Closeted Lesbian Experiences

A female-only space for the experiences of closeted lesbians. Please ask and submit your stories!

[juanikuz-deactivated20210427]

me in high school secretly watching this scene over and over again

[kennysblog2]

Do you guys want to hear a funny story?

So the movie came out in 2009 when I was 16. At that point I didn’t have a smart phone and shared a room with my sister and we had one tv. Well I really wanted to see jennifers body because I had seen previews in commercials and thought it was going to be gay but had no way of watching it. I checked and saw one night it was playing at 2 am on cable. I pretended to fall asleep until my sister was, and when my dad took his regular routine of checking to make sure we were asleep in bed. I laid in my bed waiting for hours with my heart beating super fast until 2 am hit. I snuck the tv off the stand and dragged it into the closet (no pun intended) and had the volume muted so I wouldn’t wake my family. I literally watched the movie, on mute, in my closet, at 2 am… JUST TO SEE THE 5 SECOND KISS SCENE.

[greymantledlady]

PSA for any girls who might be wondering if they’re a lesbian:

a societally ingrained, subconscious craving for validation and approval from men

=/= (does not equal)

attraction towards men.

[furiousflowerfry]

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

Is it a symptom of internalized homophobia or something to feel embarrassed about being attracted to women who are not conventionally attractive? Like a part of me feels like I should be attracted to more model-like women because that would somehow be more legitimate? I find myself trying to almost justify my attraction to these women. This makes me feel terrible because I want to just love who I love but instead I always feel this way...

It could very well be. Maybe you feel like if you are attracted to more plain women, you are attracted to them as they are and instead of passing it off as an aesthetic attraction.

- Mod Ch

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

who's rain dove again? is that that model who wears the "I'm not a boy" shirts and stuff?

YesMod G

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

Straight girls complementing each other and you go like "you are pretty... idk all girls are pretty, right?" but being super defensive, blushing, making it awkward and ruin a simple conversation.

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

I feel gutted that Rain Dove willingly led us lesbians to believe she was one of us, only to make an insensitive joke about it on a promotional photo suddenly celebrating her bisexuality. "lol everyone assumes I'm a lesbian but I like who I like (anyway here's me consensually feeling up a dude)" or whatever her exact words were. Lying by omission for gay money ain't cool.

My thoughts exactly.

Mod G

[vulavola-deactivated20190711]

I didn’t come out until I was 20 and had my first kiss at 21 and I am now extremely happily married and comfortably a Huge Dyke

and I know women who didn’t start to come to terms with their lesbianism until they were in their 30s who now have awesome girlfriends/wives

so, teen lesbians, don’t worry! you’ve got so much time to date and smooch and enjoy pussy and find love and all that other good romance and sex stuff! there is no deadline 💜

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

This post answers a common question amoung our older anons!

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

I desperately want to experience intense intimacy with another woman - I ache for it - but am terrified of it (I'm literally still a complete virgin at 23 bc of this even though i've known i'm a lesbian for ~5 years). I don't know if this is just my naivety, but there's something about wlw sex that seems so much more likely to be intense and profound to. I honestly think if I was straight I'd be less reticent to have sex, because I wouldn't be so afraid of being Seen during it. Is that stupid?

Hello!

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. It does in no way correlate to your self-worth, or even your skills in bed. Every time with a new woman is like discovering sex for the first time, and no two people are alike in their sexuality (as in, the way they have sex and such). As for myself, I haven’t ever felt afraid or self-concious during sex because I know my partner is sharing my thoughts with me. Women are raised to see sex in a specific way, and even if it’s “supposed” to only be about hetero sex, it carries over to how you feel with women.

I can’t help you with this, however. When you meet her, tell her how you feel. Tell her what scares you, and I promise she will listen.

- Mod Ch

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

Wait question: is anyone here only a lesbian when they are high/ do they know anyone who does that?

Hi!

That sounds like an escape tactic. It’s not unusual for gay people to feel like they can’t be themselves, so they only open up while high or drunk, as an excuse. “I made out with a girl? Yeah, sure, but I was also high as a kite” as a way not to have to deal with being gay.

- Mod Ch

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

so I don't talk about romance (not even with fake boy crushes) so my straight friend has drawn the conclusion that i am disgusted by romance. The problem is that this has led to her saying in front of other people "you wouldn't like Love, Simon etc.."and I have to pretend like I don't love them because I'm terrified of any allegiance with gay things being interpreted as me being a lesbian. PLUS I have to worry about ppl thinking Im homophobic and idk how to get her to stop w/o raising suspicion

Maybe you could just say something along the lines of "I haven't met/seen the right person yet" and assure her that you do like romance?- Mod Ch

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

I’m a lesbian from a small town who’s still in the closet, and I love being gay, but being a lesbian is really lonely, seeing all the other kids go on dates and have crushes. And never be able to just be a lovestruck teen, or have any kind of romance. I’m just nervous about having to have my first kiss in college bc I was never able to do anything in my home town? It feels embarrassing, like I’m gonna be a virgin when nobody else is, and be thought of as weird, even around other lesbians

I can assure you this is a common experience among lesbians, and nothing we will see you as "weird" for. If there are no lesbian or bisexual women out of the closet where you are, there isn't much you can do about it. Sometimes, being openly lesbian encourages people in your area to come out, but depending on where you live, that's not always safe either. No matter if you have your first sexual encounter at 18 or 28, you still matter as a person.- Mod Ch

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

Is it normal to want an experience with a girl before you come out

If you feel that way, it’s normal. I know a lot of women who didn’t feel like they could call themselves lesbians before they had actually been intimate with another woman. Some people don’t know what they want until they try it. Sexuality is complicated and only you can know what you want.

- Mod Ch

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

Tips for dating when you’re not out

When my ex and I started dating, I was out and she was not. We met through the app HER. I think that’s your best bet, as you won’t have to out yourself to anyone around you, and if someone does happen to use the app, they’re most likely bisexual/lesbian as well. That said, HER is a lot more “anonymous” than Tinder. You can pick your name and any pictures as you wish.

- Mod Ch

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

(tw for sexual assault) Is there any other lesbian here who, before knowing that she was lesbian, forced herself to fantasize about sex with men, but the fantasy was always violent and degrading? I always did this, and I thought it was because of my past trauma regarding men, because in contrast to that, whenever I imagine sex with women it is always soft and loving. I think that such violent thoughts might be a common theme amongst closeted lesbians (trying to force heterosexuality)...?

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

When I was still in like ridiculously heavy denial over the fact that I'm a lesbian, I would as any teenager I would have fantasies that I would play out in my head when trying my hand at um you know and I would start of with a guy and then like barely in it would change to a girl and it eventually made me stop because the idea that I was gay terrified me. It still does. But I'm telling myself that it'll get better. Even if my parents don't agree with me. I'll find people who will love me. :)

[closetedlesbianexperiences]

Having a terrible lesbophobia moment after watching a religious video from a guy talking about being gay is rooted in men hate, and how homosexualty can be fixed. I'm really really really sad and thinking about give up and commit to celibacy. I never fell in love with a girl, maybe I not gay. God, I'm feeling so bad, dirty, broken and wrong. Sorry for the rant, I'm don't feel comfortable talking to anyone.

If you never want to have sex, that’s totally fine. Just know that there are many women who love only other women, and that’s totally fine too. It’s not a flaw, a mistake, or something to be fixed. It’s as natural as having freckles or brown eyes. It just happens and you can’t change it, but it’s also something beautiful.

Don’t feel pressured to fall in love. Affection, relationships, and strong feelings can’t be summoned at will. Some people fall in love all the time, and others only once. I promise you, when it’s right, you will know about it.

- Mod Ch