Cloud Collective @cloud-collective - Tumblr Blog

Getting Called Out On Problematic Behaviors 101

Do: Apologize publicly, an apology that takes responsibility and admits fault while expressing that you will work on correcting the behavior.

Don’t: Get upset about being called out and proceed to become defensive and making a big deal out of it as if someone is asking for your head on a silver platter.

youarenotyou-deactivated2012022

How to deal with being called out

cloud-collective

jaded16india:

youarenotyou:

Don’t tone police. It is NOT your right to dictate how someone should react to their oppression.

Don’t demand a detailed explanation. You’re basically asking the person to justify their call out. It’s exhausting, many resources are available, and often this is just a way to try and derail, start an argument, or discredit the other person.

Don’t get defensive. A call out is not all about you as a person.

Don’t take it personally. Calling out is not a personal attack. If someone calls you out, they’re trying to teach you something. Calling out is a way for people to educate others on how systems of oppression operate on a day to day, individual level.

Don’t attack the person who’s calling you out. That’s just fucked up.

Don’t assume the person calling you out is just “looking to get offended”. Nobody enjoys calling other people out. To call someone out, people often have to mentally prepare for serious repercussions. Calling someone out might mean starting an argument, during which many people will side with the oppressor by default (especially if you’re privileged over the person calling you out).

Understand that being oppressive is not the same as being offensive or hurting feelings. The damage you’re perpetuating is part of a larger system of oppression.

Realize that your intent is irrelevant when it comes to whether you were oppressive or not.

Recognize the power dynamics that are in place between you and the person calling you out.

Understand intersectionality. IE: Just because you are oppressed by classism, doesn’t mean you lack male privilege.

Know that being privileged means being oppressive, but you can work to reduce the ways that you are oppressive.

LISTEN.

Genuinely apologize.

Work on oppression reduction and being the best ally you can be. The point of calling you out is to draw your attention to how you’re being oppressive, so that you can work to change it. If you made an oppressive joke, there’s probably oppressive thoughts in place (conscious or not) that led to you to think the joke was appropriate. Everyone has to unlearn the oppressive things they’ve absorbed from an oppressive society. We are all taught ways to keep marginalized people in their place, but the good thing is that we can identify these things in ourselves and change. And then we can start working on dismantling the kyriarchy, yeah!

Feel free to add to this or change as necessary.

15. When you apologise, the marginalised person doesn’t owe you shit. Least of all, to accept your apology, if ever. If they don’t accept your apology, move on. It’s the least you can do.

New theme : CALLING OUT

We will be reblogging posts about this topic and will also post original content. If you're trans, you can submit something to us!

#calling out #call outs #cloud collective

pastelpuddle-deactivated2018042

How can I be a cis ally? I feel like every time I think I'm there I'm always told only trans people can determine that. Any advice?

sorta making this a general postsorry for highjacking your ask anon

how to be a cis ally

1. always listen, rarely speak (in reference to trans issues)

my reasoning for this is simply because if you identify as cis you can only have a limited understanding of the context of trans/nb issues. basically your identity creates sort of a living version of putting on sunglasses. you are perpetually shaded from the experiences that dont systematically affect your life aka privilege. therefor you will not be able to make statements about experiences that you dont liveas far as learning about these issues keep in mind that you’re not separate from the oppressing class, so while it may seem easy to just ask a trans or nb person you should do research before considering that. especially since it isn’t entirely polite to ask someone to be a speaker on the behalf of all trans folk (although i do personally enjoy talking about it as long as it’s with ears open and genuine compassion)

2. use your position to make call outs

lord knows this world needs more people willing to call out, and change their own transphobiathis can include:- reporting trans harassment (like on social media)- be critical of your own understanding of trans issues- use gender neutral language when necessary (basically avoid gendering something and someone off the bat)- politely ask someone’s pronouns and defend them- challenge casual and blatant cissexism in language- speak out against slurs, stigma, and erasure- just always be conscious of transphobia

there are many more things but i honestly don’t have the spoons for it at this moment sorry

3. get informed

- TransWhat? Allyship: first steps- mogai archive: gender, and pronouns- Biologist Anne Fausto-Sterling’s book Sexing the Body- Learn about truscum and terfs and how they damage trans and nonbinary individualshonestly i don’t want to push posting this anon off for another day i’m probably sorta rushing it but i’m just exhausted(followers please let me know if any information or resources that i provided are problematic or anything else that i should add to this - so anon, keep your eye out for changing information)

#ginger #call outs

hello friends!

as you may (or may not) have noticed, we’ve gained a few additional members in the past couple days! you should check out our members page (cloud-collective.tumblr.com/members) and maybe drop them a message saying hi!

#adeline

Hi all, I'm making a quick post to introduce myself, my name is Adrián and while I've been interested in getting involved with the Cloud Collective for a few months, I'm finally able to take the time to be an actual member and contribute regularly to this blog. Thank you for understanding, and I hope we get along well! I'm currently 20 living in California, I'm dmab, Latin@ and my pronouns are xe/xem or they/them. I identify as trans non binary, pan, queer, among other things. I'm able-bodied, neuro-divergent, and attending school in Santa Cruz, majoring in literature with a concentration in creative writing. As a trans femme person of color I hope to contribute to this space as best as I possibly could to maintain a safe environment, and so i encourage anyone and everyone to call me out if I ever mess something up or use problematic language / forget to properly tag anything with triggers. As someone who lives with an anxiety disorder, I know just how important trigger warnings can be. I hope I can make a great member of this team, and I hope to get to know you all well and make good friends!

#Adrián

The Language of Gender Expression

by Emory

Gender identity is unique to the individual, and can only be defined by the person to which it belongs. A person’s gender and orientation belongs to them, and not the other way around. While greater society may attempt to categorize a person based on how they are perceived by the observer, this does not dictate the identity of the individual. From the moment an individual develops the self-awareness to outwardly express their inner thoughts and emotions, they are in control of how they identify themselves to others. Basic humanism would allow an individual the right to decide in what terms they are defined, and how they are related to in the context of society.

While the observer may decide for themselves whether this person possesses positive, negative, or benign character traits, how they define and identify themselves to (and are identified by) others is to be respected above whatever is first perceived. A common social problem is the idea that an observer’s judgement and opinion holds precedence over the rights of the observed individual. In mainstream society, in order to be perceived as a specified gender and orientation, one is expected to adhere to certain conventions and rules, which places the need for easy categorization above the rights of individual identity, effectively dehumanizing them.

Human identity does not exist in a vacuum. We define ourselves in relation to one another and the outer stimuli that is presented to us by our environment and the society we live within. Societal norms vary with culture and location, and within the culture you find yourself born into or raised within, a gender is often imprinted upon different qualities. Be it the color of a garment, or a tone of voice, qualities are often described using the gendered terms of the binary system of feminine and masculine, which are often and mistakenly viewed as two ends on a spectrum.

A common error in thought is to assign negative associations with this spectrum where it does not and should not exist, and imprinting mutual exclusivity to these qualities. Due to this out-modded and poisonous idea, there exists a constituency of people who would elect to nullify the idea of gender and gendered language in order to create equality between the sexes and variant genders; however, this would create a void in the terms with which we can define ourselves and the world around us. It is true that some things are unnecessarily gendered, and inanimate objects and concepts vary in how they are gendered by culture. Gendered words are curried by the person as to not offend in a cultural sense, but the issue here lies more in how gendered words and ideas are perceived in the context of our society, rather than what qualities they describe.

To use an example, one might perceive that a male-identifying individual with delicate and softer features is ‘beautiful.’ However, you might say to them that they are ‘handsome’ instead even though the way you defined this word in the context is different than the actual meaning, so as to not offend the ‘masculinity’ of this person. On the other side of this, a female-identifying individual may have broad and bold features that are pleasant and well-structured, so you might describe them as a “handsome woman.” While this is a well intended compliment, the way the word ‘handsome’ may be perceived in a masculine context could possibly offend the ‘femininity’ of this person.

To be perceived as possessing characteristics of the gender opposed to the gender you identify as is thought to be a negative, and it is this idea that creates tension and disharmony. A common and ignorant phrase is “clothes make the man.” Superficial presentation does not necessarily decide the contents of a person’s character and internal identity. A woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt is no less a woman than when she is wearing a gown, just as a man wearing stockings is no less a man than someone dressed in a three-piece suit. An androgyne or non-binary individual presently dressed in a typically masculine or feminine outfit does not automatically slide to one side of the “spectrum” or another, and their possessing certain qualities of one gender or another does not defer them to that gender by default.

Gendered words exist as ways to describe a characteristic quality. While it may seem like an easy solution to abolish the idea of gender in language, it would leave individuals without the words to describe the traits that they embrace within themselves and the world around them which they identify with. It implies that individuals who perceive differences from one another cannot have a standard of equality to uphold between them. The true complication is not the existence of gendered language, but the misuse of it and it’s misperception as holding negative connotations.

The first problem to be addressed in society is intentional misgendering of individuals in the binary/hetereonormative sense, which is abusive misuse of language against the rights of the individual identity. The attitudes of sexists and transmisogynists have spoiled gendered words through the weaponization of language. In this sense, language is used to enforce the value of the observer’s opinion over the right’s of the individual’s selfhood. This verbalized form of violence dehumanizes the individual, and should not be given the respect to define these words through irresponsibility. Those who would use language to devalue individuality are the enemies of progress and equality.

As a global society, we must curb our superficial presumptions of one another’s identities. Assumptions based on shallow observation are used to categorize and separate individuals . Difference should no longer be inferred as separate from the whole. It is when we separate one another by our differences that we create racism, sexism, transphobia, and other ugly terms. Humanity as a whole is a collection of individuals, and all individuals are different from one another. Our superficial traits cannot be used to categorize one another by ‘worth’ if we are to create true equality. By the same token, we must maintain our rights to individual identity if we are to preserve our humanity. A balance must be found where self-distinction is given proper respect and not trivialized by the need for easy categorization.

After this, the issue is the negative connotations attached to genders, such as the idea that femininity is associated with “weakness” or “submissiveness,” or that masculinity is perceived as “brutishness” or “truculence.” To describe a work of art that has delicate touches and a soft palette as feminine would simply describe its qualities in an easily understood sense. Where a pine tree may be seen as a masculine representation while a willow tree may be used as a feminine one, this language of symbols has existed as long as humans have had the capacity for abstract thought (and it should be noted that both of these symbols can be used to represent strength and resilience). Gender is entrenched in the symbolism of our species, and its rightful place in language is for the appreciation and celebration of their distinctions.

#queers-of-madness #gender expression #gendered language #queer politics #cloud collective #gender identity

Hello!

Introducing myself, I am Emory, and I run queers-of-madness, a blog that is mostly about moshing and the music that you mosh to, as well as tattoo art, anime, video game stuff, inane text posts, and inside jokes. I'm an AMAB transgendered woman and I'll be posting editorials and essays about different trans, queer, and feminist issues.

Look out for my debut essay/editorial soon, and I hope I can bring something positive to the Collective.

#queers-of-madness

closing thoughts on femme

i'm know i'm at least a little late here, but i thought i would leave you all with some closing thoughts on femme.

for me, femme is a way of rebelling. i'm nonbinary, and i've been told that if i want to be taken seriously, i should dress in an "androgynous" way. androgynous here means masculine-of-center. because i am dfab, i have access to the social idea of androgyny. but i don't want to associate myself with masculinity, because i feel that it's poisonous, and is built on a foundation of hating and fearing femininity. also being femme is way more fun than being masculine-of-center androgynous.

being femme makes me feel good. i reject the idea of androgyny-as-masculinity, since this idea doesnt leave a lot of room for dmab nonbinary people to be 'androgynous' and be accepted as nonbinary. femme can be androgyny.

femme is indulging myself. femme is self care, to the extent that i am giving myself attention in ways that make me feel good, help me heal, and help me grow and shed internalized prejudices and phobias.

i feel that supporting femininity, especially for transfeminine people, is incredibly important. femininity is powerful and should not be shameful or stigmatized. im nonbinary and not a girl, but i am not ashamed to be associated with girls or girlhood, compared to girls, or be lumped in with girls, because being a girl, being feminine, is not shameful.

femme is something i do for myself, and for my sisters and siblings who identify with the idea or aesthetic of femme. they deserve to feel safe, strong, and powerful in femininity.

(i'm sorry my thoughts are so scattered on this topic. i feel strongly about this but i don't think i put it together well this time.)

-adeline

#femme #adeline

queerfucker-deactivated20141215

"Another common suggestion seems to be that being femme somehow always affects your gender identity e.g. the cissexist idea that femme men aren‘t ―real men. Being femme does not affect how someone identifies unless they say it does. You do not get to decide what their gender is just because they choose to present a certain way. They are that gender because they say they are, not because you do."

queerfucker-deactivated20141215

Rad queer zine about femme.

#femme

queerfucker-deactivated20141215

Rad queer zine about femme.

#femme

babydearr

💄

icedcatte

Feel free to circulate this if you wish. I figure it’d be useful for some of you.

#femme

what femme means to me

When I started defining my sexuality a few years ago, I looked for resources, watched videos, went on Tumblr, and early on, I stumbled upon the word “femme” used to describe feminine lesbians. I’m French, so "femme" meant woman to me. At that point in my life, I had no queer friends whatsoever, I didn’t know if I was gay/lesbian or bi (i didn't know much about other possibilities). And I was in high need of validation of my identity, which translated into being masculine. It felt like I would be more visible that way than if I kept my femininity. Thinking back on it, it was a toxic masculinity, because unconsciously being attracted to women meant looking/acting more like straight cis men. I was all caught up in the femme/butch dichotomy, but it didn’t last long because I never felt like I was being myself. Soon, I started to identify as queer and I came back to being feminine without identifying with the label femme (I know some French people - though others might do it to - write it fem).

It’s really when I began questioning my gender that the whole femme thing actually started to make sense to me, and became part of my identity. I had another, “I have to be masculine to be validated” phase, but it didn't last long.

Now that I know a bit more about my gender (sort of), I’m still not sure what femme means. It’s femininity. But it’s so much more than patriarchal dictated femininity, meaning that there is no limit, no right way to be feminine, that we can queer it up, that every person may have their own relation to it. One thing for sure is that you don't have to be a woman to be femme or feminine.

My mother never felt comfortable with the masculine side of my gender expression. “You should be more feminine” she said. But when I put on a lot of make-up, a lot of glitter, glue on fake nails, she’ll say “it’s too much”. I’m not hetero/cis normatively feminine (whatever that means, because fuck people who think cishet is the default until proven otherwise, and that you need visible markers of queerness), but I express my femmeness in a way that is exaggerated for cishet standards. I am hairy, I have short hair, I wear what society views as masculine clothing, but AND I wear lipstick, nail polish, I love glitter, and I wear dresses, skirts and what society views as women’s clothing. These are not mutually exclusive. For me specifically, those parts of my presentation are interdependent and I wouldn't actually call my appearance feminine or masculine because it's neither one or the other.

The femme/butch dichotomy can be very heteronormative and when it comes to gender and expression, things are more nuanced. Femininity isn't necessarily the opposite of masculinity. Just like you can't really put gender on a scale, expression is a multidimensional thing.

I ended up identifying as hard femme / femme-boyish rather than just femme, or just masculine. No more rejecting femininity because it was tied with being a girl. Being non binary and DFAB doesn’t mean I can’t be feminine in ways that feel comfortable to me, it doesn’t invalidate my gender. Reclaiming a femme identity was also part of questioning the idea that to be androgynous, you have to be masculine. Sometimes, I'm too dysphoric to be femme because of how I'm perceived, but ultimately, expressing my femininity is very important to me and I find ways to make it work out. In the end I'm still not sure how to put "femme" into words, how much relates to my gender, to my appearance, to the way I'm perceived, but I'm learning and figuring things out everyday. This word alone encompasses so many things. Femmeness can go beyond the way you dress/present. It's also political, it's resistance to masculine-centric queerness, and I think it's also self love and acceptance. It's being unapologetic for being feminine, for loving yourself, for being vulnerable, for being fierce, all at the same time or not. - Léa

Pronouns : they/them

#léa #femme