I Hate My Job

Portrait of Jane Prentiss, drawn from memory

And so it begins

The makings of a Web

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Case #023-U1, Statement of Unknown Subject, regarding...their job at a clock shop. Original statement given some time during 2023. Audio recording by Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

What the fuck

- Cocoa Beane

Huh. Never thought that would happen. Swear it wasn’t me, that file never touched my computer.

There wasn’t much at the end, do you want me to find some surface-level info and you can tack it on as a follow-up? Maybe I could try and dig up info about Jane Prentiss while I’m at it.

Do some research on the clock shop, I don’t think we should give any thought to the Prentiss statement. I’m sure it’s nothing.

Are you certain? That bit seemed to be quite… directed.

Jane Prentiss is not important to this case, and that's final.

Oh Archivist, look at you, safe in your precious palace of paper. This was bound to happen. Time will catch up, eventually.

Visit Original Link

Case #023-U1, Statement of Unknown Subject, regarding...their job at a clock shop. Original statement given some time during 2023. Audio recording by Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

What the fuck

- Cocoa Beane

Huh. Never thought that would happen. Swear it wasn’t me, that file never touched my computer.

There wasn’t much at the end, do you want me to find some surface-level info and you can tack it on as a follow-up? Maybe I could try and dig up info about Jane Prentiss while I’m at it.

Do some research on the clock shop, I don’t think we should give any thought to the Prentiss statement. I’m sure it’s nothing.

Are you certain? That bit seemed to be quite… directed.

This is a callout post to @the-better-archivist, I’m not sure if she ate anything for lunch.

i will have you know that I’ve eaten a perfectly normal amount today!

You ate exactly 4 Oreos

…my boss has informed me that if I discuss the letter correspondences of institute founder jonah magnus any further, i will quote “be terminated in a far more thorough sense then you think possible”

Wretched old man

Mr. Bouchard is refusing to talk to me about the mysterious new employee to the Archives, so I guess welcome @a-second-smaller-door to the Archival crew.

- Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist

Does this mean I can avoid my work for longer

… llama i can see you in the hammock you aren’t slick

ok and?

please get back to work

minty-mori-archival-assistant

Fine

LLAMA WAS IN THE HAMMOCK??? HAHA! Even llama is weak to the hammocks peacefulness. I take this. As an absolute win.

If it's comfy enough for llama's standards, then it's good. We've won. I've said it again. Hehehe

NOW WAIT A SECOND—

THIS WAS A ONE TIME OCCURRENCE I SWEAR

Mr. Bouchard is refusing to talk to me about the mysterious new employee to the Archives, so I guess welcome @a-second-smaller-door to the Archival crew.

- Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist

Does this mean I can avoid my work for longer

… llama i can see you in the hammock you aren’t slick

ok and?

please get back to work

Fine

They didn’t tell me about this “Michael”

I’ll just have to work around this.

Do you also take statements via the blog?

Indeed we do! There's a reason why the askbox is called "Give your statement" :)

You can also submit it if you'd prefer.

- Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist

Mr. Bouchard is refusing to talk to me about the mysterious new employee to the Archives, so I guess welcome @a-second-smaller-door to the Archival crew.

- Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist

Does this mean I can avoid my work for longer

… llama i can see you in the hammock you aren’t slick

ok and?

Mr. Bouchard is refusing to talk to me about the mysterious new employee to the Archives, so I guess welcome @a-second-smaller-door to the Archival crew.

- Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist

Does this mean I can avoid my work for longer

Tape recorders are rather finicky aren’t they? Wretched little things too. But if you know who’s listening and who isn’t, well.

They’re quite easy to get a hold of.

Public announcement, I just saw Cocoa standing on her desk trying to shoo away the spiders in the tape recorder with a broom

- Llama, Archival Assistant

Look there’s a lot of them and I whacked one of them and then it exploded and a ton of mini baby spiders went all over the place

please help

- Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist

minty-mori-archival-assistant

I would’ve helped but I was too busy. Making this post.

@magnus-coffee-shop It got worse. I'm going to the shop to get bug killer. Anyone coming with?

Such is the side effect of uncovering archives that weren't touched for too long. Gertrude moment.

minty-mori-archival-assistant

You're bug spray carrying assistants have arrived! Are you still on the table Cocoa??

@magnus-coffee-shop soldiers move out!! >:D

YES YES I AM PLEASE HELP

the spiders are staring into my soul i swear they can see my sins

Only a Little afraid of spiders, she says…

ok im fine when there’s one or two on the wall bUT THERES LIKE TWENTY IN THE RECORDER AND ONE OF THEM GAVE BIRTH

Holy shit that’s a lot of spiders.

@minty-mori-archival-assistant I think we’re gonna need to practically fumigate her office.

Can you guys be a bit quieter over there I’m trying to work

Public announcement, I just saw Cocoa standing on her desk trying to shoo away the spiders in the tape recorder with a broom

- Llama, Archival Assistant

Look there’s a lot of them and I whacked one of them and then it exploded and a ton of mini baby spiders went all over the place

please help

- Cocoa Beane, Head Archivist

I would’ve helped but I was too busy. Making this post.

@clock-weaver there are COBWEBS. IN THE TAPE RECORDER.

Ugh, on my way, give me a second

Now initially I was a bit opposed to Cocoa’s idea of creating a blog for the archives. It makes my job a lot harder.

But I figured maybe, just maybe, theres an opportunity for me here.

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.