Queer cis woman (she/her), lover of all queers and zero TERF nonsense - into Science Fiction, weird vampire memes, cats, owls, any and all corvids, poetry, questionable fashion, and books. RWRB fic writer, slowly moving my belongings into Heartstopper territory. Parent of two voids with 3 eyes between them and one rapscallion who likes eating spicy crisps. RIP to the cat we all thought was immortal - your body is gone but your stench remains ❤️ Icon by Kidovna. I wish all TERFs a very 'get in the bin'.
SO allegedly this was a reference to two members of production staff on the show who were drunk and walking back home. They were stopped by policemen and one of them panicked and went “we’re just normal men! We’re just innocent men!”
The first rule of fandom is have fun. The second rule of fandom is find an enabler and become an enabler. Yes you should write that fic. What if it was even hornier? What if it was angstier? What if you wrote it just for me?
This interview with Ncuti Gatwa crossed my dash again, and I was reminded of how much I like it. Because it makes the rare Third Argument for representation in fiction, the argument I think is the best, and I'm always happy to see it. I quote:
At times, Gatwa’s casting in those projects has been dismissed as an exercise in ‘box-ticking’. Gatwa scoffs. ‘First of all, you don’t know anything about me. Secondly, tick fcking boxes! People need to be fcking seen. What are you going to do, tell the same stories? Have the same people fronting things for all of eternity? Representation and inclusivity and branching out… it enriches us all. How embarrassing. You people with your tiny mindsets – open a book, look out the window and then f*ck off.’ (source)
What do I mean by the Third Argument? Well, I'm not sure I've ever made a post about this directly, but as far as I can see it, there are three main arguments for greater diversity in popular media. The first two are the most common, and they go like this:
It is good for media to be diverse because it is good for people to see people like them on screen. That is, the beneficiaries are marginalized people.
It is good for media to be diverse because it is good for people to see and learn about people who are not like them through art. That is, the beneficiaries are non-marginalized people, who then (hopefully) pass on the benefit by treating marginalized people better.
These two arguments are the source of a lot of debate here on ye olde tumblr. Despite both being arguments for representation, they pull in different directions. What counts as 'good' representation for the purposes of Argument 1 often would not be good for the purposes of Argument 2, and vice versa. Authentic versus sympathetic. Ugly or over-sanitized. You see this debate play out constantly. It's really hard for a piece of - say - queer media to do both at once.
But these debates tend to leave out Argument 3, the one that Gatwa is making above. And that argument cuts through a lot of this debate.
3. It is good for media to be diverse because art needs variety. The beneficiary of representation is art itself, absent any social effects that may or may not be present.
For this argument, diverse stories are intrinsically good. It is good to make art that's not just the same thing you've seen a hundred times before. Putting the kinds of people who don't often make it into mainstream media into your art is an extremely efficient way to make that happen. It's not the only method, but it's a really good method.
For representation to be 'good representation' according to Argument 3, all it needs to be is interesting. A story you haven't heard before, at least not in that medium. That which counts as 'bad representation' by the lights of this argument are stock characters, like the Eternally Patient Mother, the Gay Best Friend, the Wise Black Advisor. Perhaps there was a time in which these characters were new, but that time has long passed. There's no art in pulling a bog-standard character trope off the shelf. Show us a new kind of guy. The world is infinitely diverse. You're not going to run out. Telling the same stories with the same voices for all eternity, as Gatwa says, is boring. Even if there was nothing else wrong with it, this would be. Art isn't supposed to be boring.
And that's why Argument 3 is my favourite. I do want the world to be a better place, of course, and I think art is a part of that. But the main job of art is to be good as art. And diversity in all aspects of the production of art makes art better.
I thought I might share one of my new tattoos. A couple years ago, a dear friend and I coined the term “fish bag moment”
A fish bag moment might be sitting all alone in an empty new apartment after coming out and upending your life, or starting a new job in a brand new line of work because it’s closer to your dreams
It’s what happens when you take a leap of faith or make a hard decision for yourself, when the future is so hard to visualize and everything feels scary. You’re just a fish in a bag and you can’t see where you’re going
It didn’t just survive the kiln, it thrived ❤️ to anyone out there who needs to hear it right now, rest assured: even if the path forward seems unclear, you’re on your way, and I’m proud of you
Discord Red Flags: Signs Your Community Isn’t Healthy
[Summary of this post]
This is a guide to common warning signs in Discord communities, including (1) toxic positivity, (2) gaslighting, (3) tone policing, (4) derailment, (5) groupthink, and (6) lack of transparency. It explains how these behaviours show up in online spaces, why they are harmful, and how to recognise when a server’s culture is becoming unhealthy. It may also help moderators and community leaders reflect on whether their server shows any of these patterns and consider healthier approaches.
Discord is a wonderful tool for bringing people together. Large servers can become lively communities where people from all over the world casually drop in – someone shares a picture of their lunch while someone else says goodnight. These spaces can feel familiar and fun.
But even in friendly communities, server culture can slowly turn sour. Sometimes people contribute to a harmful environment without realising it, genuinely believing they are helping. Other times, the harm is subtle enough that many members stay oblivious while a few begin to feel uncomfortable.
When you get to know people on a server, it can become difficult to acknowledge that something is wrong. You might find yourself becoming a bystander, or if you’re negatively affected, you might start doubting your own perception and feeling increasingly distressed.
To avoid that spiral, it helps to recognise early warning signs of an unhealthy server environment. Below is a summary of common red flags, based on personal research and guidance from Discord’s own Safety Center, as well as other sources.
[Red Flags to Watch Out For]
1. Toxic Positivity
Toxic Positivity is defined as the pressure to maintain a positive atmosphere by suppressing or dismissing negative emotions, concerns, or criticism, even when those criticisms are valid or necessary. (MedicalNewsToday, 2021; Psychology Today, 2025; Verywell Mind, 2026a) While a positive outlook is considered to be good for mental health in general, it can become harmful by invalidating the individual's genuine emotions, resulting in experiencing guilt and shame, leading to avoidance of authentic emotion (Verywell Mind, 2026a)
[Toxic Positivity in Discord Communities]
Negative opinions about characters, storylines, or community issues are discouraged or shut down.
Difficult topics (e.g., racism, misogyny, harmful behaviour) are avoided to “maintain civility.”
Criticism is reframed as “drama,” “negativity,” or “hurting the feelings of people who are there for fun,” sometimes using cutesy or infantilising language (e.g., “yucking someone’s yum”).
Triggers are sometimes dismissed as mere “squicks,” minimising the seriousness of someone’s trauma response.
Supportive‑sounding or therapeutic language is used to shut down criticism instead of engaging with the concern.
[Why this matters]
This becomes harmful if the fandoms use "positivity" as a shield:
to protect specific characters, narratives, or server members above others
to avoid all forms of conflicts including those that are necessary (discussion) for growth or constructive change
to maintain a curated image of harmony
to silence marginalised voices
to avoid acknowledging harm
2. Gaslighting in Groups
Group gaslighting happens when a community dismisses or reframes someone’s concerns in a way that makes them doubt their own perception or emotional response. (Verywell Mind, 2026b; Healthline, 2024)
[Group Gaslighting in Discord Communities]
Concerns about racism, misogyny, or unsafe dynamics are reframed as “overreacting,” “misinterpreting,” or “being hostile.”
The group insists that “everyone else is fine,” implying the issue lies with the individual.
Moderators demand excessive “proof” while ignoring the context or lived experience behind the concern.
People who raise issues are subtly pressured to apologise, soften their words, or doubt their own interpretation.
[Why this matters]
Group gaslighting can make someone feel isolated, confused, or ashamed for noticing a problem. Over time, it can cause members to:
suppress their own discomfort
stay silent to avoid backlash
internalise blame
leave the community quietly
This is one of the most common early warning signs of an unhealthy server culture.
3. Tone Policing
Tone policing occurs when the focus shifts from the content of a concern to the way it is expressed. The person’s tone becomes the issue instead of the problem they are describing. (Business Insider, 2020; Verywell Mind, 2026c)
[Tone Policing in Discord Communities]
Moderators focusing on the speaker’s tone rather than the behaviour or pattern being raised.
Prioritising group comfort over the validity of the issue raised.
Expecting marginalised members to express concerns in a way that feels “palatable” to the majority.
People who express concerns are told to “assume good faith” in situations where harm or bias is being named. They are labelled as troublemakers, accused of bad faith.
[Why this matters]
Tone policing silences people by shifting responsibility onto them rather than addressing the issue. It discourages honest expression and reinforces existing power dynamics.
4. Derailment Tactics
Derailment refers to conversational strategies that shift attention away from community issues being raised. Instead of engaging with the concern, the discussion is redirected, minimised, or reframed so the original point is never addressed. (Derailing for Dummies, 2010)
[Derailment in Discord Communities]
Questioning the motives of the person raising a concern and suggesting they are acting in bad faith.
Asking for excessive proof in a way that stalls or invalidates lived experiences.
Redirecting the conversation to unrelated topics to avoid addressing the issue.
Focusing on small details instead of the broader concern.
Reframing the concern as a misunderstanding or overreaction.
[Why this matters]
Derailment prevents communities from resolving problems. It can silence people, shift responsibility onto the person harmed, and create an environment where raising concerns feels pointless.
5. Groupthink/Group Behaviour
Groupthink occurs when a community values agreement and harmony more than honest discussion or critical thinking. Members begin to follow the dominant viewpoint, and disagreement becomes uncomfortable or discouraged. (Janis, 1972; Psychology Today, 2026) According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (2019), online environments can intensify groupthink by increasing social pressure and making dissent feel risky.
[Groupthink in Discord Communities]
Moderators or long‑term members consistently reinforcing each other’s views on community behaviour and norms, creating the impression that their perspective is the only acceptable one.
Difficult topics being avoided to preserve a sense of unity or positivity.
A clear divide forming between an “in-group” and everyone else.
Members feeling pressure to agree with the dominant viewpoint, even when they have concerns.
[Why this matters]
Groupthink makes it difficult for communities to address problems. It can silence individuals, reinforce power imbalances, and normalize unhealthy behaviour. In fandom spaces, it often appears when criticism of characters, storylines, or community norms is treated as a threat to the group’s identity.
6. Lack of Transparency
Transparency is essential for trust in any Discord community. When moderation happens behind closed doors or rules are applied inconsistently, members are left confused, anxious, or unsure of what is actually happening.
[Lack of Transparency in Discord Communities]
Inconsistent penalties: similar behaviour receives different consequences, and the reasoning isn’t clear to the community.
Rules enforced unevenly: some members are corrected publicly while others are handled quietly or not at all.
No reliable place to raise concerns openly: channels meant for feedback may be locked, closely monitored, or discouraged, leaving members unsure where they can speak.
Posts or messages about concerns being removed: this makes it hard for others to know an issue was raised at all.
Moderators directing all issues to private channels (e.g., tickets, DMs), which prevents the community from seeing patterns or understanding outcomes.
Members feeling vulnerable in private channels (DMs or tickets), where moderation happens out of sight and they have no safe place to document or share their experience.
Members “going quiet” without explanation: timeouts, strikes, or bans are not communicated, so it appears as if people simply left on their own.
[Why this matters]
When moderation is hidden, members cannot understand what is happening or why. This creates an atmosphere of uncertainty and fear, and it allows harmful behaviour, including from moderators, to go unchallenged.
Conclusion
These signs don’t always mean a server is malicious, but they do mean you should pay attention to how the space makes you feel. Healthy servers make space for concerns, listen when something feels off, and adjust when needed. Unhealthy ones often repeat the same patterns, dismiss feedback, or protect the status quo instead of the people in the community. If you recognize several of these warning signs and attempts to speak up are met with defensiveness or silence, it may be a sign that the environment is not willing to change.
In those situations, the safest and most peaceful option is often to step away without fanfare. You do not need to justify your feelings or convince anyone on your way out. Your well‑being matters, and you deserve to be in spaces where your voice is respected.
Reference (for further reading)
Business Insider. (2020). Tone policing is a little-known microaggression that's common in the workplace: here's how to identify it https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-identify-and-help-stop-tone-policing-in-workplace-2020-8
Derailing for Dummies. (2010). Derailing for dummies: A guide to derailment tactics. https://www.derailingfordummies.com/
Discord Safety Center. (n.d.). Ban evasion and advanced harassment. https://discord.com/safety/ban-evasion-and-advanced-harassment
Discord Safety Center. (n.d.). Transparency in moderation. https://discord.com/safety/transparency-in-moderation
Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2019). Dangers of groupthink and the internet. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin. https://leb.fbi.gov/articles/featured-articles/dangers-of-groupthink-and-the-internet
Healthline. (2024). Gaslighting: Signs, Examples, and How to Protect Yourself. https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting
Janis, I. L. (1972). Victims of groupthink: A psychological study of foreign-policy decisions and fiascoes. Houghton Mifflin.
Medical News Today. (2021). What to know about toxic positivity? https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/toxic-positivity
studying history is like. here's to another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be. thank you women who fight for abortion and contraception and independance from men for another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be
unexpected benefit of having to use a vpn is sometimes i get ads that are entirely in french, which makes it like 200% easier to ignore them. cant advertise to me if i dont understand a word of it. life hacks.
ohhhh shit. target is recalling their up & up baby wipes (fragrance free & fresh cucumber scented) because they're contaminated with Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioli, multiple people are reporting discoloration & infections. i just got a call about it cuz i had purchased those but i've already gone through them 😅 so no refund for me. but im fine. if you have these they're saying you need to immediately stop using them and bring them back to target for a full refund. this bacteria can cause life threatening infections in children/infants and people with compromises immune systems (ESPECIALLY cystic fibrosis!!) and i know lots of other chronically ill people follow me!!!!
Hey everyone. There's a new youtube feature that rolled out just yesterday that's raising some privacy concerns.
People in the U.S., U.K., Brazil, and Singapore can now share videos and chat with friends directly within the YouTube app. The update bring
This post talks about a new DM feature in youtube. What it fails to mention is that as part of this new feature is that when you send someone a link to a video, and they open it in the youtube app, they will see who sent them the link. Specifically, your channel name.
If your google account name is your real name, so is your channel name by default.
This means the new default behavior is that everyone you send a youtube link to will see your full name if they open it in the mobile app.
To turn this off:
Go to your youtube app settings
Go to Privacy
Turn off "Channel visibility for shared links"
Trimming the source id (the stuff after the '?' in links) will also prevent this from happening.
People who work within a system: okay so studies show that the normal system works 90% of the time, but because it’s very bad when it doesn’t work, we’ve set up a process to manage those outliers. We need six well-trained workers to run the system 100% of the time without any serious incidents.
CEOs and politicians, every time: Well i just saw it go right twice in a row which means the normal system which you say works 90% of the time actually works 100% of the time. We’re cutting the team down to one person pulling 18 hour shifts without breaks