”

You raised your brows at his quiet answer, “..No… what?”

“..No, I’ll go with you.” He briefly smiled, “And… thank you.”

You smiled back. “Of course. Now, come on.”

You travelled at your usual pace on your way to the library, hardly aware of your surroundings. If anything, people would think him as your bodyguard what with your frail body. You hoped people would assume the case, you couldn’t be bothered to argue with anyone that didn’t bother to mind their business in the slightest.

When you stepped into the library, you paid no mind to the bookkeeper giving you weird looks as the two of you strolled in. The scent of blood couldn’t be that bothersome, you imagined, so you didn’t say anything. “Hm..” You held two books in each hand, unable to decide between the two. “Clive.. Which one should I get?” You were a bit of a slow reader, one book could keep you occupied for a week or two if you had the time. You held up the books for him to look at, watching in slight anticipation as he looked back and forth between them.

“Well..” He pointed to the book in your left hand. “That one..?” There was only a title and nothing else on each cover, it didn’t leave much for imagination.

“Great..!” You walked back over to where you picked out the book, and put the book he had picked for you… back where you got it. “Wha..” He noticed immediately, “Why’d you do that?” He followed after you the moment you began strolling back towards the bookkeeper. “I want to save it for last. It’s better if I get the other one out of the way.” You nearly giggled when he sighed at your ridiculous response and said nothing more.

“Just this one, please.” You set the book down on the front desk, resting your hands on the edge. The woman across the table took the book quietly, doing whatever she had to register the book for you. “...Sign here.” She set down a clipboard and slid over a small jar of ink with a pen inside.

You took the feather-ink pen tapping it against the jar to get rid of the dripping excess. Before you even began to sign, you noticed how obviously she was staring at Clive, who was busy looking at something else. “Is something the matter?” You spoke up, letting the pen fall out of your hands. “No, miss. Please, sign your name for the book.”

“No.”

“..Excuse me?”

You reached over the counter and stole the book right out of her hands. “You clearly have no manners, staring at people like that. Don’t you know people have feelings?” Clive had noticed what was going on the moment you reached over the counter, stealing his attention away from whatever he had been looking at. “You don’t have—”

“No.” You interrupted him, giving him a brief look. “What is the matter?” You rephrased your question to the bookkeeper, staring right back at her.

“Well.. I just think it’s impolite to come inside any establishment covered in blood. And not say a word of apology.” The woman said matter-of-factly.

“And I think it’s impolite to steal books.” You turned around immediately after saying that and speed-walked out of the Library. You would apologize to Clive for leaving him there.. after the woman stopped chasing you. You heard her yelling at you the moment you opened the door.

You knew this city like the back of your hand and you could hide before anyone could tail you for more than thirty seconds, without even needing to pick up the pace and start running. You held back your giggles until you were hidden for long enough, eventually taking the time to skim through your stolen book until you realized that you had left Clive behind.

Just as you turned the corner, you bumped face first into him. He almost found your hiding spot, which you did not like anyone doing. If someone knew where you were hiding in this city, you’d have to make an effort to find better hiding spots. Which you detested oh-so much! “Oh..!” You stumbled back a bit too much, tripping over your own feet. You frowned in slight embarrassment when he had reached out to stop you from falling over, “..Are you alright?”

He made sure you were standing straight before speaking further. “You really didn’t have to do that. Stealing books are…”

“But she was being very impolite. I don’t much like when people are impolite to people I know.” You prattled on, clutching the stolen book close to your chest. “And, she didn’t even bother to speak up about it until I said something. Who just stares at someone and doesn’t say anything? Especially with that look on her face?!”

Clive’s grasp on your shoulders tightened ever so slightly. “Well… I appreciate it, but.. I’ll be fine.” Stealing a book wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it also just wasn’t very nice. “I was being a bit impolite.”

“Oh whatever. The book’s stolen already.”

You turned back around, almost forgetting your cane that you had rested against the wall as you hid for the last ten minutes. “If you plan to hide like that again, try not to forget me.. If you can help it.”

At his small complaint, you only laughed. “I’ll make sure to take your hand so that I don’t forget.” You stepped back over to him and held out the book. “Well.. I doubt I’ll be able to get the book you wanted me to now.”

“You’re giving it to me..?”

“We’re currently staying in the same house, aren’t we? We could read it together sometime, if you’d like.” You stepped past him and down the pathway you had taken. He didn’t agree or disagree with your invitation, but you imagined he would have liked to do something of the sort with you. If you had the time, of course. You were a very busy person, of course.

“And.. what do you want us to do with it?” Your next destination was visiting your local botanist. You wished to buy a few plants from him today, simply to decorate your home to make it look less… spacious as it already was. But the moment the two of you had arrived, you were given a task. “Take this wheelbarrow full of these old things, and get rid of them outside of the city. I’ll give you two plants of mine free of charge.”

You raised a brow at the reward, but you did like free things. “The gates aren’t far.” Clive reminded you, “We could get this over with quickly, if you want to.”

“Hmm…” You stared at the heavy wheelbarrow. “Yes, but I don’t think I’d be able to push it..” You looked at him asking him without actually asking him.

“...I’ll push it, I don’t mind.”

You smiled a big smile, reaching to pat his shoulder. “Thank you. I’ll help with everything else, of course.”

You stopped near a lake, separating the old weeds and dead plants from the objects that you didn’t recognize. You settled for just burning it, carelessly putting the weeds and plants with the rest of the grass. You threw each little piece, not wanting to make it too obvious that you just dumped everything here.

“Look.” You sat inside of the wheelbarrow. The thing was quite bigger than the average wheelbarrow, you couldn’t recall the last time you had seen one. “It’s the perfect little carriage.” You set your cane inside beside you, “Over there..” In the near distance, you could see a meadow of flowers. “Think you could push me there?”

Before he agreed, he rested his hands on his hips. “Do you just want me to push you around?” He didn’t seem very angry though. In fact, he was smiling. “You’re going to bully me?” You could very easily make him feel bad for you, but you said nothing more and smugly smiled at him. “Alright, alright.” He eventually—and finally—agreed. “It isn’t that far.. “

The ground got a bit steep as he pushed you over towards where you directed him, it would be fun if you weren’t feeling a little bit bad for making him push you around. You hoped it was easy, it looked like it was. “Another lake.” You gestured over to the bigger sized lake on your right, bigger than the one a couple of feet away from you.

The meadow of flowers looked bigger than you expected now that you were this close. If you had the energy, you’d go back and forth in filling the wheelbarrow with all the flowers you could. “They’re very pretty. Thank you.” You leaned forward to try and get a better look. “I could carry you over, if you want a closer look.”

You smiled and shook your head. “No, this is fine. Plus…” You leaned back, lying yourself inside of the wheelbarrow. It was hard on your back, but it felt good enough.. “I think I want to rest for a bit. If you don’t mind.”

Clive raised a brow, “I don’t… but, do you want me to stay here?”

“You can. Or you can go home.” Your eyes shut, folding your hands over your stomach. He most likely wasn’t going to just leave you here. That would be terrible of him, even if you said that he could. Anything could happen if someone wasn’t here to protect you when you were unable to protect yourself.

The soft touch of a flower petal against your cheek had been enough to wake you. Lots of time had passed, the sky a pretty orange by the time you woke. “Mm..?” You noticed Clive, who was placing a flower next to you. Without moving, you took notice of the same gentle touch surrounding your face. “What did you do?”

His hair looked damp, his clothes no longer bloody. He found a way to pass time, clearly. “Flowers..” He quietly said. “I thought it would.. be a nice surprise.” He stepped away, perhaps to steal another flower and place it in the wheelbarrow. “Covering me in flowers?” You asked, carefully sitting up. You felt dazed, just a little bit. Perhaps those flowers were poisonous and you’d break out in hives. A flower drifted down from your head and brushed against your nose before falling into your lap.

“Hm..” You looked over your shoulder, lips parting at the amount of flowers. “If anyone came across this, they’d probably think I’m dead.” You looked back to the flower that had fallen into your lap, pretty golden petals. The thought of eating it crossed your mind. “It’s very nice, thank you.. I bet I looked quite pretty.” You twirled the flower and set it back down, picking up another from the pile.

“It did make you look nice.” He complimented you, but.. not quite? You couldn’t tell, but you took it as a compliment anyway. You turned to look at him with a smile. “Why.. thank you!”

You then rummaged for your cane which was buried underneath the flowers, careful to not let a single one fall out.

“I did forget to mention… the other night.” Clive was still kneeled by the meadow, gathering a bundle of flowers before he made his way back. “It did manage to frighten me. You were just standing there, outside of your room. Unless you had done so in your sleep?”

You felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You let the flower you were holding drift from your fingers. “What?” You didn’t sleepwalk. You vaguely remembered a little girl in the village you used to live in doing something like that, always managing to get out of her house and waking back up in another one. That sort of thing. But you didn’t sleep walk, you were a normal.. sleeping person. “Done what in my sleep?”

You clearly didn’t understand, and that began to worry Clive. He looked at you and stood up, “In the middle of the night, just two days ago. I saw you.. standing outside of your room.” It sounded like something out of a campfire story to frighten children, you didn’t believe it at first. “It was so dark, I almost couldn’t see you… do you truly not remember?”

“I think I would have known if I ever slept-walked in the past before, Clive.” Now, you had a sneaky suspicion that someone was in your house without you knowing. “Are you sure that was me? Nobody.. broke in?”

“I remember hearing you say something….”

Another answer for no, you told yourself. Goosebumps covered your arms. “..I think I want to go home now..” Now you were deeply disturbed, with a million thoughts running rampant in your head. Had your house become haunted overnight, or had Clive suddenly conjured up the idea to play a joke on you out of nowhere?

Clive carried you back home as quickly as you could. You said nothing to him as he did so, too busy thinking about what the hell was going on in your home. When you did get home, the first thing you did was look around. You double checked every single room and didn’t find a single thing. Clive had been confused as well, it didn’t seem like he was joking around… he had triple checked just to help you and he didn’t have any luck.

He offered to stay and help, but you declined his offer. You thought better when you were alone, and you wouldn’t want to keep him for something that easily could’ve been something like sleep paralysis.

You fell asleep in your bed eventually, waking up in the middle of the night. You tossed and turned for a while, trying to bring sleep back to you, to no avail. “Mm..” You sat up, dangling your legs off the edge of the bed before getting up. When you stepped out, though, you didn’t see Clive anywhere on the couch.

To soothe yourself, you lit a few candles to lessen the darkness inside of the house. You didn’t think you’d ever develop your fear of the dark back from when you were just a child. “Better..” You dusted your hands and smiled, trying your best to ignore what Clive had informed you of just a few hours ago.

Afterward, you decided it was best if you tried to relax. So you drew yourself a bath with the hopes that it would be the key to soothing your nerves.

You shed your clothing and stepped into the hot bath once it was ready, gritting your teeth at the sudden temperature change. Your house was always freezing cold, though you enjoyed it that way.

For a while, you let yourself soak in the water and shut your eyes. You had locked the door just in case, if you fell asleep here.. you’d either die or wake up in the nice bath after a while. Your pruned fingers fidgeted about underneath the water, brows furrowing at the unexpected headache that came your way out of the blue. “Mmh..” It was instantly painful, you sat up, relaxed mood gradually getting ruined the longer it went.

The thud of something tumbling over and falling onto the hard ground startled you, eyes shooting open. You had reached over without looking, searching for the object with lazy hands.

What you felt was not what you were looking for, but a soft, tingly feeling of… hair?

You immediately yanked your hand back into the bath water, clutching it tightly and rubbing your fingertips. “What..” You frowned, looking around for anything out of the ordinary. You were completely vulnerable right now, and your cane was inside your room. What a terrible predicament you were in. “..Clive?!” You called out, hoping to yourself that he had waltzed back inside by the time you had come inside the washroom.

But no one answered you.

You cursed yourself and inched closer towards the edge of the bath, peeking over inch by inch. Slowly…. Slowly…

The sight of hair—what you had probably felt—greeted you. Then, it moved. “Ah..!” You jolted back where you were before you could look at it for a second more. Following that, something tugged tight on your leg and pulled you beneath the water. You had no time to scream, not above the water anyway.

Your limbs flailed and hit the tub so many times before you actually got out, slipping on the water you began to leave on the floor and falling headfirst onto the tile.

You woke up in a little pool of your own blood, still naked and bleeding. Your body and face ached, feeling terribly frightened. With all the strength and energy you could muster on your tired and weak body, you snatched your clothes and hurried to your bedroom. The door slammed shut, but you didn’t lock it—just in case.

You sat on the floor and shoved your clothes on, unable to keep yourself from crying as you did so. You felt every little inch of fear and pain in that washroom, you knew it was not just a terrible nightmare you dreamt in the tub. The thought of leaving your room terrified you enough, so you settled for using your handkerchief for the blood that was still on you.

You were still bleeding, you stained blood on your clothing in the process. Your hands were trembling and you didn’t know what to do.

The pressing footsteps of someone outside your door sounded. Heavy and loud, casting a big shadow underneath your door.

You called out Clive’s name. No answer.

Then, whoever was out there began to pound on your door. You yelped in fear, sitting in a bundle of it by now. If you were any younger you probably would have pissed yourself by now.

Your hands pressed hard against your mouth, scrambling towards the corner of your room. You had no weapons, only magick. Would magick work against whatever the hell was outside of your door? Was it someone, or something? You didn’t know if speaking to it would help, but… “GET OUT!” You shouted. The pounding stopped, but it still stood right outside your door.

The creaking of your front door. You could hear it over your pounding heart, figuring it must be Clive. He had finally come home.

When you looked back where the large shadow should have been, it was no longer here. “..Clive?” You called again.

He didn’t answer, and that scared you… but you stepped towards the door anyways. “Is that you…?” You peeked through the open slit of your door, opening it just enough to peek your head through. When you stepped out just enough, you saw him. He was a bleeding mess, looked terribly exhausted. “What…” This was the second time you had seen him like this. He sat down on the floor the moment he closed the door. It didn’t look like he was terribly injured… so whose blood was this? “What happened..?”

You frowned. You probably wouldn’t be able to tell him what just happened with the state he was in. “Come on..” You pulled him up, not caring for the blood that got on your clean clothes. “How many times will you show up covered in blood…? Be kind, will you?”

All he did was groan in response. You led him towards the washroom, swallowing your spit as you carefully opened the door. Your blood was still there on the wet ground. “Here….” You dragged him inside with you, sitting him down on the floor against the tub. “Do you need help?”

You kneeled down in front of him, avoiding his gaze. “Did you fight someone terrible?” When he shook his head—finally capable of responding to you—you looked at him, though not in the eye. “Then what happened…?”

He stared at you, squinting his eyes for a moment. “...You’re bleeding..” He said very quietly, reaching out with the intention to help. You took his hand into yours to stop him, you didn’t care for help right now. “You’re covered in blood too.” You countered, “Do you need help, or can you wash up fine without me?”

He groaned again, and then he shook his head. “...Too exhausted.” He pulled away, his hand sinking all the way down to the floor with a quiet thud. “Sorry..”

“...It’s okay. I can help.”

He was little help when you tried to remove his terribly complicated armor. It looked so simple, until you were given the task of doing it yourself and then it felt like the hardest thing in the world. Every layer removed came with an apology from him, you managed to laugh a few times after enough apologies. You didn’t know why he was so apologetic, but you didn’t tell him to stop.

You were quite astonished at the amount of scars on his back alone, not choosing to comment on anything you saw as you helped clean him. “Alright, this… might hurt.” You ran the soap covered cloth along his back, being a bit mindful of the fresh-looking wounds with every little scrub. “I’m starting to think you bathed in pig's blood and didn’t tell me.” Your lame joke got a tired laugh out of him, although very brief.

“Want me to wash the other side?” It was a genuine question, but it got him to look at you. “...What?” When he held his hand out for the washcloth, you set it in his hand. You weren’t aware he lost the ability to speak to you, it was only a little annoying. “Then.. while you do that..” You reached for the bucket of water—which you had just filled back up—and dragged it closer.

Your lathered your hands up and stood from where you had been sitting, “Going for your hair now..” You warned before raking your fingers through the strands, careful not to pull too hard. A habit you had with your own hair for no apparent reason. Even as you did wash it, his hair felt terribly soft. You almost wanted to comment on it, but you held your tongue.

“..What happened?” Clive finally spoke up, looking right at you to get your full attention. You pulled your soapy hands back a bit. “What?”

“..You’re bleeding.” He elaborated, “Still bleeding.”

“I…” You stepped back a bit to reach for the bucket of water, dumping it over his head when he looked back down. “I’ll tell you… after we’ve finished.”

“You’re hurt.” He sounded very irritated when he was tired, or were you just hearing things? “I know that I’m hurt.” You sighed , shaking off whatever soap was still on your hands. “You seem a bit too tired to remember just about anything right now, I’d rather tell you when you aren’t exhausted.”

“I’m fine.” He argued back with just two words, “...Please tell me.” He looked over his shoulder.

You rested your hands on your hips, taking a deep breath. “I saw something. Something in… here.” You pointed to the wooden tub, “Then, whatever it was… grabbed me. Then when I got out… I slipped and hit my head.”

“..Like what I saw before? The day before?” It seemed like you were waking him up, now that he actually wanted to speak to you. You nodded, “Whatever the hell it is, I’m terrified of it.” It felt a bit awkward telling him this, given the situation, but he seemed desperate enough to know right this second… so you didn’t bother arguing any further about it. “It was like some sort of ghost began haunting my house and it’s angry at me, for something. I don’t know.”

“I’ll stay with you.”

Your brows raised and you slightly frowned. “..What?”

Clive set down the washcloth in the empty bucket, “So you won't be alone, like before…”

You could understand what he was saying, even though he seemed a bit too tired to fully communicate it. You’d ask him if he was sure when he actually got some sleep. “..Okay. Well… if you’re done, just come out when you’re ready.” You were quick to leave the washroom, feeling strange after that whole conversation. It wasn’t everyday you helped bathe someone… but it did feel nice to help someone who needed it. Maybe.

When Clive emerged from the washroom, he walked straight to you. “Your wounds.” You had been sitting on the couch, just busy thinking out loud to pass time. “..What about them?” He sat beside you, reaching out without really saying anything. “...A moment.” He said nothing else, leaning you against the couch. He scoured your face for whatever wounds were visible, mending your wounds without really saying anything. Perhaps much too tired to do the explaining.

You understood, but it did surprise you. “Oh.. okay.” You folded your hands over your lap, allowing him to mend the broken nose and your wounded head. You were terribly clumsy, this was the second time you had fallen flat on your face and needed him to help mend your wounds.

It was quicker this time, and it didn’t hurt as much as before. You had a sneaky suspicion that first time was his first time ever doing something like that. “Better..?” He asked, pulling away and allowing you to sit upright. “...Mhm.” You nodded, standing from where you sat. “Much better… now I can get this blood off of me.”

When you stood up, and strolled over to the kitchen, Clive slowly followed behind you. You didn’t really notice, as you were busy cleaning your face. Though not until you walked over to your room, did you notice what he was… doing. “...Um. Goodnight.”

He didn’t say goodnight back, he just shook his head. “What now…?”

“Staying with you… I told you.”

You looked at him like he was a strange person. He was being a strange person, right now at least. It’s like the exhaustion had rewired his brain and turned him into a five year old. “Um, I know. We’re in the same house, so…” Again, he shook his head. “What is it that you want, Clive?”

It took him a moment to conjure up an answer. “I’ll… sleep on your floor.”

“...On my floor?”

“Yes. Just in case anything comes.”

“Uh… okay.” You couldn’t really argue. It’s where you offered him to sleep as a second option if he didn’t want you couch when you first let him start staying here. This whole day had been entirely strange. “You’re being quite strange, Clive. I hope you know that.” You opened your bedroom door, allowing him to come inside.

“You were very kind when you healed my wounds, but I much prefer when you speak full sentences…”

You crawled onto your bed and stared at him, concern written all over his face as you watched him sit down. His back rested against your bed, “The battle…” He muttered, unable to keep his eyes open. “...very exhausting..”

You peeked over your bed, watching him drift off to sleep so easily. Whatever had just happened, you’d allow yourself to forget it so long as he didn’t remember it. “Strange… very strange..” You whispered to yourself, pulling back the covers and sliding your legs underneath. You didn’t bother to pull the blanket or any sort of sheet all the way up, not even entirely sure you wanted to sleep right now.

Silence completely engulfed your come, save for the quiet breathing that came from the both of you. You hardly moved around, not even tossing and turning to try and get some sleep. All you could do was stare at your door, waiting for something to happen.

Your vision grew bleary the longer you held your eyes open, brows scrunched close together as the pain settled on your eyes. “Mm..” You barely blinked, glancing at your hands which rested limp near your face and pillow. Then came a burning sensation in your nose, and your eyes squeezed shut.

Like a gust of wind, you had drifted off the moment your eyes were shut for longer than a few seconds.

Or so you assumed. Opening your eyes to a much brighter room, lying in a different position than before. It was strange, it didn’t feel like time had passed at all. You still felt just as tired as before, but the rest of you felt.. strange. “Mm…” You pushed yourself up from your bed, greeted with a crimson stain on your pillow. The right side of your face felt.. wet. Your fingers pressed against the blood on your pillow, looking at the fresh stain on your fingertips.

“Huh…. ah..” It felt like the inside of your brain was a dripping faucet, like your brain was leaking through your nose. Blood poured like a fountain out of your nostrils, dripping onto your nightgown. Your legs dragged off of the bed, soon noticing that Clive wasn’t where you left him. Perhaps he didn’t remember what he told you the night before, which you honestly preferred. For the most part at least, right now you would have preferred if he was right next to you.

You nearly fell on your face as you stumbled out of bed. You had been sitting in your bed for at least another minute before attempting to do anything.

When your bedroom door creaked open, You stared down the small sized hallway to see Clive in the living room. “Clive..” You groaned, struggling to stand up straight. Your hand pressed against the wall to your right. You barely got a glimpse of his face before you looked back down, pressing your free hand against your nose in an attempt to stem the excessive bleeding. You honestly wondered how you haven’t passed out by now.

“What happened?!” He hurried over, taking immediate hold of you. Why was it that you were always in some sort of situation when he was around?

He carefully guided out of the hallway, sitting you down against the nearest wall. His hand pressed against the side of your head, trying to keep your attention. “Are you injured? Did someone hurt you?”

You blinked in slow flutters, eventually shutting your eyes completely. You didn’t answer any of his questions. “Try to stay awake, please.” He shook you just a bit, squeezing your eyes to keep them shut. “When I woke up..” You reached out and pressed your hand against his shoulder, not entirely sure what you were trying to do. “..You weren’t there.” You groaned as if him not being in your bedroom when you woke was the biggest issue right now.

“What?”

Your inability to cooperate was your own doing, but you couldn’t really give him a straight answer anyway. The reason why you were bleeding up a storm was unbeknownst to you. “You said… you’d stay with me. Just in case anything else came to frighten me… I think.”

He didn’t answer right away. Maybe you said the wrong thing, and he didn’t remember because of it? “After you came home..” You tried to clarify, eyes peeking open. It didn’t look like he understood you.

“When I came home… you were already asleep. What do you mean?”

Your brows furrowed. You very clearly remembered him coming back home, and the entire ordeal before that. “No… I was awake. I helped… you were injured. I remember..” You pat his shoulder, trying to get him to understand you. You leaned forward just a smidge, “After I hurt my head.. I told you that too.”

The confusion on his face refused to go away the further you explained yourself. “You hurt yourself? When was that?”

You sighed, not knowing why you had to explain yourself.

“Just.. wait a moment.” Clive stood and hurried off behind you. You muttered to yourself in frustration while you waited, all of it gibberish of course. He returned just a few seconds later, with your handkerchief. You would ask how he found it, but you decided on asking another time. “Here..” He pressed the fabric against your nostrils, it felt a bit uncomfortable.

“After you left.. I slept until night came.” You took the opportunity to prattle on about what had happened the night before, since he clearly didn’t remember. “Then.. I made myself a bath. A very warm bath.. to soothe my nerves.”

“Something fell, and I went to grab it… but there was something else there. I don’t remember what it was..” It looked like a bundle of hair, that’s what you felt before. You could have sworn a pair of eyes emerged when it began to move just before, but you never got the chance of getting a closer look. You thanked yourself for that, nightmares would have plagued you for weeks otherwise. “I felt something different. It felt like hair.” You shivered trying to remember, “When I went to look, it.. moved. And of course… I moved away, so I didn’t have to look at it.”

You couldn’t tell if he was believing the story you were telling him, but he was the only person you could tell right now, given the situation. “Then, immediately after… something pulled me underneath the water. For five seconds, I think.” For those few seconds, it felt like you were trapped. You remembered searching for the surface and not being able to find it for that very brief moment. “After… I got out. Then I slipped and.. hurt my head.” You pressed one of your hands against your head. No wounds, no blood either. “Then, after I woke up… you came home. I remember..”

Your brows furrowed. Was it just a fever dream? He didn’t remember coming home the way you described, he also looked much better from what you remembered the night before. “What you said.. about seeing me. Outside of my room…”

“I do.” He pulled away, just to see if you were still bleeding. The unfortunate sight of blood still pouring out deeply upset him. “Do you think it was something like that?” Perhaps a spirit really had gone out of its way to haunt you and your home, for a reason you were unsure of. You nodded, “Maybe it’s an evil spirit..” You tried to joke, smiling as you did so. “Mm..” You looked down.

“..I don’t think this will help for much longer… can you walk?”

You shifted your legs a bit, trying to lift each one up just a little. “Maybe..” Sitting here and allowing yourself to lose this much blood had gotten you quite lightheaded. You bled through the handkerchief tenfold, having to take multiple deep breaths between your earlier sentences. “I feel faint.”

That was all Clive needed to hear, lifting you from the ground and carrying you over to the washroom. What he planned to do, you didn’t know, but you couldn’t be bothered to ask. Soon, you’d apologize to him for the amount of times he had to help you. Even if he probably didn’t mind, you did feel guilty.

You dozed off a couple of times, waken up each time with the feeling of a wet cloth wiping blood off of your face. He eventually stopped trying to keep you awake. Your body seemed desperate enough for rest, and it seemed to help… the constant action of blood being wept from your face had lessened over time. “Mm…” You stirred, moving your head away from whatever was touching your face. “I’m almost done.” Clive reassured, going back to wiping your face. Just two more seconds was all he needed, anyway. “There, all better.”

When you finally pulled away, you opened your eyes back up. It didn’t feel like you were still bleeding, the dripping faucet of your brain wasn’t there anymore. “I’ve been..” Your hands pressed against the cold floor, leaning forward just a bit. “..quite burdensome, have I not?” You weren’t sure why he didn’t just give up after the second time something had happened to you. It wasn’t very easy to take care of someone like yourself.

“Not at all.”

You could barely see the frown on his face, he looked like a sad little dog whenever he was upset. It was silly whenever you thought about it. “..I have lots more downs than ups. It’s only now that I have someone actually helping me… and that someone is actually seeing how terrible it is.” You drew your legs close near your chest, frowning as well. “If only wishing on a star actually worked.. I would have been cured ages ago.”

Clive set down the wet cloth he had been using to clean your face, resting it on the edge of the nearby bucket. “I don’t blame you, for asking me before. If my.. power could help you, bring you back to how you were. I don’t blame you for anything that's happened so far, everything has been out of your control.”

Well, you hoped he didn’t blame you. What you hated the most besides this god-forsaken disability was others acting like it was your fault that your body didn’t work quite right all the time.

“For as long as I’ve been helping you, I’ve never thought of you as burdensome.” Perhaps he was just doing this because you were offering him a place to stay and you saved his life, or he genuinely wanted to help you because he knew you needed it. Either way, you greatly appreciated his help, as you did anyone else's.

Clive reached out and took one of your hands, holding it between the both of his. “You’re… my friend. So I want to help you, for as long as I’m here.”

“Your friend?” You mumbled. Your brows raised at the unexpected affection from him. In your years of living, you came to cherish each and every friend that had came and went. This time, you hoped it wouldn’t be the case for him. He was quite friendly, and very enjoyable. Why wouldn’t you want to keep him around?!

You quietly hummed, scooting closer. You threw your arms around him, almost squeezing him too tight. “Thank you.” He barely hesitated before hugging you back, squeezing you much tighter than you squeezed him.

Clive was out and about the next day, as were you. You both did not linger beside one another, but you knew where to find him should things go awry.

As usual, you had many things to attend to. Work was not one of them today, for the first time in a while you were actually glad that you had nothing to do for today. Your uneventful life was terribly boring for you until recently. You wished for peace and quiet, and peace of mind.

“No luck, I’m afraid, miss.”

A letter was delivered to your mailbox early this morning. Which was strange, because no one ever wrote you. You had no one to write to, not even someone miles away. An unknown sender by the looks of it. Enough had spooked you this past week, so you strolled on over to the post office for possible help.

Unfortunately, though, tracing where a letter had come from was not as easy when the sender was anonymous. You should have figured, but you still wished for it to be otherwise.. “I had a feeling…” You took the opened and empty envelope once it was slid back to you. “It gave me a bit of a fright. I don’t usually get letters from anyone.” Not even your unfamiliar grandmother and grandfather ever wrote to you, wherever they are.

“I wish we could do more, but something like this is outside of our skill area. My sincere apologies.” The woman on the other side of the desk spoke formally to you, feigning sadness. She was only doing her job, you could not be angry at her for it. “No need.” You reassured, “Thank you anyway.”

The letter that was inside rested in your satchel, folded back up. It was filled with cryptic messages you couldn’t decipher. All the words you could understand, but not what was being conveyed to you. “Hm..” You groaned in slight annoyance when you stepped outside, reaching back inside for the piece of paper.

You unfolded the letter as you walked down the gravel path, half-paying attention to where you were going. Over and over, you kept reading the first few lines and each time you failed to understand. Was this letter meant for you?

Your face slightly scrunched up in thought, raising a brow as you skimmed over the letter again for the millionth time. But before you could finish doing so, you had accidentally shouldered into someone. You stumbled to a stop as you turned around, “Sorry..!” You frowned, teeth gritting in embarrassment. You knew better than to stop paying attention to your surroundings, now of all times. “Are you alright? I didn’t break anything did I?” Your worry was exaggerated, clutching the letter a little tighter.

Before you, just a couple feet away, was a hooded man. Swallowed in robes, staring at you with an unreadable expression. He stood underneath one of the many lanterns that had been lit when the late evening came. A part of you believed he hadn’t always been there, appearing before you for a specific reason that you weren’t sure of. He would appear invisible if he stepped away from the light, masked well in the darkness.

His mouth opened to say something, but not even the quietest whispers reached your ears.

Upon speaking imaginary words, like a vexing spell, a splitting headache plagued you immediately. The letter drifted from your hands, your left shooting to your head and pressing hard against it. “Agh..” Your eyes squeezed shut at the unimaginable pain, somehow managing to keep yourself quiet as you stumbled further back from the figure.

But just as the headache came, it went just as quickly. Your eyes fluttered open and you stared ahead like a wild animal. The figure that was there, had vanished in seconds. Your lips pressed together and you frowned, forgetting the letter on the ground and hurrying off elsewhere. You knew just exactly where to go.

At this hour, he’d be heading back home. You gave him the task of acquiring the two plants you had neglected to get yourself, due to other circumstances that made the whole objective leave your mind. You told him to be careful wandering around, but it wasn’t like you could make him obey your requests. You just hoped you were on time.

And, on time you were. Just a mile or two away from your own home, you kept a quick pace. Unusual for you, since you knew to only walk unless necessary for a faster pace. “Clive!” You shouted, waving at him before you got much closer. “Something happened, I don’t know what the hell it was but it creeped me out.” You didn’t even give him a second to reply, continuing to ramble on. “After you left, I saw that I got a letter. I read it before I left for today, and I couldn’t understand any of it. Then, after leaving the post-office, I bumped into this… weird man all swallowed up in robes. I could barely see his face!”

You used to act the same when you were younger and were sometimes still afraid of your own shadow. Your mother had told you just once of your prattling, stopping immediately after realizing she had offended you. You did remember shouting at her for being so mean.

“He said something… but it was like he put a spell on me or something..! I got a terrible headache, and then when I looked again, he was gone!”

The entire time you had been talking, Clive watched with a raised eyebrow. “Alright, alright, slow down. Please.” He held his hands out, hovering near your shoulders before actually pressing down. When your lips pressed shut, that's when he began to speak. “...You saw a man?”

Before you could elaborate, you told yourself that perhaps it was better if the two of you spoke somewhere more secluded. You decided it was best the two of you did not return home for the moment.

You led him behind and between two nearby buildings, secluded enough for you. “...I lost the letter when the headache came.” You had been re-explaining the story to him in detail since the both of you got here, finally nearing the end now. “It was so terrible my hands were shaking, but… I was so stricken with confusion, and a bit of fear, that I couldn’t really… say anything?” You couldn’t voice your pain, not able to do much except stumble in the moment. “He said something, I know he did. But I didn’t hear him, like I wasn’t meant to. Or something.”

When you looked up, pulling yourself out of your thoughts, Clive wasn’t looking at you. His arms were crossed and he was staring down and off to the side. He looked quite… troubled, eyes a bit wide. Your brows knitted close together and you took just one step close, “The letter…” You had been thinking about it all day. But without it in your hand, you couldn’t remember everything. You had to make do with memory. “I don’t remember all of it. But, um…”

You cleared your throat. “..Sons of the flickering flame. When one candlelight is blown out, the other believes it can no longer light the pitch dark room just the same. But a hand shall come to the light, and bring the bright fire back to life.” You sounded confused just reciting it out loud, even though you said the words as flatly as you could. “Whatever they meant.. I hardly believe that the letter was meant for me.” Everything in the past few days had been happening too close to one another for it to be a mere coincidence. “..A place of comfort and warmed hearts. Where it shall all conjure, for the second time.” You recited another sentence, one which you remembered the most.

You could visibly see something click in Clive’s brain. His head jolted up and his eyes widened just the slightest bit more. “Of course…” He muttered. His arms drifted back down to his sides, “...I have to go.”

The letter was meant for him, the way he reacted told you that immediately. “Go where..?” You whispered to yourself, shaking your head. “I’ll go.”

“Are you sure?” Of course he would ask, you had been out all day and by this time.. you’d be quite tired. You understood yourself more than anyone, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep working your exhausted body for another two hours. If the two of you were out for that long. “Where I’m going… it isn’t close. If–”

“I’m going.” You rephrased your earlier words, brows furrowing. “Everything that’s been happening since I met you has been terrifying, and I really want to get rid of whoever or whatever is terrorizing me. So, I will go.” You were set on this, it seemed. This entire dilemma had been bothering you all day, you had a feeling that whoever you bumped into and whoever had sent that letter were the same person. And whoever that was, you had a sneaky feeling they had something to do with whatever had been happening inside of your house.

He said he would carry you, if need be. He felt responsible for allowing you to go with him, despite the potential dangers that may come. When your legs eventually grew tired, at the first sign, Clive offered you his back to ride on the rest of the way. You had dozed off for a bit, taking advantage of the quiet and calm while you could.

A whispering, close voice spoke quiet into both of your ears. “Closer, closer now.” It said. Growing a little louder. “Take my hand.”

It scared you so much you didn’t say anything. You didn’t do anything but wake from your sleep and freeze up. The sight before was a half ruined castle, you could see inside through certain parts. “Here…?” You murmured, pressing your hands against Clive’s shoulders. “Huh…” He didn’t answer. When you peeked over, he didn’t look alright. “It shouldn’t look this way.”

You frowned at his dilemma. He wasn’t having a very good day so far. “Where is this?”

“...Phoenix Gate.”

You tensed. As far as anyone knew, Phoenix Gate was a pile of rubble, save for a few things left standing. It shouldn’t look anywhere close to what you and him were staring at. “..Are you sure?” Your body twisted the opposite way, not seeing much behind you. It was pitch dark outside, not even the moon was out tonight. “This doesn’t…” Come to think of it, everything felt off. The trees that surrounded you—of which you could hardly see—looked… strange. A lanky, unnatural appearance. You frowned, “Let’s… hurry inside. Please.”

After much contemplation, Clive lifted his feet from the ground and continued on. When he set you down—per your request, the both of you moved at a slow pace. Before you could make it inside, you spotted something…

A figure, just barely visible. You squinted your eyes, stepping away from Clive just a couple of feet away from him. He was too busy looking around, trying to make sense of things. You kept quiet, mouth stretching in disturbance as you watched the figure twitch about. It looked like a woman, hair flowing through wind you could not feel. Your fingers felt cold.

It looked like… “...Muh..” You uttered out, unable to say the world. “Aa—” Your eyes stung and squinted harder, thrown out of your trance by a hand on your shoulder. You blinked, and she vanished. Clive called your name, you barely glanced at him. You felt him and heard him, but you did not feel his presence. Your mouth hung open and you dared not look in his complete direction.

When you squeezed your eyes shut and remained unmoving, he stepped in front of you.

“Can you go on?”

You could feel the air getting sucked out of your lungs before you opened your eyes back up. Your brain felt like it was dripping. “..Yes.” You lie. “I can..” You could hardly see his face. You hoped he could not see your avoidance of looking at it. “Let’s go, alright?”

You hoped—what you told yourself—this imposter would not take your frail legs for granted.

He took your hand and led you further.

When the two of you stepped inside, the shifting air reached your senses first. Immediately after, how different it looked inside compared to how it looked outside. It didn’t take a genius for you to tell that something was wrong. At some point, the both of you had been placed elsewhere without a clue until it was too late. You should have said something about the trees.

“This isn’t…” He spoke up, still holding onto your hand. “Where the hell are we?”

It looked like some sort of house, but with… unreasonably long hallways. “We..” You turned the other way, reaching for the door. Your outstretched hand reached for nothing but air, seeing an off-putting living room in place of where the door used to be. “...The door..”

Clive turned around, becoming just as disturbed as you once he saw the sight before you. “Don’t worry. We’ll get out of here, there’s always a way out.” When he tugged at your arm to follow along, you didn’t hesitate to do so. You squeezed his hand tight, despite your doubts. “..I saw something.” Your voice trembled as you confessed your earlier sighting. “Back out there, before we went in.”

The hallway you trailed down felt never ending.

Very, very subtly. You swore you could hear the sound of something stretching in the back of your head. The sound of something snapping and cracking, it made you feel squeamish.

“It looked like a woman. But she was… moving strangely, like she wasn’t human. But she looked so much like one.” Your hand in his had begun to loosen, you didn’t notice. “It looked like…” You slowly began to look over your shoulder. Behind you, you could see—in the distance—her trailing behind you. A shadowy figure seizing uncontrollably. The uncanny movement made your heart freeze. “Haa….” Your features contorted into terror, stumbling back into Clive’s body. “Stop it, stop it…” You muttered. Clive swept over in front of you, keeping your focus from what you saw. It seems, he didn’t see what you were seeing.

“Focus on me.”

You find that you cannot completely trust him either. You yank your hand away and stumble further. “What if it’s not you..?” You clasped your hands over your mouth, revealing your fears by pure mistake. “It didn’t feel like it was you.” Even as you suppressed yourself with your hands, the words continued to come out as if refusal meant nothing to your body and mind. “You were there, but it didn’t feel like you.”

Right now, you felt like you were spiraling into despair. “It isn’t you, I’m right aren’t I?” Your head felt like it was spinning, your mouth salivated as if you’d vomit right this second. Right now, you felt like you’d pass out. Right this second. You’d throw up on your hands and you’d pass out and you’d wake up somewhere else with the only speculation that all of that was just a terrible dream. That would be the case, wouldn’t it?

“It’s me, I promise it’s me.” Maybe he had never seen someone so paranoid as you in his life until now. “I understand that you’re afraid, but you have to believe me. Alright?” He moved closer, reaching for your shoulders. His mouth had opened to say something else, but the croak of something else had stolen the spotlight.

In the corner of your eye, you could still see that figure before you turned around.

The end of the hallway, there stood…. something. It croaked, voice scratchy and unusual. It’s body was lanky and unusually… long. A cloak-like fabric draped over its body, but it clearly looked like it didn’t fit, tears and rips here and there. Looking down at its left hand, you saw something.

Finally, Clive cast a burning flame which served as a light, barely lighting the way ahead. It looked so close but so far. The walls have moved and expanded. Now the two of you stood in a spacious hallway, with no way out. With that thing across from you.

The grip on whatever it was holding had tightened, its right hand piercing through something. The sound of squelching flesh and tearing blood gave it away that it was a person. Its hand ripped upwards through their torso, all the way… UP!

You had never heard the sound of a skull breaking and ripping in half, the squishy sounds of splattering brains and insides flying about. Then, the body was thrown towards you, slamming and sliding on the floor. You felt blood stain your clothes, tasted it on your lips by mistake. You watched as flesh bits slid off of your clothes, and then you stared at the body beside you.

A shuddered breath and a whine of what sounded like fear had left Clive’s lips, he stumbled back. “...What..?!” It sounded like that was all he could say, a quiet “Cid” stumbling out. You caught it, eyeing him and then the body. If this was the Cid you were thinking of, this thing had been keeping captive the old corpse of who used to be Cid. The one who carried the name of Cid the Outlaw before his successor.

“Who… who the hell are you…?” You have come to realize, even outlaws can be afraid. You heard it in his voice, felt his shaking hand grasp onto yours. But just as quick, Clive had decided to become brave again.

“Ah…” Just as quick.

Your hands reached and pressed against Clive’s shoulder, as quickly as you could. Your legs were starting to give out. Had it already been two hours? “Clive…” You still couldn’t see his face. Not even in the light, it felt strange that you couldn’t. Your head was starting to hurt. “..My legs. I can’t…”

The thing twitched, and you stopped talking. “What…” You whispered, keeping quiet immediately after that.

“What are you? Answer me!” Clive shouted, hands slowly reaching out for you.

Its jaw fell open, like a door off its hinges.

“ YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

you

what?

A stream of green magick whooshed toward it. Barely, it had slid back a few feet. It began to croak again, screeching like a wild animal in pain. Swept off your feet, Clive wasted no time to take you and run off. He probably knew better than to try and fight it, so he’d search for an exit.

You watched as the beast charged after you, unable to scream your head off as you would, had you not seen what you have. It just terrified you, you didn’t want to look at it anymore. You didn’t want to hear it scream at you anymore.

You whimpered and squeezed your eyes shut, pressing your palms against your ears and gathering the courage to pray.

You felt your body actively falling out of his grasp, like time had slowed for a single second. What you hit was not the cold, dusty ground of the place you had been in before, but the hardwood floor of home. Your home. Your house?

Your body thudded hard and rolled against the floor, hands slipping against it when you tried to stop yourself. You lifted your head, thankful for the moonlight that peered through the nearby window. You were greeted with the dark touch of blood on the floor, and you, now being stained with more of it. The blood seemed fresh, you were lying in a puddle of it. “Ugh…” You groaned, repulsed by the deathly smell that reached your nostrils. Your nose felt wrong, you hit your head hard when you fell.

Clive hadn’t said anything. You looked up, not at him just yet. This didn’t look like your house. You had your doubts about being on the same earth you were just on an hour or two ago. “Clive..” You quietly uttered, twisting your body in his assumed direction. He was holding onto something to keep him up, covered in blood as well.

You looked away for a moment to reach for something to try and push yourself up, forgetting instantly that you could not stand.

In this makeshift replica of your house, a blonde haired man laid dead on your floor. He had been bleeding for ages now, his skin pale. There was a hole through his chest, aether surrounding the bloodied area.

“That’s…” Clive muttered, whispering something incoherent. “...My brother..” He lost his balance, falling to his knees. Clive reached for his brother, distraught at the sight before him.

In your moment of rest a few days ago, you vaguely remembered him mentioning having a brother while you were in and out of sleep. You barely remembered what he said that day, but you remembered how… happy and sad he seemed, describing his brother.

His brother, Joshua.

Your hands flew to your mouth once again. A moment of familiarity on the tip of your tongue. A click in your brain, finally. “Your….”

A knock came at the door, one which went unanswered. “Imperial Army.” A male voice spoke from the other side of the door. “For withholding the location of Cid the Outlaw. You will be taken to Confinement and questioned, and a sentence will then be decided.”

You blinked, not believing what you heard. This didn’t feel like your house, how did they find you? “If you do not allow yourself to be taken in peacefully, we will do so by force.” You remembered that lousy saying, told you had to memorize it if any of your investigating went awry. You never imagined it would be used against you.

Clive softly called your name. You didn’t look at him.

Your mouth felt raw when you finished. Your fingers felt sticky and doubt lingered in every inch of your body. They’d brand you insane and throw you away, a sentence of life. You would wither, away from the public eye and forever deemed a monster for taking part in something you never even dipped your fingers in. You did not speak of being dragged here, embarrassed by your faulty legs and even more so as you got ridiculed for it.

The door creaked open. You had stopped crying about an hour into your explanation, the red rim beneath your eyes remained and your hands hadn’t stopped trembling. The man who had sat you down in this chair and ordered the bearer to bind your hands had come back. “For withholding the location of Cid the Outlaw, a year away from the public eye is in order. But everything else, can be excused, for reasons that will be withheld and excused as Magick Induced Hallucinations.” A year. It didn’t seem so bad. You’d be unlike yourself for a year, and perhaps the rest of your life after that. “Excused..?” Clive questioned from the other side.

“What will happen…? To him?” You pulled at your binds, trying to scoot closer to the man.

“Cid? Oh, he will be questioned for the murder of the late Prince Joshua Rosfield, and then further tested.” You knew what tests meant in this place, you knew he would be tortured and ridiculed and accused. He would be broken down and forced to rebuild himself. “...For a year?” You spoke through gritted teeth, tears brimming your bleary eyes.

“Would you have us keep him for longer?”

You looked at Clive upon the question. It was an obvious No, but you said nothing. “Be grateful. We are being exceptionally kind, this won't happen again.”

On Clive’s side of the glass, a door open. Two men coming to take him away, you immediately knew. “No..” You would not be given the grace of a goodbye. You still had so much to tell him.

Just this morning, you were doing nothing but reading a letter. “Wait… wait..” You tried to get out of your seat, wanting another look at him. You’d be stuck here too, but away from him, more than likely. “That’s not..” You whimpered, not saying the rest. It wasn’t fair. You’d only get mocked for saying such a thing out loud.

When you were taken away, you were not given the grace of a cane or any sort of aid. You were forced to wash the blood off of you, sobbing as you cleaned everything off of you. You vomited from the fatigue and got yelled at for making a mess, you were thrown into a room you didn’t recognize and were told to sleep. There was no bed, the floor would have to be enough.

Your voice felt raw, and your body ached. Right now, you really wanted to die.

HOW DID YOU LIKE IT???

guess who committed to another chaptered fic againnn (BOOOOOO)

I more than likely wont be doing a whole process of the... confinement thing. But if I want, there will be glimpses to the reader's time in there and stuff like that. I want to focus on the present (I say as i can only write in third/second person) in the second part/chapter the most , so don't get your hopes up too high!!

#clive rosfield x reader #clive rosfield #final fantasy xvi #x reader #ffxvi #fanfic #afab reader #angst

cliveloveruhhh

Jun 8

Everything Else 4k words , Clive Rosfield x Reader

[ content included ; angst , afab reader intended but can be read as gender neutral for the most part , self harm (not entirely too graphic, but its there) , depression , slight suicide attempt , neutral ending ]

a bit of a vent fic(?), not a big plot here !

[ For a while, you felt this unbearable weight on your shoulders. You've lost all interest in everything, you couldn't feel the joy you got from your favorite things , not even your favorite foods. ]

You collapsed today. You didn’t really expect it, not even when you felt so weak getting out of bed because you had refused yourself supper the night before. Not even when you felt so dizzy just a few seconds before it actually happened.

When people fainted, it was usually the time people started taking themselves seriously. You’d be kidding yourself if you told yourself that you didn’t start thinking about yourself a bit more, about your actions anyway.

You didn’t hurt anyone or say anything cruel, it wasn’t people you worried about. You were always quiet, you kept to yourself.

“You collapsed. Do you remember?” Tarja wasn’t here… you couldn’t remember his name, but he did stick around the Infirmary most of the time. “In the ale hall..” You didn’t respond to his question or the recollection he gave you, sitting up in the stiff bed beneath you.

“Have you eaten in the last twenty four hours?”

You shook your head, what good would it be to lie?

“Why haven’t you eaten?”

Your stomach slightly ached, the empty feeling inside reason enough for your fatigue. “..I didn’t want to.” Your arm slithered around your stomach, your left pressed against the bed. “Regardless of that, you must eat…” He reminded you, adamant with his words. “I’ll bring you some food, I want you to eat that, alright?”

The door creaked as it opened. Tarja was only gone for a moment, “Welcome back.” She was already holding a bowl of soup, the smell was strong. A bowl of soup just for you. You held your hands out, more reluctant to eat than you figured. “More people faint from things like this than you realize. But… you’re not exactly the most busy person here.” You couldn’t exactly make any excuses, you had been doing this on purpose.

You didn’t say anything.

“…Well.. after you’ve eaten, I want to do a physical examination, see if there’s anything I’m missing that could have played a part in what happened earlier.”

You did eat. You were starving, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to stomach more than a couple bites. You weren’t sure what was wrong with you, you didn’t much hate food before nor did you have a specific relationship with it. You just… stopped wanting to. You stopped wanting a lot of things recently, you couldn’t for the life of you gather why this was happening to you.

When you shed most of your clothing for a proper physical examination, you bit your tongue in embarrassment. The sight of yourself was an embarrassment in itself.

“Is there a reason you do this to yourself?”

There were cuts on your body. Almost fresh ones on your inner forearm, near your shoulder, some here and there on your right thigh. All the way healed there, scars remained nonetheless. “…I don’t know.”

Tarja’s fingertips grazed over the scars near your shoulder, your body tensed at the touch. They were more fresh than the rest, but that wasn’t really the problem. You didn’t care much for the pain. “You do not know? You just do it?” You didn’t say anything, allowing her to further inspect you for any problems that may be there. “….You lost weight, since you’ve last come here. And since I last noticed.”

She tapped your shoulder before stepping away, which gave you the impression she was done inspecting you. “I’ll check in with you. For a week, to see how you’re doing.”

You pulled your clothing back over your torso, pulling your sleeves down extra hard. “Why does it matter?” You asked her quietly, head hanging low as you adjusted yourself back to comfortability. “…What I do to myself. It’s none of your business.”

“When you become one of my patients, and I see that you are hurting yourself, it’s my job to care about that. I’m supposed to care for my patients, it’s my job to.”

It was going to be her business as long as you kept doing this to yourself and kept coming here when she asked you to. Only, some things were unavoidable, like today.

“I want you to stay another hour and try to eat some more of your soup, then you’ll be free to go.”

When you came from the infirmary, a few of those who had been there when you collapsed came over to see if you were alright. You said yes, that you were just overworking yourself more than you realized. You knew it was mostly a lie, you didn’t know what else to say without making people uncomfortable.

“I heard what happened.”

You stood in the ale hall again, the man you knew as either Cid or Clive Rosfield spoke to you. You didn’t speak to him much, you weren’t sure if he considered you a friend or not. Did everyone who lived here consider themselves a friend of his, and vice versa?

“Are you alright?”

You turned around, hands resting underneath your elbows. “..I think so.” He frowned at your answer, “Did something happen?” Your lips pressed together. It wasn’t like you felt as if you couldn’t confide in him, you just weren’t sure if you could. “We could speak privately, if you wish.” He gestured over to the doors that led to his bedchambers. Perhaps it would be better than to let everyone hear about your business.

You nodded and followed after him, dropping your hands down to your sides.

You stepped a bit inside, staring off into space by the time you heard the doors shut. “Was it something serious?"

The average person could say so, finding out what you were doing to yourself. You weren’t actively dying to some disease or anything, though some could beg to differ. “..No.” You just stood in the middle of his room like a wild animal, “It…” You bit your bottom lip, eyes narrowing. “It feels like something’s… gone wrong with me.”

His steps were heavy on the wood as he slowly made his way over to stand beside you.

“I feel so… dull. I don’t want to do anything anymore, there’s…” It felt like you were just bombarding him with things he didn’t really need to hear. It just felt unnecessary. “There’s nothing I want. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to wake up. I don’t even see the point in saying anything at all.” It felt like your brain had spun itself around and you couldn’t put it back. “I wasn’t always like this. I don’t understand…”

You held your hands up, staring at your palms, turning your hands around. You stretched and flexed your fingers. Nothing, nothing worked. “I don’t… I can’t... I’m just so confused.” You weren’t even sure if you should be upset, or if you should be angry. Even this confusion that you felt, was confusing.

“Is that why you collapsed..?” Your hands dropped back down, glancing Clive’s way once he questioned you. “…Because you don’t want to eat?”

“…Yes.” Your tastebuds had gone numb. Not even the soup you ate earlier gave you much joy like food used to, even if it did taste good. That wasn’t the issue. The taste was still there, but the

“All of this just.. happened out of the blue? Nothing happened that could have… given you a reason?”

Your eyes narrowed. You couldn’t recall anything if you tried; these days seemed so long it felt like everything was just starting to blur together now.

“You don’t have to tell me, not if you don’t want to. I only want to know if anything happened.”

You held your breath anyway, shaking your head. “No,” you bit at your bottom lip, teeth pulling at and peeling the small bits of dead skin. “not a thing.” You could feel a weight settling itself on your shoulders like it was going to be there for a while. It felt so terribly heavy, and it brought you such feelings. You would assume it as sadness, a feeling you were growing to miss. “Just…”

You swayed a bit, back and forth, “I felt so havy, all of the sudden. Like an anchor that needs hundreds of hands to lift it onto its ship, but there just isn’t enough people.” Explaining yourself in metaphors made you feel like a child, without access to a good enough vocabulary, using silly words to convey these complicated feelings. “I just lie there until I force myself up, but it’s just not enough… I feel heavier than before each time.”

You wouldn’t expect him to know. Of course, he leads the place you call home and has troubles and hardships of his own. He had certainly been through a thing or two. But could he understand just exactly what you were feeling? Or was it simply alien to him, too much that he wouldn’t bother trying to?

“It feels like I’m sad and confused, all jumbled into one. So much that I can’t even explain it, I don’t know if I’m sad or confused or angry or anything.” You rested your hand against your face, your palm covered your left eye. “I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.” You looked all the way down,

“These feelings you describe… they feel familiar. Most of it.” Clive gestured over to his bed to offer you somewhere to sit. You went ahead, not looking back up just yet. There was this shame that came with looking him in the eye.

When he sat back down, he continued to speak. “Back when my mother had thrown me into the Imperial Frontlines. A little while after my anger had settled, and other feelings came along; almost overwhelming that… rage, and want for revenge.”

“I tried my hardest, did everything that was expected of me, back then. That was what kept me… blinded for a while. But then, out of the blue, everything just crashed down on me. For so long I just couldn’t understand why I was so…” He shook his head, unable to find the words to describe it. “It felt like a terrible weight on my shoulders that I couldn’t get rid off. Sometimes I think I still feel it.”

“The day I had found out I was the second dominant of fire… that, too, gave me that feeling. It was much worse, trying to get used to freedom once more; what little I had of it. Everything I still felt weighed heavily on me, only to discover the one I was looking for was right in front of me.”

You heard of his past of serving the Imperial Frontlines, though not of how he had come to discover he was a dominant. Not that it was any of your business of course.

“You have had reasons to feel the way you did.” You did not wish to undermine his pain or make it seem lesser compared to yours. But it was not what you wished to hear. “You know why you felt that way. I...”

“I only wish to say..” He quickly said, “These feelings just seem to… come. With or without explanation.”

Your lips pressed together, hands resting neatly on your lap. “...I will feel this way forever?”

“No..!” Clive immediately denied your question. He refused that idea the moment you proposed it. “These feelings have come, and they will go. With time, they’ll be gone.”

The feelings would come and go, but they would always come back. That was what you gathered. Not everything would always be in your favor, you learned that pretty early on in life. Even so, it did tend to hurt a bit whenever you were harshly reminded of that obvious fact.

“...Of course.” Your hands came together, fingers loosely intertwined. Bringing them close to your face, your lips barely pressed against your index fingers. “If I just keep telling myself that, perhaps… it’ll come true.”

When you left Clive’s bedchambers, you felt… incomplete. You had selfishly assumed that he would ail you completely, that his words would give you the answer you searched for. You wanted to find the absolute belief in him that others had. You did not want to tell yourself you did not believe in him, you were still alive today because he happened to save your life.

You knew that. Even so, you wished that somehow, he’d be able to save you again. It was unrealistic and selfish of you, so unbearably selfish.

You left The Hideaway with a stolen kitchen knife as your only way of defense. You paid Obolus to take you somewhere, anywhere where you could stop and walk for a while.

You had stuffed the knife in a small little satchel you only used when Tarja bugged you about leaving the hideaway to help others gather herbs for the infirmary. “To get yourself out and about once in a while”, she often says. You did whatever she asked, simply because you had nothing better to do than the chores you assigned for yourself.

You didn’t often wander around because you couldn’t really defend yourself. Whenever you did go out, one of the cursebreakers tagged along with the small group you travelled alongside, just a way of protection. But today you were alone, filled with more questions than you were the day before.

By the time an hour or so had passed, you imagined at least one person would be wondering where you are. Obolus at the very least, who questioned why you were leaving and didn’t say the reason why. Perhaps he could’ve gotten someone to bring you home, or maybe he did not care enough for you at all to do anything about it.

You did not care either way, you’d come back home regardless.

You climbed a small sized mountain to exhaust yourself, You went back down, still not wanting to go back home just yet. You came across a few rabbits, the sight of them did not bring you much joy as you expected. Not even the pretty sights of flowers that you found small joy in finding whenever you left the hideaway in the past.

Even the little things did not have any effect on you.

You found somewhere to sit, near a lake with tall grass. You had a bit of trouble getting that flimsy satchel off of your body, cutting your hand by mistake when you searched for the knife inside. You flinched, pulling your hand back to look at the cut. It was small, barely anything serious.

Your gritted teeth slowly separated, your thumb ran over the cut, smearing the blood on your skin. You pressed into that cut, holding your breath at the pain that shot through.

Your hands slowly separated from one another, drifting back down to the grass beneath you.

You reached back out for the knife. You made sure you held it tight, staring at your left hand. You turned it over, pressing the blade into your palm. Your breath shuddered its way out of you at the stinging pain. Tears brimmed at the way it burned, but it was exactly what you had been looking for.

You bled and still you did not stop. You allowed yourself to cut into your inner forearm, chasing this feeling you once thought would hardly affect you, even now.

It hurt to bend your fingers after a while, to even let your limbs move. You cut into the inside and back of your hand, watching your blood flow out of you like water. You hoped for a reaction from yourself, to vomit at the sight of your unbecoming.

You did not react. Not the way you truly wished, it angered you; at least you wanted to think so.

You felt a lump in your throat, you wished to cry. You pressed your hands against your face, smearing the blood from your palm onto your cheeks and your mouth.

Your hands moved lower, fingernails running along your neck, pressing deeper and deeper. It did nothing but bring you pain, a very temporary solution. A feeling, yes, but not the type of feeling you chased.

When you heard your name, you nearly hesitated to look and see who it was. Someone had come to come and get you after all.

It was Clive, someone you did not expect him to come after you, not even after the talk you had the day before.

He slowed to a stop when he noticed the blood on your face. “What…” The moment his eyes had trailed downward, you could physically see a look of horror on his face. He remained where he was for a few more seconds before hurrying over. He didn’t look any longer than he had to, it was a terrible sight, he would obviously think so.

“Why would you….?”

His hands rested on your shoulders. He wanted you to look at him, it felt that way. You did not. “Please, tell me why. Why would you do this to yourself?” Your head hung low, hands reaching out and pressing against his chest. Just to push him away, only a little. He let go when you did that.

“I thought I would…” You could feel yourself choking up, mistaking the urges your body gave you as a want to cry. Your right hand clamped over your mouth, scooting yourself a way some to be somewhat far from him. You didn’t want to vomit all over him.

His hand rested on your back. You could tell he did not know what to say.

You managed to swallow whatever wished to come back up all the way back down, “It didn’t work..” a thin string of spit followed from your palm when you pulled away. Right now, you felt very lightheaded. “It hurt me for a moment… I thought it would work..”

The lump in your throat continued to ache. You could feel your hands shaking. You shook your head. “It didn’t fix me…”

Clive let out a shuddering breath. You had hurt yourself this much simply to chase a feeling that wouldn’t come from this alone. You could not find an answer from this, yet you kept trying anyway. “No, no…” He reached out again, swallowing at the horrific sight once more. He did not mean to look. “It will only become worse if you continue to hurt yourself like this, the answer you seek isn’t here. Far from it.”

You did not say anything. You only stared at the grass, how the wind pushed the water from the lake a little closer more and more.

A slow exhale, you could feel your body letting go. You were crying, it did not feel like you were. “I’m sorry…” Your head lifted, ever so slowly. You looked at him.

Your hands came together, fingers loosely intertwined. You dragged your hands up, near your face; again.

“...It’s going to be like this forever.”

Regrettably, you smiled. You felt so terrible, and all you could do was smile and cry. You felt like a jester, making a fool of itself for his king.

You knew every word he told you the day before, every word of encouragement was a lie. You let him believe you’d try to believe in them. You could do nothing but apologize for deceiving him, even if he would not blame you.

“That isn’t true.” Clive reached out again, resting his hand on your shoulder. “Please, please don’t think that way.”

Your hands sunk back down to the ground.

You must have passed out, seeing as you closed your eyes and remembered absolutely nothing after that. You woke back up feeling aching pains all over your body. You did not like the infirmary, it felt like you were being judged the entire time you were there.

You were there because of what you did and now you had to wait until you were good enough to leave, only to up and do something again worthy enough to put you back inside.

The hour was late when you woke, you took that to your advantage and left the infirmary the moment you got out of bed.

You were dressed in a hand-me-down nightgown which covered your arms and legs, stopping where you could see the docks from all the way down below. Right now, you really wanted to cry. It felt like you weren’t done, like you haven’t shed all the tears you had been wanting to for so long.

When you couldn’t sleep, you could often hear the very quiet press of Clive’s shoes against the floorboards. You were not surprised to hear him call out your name.

When you turned just enough to look at him, you were crying, eyes a bit wide.

On your own whim, twice now. It was almost enough to make you believe that what he said was true.

He did not say anything, not even asking why you were out of bed. First, he hurried over. You did not expect a hug from him, but he gave you one. It was terribly warm, like you expected, a contrast to the chilling cold you felt on your bones right now. “I was so worried.” You could feel him squeeze tighter. He really was worried, you didn’t really doubt that he was.. “Please, please don’t do that again.”

You didn’t hug him back, you weren’t sure if you should. Instead, you just took a step back; pulling away. “I really…” Your teeth gritted, lips stretching back in a frown. You looked down, “I really felt like a child, saying all of that…. I’m sorry.”

“None of this is your fault.”

“Of course it is.” You could pull up your sleeves and show him the bandages, or unravel them and show the stitches you felt underneath. You did neither. “...I woke up in the infirmary because of what I did to myself.” Your fingers stretched out. You made no movements.

You would have crossed your arms by now, or reached for one of them. Anything to perhaps close in on yourself, pull yourself further from anyone's willful grasp. “Everything that’s happening to me.”

Right now, the air felt weird. “Don’t say that.”

You didn’t say anything else, biting your tongue.

Slowly, you made your way past him. You picked up the pace as you went on, heading in the direction of the infirmary. Clive caught up after realizing you were far enough, you made no effort to make the distance any bigger.

He stepped into the infirmary close behind you.

You spun around, pushing him out with all the strength you could muster. You slammed the door shut, holding the doorknob in place until you could actually lock the door. You were surprised this room had a lock at all, without a key, as well.

Clive tried to open the door, to no avail. He knocked on the door repeatedly, but you did not open it. “What are you doing?”

You stumbled back, staring at the door. There was no one else in this room except you. “I don’t like this, please open the door..!” He pleaded with you, but you did not answer. You turned around, opening drawers and scrambling through things until you found something sufficient enough. Tarja’s scalpel, what she… usually used for procedures like removing a bearer’s brand.

“Please, don’t do anything stupid. Just open the door.” He didn’t pound on the door too hard, but he didn’t really care for being loud. He was helpless right now, it was better if you just hurried it up.

Was this what you wanted?

Your left hand held the scalpel, as best as you could. It still hurt to do anything with it, it must not have been very long since you hurt yourself as badly as you did.

The metal was cold against your skin. It was so sharp, if you breathed wrong you’d cut yourself.

When the door blasted open, you nearly would have. You stumbled back as you turned around, the scalpel didn’t leave your hand. Not until he rushed over and snatched it away. He threw it across the room with ease. “What are you doing..?!” You certainly were stressing him out tonight. You wished you hadn’t told him everything. “You… you can’t…”

There were clearly so many things he wished to say. He settled for another hug, less sudden than before. “I’ll do anything, anything I can to help you. To… to help you feel everything you want to again.” You never imagined he’d stammer as much as he did today, you never thought you’d see him so scared either. “I don’t want to see you leave this way. Not when there’s a chance.”

You’d use his motives against him, that it was just you leaving on your own terms. He fought so hard for it, didn’t he?

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” He shook his head, “Please, don’t apologize.”

You looked over, staring at the scalpel on the ground. You could make a run for it, jam the blade into your neck if you really wanted to. You wanted to tell him it wouldn’t ever work, that you had fallen down a hole without a way out. “I want to believe you.”

He pulled away, hands not leaving your shoulders just yet. “It’ll take time, especially this. But it won’t last, I promise you that.” Your lips pressed together, eyes downcast as he promised you. Every word was true, you did not think he had a single reason to lie to you. “I promise.”

His hands slid down to your arms before eventually pulling away.

“...Okay.”

thank you for reading! I've been having a bit of a hard time lately so i thought maybe writing it out could help...... i may be writing a second part to this so stay tuned for that!

speaking of those WIP'S i mentioned in my last post, i've been neglecting them so bad that idk if i'll even touch them at all LMAO but... if u guys really do want to see them , lmk!

#clive rosfield x reader #clive rosfield #final fantasy xvi #x reader #ffxvi #fanfic #afab reader #angst

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